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-   -   Should I say yes? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=806798)

  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:18 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    Should I say yes?
    I meet this guy at me new job I started. He really nice and I like him a lot we get along great, have the same interests and he's kind of cute. He asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him to the movies. I really wanted to say yes, but I told him I would have to ask first. I do really like him but I'm a bit unsure he's older than me, his dad is me boss and I'm not to sure what me dad would think. I would have said yes straight away but I'm trying to think more about things before I do them. Me mum is away with her boyfriend in Bali I would usually ask her and I don't want to ask me dad. Don't know what to do any suggestions?
  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:22 AM
    Wondergirl
    Ask your dad. He is the one you are responsible to. (P.S. Workplace relationships are NOT a good idea.)
  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:33 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    No I can't ask me dad he doesn't really care what I do at the moment. I do really like him it does bother me that his dad is me boss but then I'm only working here until school starts
  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:34 AM
    Homegirl 50
    I agree with Wondergirl, I would also add you are new on the job and dating the boss son is not smart. How old are the two of you?
  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:44 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    I'm 15 he's 17. I thought it might be a bit weird with his dad being my boss but he said his dad is cool with him asking me and I do really like him, but I don't want to mess everything up either
  • Jan 9, 2015, 11:45 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    No I can't ask me dad he doesn't really care what I do at the moment. I do really like him it does bother me that his dad is me boss but then I'm only working here until school starts

    It doesn't matter that he doesn't care. (And I'm betting he does.) This is a wonderful way to start to get back his trust. I again am warning you about workplace relationships. They usually fall apart. And with the boss's son? Don't even think about it!
  • Jan 9, 2015, 12:02 PM
    tickle
    You don't really know if his dad is 'cool with him asking you'. I would pass if I were you. It isn't like he is the end all and be all of dating and you are better off not going even if you only have this job until school starts. Tell the guy the truth when you say no. Don't make something up that sounds better.

    I guess we are all in agreement.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 12:07 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Your probably right it's probably a bad idea I just really like him and I'm kind of lonely no one to hang out with. It is only the movies though argh I don't know.

    Maybe we should go but not on date just as friends?
  • Jan 9, 2015, 12:23 PM
    catonsville
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    Seriously he really doesn't care he hardly even speaks to me anymore not that I care anyway. Your probably right it's probably a bad idea I just really like him and I'm kind of lonely no one to hang out with. It is only the movies though argh I don't know.

    Maybe we should go but not on date just as friends?

    Maybe you should listen to what has been said, that would be smarter. For some reason, you sound like another young lady who has problems listening to what has been said. I hope I am wrong on that.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 12:31 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    I guess I already kind of new it was a bad idea. I don't want to mess up me job even if it is only for another 3 weeks. And I'll still get to hang out with him at work any way.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 12:55 PM
    tickle
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    I guess I already kind of new it was a bad idea. I don't want to mess up me job even if it is only for another 3 weeks. And I'll still get to hang out with him at work any way.

    Yes, you can remain friends, and maybe something will come about when you quit that job. I wouldn't call it a bad idea, just not at the right time, not appropros, so to speak. No one I know dates within a working environment because they know it just does not work out. It is improper is what I am trying to get at. A romantic working relationship eventually becomes uncomfortable especially when the one you are dating is not trustworthy.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 01:00 PM
    talaniman
    Just do your job and leave the bosses son alone. You may like the dude, being you are so lonely and bored and all, but keep it strictly business at work. You have enough troubles without getting all goo goo with a STRANGER!

    Be pretty dumb to take the word of a older kid who happens to be the bosses son, and then find out the boss isn't okay with you seeing him. None of that matters anyway, since you need to stay away from trouble and temptation for a while.

    At least you stopped to think before you acted, so keep thinking before you act. You're right, it's a bad idea right now for sure.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 04:03 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Thanks I told him this morning when I got to work that I liked him but didn't think it was a good idea to see each other in case it didn't work out and item it would be uncomfortable. He was disappointed but said he understood. He said he would like to still be friends and invited me over to his house after work today to hang out with him and his friends. I told him I'd think about it I'm not to sure though they are all older than me and I don't really know them at all
  • Jan 9, 2015, 05:42 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    Thanks I told him this morning when I got to work that I liked him but didn't think it was a good idea to see each other in case it didn't work out and item it would be uncomfortable. He was disappointed but said he understood. He said he would like to still be friends and invited me over to his house after work today to hang out with him and his friends. I told him I'd think about it I'm not to sure though they are all older than me and I don't really know them at all

    If you want to gain back your dads trust then go to work, go home, do things around the house. Hanging out with a bunch of people you don't know, who are older than you, is not a good idea, that's what usually lands you (specifically you) in trouble.
  • Jan 9, 2015, 05:52 PM
    catonsville
    .(( Hanging out with a bunch of people you don't know, who are older than you, is not a good idea, that's what usually lands you (specifically you) in trouble.))

    I hope you get the Message. It was said very nicely and not how I would have said it. Deep meaning there.
  • Jan 11, 2015, 06:55 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Thanks I didn't end up going over to his house to hang out. Just kind of makes it hard going to work now though he keeps on asking me don't know what to say don't want to be mean.

    He probably thinks I'm being a snob. I still have to work with him
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:00 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    Thanks I didn't end up going over to his house to hang out. Just kind of makes it hard going to work now though he keeps on asking me don't know what to say don't want to be mean.

    He probably thinks I'm being a snob. I still have to work with him

    And once again you didn't follow the advice given, and once again you're now having even more issues because you didn't follow the advice.

    Why do you ask for advice if you never have any intention of following it?
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:25 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    I did listen I didn't go to his house. He just keeps on asking me and I don't know what to say with out being rude
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:28 PM
    Wondergirl
    I don't like the idea of you going to the home of someone you hardly know and hanging out with his (male?) friends you don't know at all. Will his parents be there? You might be the only girl in a crowd of guys (who are older than you are). Talk about being a sitting duck! Not good.

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    I did listen I didn't go to his house. He just keeps on asking me and I don't know what to say with out being rude

    "No! Please stop asking me. Thank you."
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:32 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    I did listen I didn't go to his house. He just keeps on asking me and I don't know what to say with out being rude

    Sorry, I read your post and for some reason read that you did go to his house. I apologize for misreading it and posting what I did.

    The fact is, you did the right thing. If he keeps asking, just tell him that you're trying to get back on track at home, that you have some trust issues with your dad and you don't want to screw that up, so for now you're laying low, going to work, working at home, doing well at school, and that's it.

    That way you make it about you, not about him. If he keeps pushing then you may have to go to his dad and tell him that you feel harassed.
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:45 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Thanks that sounds good just didn't want to say too much don't want people to know how stupid I've been but that sounds good. I don't blame you for thinking I didn't listen I'm kind of good at that but I'm trying to do better wish me dad would talk to me more it would be nice to be able to talk to him instead.
  • Jan 11, 2015, 07:57 PM
    Alty
    Kiddo, I get it. I've never messed up as bad as you did, but I wasn't a perfect teenager. No one's perfect. NO ONE!

    You made a mistake, you're young, you now have the chance to make it right. I believe I told you in your first post here that it wouldn't be easy to gain back your dad's trust, and it wouldn't happen overnight. But keep making good decisions, good choices, and it will happen. Your dad loves you, he's just not sure how to handle all this. Parents aren't omnipotent, we're just human beings. We don't know how to handle everything that comes along, and you kids don't come with handbooks. We play it by ear most of the time, and sometimes we do the right thing, and other times we don't.

    Give your dad time. Until then, we're here. As long as you're willing to listen, I'm willing to answer. I may not always say what you want to hear, but I'll answer the way I would answer one of my kids, one is 3 years younger than you, the other is a year older.

    I wish you could talk to your dad too, that would be the best thing. But if you can't, at least you're on a site where people care, people will give you good advice, and they won't steer you in the wrong direction. :)
  • Jan 11, 2015, 08:35 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Thanks I understand why dad is being the way he is.I know what I have to do to get my dad to see that I'm trying to change. Just hope I can make the right choices and stay out of trouble. Hope this guy understand I really just want to do my job I don't mind being friends with him at work but I know if its more than that ill probably end up doing something dumb. So thanks for the advice
  • Jan 14, 2015, 02:41 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    I didn't got to work today called in sick, not sure if I can go back. The bosses son was talking to me yesterday and said he heard I liked to take pill and party so why won't I go out and have some fun with him and his friends. I told him I don't do that anymore. He said some pretty horrible things made me want to cry. I can imagine what people must think of me. I don't want to go back and work with him but if I quit I don't think it would look good either me dad would probably think I just couldn't handle it. Don't know what to do, I would have liked to punch him in the face can't believe I ever liked him
  • Jan 14, 2015, 02:53 PM
    joypulv
    Yes you CAN go back! You don't work for this guy. Steer clear of him and answer only to his father.
    Do you have the sense now that he really did expect you to put out? Of course he did, and he doesn't give a ##%%$^ about anything except sex, because now he's angry, or at least annoyed. Good, he deserves to me annoyed. Poor selfish entitled boss's son.
    Don't give anyone the satisfaction of quitting. Go back to work tomorrow, do you job, and IGNORE him.
    If you think it's necessary, tell his father that you would prefer to able to not have to interact with his son except for basic work reasons. Don't say why. That puts you on record as wanting to keep your distance, in case the son decides to start rumors.
  • Jan 14, 2015, 02:54 PM
    Homegirl 50
    You can share what happened with your dad. Ask him what he thinks you should do.
    Go to work. Do your work and stay clear of him. If he approaches you again report him to his dad.
  • Jan 14, 2015, 03:04 PM
    Cat1864
    I think you did a great job explaining to him that you are turning your life around. What he thinks doesn't matter because he just showed how immature he is and what his real intentions were.

    In all honesty, you will have to learn to ignore those who want to focus on your past as you work to build a better future. As you show people through your hard work that you are changing, your reputation will change.

    I suggest going back with your head held high. Do your job to the best of your ability. Learn all that you can from the job including how to work with people who you rather wouldn't. Hopefully end up with a glowing recommendation from your employer for your next job.

    If the son continues to be a hostile or abusive, very calmly talk to your employer and see how things go from there. It may be the boss' son, but it should be handled as professionally as you can.

    Good luck.
  • Jan 14, 2015, 05:24 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    Thanks for the advice. Not to sure I can face him again, he said some pretty mean things to me. But I suppose I should go back it will be hard he made me feel really horrible I suppose its me own fault .But if he touches me again I swear I will punch him even if I do lose me job and me dad be angry with me
  • Jan 14, 2015, 05:29 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit View Post
    Thanks for the advice. Not to sure I can face him again, he said some pretty mean things to me. But I suppose I should go back it will be hard he made me feel really horrible I suppose its me own fault .But if he touches me again I swear I will punch him even if I do lose me job and me dad be angry with me

    No punching. Act like a lady, not a little kid. Just turn your back on him and walk away. He WANTS to get a reaction out of you. Don't let it happen.
  • Jan 14, 2015, 05:40 PM
    Thinkaboutit
    I understand that but its not going to be easy if I hadn't of been so upset yesterday I would have hit him when he tried to feel me up yuk. I don't really want to ever see him again. I'm just going to stay away from him and hope he doesn't come near me.
  • Jan 14, 2015, 06:11 PM
    Cat1864
    Try to stay away from him but do not allow it to affect your job.

    If he puts his hands on you, immediately report it to your boss and your father.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 01:06 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    I will try to stay away from him but something's we have to do together. I'm just going to pretending didn't happen. If he does it again I don'tknow what I'll do guess I will just walk away. Hopefully he will leave me alone
  • Jan 15, 2015, 05:07 AM
    joypulv
    If he touches you, shout DON'T TOUCH ME as loud as you can. Usually that's enough. He needs to know you mean it.
    Too many teen girls, having been brought up to be nice to people, don't understand that it's OK to be really assertive, sometimes in a 'mean' sounding way, at times.
    This is one of them.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 06:15 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    I couldn't do that people would think I'm mental. It would be embarrassing! If he does it again I'll just, I don't know, hopefully he got it yesterday he ain't getting nothing from me. I just don't even want to go back but I know I eed to do this so me dad doesn't think I'm just quitting cause its hard.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 06:21 AM
    joypulv
    You are wrong about what people would think. He tried to feel you up! If you don't want to shout, then speak loud enough for people to hear, but in a low voice, with your teeth clenched, and very slowly and enunciated -
    DON'T
    TOUCH
    ME
    There's no one in the world who doesn't get that.
    Good practice for the future. I assume that you are an attractive girl.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 06:28 AM
    Thinkaboutit
    See the thing is he's me bosses son if I did something like that I'd probably lose me job. I been thinking heaps about it and I need to keep this job so I can show me dad I can change and make good choices. If I punch him or yell at him I'm going to lose me job I mean who would believe me anyway.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 06:39 AM
    talaniman
    You simply tell your boss and let him handle it. If you cannot stand for yourself and do what's right then all those good intentions and high hopes are out the window, and the snot just keeps using and abusing you. Probably has been doing it a long time to others, and sees you as an easy mark in the first place.

    If you cannot stand for yourself in someway, you will fall for whatever this guy puts down for you.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 07:18 AM
    catonsville
    Stop the "Woe is Me" put your big girl boots on and do what the ladies here have told you to do. They are right and you need to get it done. This is getting to be" a soap opera".
  • Jan 15, 2015, 07:22 AM
    J_9
    Stop playing the martyr and do what you have been told to do. Feeling you up is sexual harassment.
  • Jan 15, 2015, 07:47 AM
    joypulv
    It is sounding more and more like your whole partying past was an effort to be liked because you have always felt unloved and inadequate.
    You have changed your outward actions, but not your inner sense of self esteem.
    You CAN tell him not to touch you in a firm voice! You don't have to yell. No one said anything about punching. I said 'loud vioce' so that he would know that others heard you, and so that you MEANT it.
    If you want to keep making excuses, then all your efforts to be someone secure in herself are lost.
    I say tell him and others here say tell his father.
    I'm just not sure how you will say it to his father, and think those 3 little words directed at the SON are better.
    For all anyone knows, the father is protective of his son.

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