I think what you are doing here is the real cause of dissension in the workplace, not what he is doing.

You're there to work and be productive. Spending time on this stuff (which happens all the time everywhere, so I know I'll get some reaction on this... ) actually sets the stage for so much unneeded pain in the workplace.

It is just as reasonable for you to be forgiving and accepting and unoffended by the tics and quirks of your colleagues as it is for you to get all "what's his problem?" about it. It really is.

Getting along in the workplace is not an exercise in getting others to behave (which is the tack too many people take, fueling the dissension), it is an exercise in us learning tolerance, forgiveness, perseverance and acceptance.

Once you learn that other's oddities don't actually have to impact you deeply, you're already miles ahead of the rest of the pack. Imagine having that skill when someone REALLY tries to hurt you, and can't. Now THAT'S the ticket!

If he is a mean spirited individual perhaps he finds it amusing that you would think he cares at all about your serious issues.
His snikering is an outward snub and a sarcastic response.
I would refrain from sharing anything personal with him in the future.

JBeaucaire :

What exactly am I doing that is wrong? I am just trying to understand WHY he behaves the way he does. I DO work, and I AM productive. He IS mean and nasty, and that is why I wonder why he smirks when I tell him something serious. It seems to me that he has some issues. You really don't know anything about me; I AM a tolerant, forgiving, and very accepting person. However, I do not like being disrespected, because I do not deserve it. This man has been very disrespectful towards me in the past (and present). I am just trying to figure out why he does what he does.

artlady:

I agree. The thing is, I try not to volunteer any personal information, but he is very nosy. So, trying to make conversation, be polite, and not be disrespectful, I answer his questions. Sometimes it leads to him snickering. I am just going to try not to pay attention to it, until I can get another job. (The whole place is pretty disfunctional, and I'm realizing that I don't have to deal with it anymore.)

Well, did you ever tell him that? Sometimes that's just people's nature. I tease a lot of my coworkers. But I know there are limits, and I know when I need to stop or when I've gone too far. Mostly I know because of people's complaints about others jokes. Instead of telling the person that made the "joke" though, they complain to other people about it. And that really doesn't do anything for the situation. You're unhappy. Others sense you're unhappy. But because you don't tell them why you're unhappy, they continue the behavior.

Evgb, I've been in management for years so I am speaking from that standpoint. Please understand I am not arguing with you, I'm pointing out an important skill that is probably far more important than understanding anything about one particular negative-personality employee you have to deal with.

If you think that others should change their behaviors because you "deserve" for them to do it, I'm sorry, I've seen SO MANY problems over the years stemming from this thought process. And hear me when I say your thoughts are reflected by many, many others.

I've just watched it do more damage than good over the years. Truly. And it's sad because you and them weren't wrong in your observations or your desires, only ineffective in getting the result you want.

People don't want to change. They don't. They think what they think, they act the way they act, and they are what they are. C'est la vie!

I hear people say all the time, "I wish so and so had just told me they were unhappy about ____", and you know what?. They're lying, to themselves and to you when they say it. It's the trap, "Do these pants make me look fat?" There's just no safe answer.

But I digress. I'm pointing out that what you CAN do is control how these people impact you. You can choose to laugh at it and move on with your day, or you can analyze and it try to "understand" them to no point. What you really mean is "understand it so I can get them to stop somehow."

That's not going to happen, probably. But you can build up your immunity to it, that you can do.

And hear me say this last thing so you understand, I'm on your side. I want you to succeed. I am suggesting that the way to get to the peace you want, however, exists in understanding yourself, not understanding him.

MY thought on this is really that it is so hard to understand why other people do what they do and sometimes a waster of energy that could be focused elsewhere. It's hard not to be consumed with "other people's stuff". However, I think JBeaucaire was attempting to get you to try. Try to pay less attention to his issues. Clue him in on a need to know basis and never let him see you sweat. It's possible that he is reacting to your reaction or your body language of feeling obligated to tell him. OR maybe he is attempting to show a lighter side and isn't aware of how it comes off. None the less try not to let it ruffle your feathers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

artlady:

I agree. The thing is, I try not to volunteer any personal information, but he is very nosy. So, trying to make conversation, be polite, and not be disrespectful, I answer his questions. Sometimes it leads to him snickering. I am just going to try not to pay attention to it, until I can get another job. (The whole place is pretty disfunctional, and I'm realizing that I don't have to deal with it anymore.)

---

I am an outspoken person so I would be asking him very directly"Did I say something funny"? Or "Do you normally smile when someone tells you something that is unpleasant"?

Those are both legitimate questions and I don't think its rude to ask them.

Having said that ,I do think your best bet is to find employment (if you can) in a more people orientated environment.

I have found over the years that you need to put work and your workplace relationships in a unique category

Don't expect anything from them except the paycheck and you won't be disappointed.
Best of luck !

I see your point.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Evgb, I've been in management for years so I am speaking from that standpoint. Please understand I am not arguing with you, I'm pointing out an important skill that is probably far more important than understanding anything about one particular negative-personality employee you have to deal with.

If you think that others should change their behaviors because you "deserve" for them to do it, I'm sorry, I've seen SO MANY problems over the years stemming from this thought process. And hear me when I say your thoughts are reflected by many, many others.

I've just watched it do more damage than good over the years. Truly. And it's sad because you and them weren't wrong in your observations or your desires, only ineffective in getting the result you want.

People don't want to change. They don't. They think what they think, they act the way they act, and they are what they are. C'est la vie!

I hear people say all the time, "I wish so and so had just told me they were unhappy about ____", and you know what?....They're lying, to themselves and to you when they say it. It's the trap, "Do these pants make me look fat?" There's just no safe answer.

But I digress. I'm pointing out that what you CAN do is control how these people impact you. You can choose to laugh at it and move on with your day, or you can analyze and it try to "understand" them to no point. What you really mean is "understand it so I can get them to stop somehow."

That's not going to happen, probably. But you can build up your immunity to it, that you can do.

And hear me say this last thing so you understand, I'm on your side. I want you to succeed. I am suggesting that the way to get to the peace you want, however, exists in understanding yourself, not understanding him.

---

I recognize that I have the ability to not let it bother me, and it does not bother me so much; I am just curious, really. Believe me, there are many things that this man does, and ways that he acts that seem either bizarre or disrespectful to me, and most of the time, I look the other way or laugh. I practice the "skill" of letting things roll off my back daily. I don't think that my question was all that serious; I was just wondering why because I am an inquisitive person. I can live with it; there are much worse things.
I do not think that others should change their behaviors because of what I do or do not deserve. I do however know myself and what I do and do not deserve. I believe that people do not change unless they desire change.
If someone who you see on a daily basis is disrespectful to you, do you say to yourself, "The way this person is behaving towards me is not going to impact me at all, I'm going to laugh it off, and that will result in me getting what I want." ? If you do this, people will continually walk on you like a doormat. Don't get me wrong, I do UNDERSTAND what you are saying. I have taken classes in psychology. However, I don't really feel that my simple little question required the analytical, in-depth, psycho-analysis that you gave me. I guess what I'm saying is, it really isn't that much of a big deal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artlady

I am an outspoken person so I would be asking him very directly"Did I say something funny"? or "Do you normally smile when someone tells you something that is unpleasant"?

Those are both legitimate questions and I don't think its rude to ask them.

Having said that ,I do think your best bet is to find employment (if you can) in a more people orientated environment.

I have found over the years that you need to put work and your workplace relationships in a very unique category

Don't expect anything from them except the paycheck and you won't be disappointed.
Best of luck !

---

I agree; those are legitimate questions. I am just not very outspoken, which is why I haven't said anything. I mean, this really isn't that big of a deal; I don't really let it bother me or act offended or anything. I was just curious why he might be doing that (it does seem odd). I am going to look for another job; for many other reasons. Thanks.

Personally I'd just ignore him.

If he wants to talk tell him that you're busy working and don't have the time. After all, that's what you're being paid to do, you're not being paid to tell someone about your about with H1N1.

If he persists then complain. There has to be someone higher up then him.

Just do your job. You're not there to make friends, or to converse, you're there to work. If you concentrate on your job and not the people around you, I think that you'll be much happier.

Ok then, I guess when you came here and asked us all to help you understand "why" somebody we don't know as well as you behaves the way he does, I mistakenly took that for an opportunity for analytical, in-depth, psycho-analysis.

I apologize for not making something up about him and generalizing about others in a non-helpful way and accidentally turning the conversation back to ourselves, since I often do that... mostly because I believe talking about people we don't know and/or can't control to be far less useful way to spend time than talking about our own motives/reactions... something we can do something about.

So, again, sorry I mistook your question about personality and reasons he does things and talked about anything but him. My bad. I was trying to help, and clearly stumbled.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Hope you don't mind a dissenting opinion here. Sometimes, especially in a closed bubble environment like the workplace, you have to "go along to get along".

I'm not sure you're going to gain anything except ill-will by trying to train them to leave you alone on this topic. I can state with 98% certainty they do not mean anything offensive by it. And as such, being offended is actually a personal decision. It is just as reasonable for you to opt to not be bothered.

Not wanting to debate the merits of your eating choices is fine, and I agree you can find ways to not engage them when they bring it up. But I have to suggest that you do it without a confrontation.

The first best approach is always going to be humor. You can indicate you're not interested in talking seriously about a topic by NEVER answering with anything other than a silly comment back.

Boss: "What you eating today?"
You: "Whatever the warden packed"

Boss: "Where's the protein?"
You: "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to eat you."

Boss: "How many calories in that?"
You: "Probably none, you have to pay extra for calories and I'm still waiting for my raise to come through. Bite?"

Boss: "Just a salad?"
You: (looking down in shock) "Holy cow, someone stole my lobster!?"

---

I already decided that I am not going to say anything. I wasn't going to try and "train" them to leave me alone; I was going to address it directly. However, that is unrealistic. I am not very outspoken, and I would rather not say anything than come-off in a way that would offend them. I avoid confrontation whenever possible; I am a very laidback, easy going person.
To quote you: "Being offended is actually a personal decision." : I never said that I was OFFENDED. However, I do not want to be interrogated about my eating habits. I do not want to have to explain my food choices every day either, nor should I have to.
I should add that this has been happening for over a year now. Almost every day. I think that after that long, it would get on anyone's nerves. It really takes a lot to annoy me. I usually let things roll off my back.
If they ask what I'm eating, I'm just going to quote them, and say something like, "Just my usual bird-food". (They have called it bird-food before.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

PS Sorry to be pain, but you're not a vegeterian if you eat chicken.

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I USED to eat chicken, sometimes. I do not anymore. I was just describing what I used to eat, because this started before I became a vegetarian.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

did you catch that Gem ;)

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Thanks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Ok then, I guess when you came here and asked us all to help you understand "why" somebody we don't know as well as you behaves the way he does, I mistakenly took that for an opportunity for analytical, in-depth, psycho-analysis.

I apologize for not making something up about him and generalizing about others in a non-helpful way and accidentally turning the conversation back to ourselves, since I often do that...mostly because I believe talking about people we don't know and/or can't control to be far less useful way to spend time than talking about our own motives/reactions...something we can do something about.

So, again, sorry I mistook your question about personality and reasons why he does things and talked about anything but him. My bad. I was trying to help, and clearly stumbled.

---

I have to spread the rep but I agree.

To the OP. You're upset because of your supervisor, you want help understanding him, then, when we offer sound advise, you get upset because "we don't know you". Well, we don't know your supervisor either. We don't know why he's smiling when you tell him a sad story. We don't know why he's mean. We don't know why he wears blue underwear or dances in the rain. We don't know him, we don't know you. How are we supposed to judge him when we don't know him?

We can only give you advice on how to handle the situation. We cannot tell you what's wrong with your supervisor. Maybe he's got mental issues. Maybe his goldfish died and he's taking it out on you. Maybe he's caught you chatting while you should be working and that's why he's mean. Maybe he thinks the swine flu was engineered by our government to cut back the population and he thinks you should be one of them. We don't know!

The advice we give is based on what you tell us. Of course your version of him is going to be unfavorable, because you're upset about the things he does. That's understandable, but not the whole story, just your side of it.

If you're really that unhappy then quite and find something else.

Offended, bothered, irritated, disrespected, irked to the point you seek the counsel of others on the topic in private... you can take any one of these terms and say "that's not me" and as far as I vote, they're all just tones of the same thing.

You're dissatisfied with your supervisor and your work environment.

Based on this thread and the other one we're interacting on, I can't help but notice it's pretty much the same thing. You don't like what they say/do/inflect/grin at/smirk timing... I would surmise there are probably several other things you haven't brought up yet we could make another thread or three out of.

And truth be told, you're probably right all the way down the line. It's all happening pretty much like you describe it, even if there is an innocence on their part, your feelings are getting hurt and you're tired of it.

This can be very dissatisyfing. Truly. I know, I've stood in the middle of this many times in my life.

Like you, I've decided over time that I'm not a doormat, so I tend to meet things I don't like head-on. I talk about these items pretty much immediately with the people it concerns.

"I'm sorry, let me apologize now if I've ever given you the impression I think that is OK to say to me, or joke with me about. It's not, and it's probably my fault you thought it was ok, so accept my apology and we just won't do that anymore, ok?"

I've had to use variations on that one in most of the jobs I've had over the past 20 years.

But there is such a thing as hopeless, too. And when the hopeless is coming from your superiors... oh my.

I've walked away from two jobs in my life for this very thing. They were in charge. It was their "house" and I wasn't a doormat. So I bid them well, told them the truth about why I was leaving ("I can't work for you, you think it's ok to treat me/customers/colleagues the way you do and it's not ok. I have to leave you to run this place the way you want. I wish you well and hope my work has been exemplary.")... and left. No regrets.

It's a tough economy, so it's hard, I know. But you're not trapped. You can expend whatever energy you can free up each week to apply toward finding a new opportunity for yourself, then leave. I would expect that would be better for you in so many ways.

Things HAVE to be better elsewhere, don't they? Based on what you've said in your threads so far, this is an oppressing environment.

I'd say, in parting, that you leaving and telling them truthfully why you're leaving is the only way there's a chance they'll get better. Try to get them to stop while you're still there and they'll just blame you / abuse you for judging them. If you're gone, they have no choice but to blame themselves...

... and perhaps in that moment they'll do better for the next guy.

The fact is, it's bothering you, because you choose to let it.

You seem to be very sensitive and that's only going to work against you in the work place, unless you work alone or out of your home you're always going to be among other people and you're not always going to get along with them. It's time to get a stiffer spine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

They know exactly what you have for lunch every day (they do this to annoy you and get a response) - so just say - 'I'm having the usual rabbit food', ha ha.

Don't talk about it, try to justify or explain it or get into any discussion about protein, calories, etc, etc. The more you allow them to drive you crazy, the more they'll keep needling you. If you react with less annoyance, they'll get tired of it eventually.

PS Sorry to be pain, but you're not a vegeterian if you eat chicken.

---

That is exactly what I am going to do, say, "My usual bird/rabbit food".
I don't react with annoyance that I know of, but maybe they can sense it.
P.S. I don't eat chicken-I used to.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

If you're really that unhappy then [quit] and find something else.

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I'd adjust that to "find something else, then quit."

And when I left, I would gently but honestly tell them why I'm leaving. That's the only way they'll possibly get it.


This situation mimics "dating protocol" very closely. Most people are awful boyfriends and girlfriends until we've LOST enough of them and know what we did each time to cause it to try better each time with someone new until we finally get it right. It's hard to not be mad at someone who tells us we're bad and then stays in our life, they give us an out, we can be mad at them and not change anything.

But if someone tells us we're bad and does it calmly, not angry or aggressively, and then leaves our lives because of it, we're left with only ourselves to consider, better chance we'll improve that way. I call it "learning through loss".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

The fact is, it's bothering you, because you choose to let it.

You seem to be very sensitive and that's only going to work against you in the work place, unless you work alone or out of your home you're always going to be among other people and you're not always going to get along with them. It's time to get a stiffer spine.

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I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

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Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, when you're around family and friends.

Being sensitive in a work environment can make it almost impossible for you to work effectively.

I was like you. I used to work for a huge company and I have to admit that I cared what others thought about me. I had to learn the hard way that they're opinions didn't matter, I wasn't there to gain their acceptance, I was there to do my job. Once I focused on that I was fine.

If you cannot get over this then you'll never find a job you're happy with.

You have to be the duck, let the insults slide off your back like water.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

I've walked away from two jobs in my life for this very thing. They were in charge. It was their "house" and I wasn't a doormat. So I bid them well, told them the truth about why I was leaving ("I can't work for you, you think it's ok to treat me/customers/colleagues the way you do and it's not ok. I have to leave you to run this place the way you want. I wish you well and hope my work has been exemplary.")... and left. No regrets.

I'd say, in parting, that you leaving and telling them truthfully why you're leaving is the only way there's a chance they'll get better. Try to get them to stop while you're still there and they'll just blame you / abuse you for judging them. If you're gone, they have no choice but to blame themselves...

...and perhaps in that moment they'll do better for the next guy.

---

I have decided that in the month I have off from school, I am going to look for another job.
I have spoken to friends and family about this situation, and am honestly on here because I know they are sick of hearing it. And, even if they aren't, they have their problems too, and I don't want to be talking about this all the time.
Some people tell me that I have to tell them why I am leaving (the truth).
Some people say I shouldn't because that would burn bridges.
I feel like I should tell them why I am leaving because:
1. I think it could benefit the next person that works there.
2. It sounds a little flaky, but Karmically, it may benefit me to get the truth out, and maybe this won't happen at my next job.
I wonder if my supervisor would give me a good reference anyway? I mean, he's always seemed to hate me for no reason.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

---

And that, dear, is why you fail. Asking people for their opinions and for their help, and then being defensive like this when we are all on your side and your side alone, this is why you're dissatisfied. About so many things.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, when you're around family and friends.

Being sensitive in a work environment can make it almost impossible for you to work effectively.

I was like you. I used to work for a huge company and I have to admit that I cared what others thought about me. I had to learn the hard way that they're opinions didn't matter, I wasn't there to gain their acceptance, I was there to do my job. Once I focused on that I was fine.

If you cannot get over this then you'll never find a job you're happy with.

You have to be the duck, let the insults slide off your back like water.

---

There is a lot more going on at my job than what is posted here. Just know that I'm not THAT sensitive. This is just a drop in a lake. The point is, I do not deserve how I am being treated. Period.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

Some people tell me that I have to tell them why I am leaving (the truth).
Some people say I shouldn't because that would burn bridges.
I feel like I should tell them why I am leaving because:
1. I think it could benefit the next person that works there.
2. It sounds a little flaky, but Karmically, it may benefit me to get the truth out, and maybe this won't happen at my next job.
I wonder if my supervisor would give me a good reference anyway? I mean, he's always seemed to hate me for no reason.

---

Life is FULL of so much crap social science... and crap regular science... I mean, didn't your parents tell you not to go swimming for 30 minutes after eating? What a crock! Totally made up by some mom 100 years ago who got a cramp while swimming and kids have been paying for it forever!

Burn that bridge honey, if that's the only play left to you on the way out. You will NOT regret it, I promise you. You do not need the "reference" of fools anyway. Get the next job, THEN leave, make it a non-issue.

You're absolutely right. Only telling the truth with calm, gentle confidence, will do any good. Leaving and telling them nothing is a crock, too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

And that, dear, is why you fail. Asking people for their opinions and for their help, and then being defensive like this when we are all on your side and your side alone, this is why you're dissatisfied. About so many things.

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"I fail" haha. Don't call me dear, with that condescending attitude. I just love that people are judging me when they don't know the whole situation. I have my reasons I am dissatisfied and I don't need to defend myself to you. I came on here, because I needed to vent a little about being picked-on at work. Simple as that. I just wanted a little compassion. Then, I get these messages saying I'm too sensitive. If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

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Yep, I would. Very much so.

But dear, we're not your friends. We're your advocates. Unlike your friends, we don't have to assuage your gentle sensibilities. We're not afraid to judge and levy honest suggestions. Even your "I don't have to explain myself to you" stuff which probably gets some of your family and friends and maybe a colleague or two in line... even that doesn't scare us off.

We're here for you. That's why we spend time here on the forum. Because we think your issues are worth discussing with you. We think you can take it. We think you can handle it, even if you don't. We're OK making you defend yourself if it will help you in the end.

We only want one thing. For you to go away from this site feeling emboldened and ready to face your situations with a new resolve. That's all. We don't need you to like us at the same time. We're going to be completely OK if you overcome fully in spite of disagreeing with us.

Heck, we relish it! So make it happen.

... dear. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Evgb

"I fail" haha. Don't call me dear, with that condescending attitude. I just love that people are judging me when they don't know the whole situation. I have my reasons why I am dissatisfied and I don't need to defend myself to you. I came on here, because I needed to vent a little about being picked-on at work. Simple as that. I just wanted a little compassion. Then, I get these messages saying I'm too sensitive. If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

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We don't know the whole situation because you haven't told us.

We base our posts on what you tell us, not what you're hiding from us.

As for being dissatisfied if someone harassed me, no, I'd be gone, or I'd deal with it.

OK.

The only thing that I am defensive about is the fact that I say what he has been doing, and then it seems like you are saying that I'm doing something to deserve it, or it's my fault that I let it bother me. I'm not, trust me, he's just an a-h*le. His behavior bothers me. Period. I don't deserve it. Period.

Look, the way I see it, you either deal with it (and grow a thicker skin), or you don’t. In the end, it’s really that easy, because it’s up to you.

Of course we all ‘deserve’ to be treated better in certain circumstances, but sometimes – in fact often – life isn’t like that. For whatever reason we get treated badly, or insensitively or meanly. Sadly, we don’t have control over how others treat us, but happily we do have control over our own reactions and responses.

If there is lots of $hit going down in your workplace and you don’t like it, then the decision to leave is a good one. Be aware though that your sensitivity follows you into every workplace and that there will be sarcastic, mean or annoying people everywhere you go.

We now have several generations of people in some workplaces – baby boomers, generation X and Y and now Generation Z. What this means is that not only will people be different but they will have differing approaches to their work and their colleagues dependent on their generational upbringing. It’s a melting pot and it means that we have to adjust to all sorts of personalities, attitudes and expectations.

If you continue to wear your sensitivity on your sleeve then people will pick up on it. Some people think that there is nothing better than needling someone who is sensitive – don’t kid yourself, even when you’re trying your hardest not to react they know they’re getting to you.

So, in the end the answer lies with you. Hard as it may be you have to lighten up. I assure you that I speak from personal experience here – I’ve been in your shoes and I do understand how hurtful and distressing your experiences in the workplace are.

Nevertheless, as I said, ultimately the only person that can do anything about it is you. If you can see and understand the lesson in this for yourself, your future workplace (and life) experiences will be much more pleasant.

I really do wish you well. Here’s to lightening up!

"So, again, sorry I mistook your question about personality and reasons why he does things and talked about anything but him. My bad. I was trying to help, and clearly stumbled."

Wouldn't it make sense to talk about him, when I'm asking about him?
I don't enjoy arguing, so I am done.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Look, the way I see it, you either deal with it (and grow a thicker skin), or you don’t. In the end, it’s really that easy, because it’s up to you.

Of course we all ‘deserve’ to be treated better in certain circumstances, but sometimes – in fact often – life isn’t like that. For whatever reason we get treated badly, or insensitively or meanly. Sadly, we don’t have control over how others treat us, but happily we do have control over our own reactions and responses.

If there is lots of $hit going down in your workplace and you don’t like it, then the decision to leave is a good one. Be aware though that your sensitivity follows you into every workplace and that there will be sarcastic, mean or annoying people everywhere you go.

We now have several generations of people in some workplaces – baby boomers, generation X and Y and now Generation Z. What this means is that not only will people be different but they will have differing approaches to their work and their colleagues dependent on their generational upbringing. It’s a melting pot and it means that we have to adjust to all sorts of personalities, attitudes and expectations.

If you continue to wear your sensitivity on your sleeve then people will pick up on it. Some people think that there is nothing better than needling someone who is sensitive – don’t kid yourself, even when you’re trying your hardest not to react they know they’re getting to you.

So, in the end the answer lies with you. Hard as it may be you have to lighten up. I assure you that I speak from personal experience here – I’ve been in your shoes and I do understand how hurtful and distressing your experiences in the workplace are.

Nevertheless, as I said, ultimately the only person that can do anything about it is you. If you can see and understand the lesson in this for yourself, your future workplace (and life) experiences will be much more pleasant.

I really do wish you well. Here’s to lightening up!

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I agree with most of what you say here. After about the 5th or so post on here, I already decided what to do. However, people started attacking ME saying that I'm too sensitive, yada yada yada. I've only been defending myself here. I came on here to vent, not to defend myself. I know I'm the only person that can do anything about it, and so I am going to do something about it. As for lightening up, this is part of the problem-I am a really laid back person, and my work environment/co-workers are extremely uptight and serious. This is why it doesn't work. You can say I may be too sensitive, or need to get thicker skin, that's one thing; it's another to say I'm the one that needs to lighten up. I think there are a lot of people on here that need to lighten up, chill out, and maybe not come off so combative.
Thanks.

No one, no one, enjoys being told that what they think isn't all there is to think about. We like being told we're right. We like being told our position is valid and everyone else is wrong and blah blah blah.

But what you're missing, and I understand that, too, what you're missing is the things you don't want to hear are the only kind of things that are going to help you. And since you don't want to hear, all you want is consoling, well, we can do that. But what a waste of an opportunity.

Talking about him and why he does anything... a waste of energy for us. We are only hearing your side of it, so even if you're 1000% fair and accurate... so what? We can't tell you why he does anything.

Even if we pretend we're talking about him to keep you engaged, we're still really talking about you, because that's all we can really hope to affect... the person who is here and talking and interacting with us. He isn't, you are.

Heck, we can barely carry on a decent in-depth discussion with you about you based on the things we actually hear you say. And you don't want to hear it anyway.

That's unfortunate. While we've been discussing this with you, you "feel" like you're having an argument. Very bad result, I'd say. So much to be garnered, and once again feelings get in the way of the journey of discovery.

Well, if you feel better tomorrow and wish to discuss it, we'll certainly be around.

But if what you want is someone to pat you on the back, tell you everything is their fault and you don't deserve this or that or the next thing, well... you have friends to offer that unhelpful but comforting stuff. We're more interested in actually helping, something that is far more uncomfortable. We think you can handle the truth.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

No one, no one, enjoys being told that what they think isn't all there is to think about. We like being told we're right. We like being told our position is valid and everyone else is wrong and blah blah blah.

But what you're missing, and I understand that, too, what you're missing is the things you don't want to hear are the only kind of things that are going to help you. And since you don't want to hear, all you want is consoling, well, we can do that. But what a waste of an opportunity.

Talking about him and why he does anything...a waste of energy for us. We are only hearing your side of it, so even if you're 1000% fair and accurate...so what? We can't tell you why he does anything.

Even if we pretend we're talking about him to keep you engaged, we're still really talking about you, because that's all we can really hope to affect...the person who is here and talking and interacting with us. He isn't, you are.

Heck, we can barely carry on a decent in-depth discussion with you about you based on the things we actually hear you say. And you don't want to hear it anyway.

That's unfortunate. While we've been discussing this with you, you "feel" like you're having an argument. Very bad result, I'd say. So much to be garnered, and once again feelings get in the way of the journey of discovery.

Well, if you feel better tomorrow and wish to discuss it, we'll certainly be around.

But if what you want is someone to pat you on the back, tell you everything is their fault and you don't deserve this or that or the next thing, well...you have friends to offer that unhelpful but comforting stuff. We're more interested in actually helping, something that is far more uncomfortable. We think you can handle the truth.

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1. Do you even remember my original question?:

My supervisor is really serious and gruff most of the time. However, whenever I tell him something serious or we're talking about something that is serious, i.e.. Talking about when I was really sick with the swine flu, he smiles; I mean gets a grin/smirk on his face. Sometimes he laughs under his breath at inappropriate times as well. What is his deal?

2. You can barely carry-on a decent conversation with me? All you have been doing is attacking ME. I have just been trying to defend myself when I didn't do anything wrong.

3. Do you have a degree in psychology?

4. Who do you think you are?

5. My friends care about me. They give me constructive useful advice; not always what I want to hear, but they aren't combative and rude.

6. Get a life.

If you don't think you can carry on a conversation with me, then please do not comment on my questions. I'd rather not hear your opinion. You've been rude, condescending, and combative, and I have better ways to spend my time than to respond to your holier-than-thou ideals.

Quote:

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1. Do you even remember my original question?:

My supervisor is really serious and gruff most of the time. However, whenever I tell him something serious or we're talking about something that is serious, i.e.. Talking about when I was really sick with the swine flu, he smiles; I mean gets a grin/smirk on his face. Sometimes he laughs under his breath at inappropriate times as well. What is his deal?

2. You can barely carry-on a decent conversation with me? All you have been doing is attacking ME. I have just been trying to defend myself when I didn't do anything wrong.

3. Do you have a degree in psychology?

4. Who do you think you are?

5. My friends care about me. They give me constructive useful advice; not always what I want to hear, but they aren't combative and rude.

6. Get a life.

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1. Yes, we remember it, but we cannot tell you why he does what he does. You know him better then we do and you don't know why so how would we?

2. JB didn't attack you, he gave you constructive criticism but you took it as an attack and decided to attack back. That's you, not JB.

3. Do you?

4. We're all here to help people but we can't read minds. We base our advice on the information given. The information you gave is not something we can form a definite opinion on. Like I said in #1, we don't know why your supervisor is like this any more then you do.

5. We're not your friends. Also, why not ask them this question, seeing as you don't like our responses.

6. And JB is attacking you? That was rude and not necessary. I suggest that you follow your own advice.

Quote:

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If you don't think you can carry on a conversation with me, then please do not comment on my questions. I'd rather not hear your opinion. You've been rude, condescending, and combative, and I have better ways to spend my time than to respond to your holier-than-thou ideals.

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This is a public forum. Once you post your question it belongs to AMHD and anyone that's a member can answer. It's up to you, the original poster to decide which advice to accept and which advice to disregard.

I notice that you don't like being told what you don't want to hear. The truth is often hard to accept.

Good luck.

[sarcasm on]

For the life of me, I can't imagine why anyone would ever give this person a hard time, at work or anywhere.

</sarcasm off>

Fear not, my friend, no amount of rudeness will deter me from my goal, for thou art with me here, and yes, you are responding, so it's all good.

You don't have to be reasonable, we'll cover that. You just let it all out. We can take it.

Go team.