Besides the age difference there are religious differences and my son is lying and being deceptive about seeing this girl. I have contacted the girl's parents but they want the relationship. I am close to threatening legal action; is that possible?
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Besides the age difference there are religious differences and my son is lying and being deceptive about seeing this girl. I have contacted the girl's parents but they want the relationship. I am close to threatening legal action; is that possible?
If there is no sexual activity, there is no legal action.
What have you done to try to prevent your son from seeing this girl?
I think if the girl is not a "bad" girl then you should allow the relationship to happen. If they are happy together then the small age difference isn't that bad. You should see how your son really feels about this girl before taking any serious action... if he is up to "no good" because she is older then you can take some actions but they may piss off your son, but if he genuinely likes that girl then just let the relationship take its coarse.
I hope this helps... Good Luck
My experience is if you forbid your child to do something, then it creates an even greater desire to do it! The age difference is not that significant and I wonder how long she would really be interested in dating someone that much younger? She may be on the brink of high school graduation while your son does not even have a drivers license! That will not last. I am surprised the girls parents support this. Perhaps they view your son as a good influence? Maybe you could allow the relationship but set some terms: dates at home, her house, group dates, etc
As for religious differences, you could use this as a teaching experience. By talking out some of the difficulties he will encounter if there is a clash of the faiths he may come to discover it is best to find a girl with the same belief system as he.
Lastly, the best part of this is your son is still very young! Dating is how he learns to figure out what qualities he is looking for in a partner. He will meet and date girls you don't approve of as much as those you do. You sound like a good mom! If you are there to listen and support and help him figure it out, he will be fine! I have 3 teen daughters so trust me on this. They dated some real losers and eventually figured it on their own, with my lovig support of course ;) Good luck!
In many States if the "girl" is told specifically not to date the boy she can be arrested for "custodial interference."
If you had asked this under Law, responses would need to be pretty much confined to legal ones. But you asked under Teens, so you are getting advice you aren't looking for.
That advice, however, is all going to be very similar. By the time a teen is 15, his parent is going to have to be doing a lot of compromising or he or she will lose it all. Even if you could press charges (highly doubtful when both are minors), I am sure you would regret the result.
You don't say where you live. I think we are all assuming the US. Laws about age of consent go by state.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joypulv
All good points - in NY (and I don't know where OP is) even a minor can be charged if the parent says no and the dating continues in secret. It's usually under the "PINS" (person in need of supervision) statute.
And, yes, it opens up a whole can of worms - but it can happen. Usually the charge is made when the couple is having sex - or the female (obviously) "shows up" pregnant.
Legally you can tell the girl to stay away from your son or you will press charges for custodial interference.
You can ground your son, and monitor his activities. Keep a close rein on him.
A minor who is dating another minor against the wishes of the parent of the second minor can really be charged with custodial interference? Are there any cases we can read about?
Quote:
Originally Posted by joypulv
Sure - let me pull some up.
EDIT: I'll look tomorrow - all I find tonight is other sites which I don't want to quote.
As for location, I'm guessing that the OP is a single mother from Tennessee as her username is TNSinglemom.
Its wrong to forbid him of that girl just because she is older than him there has to be another reason you don't like her
People love each other for the way they are I used to have friends that are at least 50 years older than me
Now I just hope they rest in peace
If I were you I wouldn't care about age at all
All I would care about is that if she is a good person or not
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
How about the fact that it's illegal if there is any sexual contact AND the mother has forbidden any contact? That's just for starters.
If you were 15 and your mother didn't care if you dated people who were 65 (50 years older), that's more your mother's problem than yours.
Concerning your profile - it's prefer, not preffer.
The law cares about age. Do you not care about the law? If not, then be prepared to go to jail, but do not give advice to someone else that can lead to jail. You don't have the right to make that decision for them!Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
What you care about doesn't matter. The law is the law, and the law doesn't care about how you feel.
There is something wrong with the brain of any 17 or 18 year old female that chases after a much, MUCH less mature and much younger 15 year old BOY, and the older the female more deeper that illness runs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
And woman can be and ARE charged with such things sometimes very publicly. And anyone that thinks it would be purely platonic are sticking their heads in the sand.
I am an anarchist and to be honest I don't care about the law unless it hurts other people that I gave advice
I forgot that the laws between other countries are different
I'm sorry for not being a big help here due to difference of laws between countries I really am
And I wasn't dating them they were friends
----------
Thanks for pointing out my grammar english is not my primary language
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
Obviously you care little about the law: "i had friends that were with me from first grade we were always together as long as i can remember and now we hate each other so badly that i was going to kill one of them that annoyed me so much and i got jailed for it"
I don't know that someone who advocates violence is an appropriate person to be giving advice on teen boards.
Well this is not the first time I gave advice in my lifeQuote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Again I know my wrongs and I say them because I don't want anyone to do the same
I forgot to remind you that I said "all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not"
What kind of good person would do any type of sexual activity with a 15 year old kid?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
A LOT of people who post here don't see a problem with sexually active 15-year old children and even younger than that.
You, in fact, are one of those people: "if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all ..."
Its not that I don't see a problem with a sexually active 15 year oldQuote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Its kind of a problem to be a sexually active 15 year old
That's where the mom should kick in when she sees that the girl is ready to do sexual activity with a 15 year old then she should forbid him of that
If she doesn't want sexual activity then the girl is OK and the problem then would be the boy
The problem is that this site doesn't condone or give advice that would involve going against the law. If you are going to give such advice, then this may not be the place for you to give advice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inso The Jester
Yes I'm sorry for that too next time I will remember the difference between the laws from county to countryQuote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
I see many people putting up good points here.
But I tell people on this site a lot ''Theirs always something new to be seen''
Everyone is just seeing age difference and throwing out their ''Let them go on'' or ''Dont this is wrong its custodial interference''
Lets look beyond that the girls parents want the relationship making me think these kids are good together and they are not seeing any problems besides age. Which makes me think if you tnsinglemom don't care you just judge a book by its cover and your trying to protect your son. Which I thought was fine UNTIL I looked again and saw this mother is mad because of the religious differences.
AND religion is the only thing she mentions so I wonder if you are discriminating or if you see something wrong with this girl because the only thing you mention as problems with this girl is her religion and age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
I know I'm using AMHD as a chat board and I apologize in advance - but my concern with the illegal advice is this: "i am an anarchist and to be honest i don't care about the law unless it hurts other people that i gave advice. I forgot that the laws between other countries are different im sorry for not being a big help here due to difference of laws between countries i really am and i wasn't dating them they were friends"
Someone who admittedly promotes violence (by the very meaning of anarchist) and doesn't "care about the law" really should not be giving any type of legal advice and should not be addressing teens. This has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with "laws between countries" being different.
Perhaps on a discussion board. Perhaps on an adult board.
I don't see the place for information based on these beliefs on the teen board.
Doesn't matter... as long as her son is a moinor and under her responsibility... she does have the right to determine who and if he can see anyone until he is an adult and able to move out and support himself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
That's the prerogative of a parent.
And 15 year old boys... (16 and 17 year olds as well) are NOT known for having much common sense or good judgement, and it doesn't come with turning 18 either... most guys lack much common sense until their late 20's or older. A handful never do.. its hormone related.
Particualarly when a female that's willing to spread her legs is concerned.
I'm a guy... I remember being that age VIVIDLY. I know EXACTLY how a kid that age thinks... and I have the benefit of hindsight and lots of experience to state every single one of those things I did involving a female back then was a HUGE mistake, and for a number of reasons. Though at the time I didn't see any of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
I'm reading the "title" of the thread: "How do I forbid my 15 year old son from dating an older girl, age 17-18" followed by the reference to religion.
No matter what the issue, no matter why the mother feels the way she does, he's 15, and she's the person in charge (right, wrong or indifferent).
What you also missed is that only HER parents want it. And that the OP's son has become deceptive since the relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
But there is a bottom line here. We don't know the full story here so I see nothing in wrong in suggesting to the OP that she try to work with all the parties to work out a solution. But the bottom line is that SHE is in control. If she doesn't want the son to date this girl then for the girl to continue to date him is illegal.
Personally I would let the relationship run it's course. They aren't that far apart in age and the chance of a relationship continuing that starts when one of the people in it is 15 is somewhere between slim and none. You are making her more appealing by making her forbidden.
What you can do is impose consequences for lying, breaking curfew or otherwise breaking the family rules but don't make it about the girl. And I would also take the opposite approach - let the girl be at your home, invite her to dinner and to see how he lives and what your family is about.
Keep in mind that this was asked under Teens, not Law, and we don't know where OP is from yet, nor do we know whether the girl is 17 or 18.
TN's statutory rape law does not apply if the minor is at least 13 and the adult is 4 years older or less (since an adult = 18, there is a narrow window there for the minor's age). I don't think this should be moved to Law anyway, because a major concern seems to be about religion. OP should ask separately about the Law.
(What happened to references to custodial interference in this type of situation?)
The question here was how to prevent ("forbid") the 15 yr old from dating.
The answer to that question ranges from grounding the boy and monitoring his outside the home time carefully to threatening or filing custodial interference charges.
The OP did not ask whether she should allow them to date. She did not ask for opinions on whether she is right to not allow them to date. However, it is a principle of this site that we offer solutions rather than just straightforward answers. So there is nothing wrong with advising the OP on those secondary points as long as one deals with the primary question.
Gamed, there's a big difference between a healthy person wanting to lose weight and become unhealthy, to a 15 year old wanting to date a 13 year old. Losing weight, making yourself unhealthy because of it, is sadly legal. It's not wise, but if the person chooses to do it, there's nothing anyone can legally do to stop them.
A 15 year old dating a 13 year old when one of the parents doesn't want it to happen, is against the law. It just so happens that the OP is the mother of the child that would be charged, since he's the older child, and the male in the relationship.
We don't give advice that goes against the law on this site. So no, I also don't understand what you're getting at.
And I will comment on the mother "hurting the son." My kids want to ride on the bike path at night. I don't think it's safe. If I tell them they can't, I will "hurt them."
So I allow it.
That's not good parenting.
It is policy on AMHD not to tell people they aren't smart. You think I'm not "smart" enough to be here, report me to a Mod.
If you want to get into helpful advice, there's always this one:
"I have 1 diet plan that I tell people with extreme goals but before I say ill always tell you... Warning: This is dangerous may cause dehydration or cause you to pass out. Ok here you are... 10 day crash diet drink only a pure fruit and vegetable drink that you yourself blended with fresh fruits/veggies. (eat NOTHING); Next 5 days you will need to ease yourself into food start light with some protein than introduce more calories a day until you get to maybe 900 calories. (IF THAT) In this time introduce light jogs and easy things like situps or if you can pushups. (you will gain back some weight from your body gaining muscle/water weight); Next 10 days pick it all up do weight training increase cardio 1 mi jogs daily; Last 5 days drop weight training and put it all in running and cardio. In all you may loose 25 lbs. I don't recommend this because of dangers and failure rate.” https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/weight...me-697825.html
Oops, just realized, the boy is 15, the girl is 17-18. Actually, the girl would be the one charged since the mother of the son doesn't want him to date.
I'm ripping my hair out! The whole point is their seems to be no problem with a 15 year old dating a 17 year old. Just because the mother doesn't like her religion.
It is illegal if the mother makes it illegal by forbidding this relationship. What I'm telling the mother is why discriminate against this girl and have this relationship forbidden and in the process hurt your son. Think of the girl as the 20 lbs why loose it if theirs no reason to. Also the mother being in charge / her not liking the girls religion isn't a legitimate reason to me.
And I think if you have to find a legal way to separate children when their seems to be no problem accept religion is an extreme solution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
You did read "besides the age difference ...", right? I think you missed the "whole point."
You can preach all you want about discrimination. That's you. The religious difference is a problem for the mother. Should it be? I have no idea. Is it? Yes.
You think a 15-year old is capable of making decisions without input and guidance from his/her parents?
The question was "how to forbid" the son from dating, not "what do you think about it."
You're "ripping your hair out" over a Q and A Board?
The conversation is way off track.
Doesn't matter WHAT the religion is... the parent doesn't want it... FOR ANY REASON. THey don't NEED a reason.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
That's the prerogative of being a parent. They pay the bills... the lay down the house rules...
This thread is about a nearly adult girl chasing after a 15 year old boy... not about weight issues or dieting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamed
I agree with you ,but would you use the law to separate your child from another child because of religion? That's why this is frustrating the mother is in charge so in the end what she says goes. BUT if you're a parent you would most likely agree that every decision you made as a parent wasn't always spot on. So I'm trying to get my opinion across to the Op that getting the law involved in this situation might not be the best decision as a parent.Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
I know, but when you can't argue the facts you need to come up with something.
Smoothy, please take a look at the edit I just added to what immediately precedes this.
I was just telling Judy why the situation she mentioned were I gave an extreme solution to an Op was more appropriate in that senario than it was here.Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
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