Ask Me Help Desk - Comma confusion on college admissions essay

Comma confusion on college admissions essay

I'm writing my college essay and I came to a sentence that had me confused. Here it is:

He is Switzerland and I, too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live

Should there be a comma after switzerland? Or not? Or how should I word that?

It's for brown university, my dream school so if anyone could please help.

Sorry if I seem ignorant. But I don't even understand the sentence. He is switzerland? Isn't that a country? Or did I miss something? I'm really curious what you mean by he is Switzerland and you want to achieve his impartial view.

I'm comparing him to Switzerland because he has a neutral view of the world. He doesn't lean one way or the other

I think that we need Wondergirl on this thread. She is an established and published writer. As such, I will let her know about this thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by arturdo968

i'm writing my college essay and i came to a sentence that had me confused. here it is:

He is Switzerland and I, too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live

should there be a comma after switzerland? or not? or how should i word that?

it's for brown university, my dream school so if anyone could please help.

Here's Wondergirl (also known as the Comma Queen) to the rescue!

Yes, there should be a comma after "Switzerland," because you are connecting two independent clauses with the conjunction "and."

He is Switzerland, and I, too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live.

I like the metaphor you used. I hope Brown does too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

He is Switzerland, and I, too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live.

This really makes no sense, I hope you agree WG. The sentence should say

"He is FROM Switzerland and, I too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live."

"He is Switzerland" makes it sound as though he IS the country of Switzerland, not just a citizen of Switzerland.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

This really makes no sense, I hope you agree WG. The sentence should say

"He is FROM Switzerland and, I too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live."

"He is Switzerland" makes it sound as though he IS the country of Switzerland, not just a citizen of Switzerland.

It makes perfect sense. Switzerland = neutrality. He = Switzerland. Therefore, he = neutrality.

Just because he is "from" Switzerland doesn't mean he is neutral. He might be a closet Nazi hiding out in Switzerland. Switzerland in and of itself means neutrality.

"He is Switzerland" is a metaphor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

This really makes no sense, I hope you agree WG. The sentence should say

"He is FROM Switzerland and, I too, wish to be able to achieve his impartial view on the way people live."

"He is Switzerland" makes it sound as though he IS the country of Switzerland, not just a citizen of Switzerland.

My understanding is that she is using a metaphor... He is not Swiss - she is comparing him to Switzerland because of he political neutrality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It makes perfect sense. Switzerland = neutrality. He = Switzerland. Therefore, he = neutrality.

I don't see it that way though. There are other ways that this can be worded to make better sense. Such as "He is Swedish" or "He is Swiss," but not "He is Switzerland." This implies that he is the country.

I would not say that "I am America," I would say that "I am American."

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I don't see it that way though. There are other ways that this can be worded to make better sense. Such as "He is Swedish" or "He is Swiss," but not "He is Switzerland." This implies that he is the country.

I would not say that "I am America," I would say that "I am American."

It has nothing to do with citizenship. Reread my previous post.

I am an American = I am a citizen of the United States.

I am America = I embody all that the United States stands for.

"I am America" or "He is Switzerland" is lofty rhetoric, the kind of writing Brown University will love to see in an admission essay.

Ahhhh, I see that now. I guess being awake 21 hours wreaks havoc on my english. LOL

Makes perfect sense now. So, yes, I would agree that there should be a comma after Switzerland.

Here's a poem by Langston Hughes to demontrate what I mean:

I, Too, Sing America

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

Have I finally earned the nice black AMHD t-shirt?

You are so right. As I said, 21 hours awake ruins my ability to speak, type, edit, proofread the English language. :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have I finally earned the nice black AMHD t-shirt?

And any other color you wish my Queen. :p

With RickJ's and Ben's autographs on it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

With RickJ's and Ben's autographs on it?

I'll try, but my pic will be right in the middle, no need for an autograph. LMAO :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I'll try, but my pic will be right in the middle, no need for an autograph. LMAO :p

Um, let me check the available space in my t-shirt drawer and get back to you.

:( :( :( You don't love me enough to wear me around town?

Well, if I am guaranteed immunity from winter colds and flu (you being a medical person and all), sure, I'll accept and wear it with your photo on it.

***To the moderator: This thread demonstrates to the large AMHD membership that two experts can disagree and still remain friends.***

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

***To the moderator: This thread demonstrates to the large AMHD membership that two experts can disagree and still remain friends.***

So very true!!

Well, thank you to you guys for helping lol. I'm glad I changed it. You were all helpful

Quote:

Originally Posted by arturdo968

well, thank you to you guys for helping lol. i'm glad i changed it. you were all helpful

You ADDED a comma, right?

Yess lol. It's going to be sent out tomorrow

Quote:

Originally Posted by arturdo968

yess lol. it's going to be sent out tomorrow

And you kept the lovely metaphor?

of course =].
I worked hard to think of a good metaphor for my topic, so there was no way I was going to take it out lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It has nothing to do with citizenship. Reread my previous post.

I am an American = I am a citizen of the United States.

I am America = I embody all that the United States stands for.

"I am America" or "He is Switzerland" is lofty rhetoric, the kind of writing Brown University will love to see in an admission essay.

Hey Wondergirl, I need your help. Your explanation on this metaphor is so good, in fact amazing.
I have a question posted here. Please help

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/universities-colleges/improved-form-these-sentences-705891.html#post3285577