Hi,
I am a newleywed and I am 19 and my husband is 21, we are both going to college and planning on graduating very soon with Bachelors Degree and we have learned to become almost numb to what people may think. I was hestant to tell my family that we decided to get married so young, because I did not know what they would think and then my fiancé at the time and I discussed it and we decided to do what made US happy, not everyone else. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and have been through a lot, so I knew that I was ready to marry him!

Make sure you are 100% ready and do what makes you happy, its your life, not anyone else's! If people have a problem with it, big deal, trust me THEY WILL GET OVER IT! Good luck and I hope this helps a little!

I think it would be wise to take some time to yourself. Go to a nice coffee shop or somewhere like that where you won't be bothered, by yourself. Write down all the reasons you want to get married. Write down all the things about your fiancé that you wish would change. Write down all the things about yourself that you want to work on. Write down all the reasons people have given in trying to convince you not to get married. Then look at each thing you wrote and try not to be judgemental or reactive on an emotional level. Just honestly think about whether it is true, or not true. Determine if you are justifying things in your mind, or saying something is true but different for you because of some condition you are putting on it.

All I'm suggesting is that this is a very adult situation, and it effects every aspect of your life from your love life, sex life, your future children, your family, your friendships, your education, your future, your finances. It's a very, very big deal and being in love is absolutely not enough. Most marriages that fail do so because of money, being unprepared to be parents, one or both families objecting to the marriage, immaturity on either party's part, or simply growing apart. It's hard to know how we will develop as people, even in our late teens and early twenties, so it is a huge leap of faith to marry at those ages. I mean, I don't even think I could stand to live with the couch I had when I was 20, much less the man I was dating! Yikes!

That said, I have two friends who married at your age, and they are now in their forties and still married. Both tell me they wish they had waited and had more of a life as a single young person, but neither regret who they married. Both wish they had finished college because money has been an ongoing struggle and they both finished school with children to take care of, too - and part time jobs.

So, make the best decision you can and then fully commit to it.

Well said Lacuran8626, but I don't know if any of you guys noticed the date on this person's post... May 24 2004! If she was going to be getting married, she has probably done it by now.

I know exactly how you feel.. I'm 19 and I'm engaged, my finacee is 21.. we have been together for four years now and we a devoted to each other, but my family still think's I'm to young to get married.. it's really not up to them if you get married or not.. it is your life and your desion to make.. if you really love him then it doesn't matter.. I hope you have a great future with your soon to be hubby...

Hmm... I am 18, my partner is 23. We've been dating for 8 months, and living together for 6 months now and have decided to look at getting engaged around my 19th which is in another 6 months. We have spoken with both sets of parents about our plans and although they aren't 100% keen on us getting married this young, I think the fact that we've sat down and made plans for the future and set goals for us has convinced them that we're serious. I love my partner more than anything and he's been there for me through so much, he is my best friend and there is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with and I doubt thered be anyone else willing to put up with me for the rest of theirs lol. We aren't rushing into marriage, its going to be at least another year and a half before we get even close to the aisle stage but at the same time I'm not going to wait around for a few years to "mature" because I'm a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I figure that we could get married now and it might not work out, but at the same time we could wait a few years and it still might not work out. There are no certainties in life, You find something you want or need and you grab hold of it as tightly as you can, the way I see it with my partner is that nothing would give me greater pleasure than that little piece of paper declaring that I am his and he is mine. And its not just a piece of paper, marriage is a public declaration saying "hey, i love this person..i love them even when they snore so loudly i can't sleep, i love them even when they look like crap in the mornings, i love them with bad breath, i love them with messy hair and sleep in their eyes, i love them when they gamble away all our rent money for the week, i love them even when they throw their dirty clothes all over the floor or drown the bathroom floor after a shower, and i love them so much that in front of everyone else that matters to me i want to give myself to them" Age is irrelevant in love. Age becomes an issue when the couple aren't mature enough to tackle the issues as they come, and believe me we know all about issues, we both come from broken homes and have watched our parents hate each other and cops called on parents and custody issues etc etc etc we know its going to be tough, but we're both very aggressive people and fight over tiny issues but at the end of the day we never leave an argument unsolved.
Anyway that's just my little rant in case anyone's curious lol..

Though it would be interesting to see whether all the other people mentioning their engagements actually got married or not lol

Hello, you asked this question four years ago so by now you should be 21... I would like to know how is everything going for you and your husband. Also, for every other young person out there who plans on getting married young, don't be afraid. If you are confident that you and your partner's love is real and not puppy dog teenage love then go right ahead. So many people discourage young people to get married to the one who they love because of the high divorce rate. Fifty years ago, most people were getting married young, the only reason the divorce rate is so high is because we live in a world of distractions and temptations. As long as the two of you know your priorities and keep them straight and possess good moral then everything will be okay. You can't go looking for something in someone else your missing it in your marriage. Your not going to get 100% of what you need/want in a marriage anyhow so don't think that you are and know that you are going to get on each other nerves. It's not going to be disney princess fairy tale love everyday. But as long as you trust each other and you FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE( because believe me you are going to fight! ) and keep God number one then everything will be all right. Good luck for all those young people out there looking to get married! I wish you the very best and may God be with you!

Wow. 4 years of posting...

OK. I got married when I was 18 years old. He was 20. We had the love and support of everyone... parents, pastors, family, friends, etc but it didn't go well. I think our main problem is we finished growing up together and well we grew into different people. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife and wanted to dictate much of how my life would happen. He didn't see me as strong and independent but as a woman who needed to be looked after in every aspect of life. Plus... he cheated on me. Even before he cheated it was bad. I'm not saying that young marriages can't work. I've seen them work. I just think that you should be extra careful when listening to that little voice. If it says run then take some time. If you are truly in love then you'll be in love a little later down the line. Also seek some type of counseling. I'm now 23 and married to the love of my life but the premarital counseling made us both feel like we were starting with a sound foundation especially since I was previously married. Love is awesome and if you've truly found it... don't let it go.

Well, hopefully you can understand their reaction because 20 is very young. Depending on who you are talking to, you may not owe them any kind of reassurance ( like a stranger ). But if you do I would keep it simple like " Yes, it is young but I have thought about it and feel strongly in my heart that I am making the right decision". I will tell you that I married my wife when I was 20 and she was 19... 17 years and three kids later we are still going strong... BUT marriage is tough AT ANY AGE and I can say that the younger you are the more challenging it can be. Hope this helps !

You know, my grandparents have been married for 65 years. They got married when they were 20 and 21. I know that that was the norm back then but, who says young people cannot still find love that young. I have a friend who married her high school sweetheart when they were 20, they have a better marriage then a lot of other couples I know. Just show people that you are in a mature relationship and as long as you have something going for you in your life and you are truly happy and not just getting married because you hate your father or just because you're pregnant, your age shouldn't matter.

I am 19, and have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. He is the most important person in my life, because he helped me through so many hard times. We both think that we are the right person for each other, and want to eventually get married, he thinks 4 years, I think 2. Mainly because his parents broke-up before they ever got engaged, and he is scared the same will happen to us because we have already broken up once. My parents had a shotgun wedding at 18, so I am also scared of that happening. But the biggest thing is we are waiting until marriage to have sex, and I am scared if we wait 4 years it would be too hard, but we both don't want to make a mistake or get divorced. Can anyone give some advice?

My mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old you are all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!

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Originally Posted by taytortot

my mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old u r all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!!

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I do not think 12 year olds should be on an adult board - that being said, please stop with the "text talk" and speak English.

Duh!

Hello I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. But for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. I am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

Honestly, I think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. They involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. I am not one to use statistics to govern the moves I make in my life. I believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. Most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. But if my man asked me to marry him today, I would have no problem saying yes.

I am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. But my man is everything I could ask for and more. Marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. I think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. But years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! Its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. People will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever...

Good luck to all of you ;)

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Originally Posted by thechosenone

hello im 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. but for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. i am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

honestly, i think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. they involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. i am not one to use statistics to govern the moves i make in my life. i believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. but if my man asked me to marry him today, i would have no problem saying yes.

i am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. but my man is everything i could ask for and more. marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. i think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. but years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. people will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever.................

Good luck to all of you ;)

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I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

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I graduated when I was 16 years old, and now I am a junior... he's getting a bachelors first (4 years) then going to pharmacy school (another 4 years)... I don't plan on getting married today, or any time soon for that matter. All I was saying was that if you have the maturity and the finances, I think that it is good to spend these years together rather than waiting. Tomorrow is never promised, and although we all have a plan for our lives, sometimes unexpected things happen. It works for some, not for others. And for the record, my mother certainly wouldn't agree with me getting married right now either.

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiancé will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read a lot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions? FOUR years, and we love each other a lot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if I couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances... whatever. What if I want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, I take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when people who don't know me, don't know my fiancé, still open their loud mouths to let me know I am too young.

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Originally Posted by hannahca89

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.

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Sometimes it works - my sister ran away at 16 and married. My parents were NOT thrilled and did everything in their power to annul the marriage (and get him arrested) but she - and he - were firm in that this is what they wanted. She finished high school, finished college, had 3 kids, raised them, is a CPA - is still married and, from what I can tell, happily. He has a career, she has a career - they have a good life together and if something happens to him, she is self supporting.

Does she ever miss being on her own? I don't know. She went from my parents' house to her husband's apartment. It works for her.

I moved to NYC, finished College there, wouldn't change/trade those experiences for anything.

Different experiences for different people.

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Originally Posted by hannahca89

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.

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I fully agree with you!! I'm not into putting all of the nitty gritty personal details of my life out there. But I fully agree that people who don't know you, nor do they know your life story or what you are capable of doing, try to tell you what is right or wrong... with such conviction!! I mean different strokes for different folks. The main factor that is stopping me at this point is financial constraints. In that area, I am smart enough to know that we are not prepared to support ourselves without struggling. But still, I believe that after 4 years, I am wise enough to make my own decision about this. I know that I don't want to experience anything else with anyone other than him, so waiting would serve me no purpose. I would rather make new memories with the one I love.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married so young. I believe why the divorce rate is so out standing is due to the lack of communication between partners. Don't listen to what any one else has to say. If your heart tells you this is the right thing for you to be doing, and you are positive about this then go for it. If you are so in love there is nothing you guys can't work through together. Being married entails a lot of talking and working through obsticals, it's a partnership. As long as you are in it together and there are no doubts then good luck to you!! By the way, my husbends grand parents got married at 18 and 23, his parents 19,23 and him and I got married at 19 and 24. His grand parents still going strong as with his parents and us!! :)

Hey everyone.. before to note the original date of this post 2004!

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Originally Posted by trying4babykirk

Hey everyone..before to note the original date of this post 2004!

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It's been reactivated several times including June 2008 -

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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It doesn't matter if you love this guy and he treats you right and you treat him right. Then you can get married.

You can't convince people with words. If you are ready, act ready. Get an education, don't have children until you are ready, be financially independent, pay your bills on time, be mindful of your money, don't drink or otherwise break the law, treat each other in a mature and loving way (no yelling, swearing, taking the low road, violence, etc.). Don't expect your parents to continu e to parent you day to day - if you are adult enough to marry, stand up and be mature. People will see you as you present yourselves. It's that simple.

There is no quick way to get them on your side. It may take years. But one day if you truly are ready, they will say "and we thought it wouldn't last - who knew?"

Make sure you really are ready. Do you know how to cook? Do Laundry? Pay bills? Establish credit? Do you both have well-paying jobs? Can you qualify for an apartment on your own? What about school... what's the plan? Have you been to premarital counseling? What's your agreement on going out with friends? What if he decides to go out and party at 21... and you have a baby at home? It will probably happen... how will you feel about it?

You have to confron t these things very realistically. Nothing wrong with a long engagement, either... arrange to both go to the same college, or study at home and commit to saving all that you earn for your eventual marriage so you have some savings, and even a downpayment for a house, before you marry. Just a suggestion...

If the relationship doesn't last, you'll still have your money and education!

You are young yes, but if you and your fiancé can manage the responsibilities that comes with marriage and if you are both truly in love with each other, I say go for it. I understand where your coming from I'm in the same situation even though I'm a bit older than you are. What matters is your happiness, not what other persons think, just ensure you both plan to continue your education in order to have properous future. I wish you all the best.:)

Hi. I am in the same situation. I am 17 and engaged. My family and my fiance's are very supportive. We are getting married in August. Love is all that matters at this point. Do what you want to. Just make sure you have money saved, reliable vehicles, a plan of a place to live, and all the love to get through it . I've heard many people say "If you're prepared for all the bad stuff and you're willing to work hard and try everyday then you will do fine, Just remember it's not going to be easy". I really wish you the best of luck :) My fiancé and I hope to start our family soon after we are married :)

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Originally Posted by YoungAndEngaged

Hi. I am in the same situation. I am 17 and engaged. My family and my fiance's are very supportive. We are getting married in August. Love is all that matters at this point. Do what you want to. Just make sure you have money saved, reliable vehicles, a plan of a place to live, and all the love to get through it . I've heard many people say "If you're prepared for all the bad stuff and you're willing to work hard and try everyday then you will do fine, Just remember it's not going to be easy". I really wish you the best of luck :) My fiance and I hope to start our family soon after we are married :)

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You have answered a May 2004 post - it's been opened a couple of times but OP has not been back.

Well... if you REAllY want to but teenage weddings don't have a high success rate due to the failure to answer these questions

1. What's your money situation... Financial problems are the number 1 reason for divorce

Can you support each other without living on paycheck to paycheck

2. How long have you known each other

Must be longer than 6 months at time of engagement but when you get into 1-2 or 3 years I think you're a little more ready

3 Are you sure there is no possible way you can wait. At 20 or 21 you may be more ready.

Unfortunately, you will never stop getting these looks. When I got married I was 16. I was engaged a little over 3 months to plan a semi-decent wedding. And that whole engagement and even after we were married we got so many nay-sayers. It never ends. I mean, my husband and I are a rare statistic.. we are still married even though we married young. We had 2 other friends of ours who married young and I'm sad to say they didn't make it to 22 before they were all divorced. But I will tell you, adults look at you that way because they know how much growing up you will do from 17 to even just 21. I am NOT the same person I was 12 years ago when if first said I do. And unfortunately most young relationships cannot withstand the change in each other that will def. occur. If I had known then, what I know now.. I would NEVER have gotten married before I turned 25. I love my husband, but I missed out on so much because I was stuck at home being a wife.. If you are not careful you can each begin to resent each other. My advice is if he loves you and you love him and it's the everlasting kind, then wait intil you are BOTH in your 20's.

Marriage is scary. I'm 20, nearly 21 and I think that you do not know what marriage is -- what a relationship is, until you live with the person for at least 6 months. Things change when you live with someone, when you effectively are living the married life. I recommend it. It opens your eyes to what your significant other's characteristics really are.

What really saddens me is the amount of young church kids (I used to be one - I don't identify with the "culture" anymore) who are pressured into marrying for the sex and the fear of burning with lust. I have met girls as young as 16 getting into marriage. No girl is ready for marriage at 16 these days. Not at 17, 18 or 19 and for some, 20. I think if you're so horny that you need to make a life altering decision, you need to get a sex toy.

Hi! I am in a VERY similar position. I am now 18, have been engaged for almost a year, and when I am married I will be 19 and he will be 20. It's not necessarily age that affects the marriage, but where you are as a person at that age. Some people in the 40s are WAY too immature to get married still, obviously not because of their age, but because they just aren't ready. Really think on if you are ready to be married, and to devote the rest of your life to your man. If you think you are, that is great! :) The main reason I don't listen to all the crap I get about getting married so young is because of my great grandmother. She was married at 16 to a 26 year old man. They were VERY happily married literally "til death". It can be done, it depends on where your heart is <3 So if you know it is right for you, then just ignore the bad comments and take in and cherish the kind words and any advice you receive. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you two!

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Originally Posted by lbd88

Marriage is scary. I'm 20, nearly 21 and I think that you do not know what marriage is -- what a relationship is, until you live with the person for at least 6 months. Things change when you live with someone, when you effectively are living the married life. I recommend it. It opens your eyes to what your significant other's characteristics really are.

What really saddens me is the amount of young church kids (I used to be one - I don't identify with the "culture" anymore) who are pressured into marrying for the sex and the fear of burning with lust. I have met girls as young as 16 getting into marriage. No girl is ready for marriage at 16 these days. Not at 17, 18 or 19 and for some, 20. I think if you're so horny that you need to make a life altering decision, you need to get a sex toy.

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... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people.. be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by smilin_always

hi!! I am in a VERY similar position. I am now 18, have been engaged for almost a year, and when I am married I will be 19 and he will be 20. It's not necessarily age that affects the marriage, but where you are as a person at that age. Some people in the 40s are WAY too immature to get married still, obviously not because of their age, but because they just aren't ready. Really think on if you are ready to be married, and to devote the rest of your life to your man. If you think you are, that is great!! :) The main reason I don't listen to all the crap I get about getting married so young is because of my great grandmother. She was married at 16 to a 26 year old man. They were VERY happily married literally "til death". It can be done, it depends on where your heart is <3 So if you know it is right for you, then just ignore the bad comments and take in and cherish the kind words and any advice you receive. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you two!!

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If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

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I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.

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Originally Posted by smilin_always

..... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people..be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

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Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

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Originally Posted by lbd88

Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Go ahead and make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

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I still don't see how you having been married and getting a divorce proves anything. That is your situation. And, if marriage in in fact, "merely a piece of paper," why don't we all just get hitched? After all, a piece of paper is so insignificant in our lives, so why should it change a thing? My grandmother... in the days that have come and gone, was not there only to be a good submissive housewife. She did her share of work and providing for her family, just as a woman in today's world would. I'm sorry that it did not work out for you, and I wasn't trying to say that your advice was necessarily invalid.. just that you did go about it in a rude way. I was simply stating my point of view, which is what was asked of us by the girl who posted the first question. I do disagree with yours as you do mine, and that is fine, but I think that YOU were quite insulting, yourself, to a girl who needs advice. If you post your opinion online, expect it to be bashed, or tossed aside. If you take that heavy of offense to it, then I see no need for you to post anything at all.

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Originally Posted by smilin_always

I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.

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I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

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I guess it doesn't matter how many times you say it, does it Judy?! This just goes to show that people do NOT read through previous posts before answering questions, so that advice given is informed advice. Many other details are often given, and without reading the details, it's often ill-informed advice. Although this discussion may help some others who do take the time to read through, what has been said several times by JudyKayTee, is that this post is almost 5 YEARS OLD! Please read through the pages people! It would make it much easier on those of us that would really like to focus on the immediate problems that need our attention! Please pay attention to the date of the original post!

Thank you for your cooperation!

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