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I see no resolution - I see one man playing two women.
Unannounced appearances, flowers, dinner and a promised vacation to NOT make a relationship.
I think you are opening yourself up to heartbreak because he throws you away and reels you back over dinner and a promised vacation.
SCPark--I would have to say this,you sound like a mature, young woman who is confident and independent.When you sensed you weren't being treated properly and the guy was messed up,you toughened yourself,took a hard decision and told him what you felt.You broke up(as any self-respecting woman with a mind of her own would do)and stepped back.
All relationships have phases of difficulty.Even those which seem happy and perfect on the surface.I am never fooled by any man or woman claiming to be always happy and in love.But what matters is how two people ride out the bad periods together and individually as well.
If this guy came back to you,even after you said you broke up,then made you feel comfortable and convinced enough to give it another try and if you feel convinced enough,then I see no harm in giving the relationship and the guy another shot.We form relationships to grow them and make them work long term.Not to end them,the moment there's a problem.Then that's not a true relationship.
Ask yourself if you feel loved and convinced,respected and well-treated.Did he give you answers and explain everything you wanted to know.Would the ex come back and try to mess him up again.And how would he react then.If you get satisfactory answers to all these questions and you feel this can work,then just go for it.Cautiously and slowly this time.
And never give up on the communication and mutual trust and respect.Thats what matters most.All the best and hope all works out well this time round.
Who's the manipulator here?
You or him?
Some say be careful what you wish for.
Time will tell.
Seems like you already knew the answer here.
Thanks for your support and concerns. It has been going well so far, since he feels he made a scar in our relationship, and he has been treating me extremely well to make it up. He made reservation for dinner every night in a different restaurant since we were back together, and he is trying to show me all his favorite places in town. It was nice he introduced me to his favorite & regular restaurant manager, and told him he would see me often in the restaurant. They have known each other over 10 years, called each other as friend, and it made me feel good about us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Starry nights
I told him what I need is his dedicated time and affection, not a fancy dinner or big outing, and stay in private. I am very private person anyway. So, this weekend, we stayed at home, ate ordered pizza, and enjoyed the music and chatting all day long. He tried to even cook for me, and it was sweet. He had a big selection of music, he downloaded all his selection in my PC. He transferred my music to his PC as well. I told him about my favorite band while ago, and I found out he remembered it, and actually downloaded all his music in his PC to get to know me. So, it proves me that he respects me a lot. It was cozy and private, and he told he feels like he became a high school kid again.
He is telling me he is so overwhelmed, and whenever he sees me or thinks about me, his heart is racing, and knees are weakening. He says he feels weak. Is it a good sign? I feel happy, but not feel weak. I am not sure about this…Can anyone, especially men, tell me about this? Thank you.
We booked the flight for the holiday weekend. I will be in his new place in Asia for 1 and half weeks.
I am not sure who the manipulator is here. I have no plan to play the mind game or control him. He does the same thing, and he says what he has in his mind in any moment. Overall, he seems very straightforward talker, and does not hold anything inside.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Since he visited me with flower, he has been staying in my place, or I have been staying in his place. I think we are spending too much time together, and moving too fast. I like to slow down a little bit, but he has no intention to do it. I brought it up to slow down, and he asked me if I am saying because I am still upset about the incident. So, I had to say no. It seems we are not slowing down at all at this moment. He left to hid place a hour ago to bring his clothes. He will be here in a couple of hours again. He is playing to stay in my home next week.
Work wise, we are re-organizing our work, and making us not to sit in the same meeting often. It works fine so far, and I have no complaint.
Yes, I feel loved and I know he is madly in love. He is really giving & patient person when he makes love to me. He tells me he loves me whenever he sees the chance. (While we are watching TV, out of blue he says he loves me).Quote:
Originally Posted by Starry nights
One question though. We have been together for 2 month. I noticed that his hands are still shaking on and off when he is with me. For example, while I was doing something, I felt he was staring at me, turned my head and smile at him, and his face turns to really red, and his hands are shaking. It seems very intense, and I feel little funny. Is it good or bad?
He is a charismatic mentor at work, but very emotional and weak man in our love relationship. It feels so wonderful as a woman, but I am wondering...
You go between praising this man and questioning him - I'm getting mixed signals and he probably is, too.
I still think you are selling yourself for a lot of smooth talking.
Hmmmmm,you feel wonderful yet you keep having doubts as well.
Sign for you to slow down a lot.You need space,both of you,and time,to actually know each other.If you don't do that now,you're just giving in to the heady feeling and glorifying each others' personalities.Not a good sign at all.A relationship that starts this way runs its course very fast and ends on a painful note.
Be frank and firm about the space and slowing down part,with your partner.Tell him,this is in the best interest of both of you.See each other for who you are.Learn to accept each others' faults and weaknesses.
You sound like you want more explanations and insight into the guy's character,traits,habits,which is very very natural.Trust me.You aren't doing anything wrong by wondering on different aspects of this guy's life and personality.Thats how any real relationship should be.Be brave and confident enough to ask/talk and understand.Its always better to have everything out in the open right in the beginning.
I talked to him about slowing down a little. He became straightforward, and told me that since his schedule is always crazy busy, he is trying to spend the most of time with me when he is available. It is understandable. He has been well known as workaholic. I remember he replied work related emails by midnight almost every day before I was involved with him personally. He earns respect by hard working at work, and I respect that too. I have a feeling that he is putting his work aside because of me for now. I think when he resumes his normal schedule, we will have some individual time alone. I think I should relax and play by ear. I do not think it is a good idea to control the relationship. I rather enjoy it as it goes.
I finally caught up with your story. Time will tell how things develop between the two of you. You haven't known him for a very long time and you've already been through so much. It might feel like you fast tracked getting to know him, but the reality is, it's still very new, nor matter how much fast track there has been.
Just keep getting to know each other better. You don't need to jump into the physical stuff so quickly. Take things at whatever pace you're most comfortable with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
Thanks for the wise advice. I know it is new, but it is very intensive and overwhelming. I think it is mainly because of his strong personality. He is very much focused, and goal oriented, and asks questions until he get direct answers. There is no way I can reserve myself as he approaches so directly.
FYI.
I do not want any office gossip, and am focusing to protect our relationship. I am rescheduling all the meetings to void to be in the same meeting with him. It is not comfortable to face him in the meetings among others, and try hard to pretend I do not know him at all personally. It is awaked as you can imagine…
I realized having a relationship at work is very different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scpark
You know, quite frankly, what my problem is? You are a (and I quote) "high rank manager" at some Manhattan firm, yet your spelling and grammar are atrocious.
I am starting not to believe any of this and I honestly hope I am wrong - but something is not ringing "right" here.
You are a rebound!
This guy was dumped by another woman a couple of months before you and now he is madly in love. Get real!
Did he know the woman was married? What does that tell you about him?
He is so in love with you, flies back to the US to be with you, then gets a call from the old girl friend and he's suddenly conflicted. Get real!
I think you have gotten caught up in the whirlwind of who he is and you are not using that corporate brain of yours.
This man is either not emotionally ready for another woman right now or he's a player.
Use your head. Go back and read all of this. Get your head out of the clouds.
Which is the very reason you need to be using your head.Quote:
Originally Posted by scpark
Stay out of this man's bed, stay out of his space. You are still being used.
Sorry for the typos in my posting. I should not, but I used my iPhone with a finger to post it at the airport. Sometimes, it is hard to see what I typed on the small screen.
Well, here are pros and cons. I think it might be started as rebound for him as I initially concerned. However, if he is not attracted to me, he wouldn’t be this much crazy. There are too many signs he is crazy about me. I do not think it is a good idea to leave him alone to let him clean up his head by himself, and come back to me in his timeline. I will not know his timeline, and I am not sure how it will work out better if he cleans up his head by himself. I also hate waiting. I rather stay with him, and openly talk the topic with him. Fortunately, he is a very straight forward talker, does not hide anything from me including his fault or mistake. I will give him a credit for it, and keep trying.
I am restarting my painting / yoga classes tonight, and it will make me unavailable for him at least a couple of nights a week. I have not had a girls’ night for a while, and I am craving for it. Otherwise, I will continue this relationship and enjoy every moment. He gives me all his attention, tries to know me better, and makes me feel loved and appreciated. I enjoy every moment.
If I do not try, how do I know what I will get eventually? Every relationship has risks, and so as mine.
Thank you for your support and concerns, all! I appreciate it.
If want to be used by this guy, you go right ahead, or use him for that matter. You don't want to give him space to work things out in his head, you want what you want.
If he was so sure about things he would not have freaked out when his ex contacted him. That is the first clue there is something going on there.
But you want this guy and so you are going to hang on for as long as you can whether it's a smart thing or not.
It will not surprise me to see a post later about how he has dumped you or asking do you think he is still seeing his ex? Or is he cheating?
Hey, it's on you now.
You're both in your 40s, no need to play high school mind games. I think it's best to lay all your cards out on the table. Be honest with him, let him know where you stand and let him know what you want. Then he can decide on how to proceed based on what you tell him. There's no reason for either of you to guess what the other person is thinking.
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