I have a teenage daughter (who is black) that wants to date a teenage boy (who is Korean). I am having a great deal of trouble with this concept, I don't care about my daughter dating outside her race but, Koreans are such intolerant people I feel he will hurt her emotionally. They are both very good students and they both attend church. I would like to tell my child to look for another type of boy to date. The current problem is that they were out shopping at the local mall and he saw a member of his church and hide from the church member pretending he was not with my daughrter. My daughter has asked him for an explanation for his strange behavior and all he said is that he cannot talk about it. The emotions and self-esteem of a young black girl living in American is a very fragile thing and I cannot have this guy destroy it with his racial short slightness, ignorance, and confusion. How do I tell my daughter to leave him alone and all Koreans and find another boyfriend

Unfortunately, telling your daughter to leave him (and all Koreans) alone is the last thing you should do. You see, being a teenager, regardless of ethnicity, means doing exactly the opposite of what your parents tell you. This situation is sadly out of your hands and you have to wait until your daughter realizes for herself the situation that she is in. What you could do in the meantime, is pray with her and encourage her to be her own person who is not ashamed of who or what she is Continue to teach her the highs and lows of being a woman, to focus on her ambitions, reaching for the stars and the whole nine. By this point even if the guy does play up, she'll be so focused on being herself that she'll just dust it off and continue with her life.

Teaching a child hate, or intolerance is child abuse. If she is old enough to date, then tell her the truth. If she cannot be loved and respected in public then she should talk to this guy about respecting her and not being ashamed. No way should she indulge in keeping what they are doing secret. That means you mom, must change your thinking also because she will smell the intolerance on you with every word you say against her friend. Much better to teach her that all men must respect her not just the ones you are comfortable with. Wouldn't be a bad idea to get to know him and talk to him of his behavior, so he will understand hiding this relationship, is disrespectful. Is the father in the picture?

Neither child has a father in their life. I am not teaching my child intolerance or to hate people base on their race. The only people who understand what I am talking about is of course another Black person.

What a load of cr@p! I can't even be bothered to put anything else. Pathetic...

What do you mean Koreans are intolerant people? Do you know all of them? How could you make such an accusation of an entire race? It wouldn't be right if someone made such a statement about you or your race. I think your daughter cares about someone who seems to have the same interests as her. She doesn't see his color or background, she sees who he really is. If they both go to church and spend time doing positive things, who cares what other people think? This is something for her to work through and decide where its going. If you try and deter her from being with him, you make it seem so taboo, that makes it that much more enticing for someone so young. Trust her instincts, and what you have instilled in her in terms of morals and values. She is growing up and becoming her own person. Try and respect that! The most important thing you can teach her is to be compassionate and loving of all people, isn't that what Jesus wanted to us to learn? What is the point of going to church if you leave thinking in such negative, prejudiced thinking that alienates people from each other. Just think about it, and ask God to help you accept everyone and see all of us as connected in spirit.

You totαlly just sold yourself out lαdy you sαy your not rαcist yet you hαve some sort of prejudice with Koreαns αnd wαnt to tell your dαughter to leαve αll Koreαns.. (thαts like sαying αll blαcks guys αre cheαters, αnd spαnish men αre women beαters.. etc)

αnother thing: if she's just α teen most likely this relαtionship won't lαst, it's not like she's hαving α bαby with him or getting mαrried.. teen relαtionships come αnd go especiαlly if he's αcting shαdy she'll eventuαlly get α clue on her own (you telling her won't mαke α difference if αnything she'll hold on to him tighter-thαt is the truth! i did thαt to my mother, my friends did it to thiers---αll girls who's pαrents don't αpprove of thier boyfriends usuαlly hold on to thier guys longer)

Spoken like a true teenager!! Out of the mouths of babes, we get the honest to goodness truth. It isn't easy being a mom, but just remember you were that young once too. Did you agree with everything your mom told you? Did you do everything you were told? Did your emotions for another guy have anything to do with your parents, I know they didn't for me.

How would you feel if your daughter was dating a white boy, but the boy's mom did not like the partnership because "all black girls are easy." Now we all know that statement is not true, it is a gross generalization. Isn't that what you are doing, generalizing this boy because of his race? Why not get to know him, he could surprise you and not be any of the things that you think he is.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Annie_123

Neither child has a father in their life. I am not teaching my child intolerance or to hate people base on their race. The only people who understand what I am talking about is of course another Black person.

---

That's so untrue as good people come in all colors, and all mothers and fathers can only do the best they can, so if your daughter can look beyond the physical so can you. Its your job to be honest and truthful and give love, not hate, the world will teach them that.
It is so very important that you teach your daughter to respect herself and see through to what people are, not how they look, easier said than done, but so essential since there is no male figure to give her self esteem through a fathers' love. I understand that makes it more difficult, but you have to teach your children better than what you've learned, especially about the opposite sex.

Blanket Response to all the reply to my question regarding interracial dating (teens).

First! THE PERSON WHO SUGGESTED "ALL BLACKS GIRLS ARE EASY" This is not a moral issues. I do not have the time to explain race relationship to WHITE PEOPLE. The problem surronding black and stereotypes come directly for WHITES how can you began to speak to me. My questions go directly to people of color not people with issues.

Second! I am so sorry to find out this is not a website for help. It a site for escape.

Third! Do not post any comments to me I am not interest!

Fourth! Never said I was not racist. We all are racist at some point, talking about it freely and openly will open the door to greater understanding. Some wrote "Do I know all Koreans" I find that question stupid at best! The statement that Koreans are intolerant people came for a Korean man of advance years, who has spent half his life living in Korea and the other half living in United States. I think he knows a lot more than you!

I wonder... Not all Koreans are intolerable. Have you met the guy? Ask your daughter what she thinks of him but really you can't stop them dating because if you give them a rule they are just going to want to break it. That's my advice just spend some time with him and your daughter. And that was just 1 Korean man... A lot of things could have happened to him that could affect his personality and outlook on people and life.

Out of curiosity... what do you think YOUR daughter would do if she saw a few black members of her church while she was at the mall with this Korean boy?

OK I didn't have much to add to this one until I got to this... "Second! I am so sorry to find out this is not a website for help. It a site for escape.

Third! Do not post any comments to me I am not interest!

Fourth! Never said I was not racist. We all are racist at some point, talking about it freely and openly will open the door to greater understanding. Some wrote "Do I know all Koreans" I find that question stupid at best! The statement that Koreans are intolerant people came for a Korean man of advance years, who has spent half his life living in Korea and the other half living in United States. I think he knows alot more than you!"...

This isn't a website for help? My have I been duped then as since may I thought it was a great place to get help, secondly, you came here for help, then attacked people who responded just because it might not have been something you wanted to hear.
Thirdly.. you say you are not interested in the replies... great stuff, I can sleep tonight knowing there's one more selfish person in this world who doesn't realize when people are TRYING to help you,then getting attacked and told you don't want to hear anymore...

I am sure if your daughter is old enough (in your eyes) to have a boyfriend I am sure she is old enough to make her own decision on who she goes out with, the more you tell her no, the more she will see him, that's life.

*true story**** I always wanted to go to ireland when I was growing up, but was always told by my family that it was a dangerous place, they are terroists (not my oppinion), everything bad that you hear about the irish I got thrown at me... you know, I went there and experienced it for myself, fell in love with the place, the people, I found them to be very decent, hard working, moral, friendly people I have ever met, so much so I now live there and have never once felt unwelcome... so much for what other people say...

Do you get my point? Get to know this guy, show your daughter what an adult you are by pushing aside your dislike for where this guy is from and being happy that your daughter has found someone who makes her happy.
Things could be a lot worse, instead of going to church with him she could spend her time taking drugs and having sex... never push a good kid into bad things... which is exactly what you will do if you push her away over this.

And, I don't want to get involved with the whole race thing, but I wanted to add, I'm not a racist person, everybody is human, we were all born the same and we will all die, that's the bottom line.. so a person has a different colour skin to me, big deal, I have more important things to worry about than the colour/race/religion of a person.

I also have to add... nothing to do with your problem at all but hey it might make you think...

My partner is irish, I'm english, my family hate him because of where he is from, they cannot stand him, he has never done anything to them, has always been respectful, all he has ever got in return is abuse, calls at 4am calling him an "irish b*****d", the list goes on.
Let me tell you one thing, even though before you said you didn't care about the replies.. one night he broke down and cried in front of me because of everything they were saying about him, he didn't understand why, he didn't know what he had done to them, and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do when I had to tell him to his face its because of where he is from.

Just remember one thing... that korean you dislike so much has feelings too.

I wish your daughter luck.

Teaching a child hatred is child abuse, no matter what color you are.

If you were really a good mom, with the best interest of your child, you'd make a better effort to find out who this fellow is, and what he is about. What your talking about will drive a wedge between you. Your choice, your child or your own hatred.

Annie_123 You are a racist! HOW DARE YOU SAY: SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE WHITE PERSON, you make me sick. You might just be the type of person if living here which would fuel British national party support! - a bunch of low life, racists!

Here in england I have many multi race friends. Iranians, lebonese, KOREAN, Chinese, nigerian. It really doesn't bother me where there from. I don't know what life is like in the U.S. but it certainly isn't like your portraying here. You have limited views and a poor understanding of the world.

'koreans are intolerant' - what a load of twaddle, were all bought up differently, we all have different backgrounds and so we all have different parents. But we are all individuals. Let your daughter live her own life and learn from her own mistakes.

We all live on the same planet, so what's the problem? Were all human, we all have our flaws and good parts. Does it really matter what hair color, skin color or from what background your from. By the way my Korean friend is a great guy ;P

Yes I did annie, hence the answer I gave you.I won't say anymore about it as its obvious you are just on a racist trip trying to get everyone arguing. By the way you are doing a really great job of not being interested in the replies you get! I hope your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind and carry on seeing her boyfriend.
Just curious, if this boy gets her pregnant, will you make her get the baby aborted as it will have korean blood?
Before you carry on disagreeing with everybody take a look at your original post, then ask yourself why you are attacking everyone who answers your post, I don't get it, did you think that you could come here with racist comments and nobody would care? dry your eyes, stop throwing the toys out of the pram because you are too immature to put a persons creed before the actual person.
I wish your daughter all the luck in the world, she's going to need it.

Quote:

---

Both kids are great! Both high GPA, a very devoted to family. Did you read or understand anything I wrote?

---

Sounds as if they have more sense than you do, and you should leave them alone. What church do you go to that allows you to preach such hate?? How can you be so angry will such a well adjusted child?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Annie_123

Annie_123 disagrees: You are stupid. She brought him to our church!

---

Amazing how she doesn't seem to care. Thank the Lord that a child like yours can rise above from such a hateful mother.

[sarcasm on]

All white people are members of the KKK
All black people are criminals
All Koreans are intolerant
All Muslims are terrorists
All Irish are drunks
All Americans are fat
All Mexicans are lazy
All Brits have bad teeth
All French are elitist
All Germans are Nazis

You should keep your daughter far, far away from this boy and anyone who is not black. Tell her how horrible they and everyone who is not black is and repeat it until she gets it.

[sarcasm off]

There. Now you've read what you want to hear.

The race goes on and on and on...

What makes your intolerance to others any different than anyone else's? Aren't you saying that only you are justified in making such comments because you are black? That is the most hippocritical thing I have ever heard. Just the fact that neither has their father in their life should be some realization of the connection they have. They are both embarrassed of how others view them and that is why he hid from the people from church. Your opinion of this just puts flame to the fire. Once day you will see, ignorance is ignorance. I don't think the practices of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said anything about only tolerating your own race.

shatteredsoul you are so right there with what you say, that's like me saying I am white so all other races can go to hell.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Annie_123

I have a teenage daughter (who is black) that wants to date a teenage boy (who is Korean). I am having a great deal of trouble with this concept, I don't care about my daughter dating outside her race but, Koreans are such intolerant people I feel he will hurt her emotionally. They are both very good students and they both attend church. I would like to tell my child to look for another type of boy to date. The current problem is that they were out shopping at the local mall and he saw a member of his church and hide from the church member pretending he was not with my daughrter. My daughter has asked him for an explanation for his strange behavior and all he said is that he cannot talk about it. The emotions and self-esteem of a young black girl living in American is a very fragile thing and I cannot have this guy destroy it with his racial short slightness, ignorance, and confusion. How do I tell my daughter to leave him alone and all Koreans and find another boyfriend

---

Well what if I was talking about my "white" daughter and she was dating a black young man, and I would say that she should not because of... ( pick out your favorite black sterotype)

People of any and all races have to be judged on who they are, your type of additudes on racism is exactly the same of some whites on blacks and some blacks on white, and on mexicians, on orientals and the such.

Now since he is "male" he could have another girl friend at that church, or he may be afraid of what his friends will say about dating a black girl, since all koreans know what type of people they are?? ( your same issue in reverse)

With that said, if he is ashamed to be seen with her by friends, that needs to be addressed, depending on how long they have dated, perhaps she should offer to go to church with him one Sunday ( or saturday) and see what he says.

Please address this as a man or boy who is perhaps a jerk, racism in any level has no place in our world. And with all the civil rights the black has fought for, hearing them treating another race the same thing makes me cry.

He may be getting the same attitude at his home as your daughter is in hers, sad. But honestly I think your fears are talking here more than your racism. I think if she were to bring home a black guy with droopy pants (thug)a toothpick and smelled of weed you'd go off with just as much zeal. I raised a daughter and 3 nieces, and I know that feeling as they grow to womanhood. The only thing I can tell you is they will make decisions you don't like, but from the credentials you presented about your daughter, she ain't slow at all and you've done a good job, so give her some slack mom.

Wow, as a white man who lives in the South, I never thought my first Klan meeting would be led by a black woman who hates Koreans.

Just sit down and tell her that she can find someone better that won't be afraid to be seen with her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TWM420

just sit down and tell her that she can find someone better that wont be afraid to be seen with her.

---

We have all, I think, been dealing with the racism slant of this thread, but have we forgotten the boy's actions in the mall?? Not to excuse mom's lumping all of one race into the same pot, his explanation for his actions are grounds to have a word with her daughter about being respected, and on that I can see her anger.

Im sorry to sound harse but you sound really ignorant. Why would you sit there and say something about a korean male being harmful to your daughter and being ashamed of her by hiding. Basically you saying he is racist. Right? The only reason why I signed up on this site is to tell you that deep down inside you, you are a racist. There is a lot of black men who are worse. I am a black woman and I even got offended by what you said about this korean male. You are racist and don't even realize it. You call him ashamed, we as black women should be ashamed of these black men who walking around with their pants sagging half way off their asses.

You cannot lump all of any race in one category just because of mistakes or ways they grew up. It's always the parents fault for teaching their children wrong things and teaching their children to be racist. Not all koreans are bad just like not all black, white, or yellow men. There are some good ones. Apparently your man or husband or whomever he is to you was good enough to have sex with and you didn't have an abortion.

This is so sad that you have a teenager and talk like some kid. I am 23 yrs old and know better than that. My parents taught us to basically steal and hate white people because of slavery but all of my brothers and sisters and I even at very young ages knew they were full of CRAP. I'm so sick of people like you putting stereotypes on others when you need to look in the mirror and face the ugliness in your own life. You not perfect neither is he nor me. Woman please.

You got a lot of learning to do to be up in age. I hope you didn't say anything to your daughter about her boyfriend. What you need to be doing is asking Jesus Christ to have his way in her life that she'll be happy. That's if he is even your Lord.

When it boils down to it, As long as your daughter and him are happy and The Lord blesses them, you should stay out of her business...

Then again, maybe your daughter should talk with him and maybe they don't belong together... but the fact is still you are no better than him for making the statements you've made about korean. On top of that, have you checked statistics lately and read that 1 in 4 blacks have hiv and don't even know it?

Talk about "a lot" of blacks on here while you talking about koreans. Give everyone some pros and cons. And let eveyone know the percentage of single parent homes in the black community and how many of us black people sell drugs to each other, dog our own women out in rap music and all the other downfalls we have. Then make a statement about another race.

We are "suppose" to love one another unconditionally which is hard for us HUMANS to do. We all are HUMANSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Some of us just have more problems than others but a problem is a problem is a problem. Right? Of coarse.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Annie_123

Blanket Response to all the reply to my question regarding interracial dating (teens).

First! THE PERSON WHO SUGGESTED "ALL BLACKS GIRLS ARE EASY" This is not a moral issues. I do not have the time to explain race relationship to WHITE PEOPLE. The problem surronding black and stereotypes come directly for WHITES how can you began to speak to me. My questions go directly to people of color not people with issues.

Second! I am so sorry to find out this is not a website for help. It a site for escape.

Third! Do not post any comments to me I am not interest!

Fourth! Never said I was not racist. We all are racist at some point, talking about it freely and openly will open the door to greater understanding. Some wrote "Do I know all Koreans" I find that question stupid at best! The statement that Koreans are intolerant people came for a Korean man of advance years, who has spent half his life living in Korea and the other half living in United States. I think he knows alot more than you!

---

Lady you got problems. You said you want to hear something from people of color? Well baby I'm as Caramel Chocolate as they come. How dare you state that everyone is a racist in some kind of way. I'm faaaaaaaarrrrrrrr from a racist. You are very childish and your teenage daughter sounds to have more sense than you and I don't know her from squirrell nuts.

1 statement from 1 korean man. WOW! You really are smart and have done research huh? You are the type of woman that makes us black women fit stereotype. You are very selfish and if I were you, I couldn't look in the mirror without wearing a grocery bag over it.

Don't put me in your idiotic stereotypes of "all of us are racist". I have a relationship with Jesus Christ whom is my Lord and Saviour and You go to church? I would hate to go to your church. Its people like you that make atheist not want to have any kind of relationship with God. All that anger and hate you have in your heart is from your own incompotent life. That sounds mean doesn't. What else sounds mean is that your probably overweight and have aids. Probably on welfare and a single parent who's hair looks like a burnt brillo pad. Using all of tax payers money to sit around the house and have high cholesterol. WOW! Look at all of those stereotypes. That's not even scratching the surface.

Not to mention baby daddy drama and different babies daddies for each child. I hope you get the picture. If I was korean and read that. I would be extremely pissed lady. GROW UP! You sound like a stereotype.

This is more of a comment than a question. I am so sick of my nationality (African Amereican) blaming other races for our problems. Some of these people have more excuses than ever.

My parents taught all 10 of us children, and yes we all have the same mother and father so that baby daddy stereotype call be smoked, that we should hate white people because of what they did to us in slavery. What kind of BS can anyone teach their kids. I don't ever remember being a slave but only a slave to my parents.

This is sickening and disturbing. I love all people. I may not like them but I love them. I love my parent, although I don't like them.

If any race wants to be poor, Its because they choose to. Im sick of black people saying that the "white man holding them down".lol Negro please! You holding yourself down. Just cause your parents where poor and raised you to live like it doesn't mean you have to be. Get some motivation and read the bible. Believe me, It help.

Stop blaming everyone for your incompotency and bust a move! The problem is, we trust in ourselves too much and don't put enough trust in God. We are The Lords little children. He doesn't expect us to fend for ourselves like some of our parents left us to do.

Go to L. Ray Smith - Exposing Those Who Contradict and

I wouldn't tell your daughter that she couldn't see home because that will only make things worse. Why don't you get to know this boy better? Or tell them they can see each other buut only under your supervision for awhile. When your daughter is 18 she will probably do what she wants anyway. But I don't think the race of them should matter.:)

Be a parent and pull rank. You have every right to dictate who your daughter can and cannot date. Don't let yourself be made to feel guilty by those who would claim that you're being racist or prejudiced, etc. The fact that this guy had to hide from a member of his own church so that he wouldn't realize that this boy and your daughter were together, followed by his refusal to talk about it, is a huge red flag. You have every right and responsibility to protect your daughter from such hurtful behavior.

How can the momma give advice or even want to meet the kid when she has already stereotyped him. The only people who should give advice are people with a sound mind. Unfortunately this lady is insane

I'll admit I answered the original question before reading the rest of the posts. Upon reading them it does sound like the OP has a racist agenda and that's not a good thing. It doesn't change my opinion about her controlling who her daughter dates but it should be for the right reasons. Hiding from an acquaintance when in her presence constitutes a good reason as far as I'm concerned and this particular person should be avoided like the plague. That certainly shouldn't be attributed to the fact that he's Korean. But he does have issues which make her dating him not a good thing.

You are teaching your child bigotry and hatred. Why could only a black person understand what you are saying? Why did you chastise Jizer saying "spoken like a true white person"? You are spewing intolerance - why not just leave the kids alone and let this young relationship die its natural death - no need to share your racism with your daughter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chuff

Wow, as a white man who lives in the South, I never thought my first Klan meeting would be led by a black woman who hates Koreans.

---

"letmetellu disagrees: Very bad thng to say even as a joke."

Interesting. The OP is a flaming racist and you find fault with my comment. Looks like my second Klan meeting will be led by a person of undetermined race, probably under the hood, who hates white guys that hate hate black women that hate Koreans.

You shouldn't feed off ignorance. Having someone say something like that about your daughter would probably be upsetting for you; so you shouldn't try to implement such thoughts into her. Let them enjoy what's going on, because after all, it is between the two of them. See where it goes and how long it lasts. Wouldn't it be nice knowing that the person you once thought was wrong for your daughter turn out to be the complete opposite? If he treats her right and loves her for her, then you shouldn't have to worry about anything. Don't live off assumption,instead, live off experience.

Ok I was off a little. All I can say is that you should try to talk to her about it. Not about leaving him (because that's not going to solve anything) but rather, about building confidence in herself, so if this were to continue, she ends up not losing. At the end of the day, she'll have tough skin, and she'll have you to thank for it.