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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

NO. Don't do that, it's unnecessary. Valentine's is for people who are together or are courting. She has a BF so at best, you're in the process of trying the steal her away. Yes?

If so, Valentine's Day is irrelevant. You need to be courting her every day, but not with Valentines stuff, that's just confusing.

On the other hand, if you've made no overt attempt to let her know you want her to quit her BF and be with you, then V.Day may be the way to do it, but don't be "friends" in the content. Make sure your intentions are clear.

If you are really just friends, stick to buying coffee.

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Yeah, I really like her, but she already told me that we're just friends. But she keeps throwing mixed signals at me all the time. I told her I liked her, so she knows. But I think she just wants to be friends. That's fine... I was just wondering about if she would be expecting anything on V-Day.

I offer to buy lunch and go out for supper, but most of the time she declines. Which is telling me that she's not interested. But when we talk, she seems really open and seems interested in me. So I don't know, let me know what you all think!

No, no gift. No flowers, no candy. You can get her a friend to friend card but nothing more. She already has a boyfriend and you are her co-worker and need to keep that relationship as it is.

Normally I'm a hopeless romantic and would say go for it. But in your circumstances, her being a co-worker, and already turning you down, I would say Nothing's necessary. The mixed signals your receiving is probably the fact that she's flattered by your interest. I wouldn't waste my time.

Valentines are for sweethearts, not co-workers, or friends.

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But when we talk, she seems really open and seems interested in me.

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AS FRIENDS, that the limit of her interest, the rest is you being smitten and hoping for more. FRIENDS that's it.

Don't go there. She has a boyfriend, and he might feel inclined repay the compliment with a knuckle sandwich.

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Originally Posted by roogirl

Don't go there. She has a boyfriend, and he might feel inclined repay the compliment with a knuckle sandwich.

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Good point here. Have you ever thought of how the boyfriend feels about some male friend, who shows a lot of attention to his woman, especially if they work together?? There are many partners here on this forum, who are quit upset on the attention there partners get from co-workers. Leave this alone, please.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Good point here. Have you ever thought of how the boyfriend feels about some male friend, who shows a lot of attention to his woman, especially if they work together??? There are many partners here on this forum, who are quit upset on the attention there partners get from co-workers. Leave this alone, please.

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The thing is Talaniman, she doesn't talk to him about our friendship or even much about me. She probably wouldn't want him knowing about it either. Like when she calls when he's gone, and only does stuff with me when he's gone. If she were to talk to him about us, she would probably get some of the blame. She seems to not mind my behavior towards her.

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She seems to not mind my behavior towards her.

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Why should she?? All she has to do is tell him, its all on you, and she is clear of blame. Think about it!! She only is your friend when he is not around, and is soooooo open to you at work. She obviously doesn't want him to know about you, and her role in this. Further, she KNOWS full well what your feelings are. You want more, and she uses your willingness to believe that false hope, will keep you close as she wants you to be, even after she told you that she is involved, and unavailable to you, as a romantic partner. Yet you still pursue in the name of friendship, yeah, right. Get a clue guy, and back off, if you can't enjoy the friendship, with some dignity and decorum, leave her alone. Get you a female you can have fun with, and enjoy getting to know, she ain't it.

I wouldn't do it. Knowing that she has a boyfriend, it isn't a good idea.

Ok, its been a few weeks now, and now she's been texting and calling me on a daily basis. I would just want to get over how I feel about her. I told her I might need some space, but she just seems to ignore how I feel and keeps calling and wanting to talk to me. When she calls I like listening, but to be calling everyday after we've worked 9 hour together.. That's a little much isn't it? It seems that it's more of an obligation to talk sometimes too because we don't always have stuff to talk about. I told her that I want to get over her but again, she seems to ignore it and keeps leading me on in a way.
Let me know what you think!Thanks

Stop taking her calls. Or be busy when she calls. Being brief and unavailable, is how you make her lose interest, since telling her to stop isn't working.

Got to spread before giving it to tal

I'm thinking this girl now knows you like her, and is enjoying the love from both her boyfriend and you. Since she's told you how she feels, put up a barrier and be you. Treat it like a rejection and move on.

Querty, Querty, Querty,

You've done gone and resurrected this thread eh, thought this one was buried.

I got to say, good for you for accepting that she is leading you on, although I must say everyone saw this answer coming before you asked. Also, a while back you said you were fine with being her friend and it obviously has not played out that way, you got yourself emotionally attached my friend.

If you can't handle the friendship thing than listen to the above posts, BE NICE, BE POLITE, you do work with her and so talking to her at work for 9 hours should suffice in showing her you are her friend, just try to set the boundary that this friendship, at this point, cannot extend to post-work hours.

I must say I really think this girl is flattered you like her and that's why she leans on you. Although I give her credit for not being rude or letting you down hard, she seems like she does want to be your friend, even if she's leaning a bit.

Do what you mentioned today, that's a good plan and next time try to focus on a girl that has no boyfriend, your chances go way up if she's single:) Jokes, jokes.

Overall, you took a shot and hopefully you learned a lot.

Friend or no, she must respect the boundaries YOU set.

Yeah, although I would like more than friendship, I need to realize that she is sort of using me to just have someone to talk to. Again, I don't mind listening, but it's a little extreme when it's a few times a day. I feel wanted/needed when she calls, and I think that's what she wants me to feel. Like I'm her friend and that she's doing me a favor... but really she's just messing with my head. I can't pursue a relationship any further than friendship right now, but when she calls and wants to talk, I feel like she wants to be more than friends. But knowing that she told me, she just wants to be friends, means that I can't make any moves.
I think space would be good for about 1-2 weeks maybe... just talking at work during that time, and then see what happens after that time. It may be really hard for her to get over the fact that we can't talk after work some days. It will make her think about what she is doing to me and our friendship relationship.
More advice would be appreciated! I like reading what people have to say!

Don't put a timeline on it. Time should have no bearing on what you need to do. If it takes 2 weeks to be comfortable enough to be her good friend than fine, if it takes 2 years, that's fine too.

I think by saying after a week or two your still clinging to some hope that something will change (plus your writing seems to suggest you have not given up all hope, despite what you've been told... sorry). You do it to get over it and if you can't get over it than you continue to do it until you get over it, days/months/years... whatever.

Hope the last line makes sense, lotta it's involved:)

Yeah, I'm still clinging a little because it seems that she doesn't want to let me go in a way. I tell her I want some space but she calls me and wants to talk. I don't want to let her go either in a way but if I want anything to happen, she needs to make the first move... meaning breaking up her current relationship. Then go from there. The reason I believe she is still with him is that she lives with him and she loves the 2 dogs that he has. Other than that I'm not sure what she thinks about him, other than she complains about him. I know it sounds like I'm going backwards on this issue, but just empashizing some main points before I throw all hope out the window!

No,no, those are not main points, they are very,very irrelevant and foolish points. Open the window realllll wide and chuck it.

Not to sound rude, but seriously read it back to yourself. Your main points are that she is only with him because she lives with him?? (probably a reason for that I would hazard to say) and she loves to the 2 dogs?? (guess she could not take them with her) Never met a girl who would marry a guy or live with him because of dogs.

If that's what your hanging hope on than I think it already escaped through the back door while you weren't looking. STOP the madness, let it go.

That's what all females do when they yap to their GIRLFRIENDS!! That's what she is using you for, because she has no real females to talk to. My gosh man, throw hope out the friggin window already, and stop being her g/f. Real men do not let some female control their thoughts and actions. Take man action, and be to busy for that BS.

Lol... Rarely, if ever, have I ever seen T-man get animated about a situation. BANG ON!! That post applies to a lot of posters these days.

Now that I think about it, that's exactly what you appear to be. Her boyfriend should be thanking you for being the shoulder to cry on while he holds her hand around town.

Your better than that Querty, C'MON.