Originally Posted by Synnen
They'll think that she's being fair about the "no kids" rule. If her own son can't come to the wedding, then THEIR kids are DEFINITELY not welcome.
Look--I wanted no kids at my wedding, and ended up caving and giving in because everyone was shocked and appalled at the way I felt about it. I was willing to pay for sitters in a hotel room, with plenty of distractions for the reception, and I was willing to have sitters who were in the nursery at the church--which has CCTV, so they could have watched the wedding without any issues. But nooooooooo....no one was okay with it.
So now, instead of memories of the ceremony that involve my husband and I, I remember my niece screaming through the blessing. I remember some little kid on his side of the family running up and down the aisle before a parent decided to control him. I remember a young cousin--a toddler--coming up mid-ceremony to get a hug---with jam/candy/something sticky on his hands. I also remember paying $15 a plate for 47 children--who either fell asleep after dinner, or ran around the reception hall with basically no parental control--at one point, almost taking out the gift table, and at another careening into the wedding cake.
Look--she knows the crowd of people at her wedding, and how well they will or won't control their kids. If I had known my family --and his!!--would control their kids and keep them quiet and respectful during the ceremony and keep them under control at the reception--instead of ignoring their kids while they had a few drinks and gossipped because you know, it was all family there, and SOMEONE would keep the kids from getting too rambunctious!--then I would have been all for kids at my wedding. I remember having a lot of fun at weddings as a kid. I ALSO remember having to leave earlier than everyone else, and getting my bottom spanked for not acting like a lady.
So--for those of you that are adamant that kids should be included in a wedding, remember that YOU don't know the crowd that will be at that particular wedding. Sometimes it is only 2-3 sets of parents that will ruin it for EVERY set of parents, because you can't just not invite the kids of a few people and allow everyone else's kids.
If you don't like no-kid weddings, then don't go to them. But since I've seen SEVERAL weddings that would have been more fun without irresponsible parents letting the crowd take care of their kids. It's not like it was when we were kids--seriously, imagine those horrid kids at the grocery store screaming they want a toy with runny noses and fighting with their 3 siblings while mom ignores it all. Now imagine that at a wedding. At YOUR wedding. If you KNEW that specific kids would be uncontrollable or uncontrolled, would you risk the anger of a friend or family member by excluding them from invitations entirely, or would you solve the problem by NOT letting their spoiled screaming children at your wedding?
As far as this particular person goes--it sounds like she and her fiance were in perfect agreement on it, and had planned it together--until HIS MOM got involved. So the issue here isn't really whether or not to have kids at the wedding, it's whether or not you can tell your mother in law to get stuffed before you even get married, and whether or not your husband to be is a momma's boy or will actually support you against her when OTHER issues come up in the future.
Basically, this comes down to the fact that she and her fiance need to work out what THEY want--not what his mom wants, not what other family members want, not what the priest wants or the neighbor wants, but what THEY, as a couple, want for their wedding. Then, as a couple, they must maintain this front of THEIR ideas to everyone, including his mother.
