My tip of the day is to remain absolutely calm and professional, almost pitying him when you speak to him and about him through the rest of this.

Let your superiors know, in front of him, that you were actually considering letting his sexually charged behavior "go" for the sake of calm in the workplace, but unfortunately he has opted to add unprofessionalism regarding your work product on top of his inappropriate behavior. With that, you "sadly" feel you have no choice but to come forward with all of his misbehaviors.

"We all know how difficult it is to speak unfavorably about someone. I've put up with his completely aggressive sexually inappropriate habits for quite some time and tried not to be a bad sport about it.

"But now he's taking this craziness out of the personal interactions and into my work product and even trying to cow me into signing something he knows is untruthful. Worse than sexual intimidation, he's now adding professional "bullying" to the pile.

"This simply won't do, I hope you all understand. He's was probably once a very good manager, but now I have no choice but to clarify to him and to you that all such misdoings will be spoken of aloud, immediately, from now on. Being quiet is allowing him to do more harm than good, so there you have it.

"Please accept my apologies for not speaking up sooner. I'm sure it would have spared others... or perhaps I'm the only one getting this special mistreatment. Either way, we know it has to stop, don't we? I truly hope it ends here."

JBeau thanks... this is just what I needed to top off my pile of evidence. I'm going to use it. I just realized he's the one losing sleep now. I feel so good and free. Thanks so much JBeau. :)

Let us know what happened today Summer.

Hi Stringer,
Nothing happened yesterday. This morning I met with 2 people from HR. I thought the people in ethics were cold... These two have them beat. They listened to me, stone faced, and said this type of behavior is not acceptable in the company. They will conduct an investigation and proceed from there. But the write up I got still stands. I gave my evidence and they fought me on it. This did not surprise me since I knew they would protect themselves. They told me the incident happened prior to my complaint of him. I told them I refuse to sign and will submit a rebuttal. They told me that even though I don't sign it, it will stay in my record but they will read my rebuttal.

There's also the chance that the people whose names I gave might not admit to what is going on. I left feeling horrible and completely alone. I have no support there and now I feel like they will try to find anything to make me look bad in case of a law suit.

The rest of the day I felt stressed out and couldn't work. At 2:00, I walked by one of the conference rooms and saw 5 attorneys sitting around the table each holding a copy of my complaint. I went to my office and sat at my desk and went into shock. I was completely numb and heard no sounds or anything. I couldn't feel my body. I stayed like that for half an hour, unable to move.

I finally snapped out of it and tried to find something positive to get out of this. I thought that thanks to this situation, he is exposed. I saw my boss a couple of times today... He's a total wreck. He knows something is coming but doesn't know what. The things I expose are so humiliating, I really felt sorry for him. I thought at that moment that I forgive him for everything.

At 5:00 tonight, a peace fell over me. None of this matters anymore. I'm not stressed, I'm not nervous... I just feel at peace. I just don't care. It's fine. I've done everything right. I just want to get this over with. Whatever the outcome. I don't want this drama in my life. I had enough drama and sadness and stress growing up and it was completely out of my control. I made a vow to myself not to allow that into my life anymore. This is an obstacle and there will be an end. I don't know what the end will look like but this will end and I will move on.

Yesterday I walked around the block to a place that offers adult classes on the weekend. I signed up for two Saturday classes. One is for starting a home based business and the other is tax preparation for home based businesses. I also start my Spring semester classes soon. Last night I watched Lynda.com and watched the videos that interview professionals in high tech fields and that inspired me.

I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday... Bye

Quote:

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It's fine. I've done everything right. I just want to get this over with. Whatever the outcome. I don't want this drama in my life. I had enough drama and sadness and stress growing up and it was completely out of my control. I made a vow to myself not to allow that into my life anymore.

---

Summer, this is one of those universal secrets that so many people never connect to. If the worst thing these people can do to you is take away your job... who cares? The job cannot own you. Most management systems only work when the intimidation of threatening job-loss cows the employees into inappropriate submission.

Now, you don't have to fear them. Lies may come and go, the drama may try to insinuate itself back into your life... but you have the power to laugh at it out loud now, with no remorse about who hears or not.

This is life-altering perception stuff. Celebrate.

Thank you, JBeau...

HI Sunny, just a thought... as far as their saying that you turned him in after he gave you your evaluation you need a dated paper trail. This thread is dated, can you copy and print it? I don't know how much that will help you but it will show that you were talking about this thing prior to the review.

I was thinking the same thing. You could show them this thread.

Hey Stringer,
I thought about that. I also thought of how seriously they would take me submitting a post where I'm getting advice from Humphrey Bogart, a pig tied to a red rocket and a cat (Is that a cat?). No offense guys. :D I'm sure they'd like my smiling, "sun shiny" avatar too. I'd also like legal having access to my other posts in particular the one where I give my review on the most effective deodorant... Secret Clinical Strength. Good idea though!

Tonight I was reading a book I picked up at the library, Home Based Business for Dummies. I hate to read but I'm loving this book. I've decided I don't like to have a boss.

Today I was a basket case at work. I saw some attorneys meet with my boss as well as a couple of "ice cubes" from ethics and HR. There was a point where I was so freaked out that I just had to stop and decide I needed to be strong for myself. I'm all I have there so I have to be there for me. That gave me strength and I was fine the rest of the day.

A few of them passed me in the hall after the meeting and they didn't even look at me. I haven't done anything. Then I realized. They're all scared of me. Hah!

I should create some book covers like JBeau suggested on page 3 of this post. Only now the titles will read:
Lunch Hour Lawsuit
How to Freak Out Everyone at Work
10 Tips for Humiliating Your Pervert Boss

JBeau, I need some book cover ideas here...

Anyway, It's almost over. Next week begins the "investigation". This is all so stupid and such a waste of my time. Next I'll be dealing with the people who will be angry with me for "doing this to him". The fun never ends. The positive here is that this will keep me motivated to create a business for myself. I'm on fire right now.

Have a great weekend! Thanks to you all for responding... :)

Sunny, I like your attitude and inner strength now. Have you considered talking to an attorney? This might be a good time to get some professional advice. I think that this is important now.

I would be happy to help you where I can with starting your own business. I have three.

Stringer

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Sunny, I like your attitude and inner strength now. Have you considered talking to an attorney? This might be a good time to get some professional advice. I think that this is important now.

I would be happy to help you where I can with starting your own business. I have three.

Stringer

---

Argh... You're probably right. I want to see what happens next week. I really just want to get out of there right now. I don't want to end up like these people. They really are a different breed. I want peace in my life.
The job was so great until "slimy" came into the picture.

Monday I'm planning on hitting the pavement at lunch. I just know I'll find something. Then I can work on my own goals. Thanks for the offer to help me get started on a biz. There are so many awesome internet business opportunities out there. I'm learning a lot from my book. Next week I begin my home business class. I'm excited!

Thank you... Have a great weekend! :)

Just plain funny...
Click Here: YouTube - Pervert boss

Let's see:

"The Imasculated Male Manager"

"Million-Dollar Legal Strategies for Dummies"

"Getting Blood out of Carpets and Cash out of Corporations"

"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

This is an excellent one!
"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

This is an excellent one!
"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

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I agree... This is his best work yet! :D

Summer, I personally am impressed by your attitude and strength. Stay positive, be confident, look them in the eyes, and tell them the truth.

Never feel sorry for this guy. He is a predator of sorts. You are a victim, remember that.

He must be stopped.

Laws are there to protect people like you from being harassed by people like him.

If you had a daughter ( I hope you do someday), how would you want her to respond to this behavior?

You'll get through this and be stronger for the trouble.

I wish you the best in whatever it is you pursue.

God bless.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Summer, I personally am impressed by your attitude and strength. Stay positive, be confident, look them in the eyes, and tell them the truth.

Never feel sorry for this guy. He is a predator of sorts. You are a victim, remember that.

He must be stopped.

Laws are there to protect people like you from being harrassed by people like him.

If you had a daughter ( I hope you do someday), how would you want her to respond to this behavior?

You'll get through this and be stronger for the trouble.

I wish you the best in whatever it is you pursue.

God bless.

---

Thank you for the blessing!! I know he's a jerk... I can't help but feel sorry for a person so stupid as to make these kinds of decisions and to not have any control over himself. He's really screwed up and has to face this enormous humiliation. I wish I could share the stuff I exposed about him but I better not. What I meant by "forgiving him" is that I'm not going to think about him or "this" again. I'm movin' on. I won't stay angry or get bitter. You are totally right though!

This has been a tremendous learning experience for me and I am taking away a lot here. I don't see myself as a victim. I see this as an obstacle (a big fat unfortunate obstacle) and I just want it done with. I'm so anxious to just fast forward here.

I'm waiting to see what happens this coming week. I need to wait for the results of the investigation and to see how the company handles this. If I am not pleased, then I will have to fight. I really don't want to get to that point. This is not what I want in my life.

I'm dreading going to work tomorrow. I haven't told my "witnesses" that they will be called in for the investigation. As I'm writing about tomorrow, my guts are doing flips, my hands are ice cold and I fear the unknown. Please send a prayer my way tomorrow..

I can't wait until I leave this place and tell them "they can all kiss my back pockets!".

Thank you for your response...

Hi Summer,
I agree it's best not to think in terms of being a victim. He's the loser.
Your boss has bitten off way more than he can chew. He's behaved badly from beginning to end--harassing you, punishing you for resisting his advances, and pitting his employees against one another. I have to wonder if there is anything he hasn't done wrong. And his stupidity and entitlement in thinking he can get away with all this without having it blow up in his face is amazing.

I hope you are writing down everything that has happened and is happening. You may need a record if there is a court case. That's obviously not what you want, but it's best to be prepared.

Rooting for you...
asking

You can be a victim of sexual harassment without feeling victimized. I didn't mean it to sound bad, or make you feel any worse than you already do. It's just a term that's commonly used.

I just wanted you to understand that HE is in the wrong. HE is the one who should be feeling bad for what he has done to YOU, and possibly countless more.

He is in a position of power and is making unwanted sexual advances toward female subordinates. And that is morally wrong, and against the law.

You should be able to work in a safe, harassment free environment.

I wonder what he would have done if he truly got you alone. Could he have controlled himself? I doubt it.

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right.

I hope everything works out for you.

"Living well is the best revenge."
- - - - - - - George Herbert, clergyman/poet (1593 - 1633)

Hi Guys,
I am so fed up right now. I met with a couple of attorneys and someone from HR. Basically they told me my witnesses admitted to nothing. They read a few of my points and my boss agreed to some parts. They basically told me it's a case of he said, she said and that was that. They said they believe that I perceive this to have happened but they have no proof. I caught one of the attorneys in a lie. I called him on it and he changed it around. They were very cold to me (so what's new) and I felt they were shooing me out the door. I have been assigned to a new boss who is a very difficult individual. Several people have left this individual's department. I can't believe all this. It's a nightmare.

I then took my rebuttal to HR and the guy reading it was very shocked and said that what he is reading will require an additional investigation. So it's open again. This thing won't die!!! It just goes on and on.

Tomorrow I have to start with that new boss and meet with someone regarding the new investigation. I can't get any work done. I feel like I'm the bad guy making all this trouble. I'm not sure what an attorney would solve for me here if I consulted with one. They removed me from my old boss' paws, they talked to him. What else should I expect? Do I wait until they do something really stupid and obvious? Do I go in so that he can tell me, "Yes, they are jerks but they are following the proper procedure. That'll be $250.00" What do I have to tell an attorney now.. What am I defending myself from... bad vibes?

Anyway, I went to my home business class on Saturday. It was great. There were a lot of successful people who just want to work from home. Wednesday I go to a resume workshop to "amp up my rez". I've looked around for jobs. Everything seems so out in the future and I need something now.

I was beating myself up because I thought I could have done more to keep my boss at bay. Then today he had to pick something up from me and he was blushing, nervous and acting like a stupid freak. He's attracted to me so I guess I did as much as I could here and I should stop giving myself such a hard time.

I'm really down in the dumps right now. I just have to keep pushing forward and can't let this job control me. I've been listening to some motivational tapes and hitting the gym at 6:00am to manage the basketball sized knot in my gut. This will pass... soon I hope!

Anyway, don't need anything... just venting.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Hi Summer,
I agree it's best not to think in terms of being a victim. He's the loser.
Your boss has bitten off way more than he can chew. He's behaved badly from beginning to end--harassing you, punishing you for resisting his advances, and pitting his employees against one another. I have to wonder if there is anything he hasn't done wrong. And his stupidity and entitlement in thinking he can get away with all this without having it blow up in his face is amazing.

I hope you are writing down everything that has happened and is happening. You may need a record if there is a court case. That's obviously not what you want, but it's best to be prepared.

Rooting for you...
asking

---

Thank you so much for the wise words!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

You can be a victim of sexual harrassment without feeling victimized. I didn't mean it to sound bad, or make you feel any worse than you already do. It's just a term that's commonly used.

I just wanted you to understand that HE is in the wrong. HE is the one who should be feeling bad for what he has done to YOU, and possibly countless more.

He is in a position of power and is making unwanted sexual advances toward female subordinates. And that is morally wrong, and against the law.

You should be able to work in a safe, harrassment free environment.

I wonder what he would have done if he truly got you alone. Could he have controlled himself? I doubt it.

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right.

I hope everything works out for you.

---

Thank you... I didn't take it the wrong way at all. I understand what you mean. I just don't see myself as a victim. I guess I don't feel so helpless here. There are avenues I can take and opportunities. I just have to keep my focus on what I have to be thankful for and focus on what's "right" in my life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

"Living well is the best revenge."
- - - - - - - George Herbert, clergyman/poet (1593 - 1633)

---

So true JBeau! Thank you!

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment

---

Thank you Asking... I'm going to look into this. I really appreciate your advice!! I'll start checking for an attorney on my lunch today. Have a great day!

Hi,
I thought I would give an update here in case anyone who is reading this is going through the same thing...

After this whole ordeal, there were people at work who were giving me weird looks and there was some gossip. That didn't bother me though. Now everyone is pretty nice.

My ex-boss is a disaster. He looks very depressed since I exposed some pretty crazy things about him. He recently got into a minor car wreck and it was his fault, he lost his wallet with all his credit cards and a lot of cash and he can't get over this cold he's had for weeks. He's completely lost his voice and looks like a mess. His skin tone even looks sallow and sickly. He no longer walks around like a big shot. He's very down and sad.

I'm OK. I never see my new boss since he doesn't know what I do. He just took me in as an employee since I am no longer with "creepy". So as long as I keep things flowing, I work completely independently.

Everything seems to have calmed down but I am always looking over my shoulder because you just can't fully trust anyone at my job. The new scandal is "Who is leaving the dirty dishes in the main break room?"

My advice for anyone going through this...
Be very firm when someone is going too far at work. Stop it immediately!
Keep detailed notes with dates of what's going on.
Do speak up. Go to the HR department and tell them what is happening.

For those creepy bosses reading this. You will be exposed and you won't get away with your behavior!! STOP NOW!!

I'm glad it's over. I've completely moved on and I'm looking into doing something else for my career that I am excited about. I'm not staying at this company.

Many thanks to my buddies who got me through "Part B" of my issue here... Beachgarden, JBeau, Stringer, Asking and JMJoseph. You guys are awesome! Thanks...

Thanks Guys!! :)