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I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18, we have been dating for a little over a year and we are discussing having sex. He loves me and I love him we get along perfectly and are the perfect match, everyone says so. We have made plans for the future and are both smart straight A students. I know how to be safe and careful but what advice or other things should I know?
You should know that there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective and every time you have sex you risk pregnancy.
Thank you I would be using the pill and a condom but is durex the best brand that you would suggest?Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Honestly? I would suggest not having sex until you are prepared to be a mother. Babies are very expensive.
I am a mother of 4. Two of those children were conceived while using the pill AND a condom. We also have a member here who got pregnant using THREE methods of birth control.
Okay thank you for your answer I'm still debating but that is extremely helpful. Any other answers from others regarding emotions or the future would also be beneficial, thank you.
I would recommend waiting.
I'm the member that got pregnant using the pill, a condom, and spermicide---all correctly. I was also a straight A student. I'd been dating my boyfriend for 2 years when I got pregnant, and it was the second time I had sex.
In many states, it's a criminal offense for your boyfriend to have ANY sexual contact with you. Does he love you enough to be labeled a sexual predator for the rest of his life?
WAIT. There's absolutely no reason to rush into it besides your hormones. If you truly love each other, you can find other ways to enjoy each other without having sex.
I know you don't want to hear this part, but I have to say it anyway: You are not the person you will be in even 3 short years. BOTH of you will (and SHOULD! ) change. Life takes many twists and turns you can't expect--including whether you'll still feel the same in 3 years.
Frankly, I loved my boyfriend completely. Getting pregnant, however, made us BOTH look at each other and the future in a different way---and it was a bitter, horrible breakup. To this day, he is the only boyfriend that I am not on at least speaking terms with. Yeah yeah--that couldn't happen to you. You LOVE each other. Well, so did we. So did nearly every couple whose marriage ended in divorce.
Don't have sex. Neither of you really want to be parents, and I wouldn't wish the choice of adoption, abortion, or parenting on my worst enemy.
No one should engage in sexual intercourse until and unless they are financially, emotionally and physically ready to have a child.
You claim you are both smart. So why are you risking ruining your life?
This is very helpful I already knew all of this though but the chances are extremely low between and condom and the pill so your cases are rare and I understand the same could happen to me. Any other advice from others is helpful too though. Thanks
I "understood" that the chances were low, too.
Didn't help me one bit.
What kind of advice are you looking for here? You're not going to get anyone telling you to do it--we've all been there, and I know absolutely NO ONE who had sex as a teen that doesn't wish they'd waited.
So... what are you hoping to hear?
Actually, their cases aren't rare at all. I know more people that got pregnant while on birth control then I do people that were actually trying for a baby.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
If you think these cases are rare, look in the pregnancy forum on this site. They're not rare at all.
Bottom line, if you're not ready to be a mother, don't have sex. Every time you have sex, even if you have only one ovary, PCOD, are on the pill, use a condom, and have been told by your doctor that you'll never conceive, you may still get pregnant. A friend of mine did and was told all of the above. She now has 3 children, all conceived against all odds. She finally ended up having a tubal ligation and her husband had a vasectomy. Guess what? She's pregnant again, 2 years after all her operation and her hubbies.
If you think it can't or won't happen to you, you're dreaming.
I know if you still do all things it can happen, I will probably talk to my doctor also when I see her Tuesday. Thank you
I know a few people who had sex as a teen and do not regret what they did, I guess I want a larger range of responses. Thanks
Go ahead, talk to your doctor. That's what my friend did. Her doctor and 2 others said she'd never conceive. They said it was 99.9%. Well, she's having baby number 4 now. I just found out today. So, 3 kids with only one ovary, PCOD, on the pill and using a condom. Baby number four was conceived with one ovary, PCOD, a tubal ligation, and a vasectomy.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
What did the doctors say? Well, they said "oops".
Lets say it is a rarity. Is it worth the risk? Do you want to be saddled with a child before you have had a chance to live life? Do you have any clue what a child will do to your life? Does your boyfriend plan to go to college? Do you?
Then you need to browse the forums here. You will find dozens, maybe hundreds of posts from young girls who DO regret having sex and, more importantly, getting pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
You want an adult to tell you it's okay. Right?Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
I'll add my voice to the others. Don't do it. Wait. Like someone said, the next three years will be full of changes. Who you are now is not anyone close to who you will be in three years. Also, I was a virgin on my wedding night (was nearly 22) and don't regret it.
So you want posts from teens?Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
Well, I was a teen, and I did have sex. I got lucky. Most of my friends didn't. In my graduating class alone (and I went to a Catholic school) four of my friends graduated pregnant. Many more became pregnant shortly after high school. Only one of them is still married today, and she's not the norm by any means. Most of them got married and divorced within a year, saddled with a child, on welfare, barely living.
Some of them chose not to marry. Their babies fathers did what all teens want to do. They partied, didn't pay child support, left the teen mother with a lot of responsibility and a lot of expenses. Most of them are still on welfare to this day, 20 plus years later.
The fact is, if you have sex, pregnancy is possible. Being smart has nothing to do with it. Being prepared has nothing to do with it. You can be smart about everything, use every form of birth control available today, and you can still get pregnant.
Are you willing to take that risk? Are you ready to be a mom? If you're not, then the only way to insure you won't get pregnant is to abstain from sex until you're ready to be a mom.
Okay thanks for your comments I appreciate hearing your opinions.
In other words, you'll do what you want, because you're 16 and you know everything.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
When you get pregnant, don't say we didn't warn you.
Woah, I feel like you are trying to put up a fight or argue with me, I'm 16 so I really don't know much honestly I just want to hear all opinions and options, I feel that is the most logical way to handle the situation. I appreciate your side.
Let me invite you to come to work with me. I deliver babies for a living.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
No, the chances aren't as rare as you think.
So, based on what you've read here so far, what are you thinking?Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
(Btw, it's whoa, not woah.)
I was already planning on waiting until at least next summer but I am considering having sex this summer still because I feel like some of these answers are a little far fetched and I am sure I will get plenty of responses from this line but I am still planning on waiting to build my relationship. I understand that those circumstances could happen to me and I completely understand I could get pregnant. To the question about college... I will be taking college classes next year as a junior and my boyfriend will attend college. I understand what is in store and I think I have known, I research a lot but I just wanted some other opinions. I'm a little thrown off by the harsh tone that seems to have come across as I just wanted some opinions but I think I will wait and talk to a couple other people.
How so?Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
I know you don't want to fight. Neither do I.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
The thing is, I'm 40, but I was a teen. I was a teen that had sex. I do regret it.
I'm also a 40 year old that as a teen felt I was in love. I knew in my heart that it would last forever. No one could tell me different.
I was wrong.
I'm not trying to fight with you. I'm trying to make you see reality. I also realize that you'll do what you want because you really do believe you know it all.
Trust me, you don't. At 16 you know nothing, and I don't mean to be disrespectful. You could be the smartest 16 year old in the world, and your posts show that you are smart, but you're 16, and you know nothing of the world.
You're letting your feelings dictate your actions. It will bite you in the butt one day. I promise you.
But I honestly said I don't know anything, I will learn from my experience and those of others. When I'm in my 80's I'll know it all haha (I'm just kidding) I'm not wise at all. I know my boyfriend and I can break up at any time whether it be a week or 20 years from now it could happen, nothing on earth can be forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
Wondergirl you haven't upset me thank you for your time and what you have told me.
I don't at all think I know it all.
Huh? I'm not concerned that I've upset you. (I haven't said anything that would do that.)Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
I wonder why you think some of these answers are far-fetched.
Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant how so? To that I was upset with the question.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
So why do you think some of these answers are far-fetched?Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
Bottom line, if you're not ready to be a mother, don't have sex. Every time you have sex, even if you have only one ovary, PCOD, are on the pill, use a condom, and have been told by your doctor that you'll never conceive, you may still get pregnant. A friend of mine did and was told all of the above. She now has 3 children, all conceived against all odds. She finally ended up having a tubal ligation and her husband had a vasectomy. Guess what? She's pregnant again, 2 years after all her operation and her hubbies.
[/QUOTE]
This is just a one in a billion chance, that is what I meant by far-fetched, I understand that it can happen though.
It was what actually happened to someone in real life, someone who didn't think she had a chance of getting pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
In my family, the women take a deep breath and get pregnant. It took me and my husband three years to get pregnant. So it works the other way too.
I'm guessing all those teenage romantic moments my long-time boyfriend and I had in dark cornfields and hay lofts and on a Lake Ontario beach would have ended up with my getting pregnant, had I agreed to have sex. (And there was no birth control back then--only abstinence or the rhythm method if you were Catholic.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
One in a billion?Quote:
This is just a one in a billion chance, that is what I meant by far-fetched, I understand that it can happen though
From the time she was 13 she was told by over 3 expert doctors that she'd never have kids because of her issues.
So she went ahead thinking she'd never be a mom.
When she got pregnant with her daughter, on the pill, used a condom, one ovary and polysistic ovarian disease, the doctor said it was a miracle.
Same thing with her second and third child.
Now she not only had only one ovary, and PCOD, but she had her tubes tied, and her husband had a vasectomy, and she's pregnant with her 4th miracle.
YOu really think this is one in a billion? How many times can lightening strike? It struck 4 times for my friend.
So, do you really think lightening can't strike you once? It can. Are you willing to take that chance?
Let's stop talking facts, and start discussing plans.
You want to have sex. Pregnancy is a huge possibility. So, what are your plans when you get pregnant?
Nevada, while you may THINK some of these answers are far fetched, the fact is that they are actually the truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by nevada22
You see, I am not only a mother of a teen, but I am also a labor and delivery nurse. I've seen it all, heard it all and delivered their babies. ;)
I was a teen once too. I understand the desire to have sex, I understand what teen love is like, as my daughter is in the same boat as you and she's 17.
Maybe I can advise you like I advise her. Sex changes a relationship and not always for the better. Use your brain, not your libido. Pregnancy can and does happen. Teens think they are ten feet high and bullet proof. They have the idea that "it can't happen to me." Well, it can happen to you. No matter what kind of protection you use.
You are 16 now and could possibly be a mother at 17. This would give you the possibility of being a grandmother at 34. Heck, I didn't even have my last child until I was 38 much less a grandmother :eek:.
I have delivered babies to 13 year olds, yes 13!
Also, there are some very serious health risks should you become pregnant at your age. Some of these life threatening and some can be permanent.
You could develop pre-eclampsia due to high blood pressure. This can cause seizures. You could develop something called gestational diabetes, that is diabetes only when pregnant, however it can cause you to have permanent diabetes later in life. You could have a child with Down's Syndrome. You could have a child with multiple fetal anomalies like a hole in the heart, premature labor and birth. These last two can cause a baby to be in a NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for weeks or months before being able to come home. This can cost in the millions of dollars.
So, if you do decide to have sex, remember that these are all possibilities and they very well could happen to you.
Truer words were never spoken!Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Nevada, See this is the problem here and why we may come off sounding a bit harsh, We tell you that having sex means the risk of pregnancy. We give you examples of how birth control is not 100%. We detail how becoming pregnant at a young age can radically change your life. Yet your response to this is its all a "bit far-fetched" and a "one in a billion" chance. That says to us that you don't believe us, that you are assuming we are adults just trying to scare you with the boogey man of pregnancy. When the truth is we are concerned about you and don't want to you to make the same mistakes countless others have made.
You say your boyfriend plans to go to college. Does he plan on going away? Do you have any clue what a strain that puts on a relationship? Do you have any clue of the odds that at 16 you have found your soulmate for the rest of your life?
Is your boyfriend pressuring you to have sex? The more he pressures, the more you should dig in your heels.
And I will point out I specified that you should not engage in sexual INTERCOURSE. I'll let you figure out what that means.
Here's the thing--I know what hormones are like.
I'm not saying don't find ways to enjoy each other's bodies. You're going to do that anyway, and probably ALREADY do that.
Just... draw the line at sex. If your boyfriend REALLY loves you, he'll be okay with it.
The biggest problem is this: Teenage boys think with their penises when they're alone with a girl. They don't always mean to, and most guys are nice enough to respect a girl's wishes on the subject. But they ARE thinking with their penises. They are NOT thinking with their hearts about sex. Sure, he loves you, but sex is about his PENIS, not about feeling closer to you.
GIRLS are thinking more with their minds and hearts than with their vaginas. In a lot of cases, girls don't know how to get THEMSELVES to orgasm, much less how to show their boyfriends how to do it.
I promise you that if you don't know already how that feels, you're going to be SUPREMELY disappointed in sex.
And if you're not 100% mentally and emotionally ready that first time, you're going to screw yourself up for the NEXT time, because your expectations are all wrong about it. Then it becomes a viscious cycle of having sex, trying to find your orgasm, not having one, and being frustrated about it---which prevents it from happening NEXT time.
Aside from the pregnancy thing--if you have to ask about it, you are NOT ready. You have hesitations, and are worried about it, and are not 100% into jumping into intercourse. If you're not 100% mentally and emotionally ready, you won't even enjoy it.
Thanks, I'm going to wait for a while at least I'm not doing it this year. I've had orgasms before and we've done almost everything else but I think I'm going to wait for sometime to have sexual intercourse. Thanks to all of you
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