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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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Dear, how long have you been together so far? Why not move in together and concentrate on your education, and help each other nurture your outlook for the future. People only look shocked because they read the statistics of young marriages where neither one had the chance to really get to know themselves, let alone each other. There are daily things that might eventually get on your nerves and unless you can stand each other 24 hours a day, and work things out if not too rosey one day, then what do you do? If there is confidence, trust and tolerance for little 'quirks' then you might be mature enough for a lifetime relationship, but there is no guarantee- at any age. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the luck and happiness. Also, there is no way you can change other people's minds, so don't worry about that part - you don't need to prove things to them, just to yourselves - so make sure you are ready for anything and everything that comes up together.

Keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_28.gif

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Originally Posted by Marthe

Hi!

I'm a 19 year old Norwegian girl. I have been with my Brazilian boyfriend for two years.
We met through some friends and started talking online in 2003.. And in january in 2004 he came here to Norway to visit me, and we became a couple. Then we were apart for 6 months before he moved here to be an exchange student to be with me in august 2004. But we had some problems us his exchange-parents didnt let s see eachother so much. They didnt want him to be so committed... well... in june 2005 the exchange program ended and we went together to Brazil and spent three months living together. We came home in october. Now we are living together here in Norway and we are talking about getting married soon. Do you goys think is too early? My family thinks its to early, and some of my friends too... but how much should I listen to that? I love him more than anything and he loves me too.. And if we get married now, it will make things much easier for us to be together, because of our different nationalities.. He wants to live here in Norway and is working a lot to get a visa, but if we got married we could juist be together.. Its very hard.. Do you think we are ready?
Sorry about the long question and the english mistakes.. :P

Thanks, Marthe

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The reason your parents might be concerned is that statistics show that many young men marry just to get out of their countries, but this does not mean your boyfriend it that type of person. As long as you two have love and trust and a solid plan for the future, good education and job prospects, do what your heart tells you as long as it's within your county's laws. After all, you are not marrying his family or he your family - but again, don't rush things for a visa - this way you'll never be positively certain of the motives unless you really trust him. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the best.
Marriage is a serious choice to make in life, and only you can make it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_2_105.gifThe only guarantees in life are taxes and death, the rest of the journey is up to us.

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Originally Posted by laharry69

You see it is stereotypical that a lot of people that get maried young, don't stay married. It has been proven over and over. I mean if this is what you want to do, by all means go for it. Just make sure that you are both ready, because this is a big step in life. Amother thing is that people change when they get married it can either be for the better or for the worst, but note that when you take your vows you must mean it in order to deal with these changes. Good Luck! :)

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This is also very well put, people will have many opinions about what others should do, but in the final outcome we are only the bystanders.
Here are a few questions:
When he's working longer, what will you do with your time? Or will you be the one working longer and will this affect his ego?
Will he help in the kitchen, take out trash, sweep the floor?
Does he like the same type of pets that you do?
Does he want children one day, and the next, when he sees one cry too much, change his mind?
Do you have the same hobbies or does he think some of the ones you have are ridiculous?
After a job, does he go out regularly with others and expect you to stay at home?
Does he like your friends or just tolerate them?
Do you like the same entertainment?
Does he like your cooking, or does he put salt and pepper on before trying the food?
Do you joke and giggle and just plain play around for the fun of it, or is life already so serious?
Are you sure you've tested and talked about each other's sexual fantasies, or do you plan to save that until you said the final word and hope things will work out someday?
When you finally say 'I do" , are there things that you already want to change for what you think he should be more sensible about?
Does he give you signs of appreciation and hugs out of the blue, or is there a 'romantic ritual' already on a weekly basis?
Are you absolutely certain that you both have had enough experience to not even once think of wondering off to other arms when things get too boring or too stressful at home, therefore having enough confidence to be able to talk about everything, any time?
When either of you are sick, do you take care of each other?

THIS APPLIES TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, ALTHOUGH I PUT IT IN THE FEMALE SENSE... But they are food for thought.

I could go on with pages and pages of questions, but this is the real life and as I said in a previous post, there is no guarantee for anything. Also, no couple in the world is 100% perfect, content, or constantly happy - you just have to be able to accept and handle things that will come your way, together.

This is by all means not a declaration to stop young people from getting married - just a few things to help on the way in case these issues were not on your minds yet, and that yes, things could change from one day to the next - we all have to learn to handle it.

Good luck and best wishes to all of you who take that very important step in your lives - no matter how old you are!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifA secret:
P.S. I've been married before, am 55 this month, have a boyfriend of 4 or more years now, and truthfully I don't think I'm ready for marriage.

I'm engaged and will be married later this month. I am 26 and my fiancé is 31. I am extremely glad I waited this long! I had 2 other serious boyfriends before my fiancé, the first one from age 16-21, and the second from age 21-23. I wanted to marry both of them, too... at the time, that is! But as I matured, I found that the guys I was with matured differently than I did, and wanted different things out of life. When I was 16 and 17 it was fun to have so many differences and to just "be together", what we were doing for jobs or careers didn't matter to us, nor did finances in general, or kids, or where we'd live, or what religion we belonged to... but when you get older, things like that start to really matter. At least to me they are becoming a lot more important. I really loved both those other guys... truly! But neither of them would have made good fathers. One has been unemployed for over 3 years. The other is living in Japan, and I want to stay in Canada. I've discovered that as I've gotten older, love and romance are not the only things I think about. Practical things matter a lot more.

If you wait until you're older, you will have a better chance of knowing who you are, and therefore knowing what you want in a partner, and out of life. It's more fun to NOT be married in your teens and early 20s, you are free to do what you want and pursue your own interests. As much as I love my fiancé, I don't have that freedom anymore. Just the other night we were discussing how he might have to take his medical speciality at another university, which would mean a major move for both of us. So if he decides he needs to go there, I will need to leave my life here (which I love), to go with him, or else I guess call off the wedding or get a divorce... and I am pregnant with his baby!

I'm not saying that just because you're young you can't be practical and work out your differences with your partner. People have married young and been very successful at it. But of the 3 girlfriends I have who married young, NONE of them say they would do it again. They all love their husbands and kids, but they all wish they had waited until they were older.

If it's true love between you and your partner, then you should be able to wait to get married as well. That's what my first boyfriend and I decided. We were together for 5 years, but then ended up splitting. What if I'd married him? I might have kids by him now, and would definitely be divorced from him. He's unemployed so I wouldn't be getting any child support. And I probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to go to university, or at least not the time to devote to it.

Bottom line, do what you want, of course! But like I said I am super glad I waited... and I'm even a bit nervous about my upcoming marriage now! :eek:

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_3_3v.gif I just noticed that this thread was posted May 2004, but after reading all the other posts, I had to put my two-cent's worth in as this is still a very ALIVE subject and the opinions on this issue are getting better. So, what do you think folks, should we keep this alive or start a new one? I think this is one message that will get out to everyone and will benefit a lot.

Two years old?? Holy! :eek:

I didn't realize this thread was THAT old, my bad... but yeah it's an excellent thread I say let's keep it!

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you in case someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both in case of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.

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Originally Posted by letmetellu

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you incase someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both incase of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.

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These are all good points for the couple involved with each other, but it still is up to them and they should not care about what others think - it's is nobody else's business. The 'shocked' or any other nosey people are not the ones that have to live with them and should look in the mirror first before passing judgement.

As long as a couple are aware of all the trials and tribulations ahead of them, have considered and made plans appropriately together, it's their choice to make and live with.

Call them all back in about 20 years and say I told you so.

The odds though are against you. First I believe somewhere about 1/2 of all marriages today end up in divorce and those of younger couples even worst.

Both of you will change a lot over the next 10 years and what is great now may be stupid then. So the trick is commentment over instant happiness, putting the other person first most of the time and for the guy understanding you are never right.

I wish you luck and one word, never walk out mad, no matter what the problem it can be worked out if both sides talk it out,

I don't no what this web sites for... anyway I know a lot about life. If anyone needs questions about life ask me. I like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
My icon is cool.

Life is what you make it. Whether you meet the truth is your decision...

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Originally Posted by cfablemaster

i dont no wat this web sites for.... anyways i know alot about life. if anyone needs questions about life ask me. i like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
my icon is kool.

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Since your only two posts are here, Welcome to the forum. Read the stuff under 'HOME' and find out what this site is about, then the 'INDEX" and find the differenct categories and go from there. Can't say I like your icon, as we have not seen it yet.
If you know a lot about life, how about some advice here on the real subject after reading the rest of the posts. Hope you enjoy this forum as much as the rest of us do.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_20.gifAlso glad you like cats too!

I'm 25 I've been married for over a year. Marriage is great but it is hard work. I have a friend who got married at nineteen and she is still very happily married. Wher the same age. I just want you to rember marriage is for ever many people are getting married thinking they can get divorced if things don't work out. I would suggest you get counseling first I did it helps later you won't alway's agree at times but as you learn to love one another it get's better and better. I got counseling from my pastor before hand. Don't get counsel from divorced people or people with married problems. Rember marriage is between you and your spouse and God No one else.

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independent and on my own before I made such a commitment? Yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married it's a full time commitment and it's a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprise I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

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Originally Posted by bizygurl

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independant and on my own before I made such a commitment? yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married its a full time commitment and its a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprize I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

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For most people,personal growth and experience will get rid of any doubts and/or regrets when finally taking that important step and some are mature enough at a young age, and some aren't - even in their 50's - so it depends on how you feel about yourself and the security of the relationship. The couples involved should know what's best for them and have faith in each other, no matter what others think or say, as there is no such thing as 100% certainty in any phase of life.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_6_206.gif We all have the right to be happy, no matter for how long...

Hello, I got married when I was 16, it felt right to me however a lot of people turned there noses up I know I was very young however at the end of the day we are still together and happier then we have ever been. It was very hard at the beginning the hardest thing being changing my name at the banketc and telling people I felt like they wld judge me like many people did.
However 2 years on I have gained the confidence and don't care what people think about my age when I got married I feel that whether you are 16 or 50 you know who your soul mate is. Don't ever be put off by what people think do what you want!

I've read near enough all of these answers including the very negative ones :rolleyes: and they've helped me realise that my partner and i getting engaged would be the best thing to ever happen to either of us. I am 19 and a half and my partner is 21 and a half, we have been together 3 years. We have been through a hell of a lot for example me being homeless, my mother dieing (and i only had one parent anyway), me being made jobless, the prospect of having to adopt my sister when my mother died etc and yes they are all MY problems but James shared them with me and never ONCE left my side even throuh my darkest days of depression. He has been nothing but faithful and supportive and we have been living together for 8 months now and are buying our first home together (due to move in in 4 weeks). To cut a long story short, we know that we belong together and want to spend the rest of our days together however wrinkly, ugly and incontinent we become! I have been through a lot in my life, and James has had a pretty steady ride, his parents married when they were 16 and 3 children later they are still married and happy at the age of 50! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE IT DEPENDS ON THE COUPLE, HOW WELL YOU TRULY KNOW EACH OTHER, HOW MUCH LIFE EXPERIENCE YOU'VE HAD AND HOW YOU BOTH DEAL WITH STUFF WHEN THE GOING GETS REALLY REALLY TOUGH!!!:p

Getting Married at a young age is not a bad thing as long as you truly know your partner and you are willing to go through the good and the bad and no matter how bad it gets. you will fight to make your marriage last. I'm 21 years old and getting married Sept 9th of this year and I truely belive that my fiancee is my soul mate we've been through alot of tough times in the past 3yrs and even as our wedding is approaching quickly I just learned a family secret that has devstated me. For 21 years I've always thought that my a certain person in my life was my real _____________ but it turns out that my last name is not my last name its an adoptive last name and I have no clue where to begin in searching for the family I never knew that I had, having to find this out while planning a wedding has been a very stressful and yet my fiancee has stood by me threw it all. Getting married while your young has its advantages and disadvantages but when it really comes down too it its about wether your in it togather threw the good and the bad and if you can compromise and make it work, Its hard but wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and if you understand theres going to be hard times and your not always going to see eye to eye, but you just work your way threw it then it can last forever. My fiancee and I have been togather for 3 yrs and we've been threw alot theres was a time we were both jobless and no help from family but we made it we're fighting a battle over his 3 kids that he has and we haven't seen a light at the end of that tunnel but it'll come. No things aren't always perfect but like I said before wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and yes love is a big part of your relationship but with time it'll only get better and stronger, kinda like wine with time it only gets that much better and stronger. Sorry for the book that I wrote.

My mother first got married when she was 16, I can't say if it was a good idea or not as he died a few months later.
She then went on to get married a further three times.now been divorced for 15 years.
If it works for you, I say good luck to you and I hope it works out.
I personally am so glad I didn't marry my ex, I got with him when I was 16,he is the father of my child,and we were together almost 6 years all in all.
Good luck to you...

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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I don't have much time so I'm going to be quick. I got married at 28 years of age, believe me I have matured quite a bit over the years since my marriage 15 years ago. I can't even begin to imagine how people as young as yourself are going to be able to pull this off. But good Luck anyway and remember if you love him now waiting will not make a difference ,you will still love him in 1, 2, or 3 years from now. :)

I got married in November at 18. My husband and I were together for 3 years to the date before we got married. We had been through so much in those 3 years. I knew early on that this was the man for me. I knew that we would get married some day! Everyone gives you a hard time about being so young even complete strangers! But you just have to be strong and if you love someone fight for them! Don't let anyone make you feel bad even for a second. And if you do feel bad or embaressed don't get married. I have a friend who got married at 16 and she is still in high school and doesn't wear her wedding ring because she doesn't want anyone to know. I don't think she is ready for marriage and all it entells! We have been married for 7 months now and for 4 of those my husband has been hurt and on disability! It has been hard I have to work 2 jobs but it I want to do it! I want to take care of him. I don't think getting marrried young is for everyone but also think that you shouldn't be stopped from doing something that you want to do! If you feel it's right than go for it! No one knows your situation better than you!

I also started a group on myspace for young married people if you want to join please feel free!

MySpace

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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Wow hun I'm going trough the same thing first off I would like to say congrats! You probably don't hear that a lot I know I don't. My Fiancé n I are getting married in feb. when he gets home from boot camp. I hope your wedding is beautiful.


I hope all the young girls on here weddings are beautiful and that they go just the way you want them to is your day! And next time some says your to young to marry tell them your in love and that you don't care what they think lol

p.s. how did you all tell you parents?

Send me a private message or something maybe e-mail [email protected]

It really is up to you. I would wait being so young. I married young 19. Knew him all my life, had other boyfriends, but he was different. I do not even think I loved hin as much as I love him now. It was more physical and just a strong attraction. My Dad did not like him much... well my dad did not like any guys running after his daughter. I really liked that about my father. If any guy was to have me... well they had better be as much as a man as my father plus more and provide for me, and love me as he for his daughters. I was selective and when my husband asked me could he come to my church to worship with me... I knew he would be my husband. He prayed for me and chose me. My father tested him and watched him. Still does.. just like a father and son.
But...

We did it out of guilt because we did not want to burn with lust since we we were so in love and more in lust with each other. We were church kids and did not want to mess up. We were virgins too. And we knew that we could do it with everone's blessing if we were married. We thought we would be considered grown and on the same level with all the other married couples we looked up to and that they would respect us. It was our passage to grownhood .

We did not have much... so we planned a wedding thinking with all the gifts and money coming in we would be set. In the end... we still felt like children.,. because we had to depend on everybody else to chip in for money and wedding dress and get loans . The chepo side... using the church fok to do stuff for free or with little money. It was more work on the family part . It did take our minds off the dysfunctional sides of both our famlies for a while because I got to act like a queen and get catered to because it would be my day and of course... they had to play alone and not let my special time be a bad memory plus this was what we wanted and marriage is good for man and woman if they can not contain themselve.

Sad to say... our marriage was just a way to be together and get some gifts and feel like queen and king for day... make a wish list for stuff that We wanted or thought we needed. WE repented we grew , we changed, gone through some tough times yet stayed committed to the marriage. We have a covenent marrige. We take it seriously. He loves unconditionally and I him. We are still together after 35 years. We diid do it right have a remarrigae and we paid for everything. Al our friends had to do was show up and just enjoy. THey did not have to serve food or throw parties or give gifts. Instead we blessed them with gifts for just being apart of our lives over the years and encouraging us.

MArry for the right reason and if you cannot afford to have a big wedding without forcing other peole to take up all their time with you for 1 year leading up to the even... wait until you can afford it... wait until your husband can prove to you that he can provide you with a roof over your head. Not you... but him. Make sure he can afford you even if you do not work so it will not be an issue once the children come.
Make sure you can walk on your own feet and not be in your parents wallet once you get married. Better yet... forgo the big wedding... have a small wedding and have a recpetion... ask for cash and use that to put a downpayment on a house or put it in an account for your retirement fund.

Make sure you are not marrying for the wrong reasons. Make sure you have prayed and gone to counseling with a pastor or married couple(s) not divorced people. Make sure you are whole and not bringing baggage into your relationship that should have been dealt with earlier on. Make sure you are not using it as a way to manipulate and control the other. MAke sure you are not a needy person who is looking for someone to take care of you because you do not know how to take care of yourself.

Make sure you do not get into this marriage thinking it will make the other person better. Marriage does not change the make up of a person... When the party is over and it is just you and he... then what? Make sure you are going in the right direction together. Cleave to each other... not mom and dad or other people. Know that what works for one couple will not work always for you. Some years it will be a 80/20 percent marriage,other times a 50/50, othes times a 20/80 or 40/60 type of thing. Just know what you are getting into. If it is a 100/0. something is wrong. IF it is like that before you get married... wait and watch.

Follow your husband... if he has you in a shack... love him just the same as if he has you in a palace.
Be his biggest cheerleader... his righthand lady. If you have any doubts. Wait and listen to your heart. Your gut will never steer you wrong. Hope I am helping The easy part is hooking up with the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. The hard part is working the relationship till death do you part. Oh and make sure you go back and apologize to and thank your parents if you gave them a hard time. In fact keep the doors of communicatons open before the grandchildren come in to play.

Be a daughter or son and not an in-law. Form a unified front. And get in good with the mother and grandmother. IT will help in your relationship with your husband. He will love you even more... unless he got some issues with his parents. IF he does... do not marry until he make things right. I saw how my husband treated his family... sisters... mother... that gave me a good indication of how I would be treated. I am treated with the utmost respect and he values me as a unique woman ,wife, mother, business partner,friend and lover.

If he is the one... then he will wait for you and you will and can wait for him.

Hi I'm 17 and my boyfriend and I had plans on getting married in 08 when I gradurate and by then I'll b 18 and he'll be turning 19 but I support you and think its up to you. Do what you feel. I've decided to wait until I gradurate college to marry him but do what your heart says.

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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I am 17 also, and getting married only two months after my 18th. When I talk to people about it I simply ask them how they knew about their spouse (if they are married) and explain to them that age doesn't create those feelings. Actions and moments do. Time spent together do. And if they are not married, and have never been, I simply say how can you judge me and say I am rushing and it isn't true, when you haven't felt it yourself. If married, but divorced I ask them what went wrong, and I tell them I know that it won't be easy, far from it, but we talk and we listen. We know it is a two person commitment forever. And we believe in divorce. However, there will always be people who look down on you for being so young. You just have to know that in your heart it is right and that you are lucky to find your soul mate so soon in life, some never find theirs period. If I am ever down or doubting or wanting to give in so people will stop running their mouths I just look at my fiance's parents. His mom was just graduated and barely 18 and his dad was barely 21 (the exact age we will be when we say I do.. weird huh?) They are still together now, 23 years later and act just as in love as my baby and I do. If we have even an ounce of that love in us I know we'll make it. I am sure you and your love will make it too. Don't dwell on it if others can't accept it... it is you who has to live with the decision it is you and him who will face the impact of that decision... not the rest of the world. It may effect them, but it won't be nearly as much as it is to you.

I would love to see how many of these are still together??

Hiya I know the situation unfortunately all to well I was engaged when I was 17 (now 18) and I have known him for 8 years and had been to gether for 2 and he had helped me through deaths being raped by my ex and everything you can thionk of,

When people walk pass and you see them notice the ring or your telling people you know think about it as a good thing when I am in the same situation I say I feel so lucky to have found this early and not going through the traumas of break ups and bad boyfriends is a thing of the past and won't happen again! I know how lucky I am to have found my true love so young and be proud to be mature enough to know that at your age too! Learn to yourself and don't let yourself be shamed by others who can't realise it!
Its good advice! I so nailed it! On the dot brill pill advice!
But seriosly be the stronger person be engaged loud and proud :D I know I am!;) :D

Good luck in live and love!

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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Don't you don't need the approval of other people to get married you will be an adult when you marry so why bother if you are sure that he's the one and you are in love and he feels the same way then I say go for it

My husband and I got married 11 years ago. I was 20, he, 23. People thought that was young, they said we'd never make it, but we did... and for the most part it has been a happy eleven years.

One thing I have come to realize, which has helped me tremendously is that people change! Sometimes we want them to change, and it doesn't seem to be happening quickly enough, sometimes we liked them better how they were, and they become someone we didn't "sign up" for. Either way, marriage needs to be a safe place where you can grow up together, and give each other permission to change. Sometimes that can be scary!

There is nothing like marriage(and children) to iron all of the wrinkles out of a person, it isn't always fun, but if you yield to it, you will become an even more beautiful person. Life is full of trials, these trials shape us and mature us if we will yield to love. In my marriage, yielding to love means not always having to have my way or be in control, (and that is hard for me!) It means giving up what I want a lot, for the good of our little family. For my husband, it means a lot of sacrifice and hard work.

To answer your question directly, How do you reassure people... well, these people probably love you, and want what's best for you. They are probably married themselves, and know how difficult even the best marriages can be. . Time may be your only ally, but it may help for them to know that you know it won't all be "pie in the sky."

God bless you. May you have a long and happy marriage!

Hello. I read this question and realized it was the same issue as mine. I too am 17 years old and am planning on marrying my boyfriend who is 19. We are getting married next year and he will be 20. I am LDS so its not that much of a surprise but again its really hard for people to accept.

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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Personally ithink u can't know if u want to marry someone unless u have lived with each other a few years if u don't livewith them how do u truly know u love them

I am 20 years old and I got married 6 months ago!! I couldn't be happier. I love being married. I also get that same comments about young marriage but I try to ignor them because it is my decision not theirs.I have even had people ask me if I got married because I had got pregnant and that is not true. Getting pregnant is not the only reason people in there early 20's get married... they do it for the same reasons that people in their late 20's do it! LOVE!

Well this thread was started in 04... it would be nice if those that started the thread would come back and update us as to how their lives are going... positive and the negative.

Are those that were marrying... still married? Divorced? Children?.

Where are they now! Lol! Would be interesting and enlightning for sure! Plus I'm sure they'd have some valuable advice to offer others who are thinking about taking that huge leap...

Soooooo... BTT (bump to the top) and hope they reply!

I'm 20 and I got married 7 months ago. Do what feels right. Trust your heart!

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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The more you try to 'prove' it to others that this is what you want, the more it will seem immature and uncertain. The best thing to do, would be to accept that people will be critical because of the 'failure rate' and stereotypes associated with young marriage. Don't worry about trying to prove or show anyone anything, except love for your future husband. Concentrate your energy on showing people, through your daily actions and intelligence that you are mature, sensible and certain of your future with your fiancée. In five years time when you are still happily married, you can then think or say to people "and you said it wouldn't work, look at us now!"

So you are engaged? Well then what is your hurry to get down the aisle? I don't want you to think I am being mean I'm not. I in close to the same situation. I am 18 and just got engaged to my boyfriend (who is almost 19). He wanted to get married in '09. After talking we decided now that we are engaged that there is no rush. We know that niether of us are going anywhere. We decided to work, make money, buy a house, get finacially stable and then have the wedding we deserve and want because we will be able to afford it. Not to mention having a home to go to after the honeymoon. You don't have to take any of our advice but you should take a step back and look at the common sense side of things.

I'm about to turn 20 and my now fiancé is just about to turn 19 we have known each other since we were 15 and have been dating for a year but lived together for about 9 months. We have talked about marriage for months but he just recently popped the question. We have decied to get married in a courthouse for now and once wegraduate college have the official cermony with our familys. Now 17 seems a little young to me but if yor in love your in love so best of luck.

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Originally Posted by tameika

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

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Hello I am 19 and I got married last year to the love of my life and I have been extreamly happy ever since. I love him and we are trying to start our family together. When we told people we were getting married we got the same looks and comments but now they see how happy we are. So if you want to get married you go right ahead and don't pay no attention to those who say other wise! GOOD LUCK in life!

I was with my boyfriend for 9 years before we decided to get married. From the time I was 15-24. A couple months ago I left my 'husband'... make sure you're 100% positive, I thought I was... and I was wrong.

I heard all the time that we were too young to be married... and it definitely had a toll on the relationship too.

Just remember, there is no rush to get married... from someone who's been through it I suggest you try and take it easy, if you love what you have... why change it?