Ask Me Help Desk - No friends children at weddings

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

Weddings are very expensive these days. It is totally understandable that you would not want children there. But just like you have the right to invite whomever you want, they have the right to attend or not.

When you mail out your invitations be very clear how they are addressed to. If it is just the parents then the outer envelope should be addressed to "Mr & Mrs. Joe Smith". The inner envelope should say "Mary & Joe". If the whole family is invited address it to "The Joe Smith Family" then inside "Mary, Joe, Susie & Joe Jr."

As for your friend... invite her. Let her make the choice.

Not sure what you are advising since these aren't the issues.
She already is making it clear in the invitations NO children
As for her friend... what good would an invitation do when she already can't be IN the wedding since she can't bring her child so I would think an invitation would be adding insult to injury.

By sending an invitation you are reiterating that you still want the person there.

The friend in question is one of the bridesmaide, so yes she is invite, her kids are not. This made the friend angry because she did not realize children invited including her. Everyone else understood and accepting this policy. This is what the op is saying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

The friend in question is one of the bridesmaide, so yes she is invite, her kids are not. This made the friend angry because she did not realize children invited including her. Everyone else understood and accepting this policy. This is what the op is saying.

BUT jj's point is that the Bride should now re-invite the bridesmaid in question as a guest to show she is still invited. But I think that would be an insult and a slap in the face to be officially demoted in that way.

Here's what I would do.

I would say "Suzie, I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I thought when I told you way back when that the ONLY kids that would be at my wedding were those of close family and newborns. While I care for you a lot, and we've been friends for a long time, I thought you understood that your children did not fall into those categories.

I will understand if you choose not to be a bridesmaid because of this misunderstanding. You would, of course, still be welcome at the wedding--though I am adamant that no children other than close family be there, so your children will NOT be invited. Of course, I'll be sad if you choose to decline being a bridesmaid, and even sadder if you are not at our special event--but I'll understand.

I just thought that YOU would understand my stance on this, especially since you SAID you understood, when I first brought it up.

Please let me know by [insert date] whether you would still like to stand for me as my bridesmaid, as I would need to make adjustments to the wedding program and such if you choose not to share our special day."

Essentially, it's going to come down to either inviting her kids, and having everyone ELSE ticked off at you, or losing your friend.

The compromise I always throw out there (and I was a bride that did not want kids, either) is to have kids at the ceremony, but not the reception. Most churches have an area where small children can watch the ceremony without interrupting it. THEN--make sure you have a sitter in the same building as the reception (this works very well if you are doing your reception at a hotel) where ALL children are regulated, with a babysitter that YOU pay for.

Thank you all for your tips and advice. Its very helpful and I will definitely take them on board... wish me luck! Thanks again!

Ok! Good Luck! You're welcomed!