I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after I turn 18 to my fiancé who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When I tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can I do to reassure them that this is definitely the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and that I am not being immature or hasty about it??

17 is a young age but ignore wat others fink of u getting married. It shouldn't matter to u wat others fink cos its ur life and ur in control of it.
Others may seem jealous of u getting married to ur boyfriend.
Jus concentrate on ur serious relationship and be happy. :)

Hello I'm 20 years old and planning to get married to my 19 year old girl friend in a couple of months also. We have been having the same type of ordeal. I guess that today people don't think that we are able to realize what love is because that we are young. They think that its just a little phase that we are going through. A lot of adults don't believe that we know how hard marriage is but we do we see it all the time. What you need to do is show that you too are going to make it work no matter what. Action is better than talk and after people see what you are doing to make each other happy they will begin to help you instead of bringing you down its true that marriage is hard but if take care of your business everything will be all right.

I wish you the Best!!
If you need anymore advise feel free

I think people just feel like you have your whole life ahead of you... im 20 and I personally cannot imagine myself marrying right now. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we're pretty committed but we don't have plans of marrying until we're both settled.

However... in your case.. I hope everything works out. My question is what is the rush? I have no doubt that you're in love. All I'm saying is I know where other people are coming from... with the high rate of divorce and single parenthood.

But, I do know of cases where young marriages survive. My own parents are a testiment to that being married at 19 (mom) and 21 (dad). 20 years and 4 daughters later.. they're still very much in love.

Anyway, I wish you best of luck. Take care and congratulations

Hello,

I have been reading your debate about the pros and cons of marrying young with great interest.

My name is Nicola and I am working on a Channel 4 documentary about this very topic.

I would love to talk to anyone who married as a teenager or who is planning on getting married young- to talk about how it is all going.

Please feel free to get in contact with me even if its just to find out a bit more information.

Nicola Hurst
[email protected]
020 7317 2230 - ext 250

I'm engaged and I'm 23 years old, and I still have people telling me I'm too young to get married! :P
My advice is to do what your heart tells you. ;D
A friend's relative was married when she was 16, and they have been happily married for 50 years, and counting!

Good Luck!

I'm 16 and I'm getting married on my birthday. I've been with my boyfriend for 3yrs. People are very understanding where I am and my family support me in evrything I do.

As long as you know you are making the right decision for YOU not anyone else ( NOT EVEN YOUR FIANCE).. then go for it. You don't need to live your life for other people.. you need to live it for yourself, hun. You are the only who knows what is right for you. So if people say, oh.. your too young.. tell them they can think that, but all that you want is there support and them backing you. You don't really care about their opinion.

Follow your heart!
Good luck :D

First of all you can't reassure anyone of anything. Personally I could never get married so young but that's not what matters.
You should not try to assure anyone because all that matters that you want

I don't Think there is anything wrong with getting married young as long as you are in love and so is the person. I just turned 17 in may and I am getting married in August. :)

I know this is over a year old, so I'd just like to make a general comment. I really don't think 17 year olds should get married. There may be a small, very small, handful that are ready for the heavy responsibility that is marriage at 17, but they are not the majority. I think most people need time to be young and dumb and find out who they really are for the most part before they marry. Most 17 year olds haven't had that chance. But that's just my opinion.

If you are in love why does it matter? Age isn't nothing but a #!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Brandi Nikki

if you are in love why does it matter? age aint nothing but a #!

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Believe me, love is not all you need to have a good, healthy, functioning marriage. It also takes a lot of maturity and responsibility, something the vast majority of people in their teens don't have.

Hi,
The reason people are shocked at getting married as teenagers is simple; It is a fact that in America, 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce!!
In bi-racial marriages, the divorce rate is much higher.
The "old" days of young persons getting married as teenagers, and living the rest of their life with their spouse are gone. Why? Divorce is too easy now. If you don't make the marriage work, then it's easy to end it.
Think about what you are saying.
Wait until another couple of years. Will you feel the same way then? Still want to marry the same person?
Wait awhile.
Best of luck,
fredg

First of all you are to young both of you are you should finish school and the same with your mate after he is able to earn an income to support a family then think about getting married,don't get married until then other wise you will end up in a terrable relationship,with kids and then what will you do how will you support your kids

I do agree that 17 is too young to get married... take it from me I have been engaged twice before I hit 19 and didn't work either time.. never been married... you should give it some time and see what happens... as the two of you mature and graduate school things about you will change and you want to be sure that those changes are going to work out for the both of you... marriage is a big commitment and its forever... wait a while you are young and you have the rest of your lives to be together

0r maybe even consider a long engagement.. make sure its right before you do it hun... even if you're engaged your still committed..

Hi,
The reason people are shocked is simple; they know you are too young.
There is nothing you can do to prove it otherwise.
You will probably get married, and at 18, will probably be divorced before you are 23. If you are lucky, there will be no children at this stage in your life.
Best of luck, though.
fredg

So, I presume if you are young and reading this, you are contemplating marriage. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20, he was 21. We dated for 5 1/2 years and got married while I was in the middle of my junior year in college. We have been married for 13 years and I love him more than life. But wait until you say, told you so! Love is not enough! Following your heart is not the answer because your feelings will fail you! There will be days when you are not feeling in love. But then again, love is not just a feeling. You have to invest in your marriage and plan for the most difficult so you get the best. Don't make a decision based on romantic notions. Be wise. This is the rest of your life. There is a reason people say I got married too young. I have never met anyone who has ever regreted waiting. If it's meant to be, it will be meant to be a year, 2 years... from now.

I dated plenty of guys, lived a rough life, and have experienced plenty. I'm currently 18 but will be turning 19 in September. My boyfriend who is currently 21 proposed to me when I was 17. I was shocked and didn't give him a yes or no for months because I thought I'm too young, what would my family think, what is he thinking... Then I came to terms with all my thoughts. I love this guy, but we should have a long engagement first, and find that we really can work through thick and thin. We've been engaged for almost 2 years now and have been dating for almost 3 years... We're living together and granted we do have our rough times we make it through and we are getting married June 3, 2006. I do believe there is truth to getting married to young, but only you know what you really feel. I knew this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because when I picture the future I can't picture it without him, he's my lover and my best friend. We can work through anything together... And yes, if it's true love why get married at a young age... because it gives you that extra step, that extra feeling, that extra happiness... If someone asks me aren't you too young I tell them in your eyes maybe but in my eyes I don't see an age I just see spending the rest of my life with my soul mate the only person I will ever love with my full heart... My advice: don't marry young unless there is no a single doubt in your mind, unless you not only can be a lover to your partner but also a best friend, unless you can work through anything together, don't worry what others say because they aren't you they would never understand because people always have some comment to make whether you are 16 or 76... they always have something to say it's human... It's important to have that feeling of "just knowing." Marriage is hard work, some days you'll think you just can't do it and others you'll think life couldn't get any better. It's not just love you need to consider it's everything involved in life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

Believe me, love is not all you need to have a good, healthy, functioning marriage. It also takes a lot of maturity and responsibilty, something the vast majority of people in their teens don't have.

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What about those teens who are mature, who know what responsibility is and how to give it?

I am currently engaged to be married. I will be 17 when I get Married. The date had been set for December 17, 2006. I personally know that it takes work to make a marriage last my mother went through 3 before she found one that would last. I also know that without at least some love there is no point in getting married. Because without love yeah you may never fight or argue but what kind of life would that be to know that you had to go home to someone that you didn't really want to be married to everyday. My mom was married to a friend of hers for almost 10 years believe me you and your family both know it when you are unhappy. Sooooo... Even though love is not enough to completely make a marriage work it is what lays the foundation for the marriage to work. The only way that I can think to put it in words that makes complete sense is to compare it to a house. It doesn't matter if you have the best builders in the world if you don't lay a foundation, the house will not stand for long. It may last for a few years, however, it will not last forever.

If you feel in your heart, that you are doing the right thing, then go for it! I'm 13, and believe or not, I know what I'm talking about. If in your heart, you feel that you are doing there right thing, then go for it. :D It is up to to conrol your life, not anyone else's decision. FOLLOW YOUR HEAART AND IT WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR DESTINY!
Kirsten

I think that most teenagers are too young to get married, but there are some, especially those who have been on their own for a while, or those who were forced to mature early in life that are able to make adult decisions. I guess I am supposed to be biased because I am 18 and getting married in the next year, but I also feel like I am at a point where I can make my own decisions responsibly. I have been on my own since 16, and living with my boyfriend for 3 monthes. Our relationship is very healthy, and very functional, especially for people our age (he is 23) There is no right age to get married, because age is just a number, its your maturity that counts. Talk to a counselor before hand and make sure it's a good decision. Long engagements are a good idea, but not necessary with everyone.

For people very young and in love, don't substitute the adult phase for the preparation phase. You need to be an individual alone, before you can be an individual in a partnership. Grow and experience by yourself, before making the decision to get married. Finish your education and launch you career, be pepared spiritually. My 18 yr old son is getting married on Oct 7 without mine or my husband's blessing. His girlfiend/fiance's parents are supporting the marriage. It's a very sad time for our family. After twenty eight years of marriage and five children I can tell you that romantic love doesn't make a life or marriage. You need maurity, commitment and optimum compatibility.
Please think seriously about one of the most important decisions in life.

I am engaged to be married and I too am judged by how young I am. I agree that I am young, and I agree that probably the majority of people my age, are not mature enough to handle marriage. I do however want to point out that as the average age of people getting married has risen so has the divorce rate. So who is to say that age is a good indication of whether one is mature enough to be married?

It takes commitment, love, maturity, and planning. I would not even think about getting married if my fiancé and I did not have over $30,000 savings and a plan to follow to be able to survive.

The bottom line is no one is qualified to judge whether someone should be married. It is a case by case situation.

I think that's young but if you both love each other and you know deep down in your heart this is the man you are going to be with for the rest of your life then go for it . I got married at 18 and now i am 21 years old and and my marriage is going great. Don't let no one or anything choose for you... go with your heart ! Good luck! ;)

I do not think that there is anything wrong with getting married young. Personally, the reason I got married was because I got pregnant when I was fifteen and I decided to raise my child with her father. I believe that my child should not suffer because of my mistake. I must confess that our relationship was not that good before we got married, but that since than our relationship has become so strong. I truly love him. I know this is a little different with the topic, but I just felt like sharing.

I agree with Lydia, there is nothing wrong with getting married young! I got married as soon as I finished high school, first I thought that I won’t be able to have a higher education, but that is not the case. Being married helped me even more, because my husband is always there for me; it makes me want to try even more. I can't stand people who say "what about your education?". You can still pursue your dreams.. even if you are married young!

I used to hate it when people would tell me that I will never be able to a doctor, because I got married young. As soon as I got married, for a while I did not go to school and then after that I went to school right away. My husband did not have a problem with me finishing school. Now, I am 29 and I am a doctor. I am very happy with my marriage. So, I agree with you Ana!

Why are you in such a hurry to get married? If you are yet 20 years old, you have about 60 more years to live your life. More significantly, you have another 10 - 20 years of dating life ahead of you. You will meet a better person for your would be spouse when you are much more mature, more financially secured, etc.. You will also have a lot more fun than getting stuck with someone you met when both of you are teenagers. If you don't believe me, try living together for a few years and see if it feels right to be stuck with your partner for another 40 years.

Who says that to be happy you have to be the best you can be? Discovering who you are with the one that you love is very satifying. The trend that you have to financially and emotionally and educationally (etc etc) sound before you get married is a big load of crap. It's each person. If you feel you need those things before you can be a good spouse, then wait. But some people are ready before then as well.

Don't worry about anyone else... my future in-laws got married when they were 17 and 19 yrs old... and they are about to celebrate 25 years... dont let anyone tell you that you can't do it... cause you can... it takes a lot of work but it can definitely be done... I wish you a very happy marriage and I hope that one day people come and apologize to you and your husband because they judged you to quickly...

You see it is stereotypical that a lot of people that get maried young, don't stay married. It has been proven over and over. I mean if this is what you want to do, by all means go for it. Just make sure that you are both ready, because this is a big step in life. Amother thing is that people change when they get married it can either be for the better or for the worst, but note that when you take your vows you must mean it in order to deal with these changes. Good Luck! :)

I do not think that there is anything wrong with getting married young as long as you are financially independent (yourself, not you and your partner) and secure with yourself as an individual.

Sadlyit is young and most liekly you don't know what you want or what you are really getting into.

But that aside, marriage at any age is a growing process. You both will change a lot, in the next 10 years, and again in the next 10.

There will be job changes, money issues, perhaps babies.
All this will change your relationshiops time and time again, over and over.

There has to be a commitment to always work things out. Once a relationship starts to be selfish it will end no matter what the ages.

I am a 17 years getting married next year around my birthday, people look at me like I'm too young to get married Truth is there is no right age to get married, because age is just a number, It’s your maturity that counts. People say that I'm crazy cause my life is going to be "over" when I get married.

I'm doing a term paper on young marriages and how I disagree with how people think young people are just way too young I'm interviewing people and if any one is kind enough to answer some questions please do so... if you're married please reply


Please state how many years you've been married _________

Please state how old both of you were when you engaged in a marriage ___________


Please state how long did it take for both of you to start thinking about marriage ____________


Question #1 : What would you say was the toughest obstacle both of you had to over come?





Question #2 : Would you say that marrying at a young age inflicted any problems with your marriage?




Question #3 : What advice would you give to a young couple considering marriage? Would you recommend it?





Question #4 : Do you believe that some people are close minded when it comes to marriage? Why?





Question #5 : Do you believe it would've been better if you waited until you were older to marry? & Why?




Question #6 : What do you think is the most popular cause for young married couple's like yourselves to divorce?




Question #7 : Are you fed up with what some people say & think of young marriages? & Why?



Question #8 : What do you think of marriage? Would you say it's crazy to marry at a young age?

The reason why young people have trouble realizing they are too young to get married is because they don't have enough life experience yet to know the mistake they are probably making! So, when you're 16, 17, 18, 19... you think you know, but you don't. Your age and development stage makes you believe that you are ready, but when in reality, you're going to be faced with a lot of problems that you will need a high level of maturity and life experience to deal with and overcome. About four years ago I was a 17-year-old who thought I could be married (I wanted to be married SO BAD!), but looking back I think... Was I really that crazy and selfish! I still have so much to learn out about myself before I can fully commit to being part of a marriage. If you're just now getting out of high school and think you're ready for marriage... rethink it! You will change tremendously in those first few years after you get out of school. Whether you go on to college, go on to work, do both... you will be surprised at how much you change (and your mate!). Slow it down, you've got a lot of life ahead of you. Learn about who you are, what you want... know your opinions on everything and have a plan of how you want the rest of your life to be. If you get married young, it MAY work, but I certainly wouldn't recommend it.

Hi!

I'm a 19 year old Norwegian girl. I have been with my Brazilian boyfriend for two years.
We met through some friends and started talking online in 2003.. And in January in 2004 he came here to Norway to visit me, and we became a couple. Then we were apart for 6 months before he moved here to be an exchange student to be with me in August 2004. But we had some problems us his exchange-parents didn't let s see each other so much. They didn't want him to be so committed... well... in June 2005 the exchange program ended and we went together to Brazil and spent three months living together. We came home in October. Now we are living together here in Norway and we are talking about getting married soon. Do you goys think is too early? My family thinks its to early, and some of my friends too... but how much should I listen to that? I love him more than anything and he loves me too.. And if we get married now, it will make things much easier for us to be together, because of our different nationalities.. He wants to live here in Norway and is working a lot to get a visa, but if we got married we could juist be together.. Its very hard.. Do you think we are ready?
Sorry about the long question and the english mistakes.. :P

Thanks, Marthe

I wrote a thread asking what others thought about getting married young. I am 17. I was suppose to get married on September 9th 2006, a few days after my 18th birthday. I am not getting married until 2008. My boyfriend and I decided that we might be rushing into things a little early. WE have decided to still move in. The love is there along with the commitment we want to make sure that what we are doing is right. I have no problem marrying young :) . I think after some long talks, late nights, and A lot of tears that maybe we should take another look. ALways look from every persepctive, don't blind yrself to all aspects of life. Be POSITIVE that you know what you are doing. To all those who know in there heart and gut that there are ready, I wish you all the best in the world. Reality and God should keep your feet on the ground. ;)