Ask Me Help Desk - My mom does not like my style

My mom does not like my style

Everything that I wear she does not like it. If I wear a Tshirt she says its too plain. If I wear a skinny jeans she says it looks bad. I don't understand why! So today she was messing though my wardrobe finding things and she looked through my tops and pants and sweaters and she was actually yelling at me the whole time saying its trashy and I should dress better! I don't get what's wrong with Tshirts, jeans, leggings, hoodies. Its not like I'm a goth! It was very hard holding back those tears as she was yelling at me. She then looked through my pile of clothes that were too small for me. One is a size 12 I'm 15 now. And she yelled at me, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TOP" and I'm like "it doesn't fit anymore, I -" "TRY IT ON!" "Mom, I wa-" "NOW" she screams to the top of her lungs. So I tried it on. It showed my belly button that is not supposed to. And my mom just yells at me saying many teenage girls like clothes like that but that is a size 12 and it is really not supposed to show! And I tell my mom my school doesn't let students wear cropped tops and she's like "WELL TOO BAD" and threatens me if I don't wear it on the next day of school she's going to throw away all my clothes. I got really scared! I have no idea what to do. Then after she calls me a weird person. I kept trying to hold back the tears but It was too difficult. I kept wiping away tears as I was trying the pile of small clothes. And my mom just goes like "stop crying and do what u need to do! Now!!" And keep yelling at me.she even talks bad about that flower pattern skirt I have on I navy background. Or that pretty top I got from aeropostale. She say it looks hideous? After my mom tells me to try her clothes. There is nothing there from her wardrobe that I would wear to the mall, or to school, or to a party, or anything! An she's not letting me wear my own clothes just because she doesn't like it. We have been arguing about what I should wear for 3 hours it took and I've been wiping tears for 3 hours at least. It hurts my feelings and she doesn't seem to care. It really hurts how she was talking and yelling. She told me to wear those clothes to school that I don't want to! She's not letting me be a teenager and dress their own style!

I'm still crying as I'm righting this. I feel like I'm being forced to dress a certain way. I feel like I am not allowed to be myself, I'm not allowed to show who I really am but show how my moms style is. I feel like I have to wear what she likes not what I like! Please help!!

I wish I had a different mother. If only that was true..

Do you have a question?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do you have a question?

Yes, I wanted to know how I can deal with this situation

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

Yes, I wanted to know how I can deal with this situation

If I were your mother, would I have a problem with any of the clothes you wear?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If I were your mother, would I have a problem with any of the clothes you wear?

I don't think so! I don't see anything wrong with what I wear but my mom talks trash about. Like I said, she wanta me to dress her way and not mine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

I don't think so! I don't see anything wrong with what I wear but my mom talks trash about. Like I said, she wanta me to dress her way and not mine.

Now, tell me what your style is. I did read your post and know some of it, but am still not sure what she really objects to.

How old are you? And is this a new thing with you and her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Now, tell me what your style is. I did read your post and know some of it, but am still not sure what she really objects to.

How old are you? And is this a new thing with you and her?

I said in my post I'm 15. And no its not new and I sometimes wear tshirts, jeans, leggings, hoodies, and fancy tops but I have no clue why she doesn't like it!!
She says tshirts are no good and she told me she wanted to throw them away :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

I said in my post I'm 15. And no its not new and I sometimes wear tshirts, jeans, leggings, hoodies, and fancy tops but I have no clue why she doesn't like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She says tshirts are no good and she told me she wanted to throw them away :(

I saw the 15 in your post, but it was next to the size 12 comment, so I thought you were talking about a size.

Why are t-shirts no good?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I saw the 15 in your post, but it was next to the size 12 comment, so I thought you were talking about a size.

Why are t-shirts no good?

Because she says they look bad and I shouldn't wear them but I don't understand! She said she wants me to wear vests, and furry tops and stuff and not tshirts but I don't want to. She told me she doesn't want to see me wear them again and I'm woried abou going to school because of her T.T

This is a problem many teens have to deal with. I dealt with it as a teen (although I have to say, my mother never ever brought me to tears over it, or threatened me), you're dealing with it now, and one day your kids will deal with it.

Styles change. Most teens go through a period in their lives where they express themselves with their clothes. Most teens go through a time when their parents hate the clothes, hair, makeup, shoes, everything they're wearing.

I'm a mom. I have a 14 year old son (he'll be 15 on Tuesday), and an 11 year old daughter. Neither one of them dresses the way I would dress if I were their age. When we go shopping, I let them pick their clothes, within reason. If something is not appropriate, I won't buy it for them. But, if they want something I think is not attractive, and it's not slutty, or hanging to their knees, I will buy it. It's their style, they have a right to be who they want to be, and it's not permanent. I know that. I was a teen once too!

A while back my son wanted an earring. All the other boys in his class had one. I agreed. Heck, it's an earring. If he doesn't like it when he's older, he can remove it and the hole will close. No big deal. He chickened out.

My daughter likes skinny jeans and t-shirts, high tops and leggings. I like dresses for a little girl, and at 11 she's still a little girl to me. But I'm not her. She should be allowed to express herself, be who she is, and clothing is a part of this.

I don't know how you can deal with your mom. If what you posted is 100% true (remember, you're posting this from your point of view, mom would see it differently), then you have a tough road ahead of you.

Maybe let mom see your post here. Let her read how you feel, how she made you feel. Let her read the replies. I'm not sure it would help, but at least she'd hopefully realize how she made you feel.

On a side note, dressing kids is expensive. You kids grow constantly, it's hard to pay for clothes every few months. It's very hard because most of us don't make enough money to even buy new clothes for ourselves. I'm in that boat. I haven't bought even a new t-shirt for myself in... what year is it? But my kids, I have to buy them new clothes. They outgrow them. It's hurtful when they don't wear what I buy, or complain about what I buy, when I can't even afford to buy myself new underwear.

I think you and mom need to talk. Ask her why she was so angry, and tell her why you're so upset.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

This is a problem many teens have to deal with. I dealt with it as a teen (although I have to say, my mother never ever brought me to tears over it, or threatened me), you're dealing with it now, and one day your kids will deal with it.

Styles change. Most teens go through a period in their lives where they express themselves with their clothes. Most teens go through a time when their parents hate the clothes, hair, makeup, shoes, everything they're wearing.

I'm a mom. I have a 14 year old son (he'll be 15 on Tuesday), and an 11 year old daughter. Neither one of them dresses the way I would dress if I were their age. When we go shopping, I let them pick their clothes, within reason. If something is not appropriate, I won't buy it for them. But, if they want something I think is not attractive, and it's not slutty, or hanging to their knees, I will buy it. It's their style, they have a right to be who they want to be, and it's not permanent. I know that. I was a teen once too!

A while back my son wanted an earring. All the other boys in his class had one. I agreed. Heck, it's an earring. If he doesn't like it when he's older, he can remove it and the hole will close. No big deal. He chickened out.

My daughter likes skinny jeans and t-shirts, high tops and leggings. I like dresses for a little girl, and at 11 she's still a little girl to me. But I'm not her. She should be allowed to express herself, be who she is, and clothing is a part of this.

I don't know how you can deal with your mom. If what you posted is 100% true (remember, you're posting this from your point of view, mom would see it differently), then you have a tough road ahead of you.

Maybe let mom see your post here. Let her read how you feel, how she made you feel. Let her read the replies. I'm not sure it would help, but at least she'd hopefully realize how she made you feel.

On a side note, dressing kids is expensive. You kids grow constantly, it's hard to pay for clothes every few months. It's very hard because most of us don't make enough money to even buy new clothes for ourselves. I'm in that boat. I haven't bought even a new t-shirt for myself in....what year is it? But my kids, I have to buy them new clothes. They outgrow them. It's hurtful when they don't wear what I buy, or complain about what I buy, when I can't even afford to buy myself new underwear.

I think you and mom need to talk. Ask her why she was so angry, and tell her why you're so upset.

Ok I'll ask her. I'll tell you what she says later..

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

Ok I'll ask her. I'll tell you what she says later ..

That's a good idea.

When you talk to her, be calm. Don't talk in anger, or frustration. Talk to her clearly, make your points, have facts to back them up. Also, ask her why she feels the way she feels, be conscious of her feelings.

Sadly, it should be your mom that's conscious of your feelings, but it seems that she reacted in anger, why, I don't know. It happens.

Remember, mom is human too. Mom's aren't perfect. Not even close to perfect. We make mistakes too, ones we often regret, especially when it comes to how we parent our kids, and the things we say when we're at the end of our rope.

You'll understand when you're a mom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

That's a good idea.

When you talk to her, be calm. Don't talk in anger, or frustration. Talk to her clearly, make your points, have facts to back them up. Also, ask her why she feels the way she feels, be conscious of her feelings.

Sadly, it should be your mom that's conscious of your feelings, but it seems that she reacted in anger, why, I don't know. It happens.

Remember, mom is human too. Mom's aren't perfect. Not even close to perfect. We make mistakes too, ones we often regret, especially when it comes to how we parent our kids, and the things we say when we're at the end of our rope.

You'll understand when you're a mom.

Ok, I asked her in a nice way what made her so angry and she just said she thinks I need to dress better and doesn't like the things I wear. I also talked to her about when she looked through my old clothes and made me try on the size 12 top and it was short and small ans tight cause what she said really hurt my feelings a lot and she was like "yeah why can't you wear it!" And I'm like "Because its too short and small?" And she says "why are you afraid of showing your belly button? Is it something inappropriate? Are you afraid it looks like porn?!?!?!?!" And I said "well I already told you its not supposed to be like that!" And yeah I don't know if it worked. It still hurts me a lot. I want to forgive her but I just can't! Its just hurting me a lot! She also just told me she's going to make me wear HER clothes -- whether I like them or not that is HER style of clothes and then she's going to make a list of all the clothes and now I have to wear each of them to school at least 10 times she says! :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

shes gonna make me wear HER clothes --

She wears clothes that show off her belly button and are too tight?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She wears clothes that show off her belly button and are too tight?

She say she did as a teen but not anymore. That's why she tinks it doesn't matter

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

She say she did as a teen but not anymore. That's why she tinks it doesn't matter

So she thinks you should also dress that way?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So she thinks you should also dress that way?

She doesn't want me to dress my style, and she wants me to dress her style which is clothes SHE likes. I can still feel the pain, I just can't stop crying of what she has done T.T

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

She doesn't want me to dress my style, and she wants me to dress her style which is clothes SHE likes. I can still feel the pain, I just can't stop crying of what she has done T.T

Did you show her this thread?

Crying about what?

2 Attachment(s)

You could dress like I (and my generation) did when I was around your age --

Attachment 44238... Attachment 44239

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Did you show her this thread?

Crying about what?

About how she threatened me to throw my clothes away, how I'm being forced to dress her way, how I feel as if she's not caring, how I feel like I have no freedom to be who I am, it just really hurts, bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

About how she threatened me to throw my clothes away, how I'm being forced to dress her way, how I feel as if shes not caring, how I feel like I have no freedom to be who I am, it just really hurts, bad.

Is this new with her?

Are you dressed like her now or will be for school tomorrow?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is this new with her?

Are you dressed like her now or will be for school tomorrow?

I'm not sure. I'm worried about tomorrow morning when she sees me. But I'm OK at school just not at home. But I figured maybe I should just wear my own clothes and if she makes a big deal of what I wear tomorrow then..

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

I'm not sure. I'm worried about tomorrow morning when she sees me. But I'm ok at school just not at home. But I figured maybe I should just wear my own clothes and if she makes a big deal of what I wear tomorrow then ..

I have a silly question. Who bought your clothes? Did you pay for them yourself, or did your mom buy them for you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by enchanting5555

I'm not sure. I'm worried about tomorrow morning when she sees me. But I'm ok at school just not at home. But I figured maybe I should just wear my own clothes and if she makes a big deal of what I wear tomorrow then ..

So wear something nice that she will like, just to put her mind at ease. If this was a one-time rant, she will probably move on to other stuff.

Is she maybe upset with something else in her life about you or someone else in the family (and took it out on you)?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I have a silly question. Who bought your clothes? Did you pay for them yourself, or did your mom buy them for you?

I bought them myself once by myself and sometimes with friends. We got to the mall together sometimes to go shopping and its fun!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So wear something nice that she will like, just to put her mind at ease. If this was a one-time rant, she will probably move on to other stuff.

Is she maybe upset with something else in her life about you or someone else in the family (and took it out on you)?

Everything in my wardrobe she doesn't like :(
And I'm not sure if she has something else she's unhappy about in life.

I have the same problem with my mom, it's not a bad, but my mom doesn't want me to wear skinny jeans because "it doesn't let our parts breathe". But then what am I suppose to wear skirts and dresses everyday! No, if your mom doesn't like the way you dress then maybe you should let her go clothes shopping with you and not aeropostale or american eagle, but like a target or walmart. Ask her if this is okay or let her pick some stuff out and agree on some stuff. And I'm not saying this as a good thing, but you'll be in a public place, she shouldn't start yelling at you there. It would help me if I would know exactly what you wear like low cut tops or short shorts. And maybe what your mom thinks is a good outfit.
Just try to relate and compromise.

It might help if you tell us what her style and your style are like. Like your wanting to wear average jeans and T shirts and she wants you to wear hip huggers and belly shirts? If she is insisting you wear clothes that get you in trouble with the school maybe she should talk to the school