Here's a little back story:
There are two of us that work as receptionists in a small office. I work 2 weekdays, as well as every other Sat. and she works 3 weekdays as well as every other Sat. I just started going to school full-time as well (decided to go back to college) on the days I don't work (3 days/week). I let my employer know well in advance (after being at this job for 1 1/2 years) about my plans to go back to school, and said that I wanted to stay at the job, but wanted to see if it worked for them to switch days around (there were only certain days my classes were offered). They accepted, and said they wanted to keep me on, and the other woman switched days with me. I am nearing the end of my 1st semester, and needed to sign-up for next semester's classes. Unfortunately again, my classes were only offered on certain days, so I asked her to switch with me again(her other part-time job is very flexible). I can tell that they are irritated because neither of us will be here 2 or more days in a row(She will work Mon,Wed,Fri, every other sat, and I will work Tues,Thurs, and every other sat), but there isn't anything I can do.
So here's the thing:
A while back she told me she would be taking a vacation, and we could work that around my school schedule. I said to let me know when, and I would let her know when my school vacations were. (I would be willing to work a whole school vacation for her, as she has worked for me in the past, and switched her schedule around for me).
So, she called me at home one day while she was at work and said that she was looking online at my college calendar, and said that her husband couldn't get the time off from work during my spring break, and she asked if I would take some days off from school to work for her so she could go on vacation. (The week after my spring break). I was a little caught off-guard, because I never would have thought that she'd even ask something like that. I mean, this is my education, that my husband and I are struggling to pay for, and I am working my off to get good grades. (However, I did just take 2 days off from school to go to my best friend's wedding in Italy, and then I missed more school because I got the swine flu on the plane ride back, which I had to work my off for even more to catch-up, which took me almost a month).
I will have a few of the same teachers next semester, and they take 10 points off your grade for each absence, and don't take it lightly if you miss school to work. I hesitantly told her that I would have to see the syllabus for each class before I committed to anything; to see if there were midterms. I said I would not be able to work if there were midterms, and if there weren't, then "maybe", but I would have to see the syllabus for classes first.
She sent an email today saying that she booked her trip for March 30-April 7, and wanted to give me and the bosses a heads up. (my spring break is March 22-26, so my first day back from break would be the 29th). She acted like I already said yes!
My supervisor asked me about it and he and her are acting like it's no big deal for me to take school off, and they are acting like I already said yes. I told him the same thing I told her, (that I need to see if there are any mid-terms, etc. first) but I really just want to say no, because I can't take school off whether there are mid-terms. I am just afraid I won't get a christmas bonus, (which I need) or may even get fired if I say no.
P.S.
1. My supervisor is a micro-managing control freak that is buddy-buddy with the owner and her, has never been nice to me, and plays favorites with the other woman even though I do a majority of the work, and she makes tons of mistakes.
2. I don't even know what she does while she's at work; nothing is ever done, she leaves me lists of things to do that were supposed to be done while she was here, and it has seemed like she has been trying to sabotage me for a while.
3.I have wanted to leave this job for a very long time, but the economy is bad, and I am afraid to leave considering I need the money.
I need advice!

PS-
She just left me a note last week, saying, "I am going to need some extra Saturdays off starting in January; I'll find out the dates and let you know. Just a heads up."
Instead of asking me, she orders me.

You respond by telling her you are willing to cover for her when you aren't otherwise occupied. That she needs to give you reasonable notice and that you may not always be able to accommodate her.

That seems like an easy thing to do, but I'm just afraid that I will look like a jerk to the boss, because she has covered for me before, and switched her schedule around completely (twice). But I feel like it was completely overlooked that for 6 months or so, I was working 2, 3, and sometimes 4 Saturdays in a row for her (during the summer as well, when I had things I could've been doing on those days). I feel like they think that she has done me all these favors, and now I owe her (she obviously thinks I owe her because she acts entitled and doesn't even ask me, but tells me I'm going to work extra Saturdays, and assumes I mean yes when I say maybe). I think she is a suck-up, and a manipulative opportunist. I can't take school off, but I don't know what to say to my bosses to justify not helping her out.

You have your days, if you can do it without hurting yourself, great, if you can' merely say no.

But then remember also next semester she may say no to changing days with you to fit a school schedule.

I think you're both right, I just need to be true to myself. I will just tell them that I would like to help, but I can't do it because my grades will suffer. They will just have to take it or leave it. If they fire me they fire me, and it would actually be a blessing (other than financially). Thank you.

My supervisor has always been an overly critical controlling bully. I am supposed to be in a little before 9am. Lately I have been getting to work @ 8:55, or 9:00. The other day, I got to the office @ 9, and said sorry for being late. He said, "You're not late". Today I got to work @ 9:05 because I was already running late and got stuck behind a slow driver. I came in and said I was sorry for being late. He said,"Good Morning" in a really stern, gruff tone. A couple minutes later he says,"How can we get you to be here a few minutes earlier; do I need to have coffee waiting here for you?", in a really nasty tone with an attitude. I understand being late is not good, but does he have to be so nasty? He's always been mean to me, and looked for things to critize, but now I feel like he is just taking the opportunity to treat me like crap. I told him that I was sorry, that I have just been a little burnt-out because I've been staying up late doing homework, and I would go to bed earlier and really try to get here earlier. (I'm 26, and just went back to college).

There is NO excuse for being late except that you do not care! All you need to do is set your alarm clock for a half hour earlier and get up. Get dressed and go to work. Making excuses for not being where you have committed to being on time or early is immature at best and down right rude to others at worst.

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Originally Posted by Evgb

but does he have to be so nasty?

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Hello E:

No, he doesn't. But the world isn't fair... But, WAIT a minute... You can QUIT. That'll show him.

excon

I'm not making excuses. There are REASONS I am late that I do not want to tell him because he has no compassion. I hate my job because he is a bully, and I am up late tossing and turning in bed because I am so stressed about work, and ready to have a nervous breakdown.

I can't quit; I need the money.

You really need to learn to adjust. The job has stress, your boss is a jerk. Welcome to the real world. I spend 17 years under one jerk boss and 5 more under another one. So what! You have two choices, learn to work with your boss or quit! It is that simple. Get to work early, adjust your attitude about work and watch how your bossed attitude changes toward you.

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Originally Posted by Evgb

I'm not making excuses. There are REASONS I am late that I do not want to tell him because he has no compassion.

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Hello again, E:

If you have to get up 3 hours earlier in order to get to work on time, do it. You say there are reasons, but they SOUND like excuses to him. Besides, your PERSONAL problems are not his PERSONAL problems. To lay them on him, and expect compassion, WILL result in you having unfulfilled expectations, which is exactly what's happening. The workplace is NOT a social agency, and your boss is NOT a counselor.

It would be MY guess, that it's those unfulfilled expectations about what your workplace IS, that's causing all the stress - not your bosses desire to have you at work on time.

excon

I do not EXPECT compassion from him. I EXPECT him to be critical and nasty, because that is who he is, even if I am on time and do everything right. The thing that gets me is that when I came in @ 9, he said I WAS NOT late. That means that I was 5 minutes late 1 day, and he was immediately nasty about it. I just know that he has always disliked me and looked for something to criticize, even when I have been early for work, busted my butt, skipped eating lunch, (I don't get a lunchbreak; I have to eat standing up and run to my desk if a customer pulls in) and got everything done perfectly. He tries to find faults in everything. He is my supervisor; my boss is really nice but never around. It's like good cop bad cop.
It is not unfullfilled expectations, or that he wants me here on time. I realize that it is important to be on time. I am on time or early most of the time. It is the fact that when a person is expected to be perfect every second of every day like a robot, it can overwhelm a human being. Can't a person just get an ounce of compassion once in a blue moon? He could have said something like, "I really need you to be a few minutes earlier", in a normal tone, instead of being an ***hole. It is that he is bordering on mentally abusive with the way he speaks to me (most of the time). It is that when I am on time, and do everything perfectly I still get treated like I am a piece of dirt. It is just worse when HE has an EXCUSE to treat me like dirt.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

I do not EXPECT compassion from him. I EXPECT him to be critical and nasty, because that is who he is,

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Hello again, E:

Ok, then.

You need to decide which is more important - your income or your sanity. If you decide it's your income, then buck up and STOP complaining. You said it best. He IS who he IS, and he ain't going to change.

If you decide it's your sanity, QUIT.

But, to stay, and make yourself miserable is bonkers.

excon

I also think that he is mad at me, because the other woman that works here (the other days of the week) wants me to take days off from school next semester to work for her so she can go on vacation, and I have not given her an answer yet, because I need to find out my schedule and see when my mid-terms are. (Although I don't want to take time off from school because my grades will suffer -10pts. f/ each absence). He plays favorites, and she is his favorite. (I think they may be having an affair). She leaves her work for me to do, and he never acknowledges that I do her work as well as my own. (I have a whole other post about her asking me to take school time off.) I wouldn't call in sick to work to get homework done! But anyway, I think he knows I don't want to take school off, and he's probably p*ss*d about that too.

There's an update with this ridiculous situation, and I need to rant for a while:
So, my boss said to me that because she has done the majority of favors for me, I need to basically cover whatever she wants me to. It was worded slightly different, and I mean only slightly. I told him the situation with school, and that I didn't want to commit to something where I would be stuck working during mid-terms, (not knowing when my mid-terms are yet). He is basically acting like it's no big deal to miss school. He also mentioned that she needs me to work more Saturdays coming up, and said in a round-about way that I need to work them for her. I will do what I can, but what if I have something important? I don't matter because "she has done soooo many favors for me"? She was switching Saturdays around like crazy for 6 months or so, and I worked so many extra Saturdays for her; cancelled plans, etc. etc.-but that goes unnoticed!! Also, he said that in the summer when I'm "done" with school, we'll go back to the old schedule. I was planning on doing the 2nd summer session of classes from July-August, but I guess he ruled that out! (I wanted to do it in less time so I can get the hell out of here and get a good job) When I originally told them about school, and gave them the option of keeping me around or not, they should have said no then instead of making me feel bad and stressing me out now, after school has started. I want to just walk out of here and tell them all to F-Off! I need the money though, and I don't know what to do! I am so sick of my every move being scrutinized, and having to "make-it-up-to-her"! She is not the "savior" that they think she is. They're also OBSESSED with my eating habits-I'm a vegetarian-so every day there is some comment about what I'm eating or not eating, and "you need some protein". I get plenty of protein, thank you-there are sources of protein other than dead animals! I am sick of their comments and scrutinizing!!

There's an update with this ridiculous situation that I posted on the other thread, "my coworker asked me to take school off to work for her" and I need to rant for a while:
So, my boss said to me that because she (the other receptionist) has done the majority of favors for me, (working for me when I went on vacation, etc.) I need to basically cover whatever she wants me to. It was worded slightly different, and I mean only slightly. I told him the situation with school, and that I didn't want to commit to something where I would be stuck working during mid-terms, (not knowing when my mid-terms are yet). He is basically acting like it's no big deal to miss school. He also mentioned that she needs me to work more Saturdays coming up, and said in a round-about way that I need to work them for her. I will do what I can, but what if I have something important? I don't matter because "she has done soooo many favors for me"? She was switching Saturdays around like crazy for 6 months or so, and I worked so many extra Saturdays for her; cancelled plans, etc. etc.-but that goes unnoticed!! Also, he said that in the summer when I'm "done" with school, we'll go back to the old schedule. I was planning on doing the 2nd summer session of classes from July-August, but I guess he ruled that out! (I wanted to do it in less time so I can get the hell out of here and get a good job) When I originally told them about school, and gave them the option of keeping me around or not, they should have said no then instead of making me feel bad and stressing me out now, after school has started. I want to just walk out of here and tell them all to F-Off! I need the money though, and I don't know what to do! I am so sick of my every move being scrutinized, and having to "make-it-up-to-her"! She is not the "savior" that they think she is. They're also OBSESSED with my eating habits-I'm a vegetarian-so every day there is some comment about what I'm eating or not eating, and "you need some protein". I get plenty of protein, thank you-there are sources of protein other than dead animals! I am sick of their comments and scrutinizing!!

My boss and supervisor are OBSESSED with my eating habits! They are always making comments; I can not just eat what I want in peace. I am a vegetarian, but even before I became a full-time vegetarian they always had some kind of comment about what I was eating, like:
"Just a salad?"
(big salad w/tons of veggies and either chicken or chickpeas plus snacks)

"What's for lunch?" followed by, asking about how I made it, how many calories, grams of protein are in it, etc. etc.

After asking me if I want anything and me replying, no thanks I brought lunch, asking me what I brought and "where's the protein?"

It's constant. I eat very well. I am 5'3" and 123lbs. I was always very thin as a child and adolescent and have never had any eating disorder, other than maybe OVER-eating. I eat more than my husband. I eat all different kinds of foods for lunch including fattening ones, like pizza and calzones (veggie, now) and pasta, salads, stirfry, etc.
I am soooo sick of their comments and scrutinizing! It's giving me a friggin complex! I try not to eat when they're in the office now, just to avoid it. (I work 8hr. Days, but am paid for the full 8, and I'm not allowed a lunch break-I have to eat while the office is open, can't leave, and have to stand and eat at the kitchen counter away from my desk; and have to run to my desk if the phone rings or someone pulls into the parking lot.)
What is their obsession? I'm starting to think I'm losing it.

I used to work at an office myself, and when I would bring my vegan food, my co-workers and my boss used to comment on my food.

Mostly it because it's new and unfimiliar.

If anything tell ask them: "Does my vegetarian lifestyle bother you?"

Or something to the effect.

Let them know it makes you uncomfortable and if they have QUESTIONS about vegetarianism they can ask you.

Sometimes you just need to speak up;)

That's kind of weird. Maybe it's their way of making what they believe is polite conversation? 5'3" and 123lbs is slender. Could they be concerned that you are heading towards anorexia? It doesn't sound like you are, but maybe they are worried. I've noticed some people seem to be a little obsessed with protein and believe that we needs tons and tons of protein to be healthy. Maybe if you started educating them about how much protein you really need and how much protein you can get from non-meat sources they'll leave you alone. If every time they bother you they get a nutrition lecture, maybe they'll get the hint and leave you alone.

Thank you, that is some good advice. The only thing is, I have responded before with telling them that someone my age should get 45 grams of protein per day, I get plenty, and tried to educate them. It really is so annoying because it is every day if they are around. I feel like telling them I am going to eat T-bones for lunch. LOL. I shouldn't have to deal with this crap. I'll try what you said &speak up and educate them until they don't want to hear it anymore.

What exactly do they say?

Is it like:

"That's all your eating?"

"Eww salad"

"Wow just a ____ you need some meat-- that's so bad"

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If it's anything like that you can say:

"I respect your food choices could you respect mine- thank-you"

They say things like,
"What's for Lunch?"
"Just salad?"
"Oh, veggie calzone; is there any protein?"
"No Protein?", or "Where's the protein?"
"How many calories", "How much protein?"
"What do you eat for protein?"
Today, this was the conversation with my boss:
Boss: "We're gonna go get some subs down the street, do you want anything?"
Me: "No thank you, I brought my lunch."
Boss: "You sure?"
Me: "Ya, I brought a salad, thanks anyway."
Boss: "Oh, just salad? You should eat something good."
Me: "I like salad."
Boss: "Where's the protein?"
Me: "I get plenty of protein."
Boss:"Did you bring like 3 almonds, or some what do you call them, legumes?"


(I bring lentils and rice sometimes, and it took a while for him to understand what lentils are (legumes) and that they have protein)
The last comment he made really made me kind of upset. "3 almonds" I snack on almonds and chocolate chips sometimes (almonds also have protein and monounsaturated fat, which I tried to educate him on, but only to be made fun of) I don't understand the interrogation.
Also, the other day my supervisor (the manager) was in the office when I was ordering a veggie calzone, and I asked him if he wanted anything, to which he replied, "No thanks, what are you getting?!", then asked me what was in my "thermos" which is a stainless water bottle, to which I replied, water. Then, when my lunch arrives, he is standing in the exact spot that I eat lunch every day, putting #'s in his cellphone, so I put my lunch on the counter and kept working, waiting for him to leave. He wouldn't move from that spot for 45 minutes. It was like he was waiting for me to eat so he could see what I had and comment. (There was no other place to eat; it's a small office and I would've had to be about 2 inches away from him to eat). I started vacuuming and then he finally left after 45 minutes of typing in his phone, @ 2pm. I normally eat around 12:30 or 1:00, and I was starving. Of course, my manager is really a different story, he has some serious issues-control freak, passive aggressive, workplace bully, etc. etc.
BTW-They don't eat in the office, they get to leave for lunch. Except that the manager eats a single clementine or orange every morning.

I eat a lot of Lebanese food at work and people are always asking me what it is, or making smart remarks. I offer them some, and then I ignore them.

I think you should do the same, I mean purposely ignore them. If they keep on, tell them ENOUGH. You'd like to enjoy your food, and it's not your fault that they don't eat healthy.

I'm sure you're a nice person, because most of us would have already told them off. But sometimes you have to take care of things like this, in a direct manner.

Don't let them drive you crazy, or ruin your lunch.

You'll get the last word, because you'll out live them all.

Now you go enjoy your bird food.

Just kidding.

When they start bothering you say:

"Please stop questioning my food choices. I feel offended and frankly I don't like defending my food choices on a daily basis. With all due respect you don't see me telling you how bad meat is for you and how you should change your eating habits. Thanks"

Maybe change it up a bit-- make it sound more like you but you get the point.

You need to stand up to them or else the comments will just keep coming. It may not stop completely when tell them but it won't be as much.

:) Good luck. Hope all works out well for you-- I know it can be annoying.

Thanks. I think you're right; the moral of the story is I just need to stand-up for myself and address it directly. However, how do I do that, I mean ignore them-w/o seeming disrespectful?

Smile at them, go "hmm", shake your head while smiling and keep eating.

Mudweiser: Yes, I agree. I need to say something. In fact, there are many other things that I am going to address, and I will address this at the same time. Thanks.

Hope you don't mind a dissenting opinion here. Sometimes, especially in a closed bubble environment like the workplace, you have to "go along to get along".

I'm not sure you're going to gain anything except ill-will by trying to train them to leave you alone on this topic. I can state with 98% certainty they do not mean anything offensive by it. And as such, being offended is actually a personal decision. It is just as reasonable for you to opt to not be bothered.

Not wanting to debate the merits of your eating choices is fine, and I agree you can find ways to not engage them when they bring it up. But I have to suggest that you do it without a confrontation.

The first best approach is always going to be humor. You can indicate you're not interested in talking seriously about a topic by NEVER answering with anything other than a silly comment back.

Boss: "What you eating today?"
You: "Whatever the warden packed"

Boss: "Where's the protein?"
You: "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to eat you."

Boss: "How many calories in that?"
You: "Probably none, you have to pay extra for calories and I'm still waiting for my raise to come through. Bite?"

Boss: "Just a salad?"
You: (looking down in shock) "Holy cow, someone stole my lobster!?"

My husband's a veggo - has been since he was 16 and he HATES people asking him about his eating habits. I've slowly encouraged him not to take it so seriously and to either ignore it or respond with humor. He's slowly getting it. (old dogs learn new tricks slowly)

JB has the right attitude - don't engage in the conversation - just laugh. They know exactly what you have for lunch every day (they do this to annoy you and get a response) - so just say - 'I'm having the usual rabbit food', ha ha.

Don't talk about it, try to justify or explain it or get into any discussion about protein, calories, etc, etc. The more you allow them to drive you crazy, the more they'll keep needling you. If you react with less annoyance, they'll get tired of it eventually.

PS Sorry to be pain, but you're not a vegeterian if you eat chicken.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Sorry to be pain, but you're not a vegeterian if you eat chicken.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

I am a vegetarian, but even before I became a full-time vegetarian they always had some kind of comment about what I was eating, like:
"Just a salad?"
(big salad w/tons of veggies and either chicken or chickpeas plus snacks)

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Did you catch that Gem ;)

My supervisor is really serious and gruff most of the time. However, whenever I tell him something serious or we're talking about something that is serious, i.e.. Talking about when I was really sick with the swine flu, he smiles; I mean gets a grin/smirk on his face. Sometimes he laughs under his breath at inappropriate times as well. What is his deal?

The older I get, the more I realize that many people have strange habits and behavior.

Is he a hateful person? Do you really think that he actually enjoys hearing about the bad things that you experience? If so, then he is just a jacka$$.

It might be that he reacts to certain situations in an odd way. I know a guy that blinks when he is told something serious. In a recent meeting, I couldn't help but notice his eye lids were flapping like a Hummingbird's wings.

I also know someone who laughs when he is being disciplined.

Some people have strange habits. I hope he is just one of them.

You haven't said (that I know of)... how much do they need you? You may have more leverage than you think in this... although you need to be careful applying it.

No matter what, you can't take off during finals.

Don't worry about the side issues like eating habits, they are distracting you from the main issue. Just laugh at them when they comment.

Have you looked around for other jobs yet?

I just think that some people are not comfortable being one-to-one with other people and the grin or smile is an indication of their discomfort.

That could be the case. However, I think he has deeper issues. He is mean and nasty a lot of the time.

Well, I'm not sure how bad they need me. I know they probably don't want to look around for someone else. (and I do my job well, but I'm not sure if they realize this.) I haven't looked for another job yet, because I have literally no time at all. As soon as I go on my Christmas break, I am looking for a job. I'll have a month to find one before school starts again.

Oh, and now my boss says I don't smile enough now. He jokingly said he's worried about me because I don't smile, and he thinks I'm sad. I told him I smile all the time, and I'm not sad. He said, "Don't take me picking on you personally because I'll never stop."
Did he ever think that maybe because I never get positive reinforcement, and he only picks on me, every time he sees me-maybe that's why I don't have a huge grin on all the time? Maybe it bothers me?