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-   -   I'm 18 and I want to leave home but parents won't let me. What to do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=631057)

  • Jan 27, 2012, 05:03 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    I'm 18 and I want to leave home but parents won't let me. What to do?
    My dad is unreasonable. I am a senior in high school but I have not been able to sleep, eat right, or even focus on school. I am exhausted and depressed. I have support with my boyfriend's family, but my dad hates him and does not know we are together. I have moved most of my stuff there already. I just have to tell them I am leaving. Can my dad be arrested for keeping me in the house against my will?
  • Jan 27, 2012, 05:53 PM
    ScottGem
    ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

    If you are still in HS you may not be able to move out until you graduate.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 06:27 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    His parents should be ashamed, even discussing or allowing you to move in, without talking to your parents first. How sad, does no one follow proper moral acts any longer.

    Just how bad, what is really happening at home, just don't want you to date this boy perhaps
  • Jan 27, 2012, 08:12 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    Fr_Chuck. Um excuse me. Who are you to tell me anything like that. You clearly do not know that I am living in a very controlling environment. I am an adult. I make my own choices. Maybe you don't understand that my living situation is making me depressed. I am oppressed from doing anything I want to do. I get screamed at and cussed out for being out of my house with my friend for two hours. Think before you make ignorant statements. I can date who I want. Especially him. The only reason they do not like him is because he has tattoos and a motorcycle. But he treats me like a queen. He has never done anything worth hating him for.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 08:30 PM
    smoothy
    Listen... this is life... when you are old enough to graduate... get a job and support yourself, then you get to make your own decisions.. Hopefully you will get some maturity before you ruin your life. I haven't seen a shred of any in your post.

    I mean cripes just listen to yourself... he can't even support himself yet... he's mooching off his parents. He has money for tattoos and a motorcycle... but not his own place... does he even have a real job?

    I got to tell you this but Fr_Chuck has forgotten more in the last 24 hours about life than you even know yet. So have I.

    Yeah.. its going to tick you off to hear this... but you are acting like a child.

    Your parents are the only ones exhibiting any common sense.

    I see you having a kid... and Mr. Perfect not only not supporting you or it... but he's off doing it to someone else inside of a year if you don't drop the attitude and listen to people that have a far better grasp of reality than you do.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 08:38 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    Again, I have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. Thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. So he does not mooch off anyone. He takes care of his disabled dad. That is what his job is. He's entering the army. He has a life. And I have my own. I have a better grasp on reality than my dad does that's for sure. There's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. If I don't like the situation I will remove myself from the situation. So YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 08:49 PM
    smoothy
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    again, i have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. so he does not mooch off of anyone. he takes care of his disabled dad. that is what his job is. He's entering the army. he has a life. and i have my own. i have a better grasp on reality than my dad does thats for sure. there's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. if i dont like the situation i will remove myself from the situation. so YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.

    You are the one with the attitude here... and no I'm NOT going to drop it because every single . Child that had an attitude like you have I have ever known, has seriously screwed their life up. Not just a little but a lot. And I see a child not an adult when I read that.

    Amazing how much you think you know, and yet how utterly clueless you are about everything.

    Gee, how unique you are to be gifted with such expertise without ever having lived on your own. You must be the first 18 year old in history that has everything figured out before they have ever been on their own... (I'm being sarcastic because NONE do)


    Its not too late to listen to people that know far more than you do... and that includes your parents. You haven't made mistakes that can't be fixed yet.
    .
  • Jan 27, 2012, 08:53 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    Well aren't you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. I know I don't want to live in a household where I am not treated with respect.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 09:11 PM
    afaroo
    Hello Ttaayylloorr,

    You better listen to the experts here they have given the best advices if you listen to them is fine if not that is yours choice, you came to this website for help, if you don't need help, then I wish you a good luck.

    John
  • Jan 27, 2012, 10:24 PM
    smoothy
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    well arent you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. i know i dont want to live in a household where i am not treated with respect.

    One of the first life lessons you have to learn.. is you have to learn how to give respect before you deserve any in return. And that starts at home.

    If you can't even respect your own family... then you can't respect others, and you thus don't deserve any in return.

    Personally you can jump off a bridge if you want, or step in front of a bus... you have to live the consequences of your actions... I'm giving you solid advice before you get yourself into a mess you will never get out of, and alienate the people in this world that care the most about you... and its not Mr. Tattoo, its your own family. He can turn his back on you and walk away as easy and fast as he can snap his fingers. And he will at some point. The only people you can count on in life is yourself and your family.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 10:48 PM
    jenniepepsi
    Im sorry maybe its me. But I don't see where the OP was rude to anyone. She got upset when she was attacked, and basically told she was a moral-less idiot.

    And I would really like to see a cite of law that says an 18 year old cannot move out of their parents home. Because I do not believe that is true

    An 18 year old can drop out of high school and move across the country if they wish.

    Sorry. This is just my opinion.
    But I believe this question was handled incorrectly and with harsh judgement.
  • Jan 27, 2012, 10:53 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    I am an adult. I make my own choices.

    Quote:

    I am oppressed from doing anything I want to do.
    Huh? Those two statements don't make any sense together.

    How old is your boyfriend?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 08:05 AM
    Schoolmarm97
    Guys, the OP is 18. She can't be held against her will no matter what the jurisdiction, and she isn't listening to logic.

    Ttaayylloor, you are being argumentative. No one called you an idiot or anything of the sort. If you think you can support yourself (not that your boyfriend and his parents can support you, because that will get old for them very quickly), and still finish school, then you do have the right. Legally, your parents can't stop you. And your parents have the right to withdraw all financial support and refuse to allow you to move back home. Be sure you have your ducks in a row before you do something you can't undo.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 08:10 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    well arent you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. i know i dont want to live in a household where i am not treated with respect.


    Yes, he is a lovely individual and I don't think an educated adult person would be posting this question on a public board.

    You lie to your parents. They don't treat you with respect. I think there's a link there.

    And your boyfriend made MILLIONS motorcycle racing? Now that's something I know something about - tell me more.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 09:04 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Yes, she is a silly child who has no respect for herself or others, Of course she is lying to parents, not coming home when she should. No wonder she is not doing well in school.
    It sounds like her family wants her to do good in school but she wants to run around, party and be out instead of being home.

    And how old is this motorcycle man with all the tattoos? If his father is 70 my guess it puts in in the 35 to 50 year old range. So what mom or dad wants their child running around with a old man. What is he, about the same age as your parents ?

    Also there is a front door, if you want to leave, walk out of it, you are out late at night by your own posts, so just don't ever return home no one is chaining you to the wall.
    Although with this attitude and choices you seem to want to make handcuffs and a jail cell most likely will not be far away.

    Part of growing up and making your own choices is making good ones.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 09:57 AM
    jenniepepsi
    Well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

    Have a nice day everyone.

    I completely disagree with all this.
    And thank you EVER so much for the reddie.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:08 AM
    excon
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    I'm 18 and I want to leave home but parents won't let me. What to do?

    Hello t:

    You're an adult.. Pack your knives and go.

    excon
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:15 AM
    ScottGem
    First, to Schoolmarm, your advice may not have been correct. In some states an 18 yr old cannot be on their own until they finish high school. The OP is not being imprisoned. I asked where the OP was so we could the k the law. Instead of answering me she chose to this Chuck for invalid response. Based on the info posted it was a valid response

    Second, I have doubts about the veracity of the OP. She states that her boyfriend has earned millions motorcycle racing, but is now going to join the army! How many millionaires would join the army?

    In my opinion, the OP got answers she didn't like. These answers were based on what she posted. Instead of trying to clarify her situation so we could provide better advice, she chose to argue with the people trying to help her.

    But the bottom line here is the laws where she lives. If the law says she is an adult when she turns 18, then she can move out, If there is a qualification about graduating first, then she is stuck.

    So lets ALL calm down and let the OP give us the jnfo we need to answer her.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:16 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    There are some locations that 18 is not the age of majority, and if in school, they can not just legally move out.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:18 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by jenniepepsi View Post
    well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

    have a nice day everyone.

    i completely disagree with all this.
    and thank you EVER so much for the reddie.


    I don't see a "young lady" in fact none of her actions show she is ever acting like a lady at all. And how anyone can consider she should run off with someone , who appears to be much older and not stay at home and finish high school is beyond me.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:34 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by jenniepepsi View Post
    well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

    have a nice day everyone.

    i completely disagree with all this.
    and thank you EVER so much for the reddie.


    Jennie, your sarcasm is unwarranted. I didn't give you the reddie. I don't know who did but please don't tar me with the same brush.

    You disagree? Fine. Taking a swipe at the people who did offer advice helps no one.

    What is your advice to her?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 12:00 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    But I can not respect my family if they do not respect me. I follow their house rules. I don't drink, do drugs, I don't go out without telling them and I make sure it's OK. I help them when they need me to without question. My dad treats me like I'm nothing. He doesn't show me any love. He does not show me any respect as a daughter or as a legal adult. He screams at me for everything. I don't deserve it.

    Actually everyone he is 20 years old. I am 18. His dad is much older than his mom. He made millions but got sued because I asked him to quit racing to save his life. I did not know he had a contract and they sued him. So that is why he's joining the army. To go into military police. The only reason I lie to them is because my dad doesn't listen to me. I can't tell him anything because he doesn't let me speak. And I am engaged to him.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 12:11 PM
    ScottGem
    Unfortunately, none of that really matters from a legal standpoint. If you feel you are being abused go to a guidance counselor at your school. They can get family services involved. If an investigation agrees that your parents are over stepping the bounds of parenting, then you will be placed in a foster situation until you have reached your majority (if you haven't already-you still haven't told us where you are).

    If not, then you have to live by your parents' rules until you do.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 12:13 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    I live in Nevada and I'm pretty positive that I can leave at 18. Im going to talk to my school police on Monday though. And for the record, I'm going to finish high school. And I do NOT party. I'm not failing, but I am getting a couple C's
  • Jan 28, 2012, 12:15 PM
    jenniepepsi
    When a teenager reaches the age of 18, he does not have to petition the court to make his emancipation official. It occurs automatically, along with the rights that come with it. An 18-year-old does not need his parents’ permission to move out of their home. If his parents don’t live together and a custody order is in effect, it no longer binds him. He can live with whichever parent he prefers."

    http://info.legalzoom.com/nevada-law...ild-20794.html

    http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_emancipation

    http://law.findlaw.com/state-laws/mi...he-law/nevada/

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Jennie, your sarcasm is unwarranted. I didn't give you the reddie. I don't know who did but please don't tar me with the same brush.

    You disagree? Fine. Taking a swipe at the people who did offer advice helps no one.

    What is your advice to her?

    I didn't say YOU gave me the reddi judy. It was as general comment, since we can no longer see WHO gives reddies.

    Sorry if I made you mad. I still disagree with how this question was handled
  • Jan 28, 2012, 01:16 PM
    ScottGem
    Thanks Jennie for doing the research. Laws of emancipation don't really apply here but as soon as you turn 18 you are considered an adult so the OP is free to move out.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 01:25 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    OK, I'm free to move out. Yes, but can my dad be in legal trouble if he decides to barricade me in the house?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 01:25 PM
    smoothy
    Then if you are an adult... MOVE. As long as you live under someone else's roof, you have to live by their rules... and its going to be no different if you move in with Mr. Prefect. You will be living under the rules of HIS parents since he's not self supporting if he doesn't have his own place.

    However when you are an adult... NOBODY is under any obligation to house you, feed you, clothe you, or give you any money.

    Adults pay their own way in life... completely. You can't have it both ways...

    Being an adult comes with all the adult responsibilities. If you stay its YOUR choice and you will follow the rules of who pays the bills.

    And you are in for one hell of a shock when you have to get by on what you make or do without... because its not going to be much.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 01:37 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    Oh my god. That's not the question I want answered. I know I can move. However, if my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 02:33 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18
    "he doesnt show me any love. he does not show me any respect as a daughter or as a legal adult. He screams at me for everything."

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    oh my god. thats not the question I want answered. I know i can move. However, if my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?

    He won't try to stop you. How would he know you're leaving? Pack up all YOUR stuff you want to take with you, don't say anything to him, and leave.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 03:10 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    again, i have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. so he does not mooch off of anyone. he takes care of his disabled dad. that is what his job is. He's entering the army. he has a life. and i have my own. i have a better grasp on reality than my dad does thats for sure. there's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. if i dont like the situation i will remove myself from the situation. so YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.


    So who is taking care of Dad while the boyfriend is in the military police?

    But, yes, move out. If your father attempts to stop you, call the Police. Expect your father to claim a LOT of what you are taking with you. The Police won't help with your belongings so then you'll go to Court and sue to get your belongings back.

    But you'll be on your own.

    I'd like to know more about making millions racing motorcycles. As I said - I have a connection.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 03:31 PM
    Wondergirl
    You had said, "I know I can move. [I]f my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?"

    You're 18. You leave home. (It's legal in your state.) Why would he get into legal trouble?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 03:36 PM
    jenniepepsi
    WG, I think she is asking, if she DOES try to leave, and her father physically restrains her and prevents her leaving, can he be in trouble.

    And I don't automatically assume that her father wouldn't do that, my own parents frequently behaved that way.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 03:54 PM
    Wondergirl
    Jen, why does he have to know she's leaving? Why can't she just leave without announcing the fact?
  • Jan 28, 2012, 04:05 PM
    jenniepepsi
    Oh I agree. I think she should quietly pack her bags, and move out over night.

    But she is still afraid. I was terrified for years that my parents would take my daughter away from me, even though I was 25, KNEW they could not, and knew that they would be arrested if they tried. It made no difference, the fear was still there.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 04:30 PM
    smoothy
    Of course... you might find the locks changed afterwards (I would change them)... But you are an adult and on your own. You don't NEED to come back. And being an adult, you wouldn't be entitled to come back. One of those things that go with being an adult.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 05:50 PM
    ScottGem
    If he does try to prevent you from leaving, then that could be considered unlawful detainment. That could get him in legal trouble.

    So the question is why make it a confrontation? I'm assuming your father works. So while's he's at work, you pack up and leave. If you have to rent a trailer or U-Haul (TM), then do so. Because, based on what you have said, he's unlikely to let you back. Also, don't take anything that you can't prove belongs to you. Because he may charge you with theft.

    That being said I do have to wonder at the question. It sounds to me like you would like to get him in trouble and are looking to deliberately cause a confrontation. I would strongly advise against that as it will open a can of worms you probably don't want opened.

    I still have misgivings about your veracity. I strongly suspect you made up a lot of what you told us to to justify yourself.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 08:07 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Yes, one of my boys ( leaving on less than good terms) discovered, he really owned nothing.
    I had bought the bedroom set, his TV and so on, he really owned nothing, He got his clothes in plastic trash bags.

    The OP goes out, comes and goes, they are not chained to the wall. They can walk out and leave the house anytime they want.

    So what do you own in the house, you will want to take? Just what you earned the money for and bought or what boyfriend bought you
  • Jan 28, 2012, 08:14 PM
    smoothy
    Yep... she's got a seriously important life lesson to learn about not burning any bridges. But I guess its one she's got to learn the hard way since she's not listening to anyone that knows better than she does.
  • Jan 28, 2012, 10:52 PM
    jenniepepsi
    We ALL learn from our own mistakes. That's how humans grow and mature. By living live, and making mistakes and learning from them.

    It is very difficult to learn anything from listening to others mistakes. Most of the time it is important for a young adult to make those mistakes themselves, and learn and grow from them.

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