(this is a REDO I did of this poem after my daughter was born.. )

Like a shadow, like a dream
Like a feeling, A feeling in me
A feeling of love, Growing within
Life depends on the love that I Give
A child's cry, brings a smile to my face
A child, my child, crying in HIS grace.
The Lord lives on, as a feeling in me
Like a shadow, like a dream


(This is the original, I did it in high school, I was depressed and morbid and all that lovely teen stuff)

Like a shadow, like a dream
Like a feeling, a feeling of greed.
visions of demons dance through my head
The voices are there, dwelling within
With the down spiral of greed...
Like a shadow like a dream.



(and this is another one from my depressed teen mind :P)

Evil, its everywhere
In the halls, on the stairs
I look around, its in the air
Its in his breath, and in her hair
Its purpose; to make my life miserable
No more hiding, no more running
I am finished with this world
No more will I wish for his embrace
Or his calm voice
Love is undeniably unnessisary
And I don't have it
Sadly I continue, for I have found a friend
She is one of my own kind
Like me in many ways
She tells me she needs me
She tells me to live on
And I listen to her, I do live on
And as I reach to give my embrace
I realize in dismay
My new friend is nothing but a mirror.

Forgot one. This one was made when I was a new mother, and her father left us for another.



I sit thinking of better things in life.
Like your soft quiet voice.
And your deep brown eyes.
And the way you so tenderly care for me.
Then you think of another.
Who rarely even notices you.
Your so confused...
And you don't know what to do!.
Oh GOD STOP THIS! Please!
Someone save him from his insanity!
He love's two. But I love him!
But he cannot live without the other!
So you sit there on that cold floor.
And believe you can live without.
You don't need her love, all you need is my love.
And I will carry your love with me.
Till the end of time, my one, my only

Oh these are beautiful! I think poetry is one of the best forms of self expression possible. I hope you save these for your daughter. It hadn't occurred to me to post poetry on here. What a great idea, thank you for sharing these, they are so personal. *cheers*

I'm thinking that these poems were useful to you--for therapeutic reasons. Perhaps, because of that, you shouldn't be so interested in whether they are good poems. They aren't.

Reading lots of strong poetry is the best way to begin to discover what "good poetry" involves.

Hope these comments are helpful. I really don't mean for them to be harsh.

Jennie,loved the dark morbid stuff.. but I'm an emily enson fan.. love her.
'i felt the funeral in my brain
The mourners to and fro'

Emily d***enson is NOT a bad word,it's a surname!

Wait, the name Emily inson gets censured here? What?

I guess that answers my question. How lame.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bakkenpoet

Wait, the name Emily inson gets censured here? What?

---

The site just picks up the first four letters as bad langauge..
Happens sometimes.

No offense taken hon. I'm not a poetry guru or anything :) I just wanted to share them and see what people thought. You are right they were thereputic and good for me :)

Is her name emily D a m n I n s o n?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

is her name emily D a m n i n s o n?

---

English poet.. locked herself in her room for years..
The surname is d**kinson...
I'm afraid I can't tell you,your going to have to guess.

OOOH never mind. Its like charles ins (which will probably also be edited hehe)

It's EMILY!! I know I know!!

I believe in every word u said.I loved your poems so much.cary on!!

Awww thank you hon!

I was wondering if I could share one my uncle wrote before he passed from lukemia last month its short.

Yes of course!

I think they are beautiful, very full of emotion. I almost cried!

Its called the rose

It is only a tiny rosebud
A flower of gods design
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I
The flower God opens so sweetly
In my hands would fade and die
If I cannot unfold a rosebud
This flower of gods design
Than how can I think I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine
For the pathway that lies before me
My heaveny father knows
Ill trust him to unfold the moments
Just as he unfolds the rose.

I really like your poems jenn

Ooh that was georgious zippit!

And thank you guys for liking my poems. I'm sorry they almost made you cry

I love the last one! I have one that I wrote when I lost my son... (so it's pretty sad) but it was supposed to be a song... it's just never quite made it there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bakkenpoet

I'm thinking that these poems were useful to you--for therapeutic reasons. Perhaps, because of that, you shouldn't be so interested in whether or not they are good poems. They aren't.

Reading lots of strong poetry is the best way to begin to discover what "good poetry" involves.

Hope these comments are helpful. I really don't mean for them to be harsh.

---

Hey Buddy, I am waiting on YOUR poem. You must be really good, the way you judge other peoples work. You also must be a counselor, the way you diagnosed Jennie through HER poem.

Boy, we sure are lucky to have YOU around here to help all the budding poets. So, pick some of your best work, and post it so we can experience some "strong" stuff.

And your a wonderful guy! I love this.I am poet and your too that's great

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bakkenpoet

I'm thinking that these poems were useful to you--for therapeutic reasons. Perhaps, because of that, you shouldn't be so interested in whether or not they are good poems. They aren't.

Reading lots of strong poetry is the best way to begin to discover what "good poetry" involves.

Hope these comments are helpful. I really don't mean for them to be harsh.

---

I have to set something straight guys.

This is the writing forum. When you post here then you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad, especially with poetry.

Poetry is very personal, not everyone is going to love a poem. Even the most well known poets in the world have people who dislike their work. That's the way it is.

Now, could Bakkenpoet have been nicer? Yes. Did Bakkenpoet say anything factually incorrect? No. He/she stated his/her opinion.

This is the reason I don't post my writing anywhere, because I really don't care what anyone else thinks. :p

Okay, that was an attempt at humor. Lighten up everyone! ;)

Jennie, I liked them. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I have to set something straight guys.

This is the writing forum. When you post here then you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad, especially with poetry.

Poetry is very personal, not everyone is going to love a poem. Even the most well known poets in the world have people who dislike their work. That's the way it is.

Now, could Bakkenpoet have been nicer? Yes. Did Bakkenpoet say anything factually incorrect? No. He/she stated his/her opinion.

This is the reason I don't post my writing anywhere, because I really don't care what anyone else thinks. :p

Okay, that was an attempt at humor. Lighten up everyone! ;)

Jennie, I liked them. :)

---

That's why I didn't give him ANOTHER red square. Constructive criticism is better than" it's no good", her poem was not a cantelope. I haven't posted any poetry also. The negative feedback might make my work turn dark.

And I liked them too Jennie.

I might have bad dreams tonight though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

And I liked them too Jennie.

I might have bad dreams tonight though.

---

That's what I liked about them. :D

Okay, maybe I have problems.

I don't do poetry, can't, especially if I have to make it rhyme, don't have the time, pass me the lime, something sublime, pick up the grime, I want to mime. See. :o

I write kids books, they're easier. :)

Whatever inspires you to pick up a pen/pencil

And write a poem regardless of how "perfect"

It turns out there is feeling behind it , and as

Long as you have that your poem counts

In my book

Thanks for the greenies
Alty and Friend4U
I'm Glad you liked it

I didn't see this before. I put two of mine on this post

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/writin...em-382327.html

I don't really call them poems though