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    MyDarkestDreams's Avatar
    MyDarkestDreams Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Mar 8, 2010, 08:22 AM
    Can someone rate my poetry?
    The feel of the night against my skin,
    Through the breath of life that I feel within,
    A common desire of life or death,
    An oath I shall keep until my last breath.
    Good or evil I shall befall,
    Until the day that I walk the halls,
    Of the legends of beauty and grace,
    And a final blow across the face.
    A betrayal that I feel so deep,
    Darker and farther than an eternal sleep,
    That I feel the blood rushing through my veins,
    Total darkness that has clouded my brains.
    Pure evil that has filled the night,
    Filling others with hatred and fright,
    And the illness of famine and blight,
    And the feeling of not being able to fight.
    Eileen G's Avatar
    Eileen G Posts: 1,571, Reputation: 286
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Mar 10, 2010, 11:41 AM

    Well, the rhymes are great. However, I could not work out what you were trying to say in it, or what emotion you were trying to provoke. I suspect you were working so hard to make sure it rhymed that you glossed over the meanings of your lines.
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