All my life I've always been rebellious. With my parents I realized very young that when I don't care about anything then I can't be punished. At about 9, the last time my dad spanked me, I looked at hi and said "Is that all you got?" My mom played the whole I'm kicking you out when I was 13, and I didn't cry at all I packed up and started to leave, when she said "Youre not getting out that easy". I remember when I told my mom NO when she told me to do the dishes... and she broke a pllastic hanger over me. From 13-16 I've been in more physical fight with my mother than you could believe...
Now Im reaping the consequences... Im engaged and my rebellious nature constantly puts a strain on our relationship. When he says something ill do the opposite. When I think he is going to surprise me ill go out of my way so that he can't because I don't want him to think he was able to manipulate me. If his friends wife says "Hey wanna come shopping with me?" and I think that its because his friend wants to spend time with him alone ill say no and get all mad when my fiancé asks to be alone... because I don't want to be talked about.

I need counselling, or pills, or something. The rebellion was always there... but the distrust came to be when I was forced to be in another state by my family because they didn't want me to be with my fiancé anymore because he , being 5 yearsolder than me was a pervert. According to them. So now I constantly feel trapped, and manipulated, and that I can't trust anyone.
Advice,anyone??


(Im waiting for the harshness... >.<)

Give me an example of how you would act in a situation where you can't have control and you can't escape.

Okay Why are you waiting for the harshness?

How old are you now?

If your considered an adult now. You need to make decisions for yourself. That is it. Also know that with each decision you make has a consequence.

I would say if it is possible that you should go to counseling. If you feel that you have a problem then that is what I think you should start doing. Especially when you do realize that a lot of the problems you have is because of your behaviour and how much it puts stress on other people, but believe it or not your putting that stress on yourself.

Has anything happened to you as a young child. Physical, mental or sexual abuse? This would explain a lot of your behaviour now?

I am just going by what you wrote and not everything that I ask or say may be true but it is always a possibility.

So start counseling and confiding your thoughts to somebody, which your also doing here and hopefully you will get the help you need to learn how to look at life and look at people differently. Trust takes time but I do not even think you trust yourself.

How is this for harshness. Lol

Joe

Dang where to start. Do everything I could to make that persons life a living hell... anything I could that wouldn't get me arrested. Give me a hypothetical situation ill give it to you

Lol well I know that people can be brutal in their answers on here.

My mom was always a control freak, which oinly made me want to get away. She would always say things like "no matter how much you struggle ill always be bigger than you"
She would always make my dad cry, and all she ever did was smoke drink her dr pepper and yell and tell us what to do.
It was a constant power struggle about who was more in control of me. Eventually I got to be in my teens and drove her to an attempt at suicide by my developed wit.
Everyone always said her condition wasn't my fault, and that her trying to do that wasn't my fault, but I knew I coud have stopped it.

You say you drove her to the suicide attempt. No one drives anybody to do anything. Everybody, every individual has their own personal choices to make. If she did follow through with it or if it was an attempt. This is something that she chose. Something that she needs to work out. It has nothing to do with you even though you may feel that way.

It does sound like your mother needs help and also an attention seeker.
Yelling and screaming and being a control freak is all recipes for disaster all around her. Family and friends.

You can not stop somebody from making a decision like that.

Now that your old enough, now it is up to you not to repeat the same behaviour. It is up to you to make different decisions and possitive decisions that will effect you and the people around you.

Are you close to your dad? Was he always fighting with her? Because of the behaviour.

I have to give you one complimant. At least the way you were brought up you learned how to stand up for yourself, which is a good thing.

How do you feel when you aren't in control? You sound like a very hostile person. It also sounds like you had a restricted childhood, which of course, begets rebellion. Here's my question: You are old enough now that you are in control of your own life, so why rebel now. Do you still feel restricted. Marriage can be restrictive, you know. Have you thought about how being married will make you feel?

Lol standing up for myself is an understatement, but I not sure if it's a good thing.

When I was a kid I was attatched to my dads neck. He hated what happened between me andmy mom but he never stopped it. She always wore the pants. He got pretty bad blood pressure which made him angry and violent sometimes... like he would throw stuff or whatever, but at least unlike my mom when he cooled down he would cry and hug me and tell me how sorry he was.
I just al.ways fought my emotions I never wanted to be one of those people who said "I have these problems and its because of my parents" because I know that if I had to blame the bad things on them then id have to give them credit for the good things. And I think people need to fess up to who they are.
Now I'm getting married. I haven't gotten in a fight with them for about 8-9 months because they realized that now, I canleave and they don't want that. My mom wants to help with the wedding, she's brilliant with that stuff... but I just find it hard to talk to her. I walk in, go to my room, sleep, and get up and go to work. I don't acknoledge her existence. Blah... sorry this was long

All the time that's my fear. That when immarried ill feel like ill have to give up some of my friends... Ill have to answer to him. Im scared of the fact that all my life I've fought for freedom and now RIGHT as soon as I'm a legal adult to do whatever I want... I jump into being under someone.
I had a very restricted childhood. Couldn't date until 17, (Which I began at 12) couldn't wear makeup until 14 (Which I began at 10) couldn't wear spagetti strap shirts until... never... I just took them out and changed somewhere else.
My problem is I am very hostile. And I get some kind of sick fascination out of knowing that I'm more in control of myself than anyone else. Woohoo. It's a childish thing because only children are not in control of themselves. But now being an adult... that's gone. I just want to grow up.

In the situation, I would act according to how severely it would affect the person who tries to hold that control. If one person would be hurt by my silence, I would ignore their existence... so on and so forth

Not long at all. It was not long too me anyway.

Well congrats on getting married soon and I hope that you have a good wedding.

I know wedding can cause a lot of stress, but anybody starts problems at this time you know what to do. Tell them to go stuff themselves.

I know my wife and I had to do that with a couple of family members that were causing trouble.

At least your old enough to know that your responsible for your own actions and you actually do sound quite mature.

So if you truly feel you need help I still think counseling would be good. I guess, your getting that here? Lol

Anyway, I do not blame you one bit for not acknowledging your moms existence. That is your choice and sometimes that is the best thing.

It is late late or should I say real early in the morning and I have to go back to sleep and get up in a couple of hours for work.

Thank you for your advice :)

Well, the good thing is that you are aware how self-destructive your behavior is and that you want to change it. For some, that may be the hardest part.
There is a lot of luck that goes into who we get for parents. Don't hold it against them. Do what you can to let go of some of your hostility. For example, if you are driving on the road and someone wants to merge in front of you, let them. You are actually still in control, but you are choosing to use your control to benefit someone else. I think it is pretty normal to want to be in control of ourselves (I don't drink alcohol because it limits my ability to control myself). I wouldn't be too worried about that. Try doing little things to help other people. You may be fascinated with exerting control, but that fascination will grow exponentially when you focus your efforts on someone else. The happiest people that I know spend the majority of their time helping other. Make sure you take care of yourself too though.

You already know the problems so you need to get counseling but knowing and seeing the problems is really 1/2 the battle.

You sure are an angry person, but you want to change and that's something. Maybe instead of getting married right now you should explore yourself and find why you are angry, and rebellious, and work on changing it. How about seeing a doctor first, and he may recommend a counselor or whatever you need. It would be a good place to start. Good Luck and hang in there.

How old are you now?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by startover22

How old are you now?

---

18

Ok, knowing that, what would be the problem with leaving your boyfriend, ask your parents forgiveness, and ask them to help you get on the right road. I sure wish I would have done that... I was emotionless for more than half of my life. I have a feeling you just need a step in the right direction. You really need to fix you before going on with your life. You will be happier and healthier, and many people in your life will start to believe in you again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by startover22

Ok, knowing that, what would be the problem with leaving your boyfriend, ask your parents forgiveness, and ask them to help you get on the right road. I sure wish i would have done that.......I was emotionless for more than half of my life. I have a feeling you just need a step in the right direction. You really need to fix you before going on with your life. You will be happier and healthier, and many people in your life will start to believe in you again.

---

Because he loves me and respects me... I won't hurt someone who hasn't done anything to me.

It is not about him honey, he can still love you and respect you while you figure things out. Maybe a few sessions and a good long talk with your folks will help. That is my advice, Fix YOU then move on to the other parts of your life. If he really respects you and loves you then he will be really proud of your decision to become a better person.

Snaveleber, I am sorry, I take back going to your parents, I don't know how, but I missed part of these posts about your parents. DO NOT go to them. They are not healthy people to turn to, I know you know that. Anyway, why don't you start by seeing a professional, get an evaluation at least is a good start. Let them know that you are there to make a change. I know of someone who wrote down every night before she went to sleep, something she wanted to accomplish. She said they started to be realyy small things like, giving her self a compliment in the mirror, or instead of letting the dog out side to go pee, she took him for a walk. At first her lists were very long and petty, but soon they grew to be smaller and more important. I wish you all the luck in the world. I have faith that you are strong enough to make a change...

Snaveleber, look at you and your sweet picture. Is this a step in a great new direction for you? How are you feeling today, you still want to make a difference? I am making my own differences, let's see if we can help each other through...

Just an observation from your posts, think before you act on your impulses.