Ask Me Help Desk - Getting Married Young

I got married in November at 18. My husband and I were together for 3 years to the date before we got married. We had been through so much in those 3 years. I knew early on that this was the man for me. I knew that we would get married some day! Everyone gives you a hard time about being so young even complete strangers! But you just have to be strong and if you love someone fight for them! Don't let anyone make you feel bad even for a second. And if you do feel bad or embaressed don't get married. I have a friend who got married at 16 and she is still in high school and doesn't wear her wedding ring because she doesn't want anyone to know. I don't think she is ready for marriage and all it entells! We have been married for 7 months now and for 4 of those my husband has been hurt and on disability! It has been hard I have to work 2 jobs but it I want to do it! I want to take care of him. I don't think getting marrried young is for everyone but also think that you shouldn't be stopped from doing something that you want to do! If you feel it's right than go for it! No one knows your situation better than you!

I also started a group on myspace for young married people if you want to join please feel free!

MySpace

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

Wow hun I'm going trough the same thing first off I would like to say congrats! You probably don't hear that a lot I know I don't. My Fiancé n I are getting married in feb. when he gets home from boot camp. I hope your wedding is beautiful.

I hope all the young girls on here weddings are beautiful and that they go just the way you want them to is your day! And next time some says your to young to marry tell them your in love and that you don't care what they think lol

p.s. how did you all tell you parents?

Send me a private message or something maybe e-mail [email protected]

It really is up to you. I would wait being so young. I married young 19. Knew him all my life, had other boyfriends, but he was different. I do not even think I loved hin as much as I love him now. It was more physical and just a strong attraction. My Dad did not like him much... well my dad did not like any guys running after his daughter. I really liked that about my father. If any guy was to have me... well they had better be as much as a man as my father plus more and provide for me, and love me as he for his daughters. I was selective and when my husband asked me could he come to my church to worship with me... I knew he would be my husband. He prayed for me and chose me. My father tested him and watched him. Still does.. just like a father and son.
But...

We did it out of guilt because we did not want to burn with lust since we we were so in love and more in lust with each other. We were church kids and did not want to mess up. We were virgins too. And we knew that we could do it with everone's blessing if we were married. We thought we would be considered grown and on the same level with all the other married couples we looked up to and that they would respect us. It was our passage to grownhood .

We did not have much... so we planned a wedding thinking with all the gifts and money coming in we would be set. In the end... we still felt like children.,. because we had to depend on everybody else to chip in for money and wedding dress and get loans . The chepo side... using the church fok to do stuff for free or with little money. It was more work on the family part . It did take our minds off the dysfunctional sides of both our famlies for a while because I got to act like a queen and get catered to because it would be my day and of course... they had to play alone and not let my special time be a bad memory plus this was what we wanted and marriage is good for man and woman if they can not contain themselve.

Sad to say... our marriage was just a way to be together and get some gifts and feel like queen and king for day... make a wish list for stuff that We wanted or thought we needed. WE repented we grew , we changed, gone through some tough times yet stayed committed to the marriage. We have a covenent marrige. We take it seriously. He loves unconditionally and I him. We are still together after 35 years. We diid do it right have a remarrigae and we paid for everything. Al our friends had to do was show up and just enjoy. THey did not have to serve food or throw parties or give gifts. Instead we blessed them with gifts for just being apart of our lives over the years and encouraging us.

MArry for the right reason and if you cannot afford to have a big wedding without forcing other peole to take up all their time with you for 1 year leading up to the even... wait until you can afford it... wait until your husband can prove to you that he can provide you with a roof over your head. Not you... but him. Make sure he can afford you even if you do not work so it will not be an issue once the children come.
Make sure you can walk on your own feet and not be in your parents wallet once you get married. Better yet... forgo the big wedding... have a small wedding and have a recpetion... ask for cash and use that to put a downpayment on a house or put it in an account for your retirement fund.

Make sure you are not marrying for the wrong reasons. Make sure you have prayed and gone to counseling with a pastor or married couple(s) not divorced people. Make sure you are whole and not bringing baggage into your relationship that should have been dealt with earlier on. Make sure you are not using it as a way to manipulate and control the other. MAke sure you are not a needy person who is looking for someone to take care of you because you do not know how to take care of yourself.

Make sure you do not get into this marriage thinking it will make the other person better. Marriage does not change the make up of a person... When the party is over and it is just you and he... then what? Make sure you are going in the right direction together. Cleave to each other... not mom and dad or other people. Know that what works for one couple will not work always for you. Some years it will be a 80/20 percent marriage,other times a 50/50, othes times a 20/80 or 40/60 type of thing. Just know what you are getting into. If it is a 100/0. something is wrong. IF it is like that before you get married... wait and watch.

Follow your husband... if he has you in a shack... love him just the same as if he has you in a palace.
Be his biggest cheerleader... his righthand lady. If you have any doubts. Wait and listen to your heart. Your gut will never steer you wrong. Hope I am helping The easy part is hooking up with the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. The hard part is working the relationship till death do you part. Oh and make sure you go back and apologize to and thank your parents if you gave them a hard time. In fact keep the doors of communicatons open before the grandchildren come in to play.

Be a daughter or son and not an in-law. Form a unified front. And get in good with the mother and grandmother. IT will help in your relationship with your husband. He will love you even more... unless he got some issues with his parents. IF he does... do not marry until he make things right. I saw how my husband treated his family... sisters... mother... that gave me a good indication of how I would be treated. I am treated with the utmost respect and he values me as a unique woman ,wife, mother, business partner,friend and lover.

If he is the one... then he will wait for you and you will and can wait for him.

Hi I'm 17 and my boyfriend and I had plans on getting married in 08 when I gradurate and by then I'll b 18 and he'll be turning 19 but I support you and think its up to you. Do what you feel. I've decided to wait until I gradurate college to marry him but do what your heart says.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

I am 17 also, and getting married only two months after my 18th. When I talk to people about it I simply ask them how they knew about their spouse (if they are married) and explain to them that age doesn't create those feelings. Actions and moments do. Time spent together do. And if they are not married, and have never been, I simply say how can you judge me and say I am rushing and it isn't true, when you haven't felt it yourself. If married, but divorced I ask them what went wrong, and I tell them I know that it won't be easy, far from it, but we talk and we listen. We know it is a two person commitment forever. And we believe in divorce. However, there will always be people who look down on you for being so young. You just have to know that in your heart it is right and that you are lucky to find your soul mate so soon in life, some never find theirs period. If I am ever down or doubting or wanting to give in so people will stop running their mouths I just look at my fiance's parents. His mom was just graduated and barely 18 and his dad was barely 21 (the exact age we will be when we say I do.. weird huh?) They are still together now, 23 years later and act just as in love as my baby and I do. If we have even an ounce of that love in us I know we'll make it. I am sure you and your love will make it too. Don't dwell on it if others can't accept it... it is you who has to live with the decision it is you and him who will face the impact of that decision... not the rest of the world. It may effect them, but it won't be nearly as much as it is to you.

I would love to see how many of these are still together??

Hiya I know the situation unfortunately all to well I was engaged when I was 17 (now 18) and I have known him for 8 years and had been to gether for 2 and he had helped me through deaths being raped by my ex and everything you can thionk of,

When people walk pass and you see them notice the ring or your telling people you know think about it as a good thing when I am in the same situation I say I feel so lucky to have found this early and not going through the traumas of break ups and bad boyfriends is a thing of the past and won't happen again! I know how lucky I am to have found my true love so young and be proud to be mature enough to know that at your age too! Learn to yourself and don't let yourself be shamed by others who can't realise it!
Its good advice! I so nailed it! On the dot brill pill advice!
But seriosly be the stronger person be engaged loud and proud :D I know I am!;) :D

Good luck in live and love!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

Don't you don't need the approval of other people to get married you will be an adult when you marry so why bother if you are sure that he's the one and you are in love and he feels the same way then I say go for it

My husband and I got married 11 years ago. I was 20, he, 23. People thought that was young, they said we'd never make it, but we did... and for the most part it has been a happy eleven years.

One thing I have come to realize, which has helped me tremendously is that people change! Sometimes we want them to change, and it doesn't seem to be happening quickly enough, sometimes we liked them better how they were, and they become someone we didn't "sign up" for. Either way, marriage needs to be a safe place where you can grow up together, and give each other permission to change. Sometimes that can be scary!

There is nothing like marriage(and children) to iron all of the wrinkles out of a person, it isn't always fun, but if you yield to it, you will become an even more beautiful person. Life is full of trials, these trials shape us and mature us if we will yield to love. In my marriage, yielding to love means not always having to have my way or be in control, (and that is hard for me!) It means giving up what I want a lot, for the good of our little family. For my husband, it means a lot of sacrifice and hard work.

To answer your question directly, How do you reassure people... well, these people probably love you, and want what's best for you. They are probably married themselves, and know how difficult even the best marriages can be. . Time may be your only ally, but it may help for them to know that you know it won't all be "pie in the sky."

God bless you. May you have a long and happy marriage!

Hello. I read this question and realized it was the same issue as mine. I too am 17 years old and am planning on marrying my boyfriend who is 19. We are getting married next year and he will be 20. I am LDS so its not that much of a surprise but again its really hard for people to accept.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

Personally ithink u can't know if u want to marry someone unless u have lived with each other a few years if u don't livewith them how do u truly know u love them

I am 20 years old and I got married 6 months ago!! I couldn't be happier. I love being married. I also get that same comments about young marriage but I try to ignor them because it is my decision not theirs.I have even had people ask me if I got married because I had got pregnant and that is not true. Getting pregnant is not the only reason people in there early 20's get married... they do it for the same reasons that people in their late 20's do it! LOVE!

Well this thread was started in 04... it would be nice if those that started the thread would come back and update us as to how their lives are going... positive and the negative.

Are those that were marrying... still married? Divorced? Children?.

Where are they now! Lol! Would be interesting and enlightning for sure! Plus I'm sure they'd have some valuable advice to offer others who are thinking about taking that huge leap...

Soooooo... BTT (bump to the top) and hope they reply!

I'm 20 and I got married 7 months ago. Do what feels right. Trust your heart!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

The more you try to 'prove' it to others that this is what you want, the more it will seem immature and uncertain. The best thing to do, would be to accept that people will be critical because of the 'failure rate' and stereotypes associated with young marriage. Don't worry about trying to prove or show anyone anything, except love for your future husband. Concentrate your energy on showing people, through your daily actions and intelligence that you are mature, sensible and certain of your future with your fiancée. In five years time when you are still happily married, you can then think or say to people "and you said it wouldn't work, look at us now!"

So you are engaged? Well then what is your hurry to get down the aisle? I don't want you to think I am being mean I'm not. I in close to the same situation. I am 18 and just got engaged to my boyfriend (who is almost 19). He wanted to get married in '09. After talking we decided now that we are engaged that there is no rush. We know that niether of us are going anywhere. We decided to work, make money, buy a house, get finacially stable and then have the wedding we deserve and want because we will be able to afford it. Not to mention having a home to go to after the honeymoon. You don't have to take any of our advice but you should take a step back and look at the common sense side of things.

I'm about to turn 20 and my now fiancé is just about to turn 19 we have known each other since we were 15 and have been dating for a year but lived together for about 9 months. We have talked about marriage for months but he just recently popped the question. We have decied to get married in a courthouse for now and once wegraduate college have the official cermony with our familys. Now 17 seems a little young to me but if yor in love your in love so best of luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

Hello I am 19 and I got married last year to the love of my life and I have been extreamly happy ever since. I love him and we are trying to start our family together. When we told people we were getting married we got the same looks and comments but now they see how happy we are. So if you want to get married you go right ahead and don't pay no attention to those who say other wise! GOOD LUCK in life!

I was with my boyfriend for 9 years before we decided to get married. From the time I was 15-24. A couple months ago I left my 'husband'... make sure you're 100% positive, I thought I was... and I was wrong.

I heard all the time that we were too young to be married... and it definitely had a toll on the relationship too.

Just remember, there is no rush to get married... from someone who's been through it I suggest you try and take it easy, if you love what you have... why change it?