Ask Me Help Desk - Boss is a pervert.

Hi Guys,
I am so fed up right now. I met with a couple of attorneys and someone from HR. Basically they told me my witnesses admitted to nothing. They read a few of my points and my boss agreed to some parts. They basically told me it's a case of he said, she said and that was that. They said they believe that I perceive this to have happened but they have no proof. I caught one of the attorneys in a lie. I called him on it and he changed it around. They were very cold to me (so what's new) and I felt they were shooing me out the door. I have been assigned to a new boss who is a very difficult individual. Several people have left this individual's department. I can't believe all this. It's a nightmare.

I then took my rebuttal to HR and the guy reading it was very shocked and said that what he is reading will require an additional investigation. So it's open again. This thing won't die!!! It just goes on and on.

Tomorrow I have to start with that new boss and meet with someone regarding the new investigation. I can't get any work done. I feel like I'm the bad guy making all this trouble. I'm not sure what an attorney would solve for me here if I consulted with one. They removed me from my old boss' paws, they talked to him. What else should I expect? Do I wait until they do something really stupid and obvious? Do I go in so that he can tell me, "Yes, they are jerks but they are following the proper procedure. That'll be $250.00" What do I have to tell an attorney now.. What am I defending myself from... bad vibes?

Anyway, I went to my home business class on Saturday. It was great. There were a lot of successful people who just want to work from home. Wednesday I go to a resume workshop to "amp up my rez". I've looked around for jobs. Everything seems so out in the future and I need something now.

I was beating myself up because I thought I could have done more to keep my boss at bay. Then today he had to pick something up from me and he was blushing, nervous and acting like a stupid freak. He's attracted to me so I guess I did as much as I could here and I should stop giving myself such a hard time.

I'm really down in the dumps right now. I just have to keep pushing forward and can't let this job control me. I've been listening to some motivational tapes and hitting the gym at 6:00am to manage the basketball sized knot in my gut. This will pass... soon I hope!

Anyway, don't need anything... just venting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

Hi Summer,
I agree it's best not to think in terms of being a victim. He's the loser.
Your boss has bitten off way more than he can chew. He's behaved badly from beginning to end--harassing you, punishing you for resisting his advances, and pitting his employees against one another. I have to wonder if there is anything he hasn't done wrong. And his stupidity and entitlement in thinking he can get away with all this without having it blow up in his face is amazing.

I hope you are writing down everything that has happened and is happening. You may need a record if there is a court case. That's obviously not what you want, but it's best to be prepared.

Rooting for you...
asking

Thank you so much for the wise words!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

You can be a victim of sexual harrassment without feeling victimized. I didn't mean it to sound bad, or make you feel any worse than you already do. It's just a term that's commonly used.

I just wanted you to understand that HE is in the wrong. HE is the one who should be feeling bad for what he has done to YOU, and possibly countless more.

He is in a position of power and is making unwanted sexual advances toward female subordinates. And that is morally wrong, and against the law.

You should be able to work in a safe, harrassment free environment.

I wonder what he would have done if he truly got you alone. Could he have controlled himself? I doubt it.

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right.

I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you... I didn't take it the wrong way at all. I understand what you mean. I just don't see myself as a victim. I guess I don't feel so helpless here. There are avenues I can take and opportunities. I just have to keep my focus on what I have to be thankful for and focus on what's "right" in my life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

"Living well is the best revenge."
- - - - - - - George Herbert, clergyman/poet (1593 - 1633)

So true JBeau! Thank you!

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment

Thank you Asking... I'm going to look into this. I really appreciate your advice!! I'll start checking for an attorney on my lunch today. Have a great day!

Hi,
I thought I would give an update here in case anyone who is reading this is going through the same thing...

After this whole ordeal, there were people at work who were giving me weird looks and there was some gossip. That didn't bother me though. Now everyone is pretty nice.

My ex-boss is a disaster. He looks very depressed since I exposed some pretty crazy things about him. He recently got into a minor car wreck and it was his fault, he lost his wallet with all his credit cards and a lot of cash and he can't get over this cold he's had for weeks. He's completely lost his voice and looks like a mess. His skin tone even looks sallow and sickly. He no longer walks around like a big shot. He's very down and sad.

I'm OK. I never see my new boss since he doesn't know what I do. He just took me in as an employee since I am no longer with "creepy". So as long as I keep things flowing, I work completely independently.

Everything seems to have calmed down but I am always looking over my shoulder because you just can't fully trust anyone at my job. The new scandal is "Who is leaving the dirty dishes in the main break room?"

My advice for anyone going through this...
Be very firm when someone is going too far at work. Stop it immediately!
Keep detailed notes with dates of what's going on.
Do speak up. Go to the HR department and tell them what is happening.

For those creepy bosses reading this. You will be exposed and you won't get away with your behavior!! STOP NOW!!

I'm glad it's over. I've completely moved on and I'm looking into doing something else for my career that I am excited about. I'm not staying at this company.

Many thanks to my buddies who got me through "Part B" of my issue here... Beachgarden, JBeau, Stringer, Asking and JMJoseph. You guys are awesome! Thanks...