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jilly333248045 · Oct 18, 2012, 01:43 PM

Every time I get home, my mom always picks out something wrong or imperfect thing about me. She makes really big deal about and when I trtuy to explain, she tells me to stop talking back. If it was a reakky big situation, she always does her mommy pose and pretends to cry. Can you give me some advice on how to get her to shutup and listen?

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2012, 01:46 PM

Name three things she has complained about during the past two days.

jilly333248045 · Oct 18, 2012, 01:47 PM

She complained that I got home to slow, my shirt was untucked and I locked the deadbolt

jilly333248045 · Oct 18, 2012, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Name three things she has complained about during the past two days.

She complained that I got home to slow, my shirt was untucked and I locked the deadbolt

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2012, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by jilly333248045

she complained that i got home to slow, my shirt was untucked and i locked the deadbolt

How do you travel home from school? When is school out and when did you get home?

Why was your shirt untucked?

Is the deadbolt supposed to remain unlocked? Why did you lock it?

jilly333248045 · Oct 18, 2012, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How do you travel home from school? When is school out and when did you get home?

Why was your shirt untucked?

Is the deadbolt supposed to remain unlocked? Why did you lock it?

Usually the deadbolt isn't locked but on instinct I just locked it. I got home a couple minutes later than usal and I had on a bigger shirt which is why I left it untucked.

joypulv · Oct 18, 2012, 02:04 PM

My mother 'never shut up and listened' either.
But somehow it never crossed my mind that there was something I could do to 'make' her do anything.
None of us 'makes' anyone do anything except for parents setting rules while we live under their roof, and having consequences if we don't. Can't go out, no allowance, won't take you anywhere.
When you are a teen there is a huge gulf between you and a parent, very often. It sounds like your mother is worried that you were making out with some guy, and that's why you were late and you were untucked. Do you have a boyfriend she doesn't know about?

jilly333248045 · Oct 18, 2012, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

My mother 'never shut up and listened' either.
But somehow it never crossed my mind that there was something I could do to 'make' her do anything.
None of us 'makes' anyone do anything except for parents setting rules while we live under their roof, and having consequences if we don't. Can't go out, no allowance, won't take you anywhere.
When you are a teen there is a huge gulf between you and a parent, very often. It sounds like your mother is worried that you were making out with some guy, and that's why you were late and you were untucked. Do you have a boyfriend she doesn't know about?

I'm like 12.

joypulv · Oct 18, 2012, 02:12 PM

... so being 12 means no chance you were making out...
(I'm just trying to think like her, not accuse!)

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2012, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

None of us 'makes' anyone do anything

Although if we change how we act and react, the other person has no choice but to change too.

Had jilly quietly unlocked the deadbolt after Mom's comment about it, had come home with shirt neatly tucked in, and had told her mom why she was a bit late (instead of waiting to be yelled at), AND even given her mom a cheery greeting, I'll bet three dozen homemade cookies this thread would never have been begun.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2012, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

...so being 12 means no chance you were making out...
(I'm just trying to think like her, not accuse!)

There are usually at least three posts per day on this site about 12 year olds' relationship questions.

jilly333248045 · Oct 19, 2012, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Although if we change how we act and react, the other person has no choice but to change too.

Had jilly quietly unlocked the deadbolt after Mom's comment about it, had come home with shirt neatly tucked in, and had told her mom why she was a bit late (instead of waiting to be yelled at), AND even given her mom a cheery greeting, I'll bet three dozen homemade cookies this thread would never have been begun.

But come on! No bodys perfect. And I had things on my mind. I did unlock the deadbolt, but she had the most annoying smirk on her face that I just left the room. She than made me say I love you.

Alty · Oct 19, 2012, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by jilly333248045

but come on! no bodys perfect. And i had things on my mind. I did unlock the deadbolt, but she had the most annoying smirk on her face that i just left the room. She than made me say i love you.

I'd love to hear your moms side of the story. I'd bet that if she came to this site she'd say "My 12 year old daughter doesn't listen, she acts out, she thinks she can do whatever she wants, she gives me attitude and she's driving me crazy".

Does mom know that you think that a 14 year old dating a 19 year old is okay, even though it's against the law, and that you're interested in a boy in your class? Is that why you were late getting home?

Being a mom isn't easy. Neither is being a kid. But, you each have a job. Moms job is to take care of you, to make the decisions that you're not capable of making at your age, to make sure you grow up to be a decent human being. Your job is to follow the rules your mom makes for the home she pays for, to be a good kid, to listen to people that are older and wiser than you, like your mom.

So do your job.

jilly333248045 · Oct 21, 2012, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I'd love to hear your moms side of the story. I'd bet that if she came to this site she'd say "My 12 year old daughter doesn't listen, she acts out, she thinks she can do whatever she wants, she gives me attitude and she's driving me crazy".

Does mom know that you think that a 14 year old dating a 19 year old is okay, even though it's against the law, and that you're interested in a boy in your class? Is that why you were late getting home?

Being a mom isn't easy. Neither is being a kid. But, you each have a job. Moms job is to take care of you, to make the decisions that you're not capable of making at your age, to make sure you grow up to be a decent human being. Your job is to follow the rules your mom makes for the home she pays for, to be a good kid, to listen to people that are older and wiser than you, like your mom.

So do your job.

I try my best to be a good daughter. But I can't if my parents have taken my social time and most means of comunication. I try to please them but its hard if I have to get straight as in all my classes ,study in my free time, do nothing but read, be made fun at school for being a nerd(I don't have much fashion sense and I wouldn't dare ask me parents for flashy clothes) , make time to spend with friends and get a guy to notice me.

Wondergirl · Oct 21, 2012, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by jilly333248045

I try my best to be a good daughter. But I can't if my parents have taken my social time and most means of comunication.

Such as what social time? What means of communication?

it's hard if I have to get straight as in all my classes

Most parents hope for and even expect that.

study in my free time

That's how you get straight A's.

do nothing but read

Read what? What would you rather do?

be made fun at school for being a nerd

What's the definition of a nerd -- someone who takes school seriously?

(I don't have much fashion sense and I wouldn't dare ask me parents for flashy clothes)

It's spelled "sense" and why do you want flashy clothes?

make time to spend with friends and get a guy to notice me.

Are they friends we would want you to spend time with?

You're only 12 and too young for guys to be noticing you.

Alty · Oct 21, 2012, 05:27 PM

Originally Posted by jilly333248045

I try my best to be a good daughter. But i can't if my parents have taken my social time and most means of comunication. I try to please them but its hard if i have to get straight as in all my classes ,study in my free time, do nothing but read, be made fun at school for being a nerd(i dont have much fashion sence and i wouldnt dare ask me parents for flashy clothes) , make time to spend with freinds and get a guy to notice me.

What means of communication?

I have two kids, one is 10 the other is 14. They are allowed to call their friends on our home phone, when they're done their homework. They go to their friends house or have friends over if they've been good and they're done all their chores.

Neither one of them has a cell phone, they don't need one. Computer time is limited, they're allowed some time on the computer, and of course they're allowed access if it has to do with their homework. All computer time is monitored by me.

I buy their clothes so I decide what they'll get and what they won't get. They do get a say in it, but if I don't agree, they don't get it.

School work comes first, not friends, not dating (which they're not allowed to do anyway) or play. School is their job, and I expect them to work as hard at their job as I do in mine. That's what life is about.

You're 12. Your parents are taking care of you, because that's what they are supposed to do. Socializing, "communicating, those are luxuries that you have to earn. Dating, not until you're old enough.

You have it really good. My children would never be allowed to join a site and ask questions without my permission.