Ask Me Help Desk - I'm 18 and I want to leave my family home

I'm 18 and I want to leave my family home

I am almost done with college but hate the field I'm studying. When I was 17, I was a stripper and tried running away, but my parents found out and cried and apologized for the abusive situation they had created that made me decide to leave in the first place. They're much nicer now, but still controlling. If I don't make the choices they want me to make, instead of hurting me, they now become very scared and sad because they know I could leave, and also that their becoming upset really upsets me in turn, because I do care for them. I also have other siblings whom I love to death, but they completely agree with my parents' choices for them (these are mostly cultural and religious, I should mention), so - at risk of sounding unfortunately both teenage and trite - they just do not understand. Because I do not agree, and if I'm wrong not to do so, I'd like to please find out for myself.

I like to consider myself a considerate person, and last time, it was morally okay for me to leave because they's really created a despicable world for their child to live. This time, it would be much more cruel on my part to do so, and this unsettles me a great deal, but I still desire the opportunity ever so much. I was extremely good at stripping - upwards of five hundred a night with my "physical" boundaries entirely intact. I never smoked, drank, or did drugs, and I like to say I'm too attracted to women to lose any part of myself to a guy voluntarily. (I am, however, inclined to honor my parents' wish and get married to a nice man from my culture... someday.) I am also very artistically talented (not my own opinion), and I could do some freelance, but I do know this won't keep a roof on my head. So I could strip for some months and a year before finding something I actually wish to pursue. Maybe get another degree on a scholarship.

Then when I'm settled with all of my choices - and no later - I'll revisit them with tears and kind words and apologies.

Is all this terribly far-fetched and inane?

At 18, you're a legal adult and can leave...seems that the only thing holding you back will be you. There is no easy way to do it but what are your long-term plans? You can't expect to live with them until you're 50, right?

You also aren't entitled to any monetary support once you leave either... also keep in mind... they also won't have to take you back when you come crawling back this time. There is a steep price to pay for having to do things your way. You may find that Stripping is going to slam shut some doors of opportunity in a lot of job fields. But that's a choice and a price you as an adult will pay for your choices.

Also... its pretty obvious... that its not them that have trouble understanding... but you. Also remember just because they took you back once... doesn't mean they will again... false tears and apologies aside.

What's the old saying... fool me once... shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Even the best parents have limits as to what they will accept. I know many that would not have given you a second chance..... much less a third.

How can you be almost done with college at 18?

I suggest that you get the degree in the field you don't like, just for the degree. Change majors for an art one.
Then move far away and do what you want, and don't tell them. If stripping, just be ever aware of the dangers. Save $75,000 in one year, use it to buy a condo, and get an art job, and be a starving artist.

I am not looking for monetary support from anyone but myself. That's why I want to leave. And by no means will I be crawling back when I return, because if it's a crawling position in which I'll happen to find myself, I'll try with my life to find crutches and a way to my own two feet alone, before bothering any poor souls with it. I wish to return to try my best to heal wounds I selfishly inflicted.It is rather for my own benefit, not theirs, admittedly, but there should be no leeching of real resources on my part. Just emotions, maybe.
Thank you for your responses thus far. I sought out this community because it seemed to offer less frivolity than that of the ever-popular Yahoo! Answers. I daresay I am not mistaken.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

How can you be almost done with college at 18?

I suggest that you get the degree in the field you don't like, just for the degree. Change majors for an art one.
Then move far away and do what you want, and don't tell them. If stripping, just be ever aware of the dangers. Save $75,000 in one year, use it to buy a condo, and get an art job, and be a starving artist.

Yes! I do plan for a condo. Perhaps more than one.

I assume you are not in the us and college is your equivalent of what we call high school? So you would next go to university?

Personally, I could not approve of your plan. The money is appealing but stripping puts you in company of some seedy people. You could be raped , kidnapped , sold. Why not just go to university and get a real job?

I was born and reside in the US, and was fortunate to have finished high school (very) early. My parents were strong on education; I do admire that.But this all is rather far from the point.

Hard to believe this claim. You skipped four grades? Wondering if this whole thing is made up.

What benefit would I incur from making this up?
This is a typical reaction whenever I ask this question online. Why is skipping grades so difficult to believe? Or does no one know their own mind enough to take control of their education these days?
Sorry if I sound vexed, but dear God. Answer the question. Please.

Its difficult to believe because very few people are actually able to skip one grade... much less four. You would have been required to prove you have mastered the entire curriculum in a grade by testing before it would even be considered... and very few school systems would even allow it.

I've known some incredibly gifted people...and only one of them was able to skip a single grade.

In regards to your parents, what is it exactly that you don't agree with? (Also - you have to understand how farfetched your story is, ridiculous even. A child prodigy finishing college at 18 who stripped when she was 17, making $500 dollars a night (where did all that money go?) who isn't terribly worried about losing any part of herself to a man (voluntarily that is) because she is more attracted to women anyway, who thinks that stripping again for a while to save enough money to buy a few condo's is a good idea... come on.)

If you were bright enough to skip four grades you would have full scholarships and be at the elite college of your choice on a full ride. Maybe you would work in the college library for pocket money. You would not be living At home and would not need to strip for money. This is bogus.

I understand. I have not met people like me, either. Well, except for my sister, who skipped two.

My parents, it would seem, were not in the financial situation that scholarships favor.
And nothing pays as well as stripping. Nothing.
I'm not talking pocket money, here.

I don't wish to pursue the career, to be devout in the religion, and to marry in two years.
Wow. It is far-fetched, isn't it?
I'm a little scared. Maybe my identity could be discovered because of its sheer singularity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

My parents, it would seem, were not in the financial situation that scholarships favor.

Scholarships don't favor parents and their financial situation. That's why there are scholarships -- to give not-wealthy students a way to finance their education.

That's the thing. My parents were more than able to pay. I was not at all not-wealthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

That's the thing. My parents were more than able to pay. I was not at all not-wealthy.

So why no college/university?

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

Sorry if I sound vexed, but dear God. Answer the question. Please.

Dear God ? Are you not being answered thus far ?

I am graduating from university. There is very mild local press on me (the way it like it), which of course, I'd do better not to share :)

Yes, they are being answered. Thank you all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

I am graduating from university. There is very mild local press on me (the way it like it), which of course, I'd do better not to share :)

Sorry, I don't believe a word of it. Oh share, please do ! We won't tell. So, what did you do with all the money you made stripping ?

This all sounds very familiar from someone else in the past few months.

Haha, good one.
I worked twice or thrice a week for about eight months.
Much of it was for high-end beauty treatments and gowns, I'm rather chagrined to admit.
Then there was an Origin computer and Sennheiser headphones. Art supplies and a Wacom Cintiq.
Oh, and the piano.

You can always bank the dancer money, and get qualified for a really good job that you want as a career, and be independent enough to do your thing when you decide what you want to do in life. I don't know any rich dancers, and most over the long haul HAVE to dance because they squandered youthful opportunities, and great tips on material choices.

Even staying with your parents should be seen as an opportunity to get your act together for the long term, when the tips are not so great. But I understand the lure of fun and frivolous frolic that very young people have, and want to explore and experiment with. You have been blessed with book brains and early graduation, so I would hope you press that advantage for your own gain, as there is plenty of time to shake your butt for a few bucks and instant gratification.

It would seem such a young smart cookie would know that wanting to leave home as a stripper/dancer, and no solid long term career plan is not a very good idea, just to get out away from parents. Its no solid way to manage your life, and create good options, and opportunities, that pays for what you want.

The lure of quick, easy, and fun money is strong, but I am sure a whizz kid as yourself can figure a better plan. Just in case the good time you enjoy now turns into the hard times of reality. No secret I think you are wasting your time on the wrong things, and have flaws in your plans.

I like your confidence though, but the success of your plan depends on how well it goes for you, and the adjustments you make when it DOESN'T.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You can always bank the dancer money, and get qualified for a really good job that you want as a career, and be independent enough to do your thing when you decide what you want to do in life. I don't know any rich dancers, and most over the long haul HAVE to dance because they squandered youthful opportunities, and great tips on material choices.
...

I like your confidence though, but the success of your plan depends on how well it goes for you, and the adjustments you make when it DOESN'T.

Your answer was very helpful. Thank you so much.
I understand where you are getting at. Do you think you might be able to explain more?
My plan is not perfect. I suppose that I could further my study in the field that I will graduate with a degree. I could live with my pleased, proud parents and have that career, and I could wear long dresses and get married by twenty-one and have a nice whiz kid number two. I suppose.
I just... don't want to. Not yet.

I guess I enjoy stripping to some degree, as one could not do well in the position otherwise, but I chose the avenue solely for the amount of money it made as compared to the time I put in. Perhaps there is a hidden psychological cost I am sustaining. I daresay I sustain this sort of thing rather well, having been exposed to the type of hardship at a young age.

I want to go to a top University, possibly on scholarship, to study something wonderful. I'd like to make art and music and stories and be Miss Universe!
(maybe not that last part)

There is nothing more to explain. For all your brains its obvious you rather be rebellious and carefree. I get that, but you should also be grateful you have that liberty, as many your age do not. I can see why your parents are very strict, old school so to speak, but you have to understand you are unproven, untested, and direction unknown.

Stubborn to the max, arrogant, both a credit, and a curse, and simply have no reason to get beyond your unformed dreams and stop squandering your time and talent and be more productively self motivated. You may be smart as a whip but your mature age is still that of a typical young girl fresh out of high school. Your attitude lacks gratitude because life has yet to put a boot up your arse.

IT WILL.

Then you will find out how smart you really are, and what you are made of.

I see.

You see what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

Haha, good one.
I worked twice or thrice a week for about eight months.
.

Why do you write using such outdated terminology, twice and thrice ?

You said you were not wealthy but made a lot at stripping... bought a piano, etc ?

I didn't know my terminology was outdated. My parents are not American - I guess I never lost some of their vernacular.
And correction: I was not NOT-wealthy. Double negative. Sorry.
And yes, made a lot stripping.

Also, I am a virgin. Maybe I'll pull a Natalie Dylan.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

Also, I am a virgin. Maybe I'll pull a Natalie Dylan.

Starting to thing this is a troll.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Starting to thing this is a troll.

Just starting? I was sure at the finished high school 4 years early and is almost finished college at 18 part. A PHD I am guessing.

Maybe I shouldn't have added that last thing if serious advice was what I sought, which it was.
If I went back in time just a year ago to speak with myself, and revealed the above plan, seventeen-year-old me would have decided to see a psychiatrist very soon.

The thing took me a very long time to decide to do and even longer to simply ponder.
I don't know why I thought I could drop it on you guys so flippantly and expect an actual response.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You see what?

For one thing, that maybe I should prepare for life's aforementioned boot.

Yet I beg to disagree; life has stuck a boot up my arse.

Okay? It was a man. I don't know why. I was very young. I don't like talking about it.
No (V) penetration. This shouldn't matter, but I wouldn't like anyone calling out my virginity status that I (after all) have so boldly declared.

Point is, I'm not sheltered. I'm inexperienced but not unaware of what I may deal with with when I choose to walk out. I like to think that not everyone is abusive, pedophilic, or murderous, but I know the world isn't full of fairies conspiring to help my plan come true because I'm a sort of Cinderella or something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Just starting? I was sure at the finished high school 4 years early and is almost finished college at 18 part. A PHD I am guessing.

PhD?

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

For one thing, that maybe I should prepare for life's aforementioned boot.

How can you possibly do that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by spareaddress

PhD?

If you finished 12 years of school in 8, you should have been able to do a Masters or PHD in 4 more. Unless you were slacking off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

If you finished 12 years of school in 8, you should have been able to do a Masters or PHD in 4 more. Unless you were slacking off.

No. I might have been slacking just a bit, but university doesn't work the way grade school did. There's no skipping courses. I tested out of a few, but people in general don't do more than twenty hours a semester.
Find other prodigy stories online - although I am certainly not a "prodigy," their circumstances might shed light on my own case. These people, like me but most at a much faster rate, speed until admission to college but have to slow down for the university and graduate schooling.
Except you know, Doogie Howser or Spencer Reid.

Ha! I love it. So, you're born and raised in the US of A, but you call college 'University', and you say you 'worked twice or thrice a week' at the strip club, huh - not terms used EVER by Americans, just to let you know. So twice or thrice a week for eight months you made 500.00 a day, using the lesser of the two, (1000.00 a week for 32 weeks) you made $32,000.00? You spent that on beauty treatments and gowns ( another word that Americans wouldn't use for regular dresses.. ) Holy Moly! You must be more plastic than flesh at this point. Also - You should totally have your condo (s) by now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliseaodo

Ha! I love it. So, you're born and raised in the US of A, but you call college 'University', and you say you 'worked twice or thrice a week' at the strip club, huh - not terms used EVER by Americans, just to let you know. So twice or thrice a week for eight months you made 500.00 a day, using the lesser of the two, (1000.00 a week for 32 weeks) you made $32,000.00? You spent that on beauty treatments and gowns ( another word that Americans wouldn't use for regular dresses.. ) Holy Moly! You must be more plastic than flesh at this point. Also - You should totally have your condo (s) by now.

A previous poster asked me why I went to college, not university. So I decided to use the latter word after that point. In my question, I use college, because that's what I've always called it. I admit I didn't know "thrice" was such a quirky word.

Gown clubs. Look them up. They don't call 'em dress clubs in dancer jargon, they just don't. Thus, I call my work dresses gowns. Heavens, I didn't buy regular dresses. These were work investments. (That sounded more ridiculous than it should have.)

America's Boomtown: Strippers can make $3,000 a night - Oct. 25, 2011
PICTURED: The money a stripper makes in just one shift (and it's more than many of us make in a month) | Mail Online
These are unusual nights, but seriously. No joke.
It isn't relevant at all but I haven't got local-anesthesia filler, even. I'm talking spa treatments, here. They add up.
And condos ain't cheap in the big city.

Wow, do I need to upload audio of myself? Except that my parents would, I don't know, hear me talk about leaving their home.

Yikes! I don't care what you say, Americans don't call dresses 'gowns' - ever (we DO say Bridal Gown... pretty sure that's about it.. I would never say to my co-worker 'hey, what gown are you wearing tomorrow.. ), and, even if another poster referred to school after high school as 'university' rather than 'college' there is no reason why you would feel the need to use that word, if anything, you would address the point that the poster had mistakenly used the term 'university' instead of 'college'. ALSO - I have spent many a fine night in a club - we never called it a 'Gown Club' - never. You are correct when you say that they are not called 'dress clubs' that makes no sense. If I had to label it, I would call it a 'Club' or a 'Dance Club' plain and simple. If there was stripping - it would be called a 'strip club' My European friend, get your vernacular right before you start trolling again, just sayin'...

Just to reference why I said College... I'm from a part of the country that calls the carbonated drinks sold by Pepsi and Coke... "POP" and we call Bologna "Jumbo"... ( Pittsburgh, PA PITTSBURGHESE .com ) And while there are technical differences between a college and a University... we use the terms interchangeably.

Strippers can make a lot of money, but they have to be 18, so you danced illegally, or part of this story is missing. You say because your parents were abusive, but how does a 17 year old get out of the house and dance at these men's clubs, and buy all kinds of junk, and a piano no less.

What's all the abuse you have to endure? Punishment for misbehaving? Breaking strict rules? You even elude to being assaulted by a male in another posts. You are gifted at dancing around many pertinent facts, but the dots just don't connect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

And while there are technical differences between a college and a University... we use the terms interchangeably.

Yes, that's true. The technical differences include that a college (4 years) hands out a bachelor's of arts or science in some field, whereas a university hands out that plus master's degrees (2+ years) and possibly (often) Ph.D.s or M.D.s (many years).

What will your bachelor's degree be in, spareaddress? Are you considering a master's and beyond?