I really hate my mum she always invades my privacy.I came home from school I know she has been in my room and gone through my things,I can tell things are not in the same place. Ive caught her going through my phone and I know she has been on my computer or tried to because she asked me what my password was. I just really hate it and don't understand why she does it. I don't really know what to say to her. Its just like a weekly thing I came home and notice she's been in there, I mean she must think I'm stupid why would I hide anything in my room when I know she goes through it, she must think I don't notice or maybe she doesn't care if I do know. Its confusing she never says anything to me.I asked my friends and boyfriend if there parents do it to them but they said they don't. Ok so I'm no angel child I have done some things I know she wouldn't approve of but she wouldn't know about it. Any thoughts?

Parent have the right to know what is going on in their children's life. Have you given a reason for your mom to check up on you? What is your age? If you are in your mid-teens, your mom may be scared that you are getting into things (sex, drugs, etc.).

As far as confronting her... tread lightly. If you are doing nothing wrong, try to put her mind at ease by reassuring her you are a good kid (assuming you are).

And as for your friends, maybe their parents re just better at putting things back in order (like spies).

That's funny (spies). Like I said I'm no angel but I don't think I've done anything for her to search my room every week I mean that's a bit extream isn't it? I just don't think its right for her to go through my things its my room, my things. Im 14 I'll be 15 soon I think maybe mum should have a bit of trust in me.

My sister (and this was about 15 years ago) had a similar issue with my mom. My mom read through her diary, looked to see who she was calling, checked her room.. etc. My mom got into her head that my sister was at the age where "Bad" things happen (16), and decided she would see what she was up to. They had a lot of "screaming" matches. After a year or so, it stopped. --- on a good note, my mom found out that she was indeed having sex and hanging out with a bad crowd.. . my sister did end up pregnant and did not finish high school. - - In the end, it all worked out. My sister thanked my mom for trying to keep her safe, and my sister now has her diploma and 3 great kids. - - - it doesn't always go like that. It could have been MUCH worse. - - just realize that your mom obviously loves you, or she wouldn't care to check up on you.

I don't see how my mum could think she could find anything out about me by going through my room, my phone or my computer.I would have to be stupid to hide anything from her in my own room. I don't understand if she wanted to know if I was having sex or doing drugs wouldn't it just be better just to ask me? I mean I don't know if I'd tell her the truth but I'd probably be more likely to if she just asked instead of going through my things

I agree. Good communication makes relationships better (even with Parents). Maybe you and your mom should have a day together (shopping.. lunch.. etc.) and maybe bring the situation up (in a nice way).. and talk about it. Good luck

Talk about it "Ha mum i know you have been going through my things" akward. I just don't understand how or why she does it, it just makes me so mad. So I'm suppose to just think OK she's doing it because she loves me.If I talk to her and try to reassure her I'm a good kid I doubt she'll believe me she must already not trust me to go through my personal things.

I have a feeling that mom knows that you're doing drugs and going out to party. You're putting yourself at risk and she's trying to make sure that you stay safe.

She has reasons not to trust you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ve-570281.html

I don't see how she could know anything about what I do and I don't see how going through my things would make her think that either.I know that I do some things she wouldn't approve of but I don't see how her going through my things is going to prove anything.It just makes me angry if she wanted to know something why not just ask instead of this. By her doing this it just makes me not want to tell her anything

One thing you should keep in mind. Unless you pay rent, you have no rights to privacy. Your parents pay for the house you live in, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, and your education.

If your mother wants to go through a room in her home, she has every right to.

Obviously she doesn't trust you. Why, only she knows. The fact is, you've shown that you are indeed untrustworthy by doing ecstasy. She may not know you're doing it, but I'm sure she suspects something is going on, which is why she's looking through your things.

If you want her to stop, start gaining her trust. The first step would be to stop doing drugs.

I don't see how that will make a difference when she doesn't even know about it anyway.My mum is just totally over reacting. I understand that she supports me and looks after me but it's a bit extream I mean every week going through my room I just hate going home now it doesn't even feel like its MY room. I don't think I'm untrustworthy I've never done anything she has asked me not to, I haven't lied to her and I don't see how not telling her everything I do is being untrustworthy

Here's the thing firefly: you are so valuable to your mum. She cares about you or she wouldn't be snooping through your things. She knows you so well because she has spent your entire life making sure you are safe and sound. She can tell something has changed, and trust me when I say that a person using drugs does change in noticeable ways: physically and mentally.

Doing drugs only means one thing: you don't value yourself the way you should. You're throwing around your health and your body like it doesn't matter, but it does matter. It obviously matters to your mum, and it should matter to you too.

Talk to her, and be honest with her. You need help right now, and who better than the person who loves you the most?

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Originally Posted by firefly15

I dont see how that will make a difference when she dosn't even know about it anyway.My mum is just totally over reacting. I understand that she supports me and looks after me but its a bit extream i mean every week going through my room i just hate going home now it dosnt even feel like its MY room. I dont think im untrustworthy ive never done anything she has asked me not to, i havnt lied to her and i dont see how not telling her everything i do is being untrustworthy

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You said it doesn't feel like your room. I have news for you. It isn't your room. If you're not paying rent you're lucky to even have a room. That room belongs to the people that pay for it, your mom and dad.

You think your mom is over reacting? I don't think she is. Of course I know what you're really up to. Doing E is dangerous. You could die. You seem to be very blasé about it.

I'd bet that you're doing way more then just drugs.

I'm a mom. I know my kids. When they're doing something they shouldn't be, I know it. I may not know what they're doing, but I always know when they're up to no good. I'm sure your mom knows something is going on. Drugs change a person. She most likely senses that you're doing drugs, and she's trying to find them so she knows what she's dealing with.

Personally, if you were my kid, you'd lose your room, you'd lose your computer, and you'd lose your freedom. I'd be sending you for drug testing, and I'd be talking to all of your friends, and their parents. You're lucky that all mom is doing is looking through the room you stay in.

One thing I can promise you. Sooner or later she'll find out what you're up to. You obviously aren't hiding it very well, because she doesn't trust you. If she trusted you she wouldn't be going through your room.

Respect is earned. Privacy is earned. Trust is earned. You haven't earned anything, and whining about mom going through your room isn't getting you anywhere.

Its so frustrating no one seems to understand.I take an e sometimes when we go out to partys big deal I don't see how its changed me at all. Mums just paranoid I've been smoking pot for a year and she never noticed just now all of a sudden she freaks out doing searches snooping.

I do understand why you're frustrated. You are baffled that your mom thinks you're untrustworthy because you feel that you've been doing a good job hiding your drug use/partying.

Are you having sex, too? I ask because she might be concerned because she knows you're hanging around boys a lot when you go out with your friends.

You express confusion that she would have noticed the pot, ecstasy, and whatever else you're up to. I can tell that you know she would be extremely upset with you if she knew about the drugs. You do know that, right? So you know that you're not obeying her-even if she hasn't specifically said, "Don't smoke pot, don't take ecstasy tablets, don't have sex, etc"... you know that you shouldn't. You know that these things are dangerous, and you know that (because she loves you) she would be upset to find out just what you're up to.

You don't see how it's changed you, but she does see it. She will find out one way or another, and she is praying that she doesn't find out by having to see you in a hospital or worse, dead.

I'm serious about this, mothers have to identify their dead children every single day. A lot of these children overdose the first time they ever did a drug.

I was 14 years old the first time I drank alcohol, and my mother found me passed out in bed, hardly breathing. She had to call 911 (the emergency number in USA) to have me taken to the Emergency Room or I might have died.

All I wanted to do was have some fun, I never wanted to die. I was 14 years old and if it weren't for mere timing on my mother's part, I would not be here today.

It happens all the time.

I know she would be upset with me if she knew about the drug.She knows I have a boyfriend well he's not really a boyfriend we are just really good friends and yes sometimes we sleep together.But she's never asked me and I've never said.I know taking drugs can cause overdose but I like the way it makes me feel I don't have to deal with my life I can just be happy for that short time and if I die so

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Originally Posted by firefly15

i like the way it makes me feel i dont have to deal with my life i can just be happy for that short time and if i die so

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You don't care if you die?

I bet you do, underneath the partying and the sex. I get it, partying numbs whatever pain you feel and you think it's a great solution or at least a great alternative to the real world. But, it isn't.

If life is not worth living for you and all you care about is being able to slowly kill yourself without interference: there are two things I have to say to you:

1) Life is worth living. It has a lot of opportunities for you and you just need to decide which ones you're going to take. Do you have dreams? Do you want to help animals? Teach kindergarten? Cure cancer? Be a chef? Travel the world? Have a family? I bet you do have those dreams, or you did and you've suppressed them. Don't give them up now because something in your life is so much stress that you're taking drugs. If you need to learn how to cope with some stress, or other pain you're feeling, then see a counselor. I promise you that if you tell your mom, "I am in trouble and I need help", while she may be upset at first, she will do whatever it takes (and that means getting you into a psychiatrist) to make sure that all of the dreams her little girl has will still become a reality someday. That is what a parent wants most for their children and your mom feels that way too.

2) If you think that your mom will just let you kill yourself with drugs without a fight, you're wrong. She's already on your trail and she will figure you out. When she does you're going to pay consequences whether you want to.

You're hurting right now for whatever reason and she can help you. I am begging you to let her. Save yourself and your childhood now before it's too late.

It's not that we don't understand (because we do, we were teens). But go back and read what you wrote: Drugs: Pot/E.. whatever. . That is completely grounds for your mom invading your privacy.. whether she KNOWS or only suspects you are doing it. Like everyone is saying, she's only doing it because she cares. - - I strongly suggest taking the advice from everyone in here, every comment made so far is SPOT ON and good advice... we do understand.

I don't care what my mum thinks I just want her to back off and leave me alone, I just want some space.I don't need her and I don't need her all in my stuff she is just freaking out over nothing she should go and find something better to do with her time

What would you do without her? Just curious. Place to live? Job? Food? Can you cook / Laundry / Bills. Pay for doctor visits? Buy a car? - - -just wondering if you have really thought this over.

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Originally Posted by firefly15

I dont care what my mum thinks i just want her to back off and leave me alone, i just want some space.I dont need her and i dont need her all in my stuff she is just freaking out over nothing she should go and find something better to do with her time

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You know-at one point I was just like you! Smoked pot, did E, and some other drugs/things that I shouldn't have been doing at your age. If you knew how hard my life is as a result of that, maybe you would re-think what you are presently doing.

You think you don't need your mom? Think again kid, because without your mom, most likely, you wouldn't even have a bedroom!
One day your mom will be gone and who will take care of you then? You need to get your act together and learn how to respect your mother.

I love my mum I appreciate what she does for me. I just need her to care about something other than me

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Originally Posted by firefly15

I love my mum i appreciate what she does for me. I just need her to care about something other than me

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Well you may think it's lame, but you need to communicate that to her. I guarantee that is a big problem between you too. If you fail to communicate with her, she's going to have reason to believe that you are hiding something and she will try to find out as much about you as possible-any which way she can-and rightfully so.

I agree with the others, if you do drugs, even if it's just every once in a while, it is very noticeable. She probably suspects it, no doubt.

You know... its really not YOUR room. Its your parents place after all. As was mentioned... you have no right to privacy until you are renting or own your OWN place and are totally self supporting.

Until that time... you play by the rules of the owners of the place. In this case your parents.

Wait until they get you drug tested... yeah... they CAN do that.

And your parents DO care... otherwise they would have put you out on the street to fend for yourself the first time you screwed up or disobeyed them. And yeah... that DOES happen. I know people that were on the streets at 11... and not by their own choice.

So that's just the way it is I suppose parents get to do what ever they like. Well fine I don't care anymore she can go through my room all she likes she won't find anything.And make me have a drug test I doubt she'd do that.I don't need her to do anything for me if I needed her to be so in my stuff I would have asked but I didn't.If she really wants to help me as you say she should just leave me alone I don't need her

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Originally Posted by firefly15

So thats just the way it is i suppose parents get to do what ever they like. Well fine i dont care anymore she can go through my room all she likes she wont find anything.And make me have a drug test i doubt she'd do that.I dont need her to do anything for me if i needed her to be so in my stuff i would of asked but i didnt.If she really wants to help me as you say she should just leave me alone i dont need her

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Wait until YOU have a kid or kids... that YOU have to bust your butt to support that doesn't appreciate any of the things they got GIVEN to them that everyone else has to work to earn.

I can hear the Hysterical laughter coming from your moms house the very first time you complain about it. And it most likely WILL happen.

Incidentally at 14... you CLEARLY don't have the maturity to be left alone... and your own posts have shown it.

Respect is earned... not demanded.

Now... this is a serious question...

Take some time to read back through the quoted post and explain exactly how YOU as the child that can not earn their own way in life yet is in any position to mandate to the parent who works their butt off to provide for you when you act like this. Seriously... give it more thought than you do your schoolwork. Reflect on it and how if YOU had a kid right now how and why they would suddenly acquire the wisdom of the universe without having held a real job or supported themselves yet and why would YOU not be in the position of being the adult and making the adult decisions they can't yet understand? And why YOU should let your kids do all sorts of things that are guaranteed to get them in serious trouble.

Im not going to change who I am just for her.I understand that she does everything for me and I have a lot of respect for her and all she does that's not an issue.I know I should just not say anything not complain she can search my room, my phone and anything she likes that's fine as I've been told none of it belongs to me anyway. But I am who I am and my mind and body are my to do with as I please she can't control that and if I don't care why should she

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Originally Posted by firefly15

I dont care what my mum thinks i just want her to back off and leave me alone, i just want some space.I dont need her and i dont need her all in my stuff she is just freaking out over nothing she should go and find something better to do with her time

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Simple solution. Finish school, get a job, get your own place, then you can become a drug addict and do whatever you want to ruin your life.

Until then, your mom, who cares about you, has every right to try and make you see sense.

You may not like it, but obviously you're not smart enough or mature enough to make the right decisions for yourself, so someone has to. That's what moms are for.

Hopefully you'll wise up sooner rather then later, and then you'll realize that she's doing this because she cares about you, despite yourself.

Im not a drug addict and I don't want to be either.Argh it so hard to explain, I love my mum but I don't want to hurt her I don't want her to know what I'm doing.I don't want her to be upset I don't want her to worry about me I just want her to care about something else I don't want her to care about me. Im not worth her worring about

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Originally Posted by firefly15

Im not a drug addict and i dont want to be either.Argh it so hard to explain, i love my mum but i dont want to hurt her i dont want her to know what im doing.I dont want her to be upset i dont want her to worry about me i just want her to care about something else i dont want her to care about me. Im not worth her worring about

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Now you're doing the pity party. The "I'm not worth her love".

Firefly, I'm not buying it. I know why you're doing what you're doing. You want to be mature, you want to play with the big kids. The fact is, you're a child. You don't have the common sense to see that what you're doing could hurt you. Not only now, but in the future.

Take it from someone that screwed up a lot when she was your age. Me. I learned the hard way. My mom did love me, but I hid everything very well, so she didn't snoop, she trusted me. I wish she hadn't.

You're complaining because your mom is invading your space. As far as I'm concerned, she's not doing a good job of it. If she knew what you were doing she'd likely lock you up, and rightfully so. Someone has to protect you from your worst enemy. Sadly that enemy is you.

I know you're not going to listen to me any more then you'll listen to your mom. I wish you would. I wish I had someone tell me what I'm telling you when I was 14. I didn't.

The bottom line is, you're hurting yourself. You may live to tell the tale, but that's a toss up. You may not care about yourself, but your mom does, and if you live her like you say you do, you'll stop hurting yourself. Losing you would be the most devastating thing that ever happened to her. You may not think so, but I know so.

Take my advice. Stop using drugs, stop having sex, talk to your mom, and live a better life, before you end up regretting it.

Your mom is doing what most good parents do when they are worried, I would search my kids room and other parts of the home all the time, They even knew that I may pat down their friends from time to time.

Im not try to play with the big kids or be mature, I couldn't really care less about the older kids I take drugs because I like the way it makes me feel I don't have to deal with **** I can just be happy and not have to worry. I don't care if it ends badly if I die I really don't care. I love my mum but I'm not hurting me I'm helping me you just don't understand and she wouldn't either that's why I just wish she would leave it.

Which is why I hope you puts a tighter rope on you to teach you a lesson, catch you and get you help, since you obviously have no idea about reality and what the drugs are doing

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Originally Posted by firefly15

Im not try to play with the big kids or be mature, i couldnt really care less about the older kids i take drugs because i like the way it makes me feel i dont have to deal with **** i can just be happy and not have to worry. I dont care if it ends badly if i die i really dont care. I love my mum but im not hurting me im helping me you just dont understand and she wouldnt either thats why i just wish she would leave it.

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Do you really love your mom, or are you the selfish spoiled brat you seem to be judging by your posts?

If you really care about your mom, then be good to yourself. Stop doing drugs, and stop having sex at 14!

I do understand. I understand much better then you think I do. You need help, and the only person capable of giving you help is your mom. Will she be disappointed? Hell yes! Will she be mad? Hell yes! Will she help you and love you anyway? Hell yes!

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and talk to your mom before it's too late. You may not care about yourself, but your mom does, and losing you would kill her. Are you okay with her dying too? If not, then get help!

And of course... if you still think you know everything... you can be one of those 15 year old single moms that never graduates... and never gets a job paying more than minimum wage... always lives in crappy cockroach infested apartments in the bad part of town your entire life... never has enough money to make it to the next payday... and of course... never finds a really good man because the good ones look for someone that makes the right choices in life. And you will probably convince yourself its someone else's fault even though its 100% your own fault because it was YOUR choices that put you there. But then... at 14 you have it ALL figured out and everyone else is wrong. In your mind anyway.

Your mom cares... that's why she's even bothering to try.

Personally... if you want to be stupid... then you have nobody to blame but yourself when you are lucky to get the most menial of jobs, the lowest paying ones, the rest of your life. Someone has to do those jobs... between you and motivated illegals, my bet is THEY will get the jobs first. Employers don't care about sob stories... they want people who do what they are told, when they are told to do it. And the lower the job.. the more you are told what to do. Don't worry about the better jobs... if you continue down the path you are on now... you will never have one.

Actions have consequences. That's how the real world works.

Sure you can be as stupid as you want... but nobody has to support you or deal with you if you are as an adult. I'm sure you think you are special... and none of those rules of life apply to you... but the fact is they do.. and you aren't special to anyone but your family. Life is and will be what you make of it. So feel free to limit your ability to have a slice of it. That makes room for someone else that does care, does try, and does make the effort.

And there are some things you can't change once they have been done... screw up your chances now, and many things will never be available to you in the future.

And the biggest shock in life you will have... assuming you don't get pregnant or arrested, or have a parent die... is when you have to move out of your parents house and support yourself on your own earnings. Then all of those idealistic dreams you think about now will come up smack against reality. And NONE will come true.

The more of a fantasy world you live in the bigger the shock will be when you have to face reality.


And the bottom line is this... NOBODY cares more about you, or cares more that you DON'T make stupid mistakes than your Mother does. Not even any of your best friends. If you think she's hard on you... you can't imagine how hard people that don't know you or want to know you WILL be.

Great advice

I don't live in a fantasy world believe me things are very real to me in my world you have no idea if you think I'm being a selfish spoilt brat then so be it and I suppose that's how I sound but you don't know me or any thing about me.I lnow my choices can affect my life believe me I know how one decision can effect my life for ever but my life is already messed up I don't care about if I grow up if I get a job blah blah blah because I simply don't want to you say I'm messing my life up and my mum only cares for me well where was she when I really did need her no where and I think what I do doesn't hurt me but help me deal with what others have done. I don't want to hurt my mum I do love her and that is why I don't want her to get in my stuff she doesn't need to know because she can't help and it will only make things worse.

I'll be honest here. I had the first post, and thought you were curious as to why your mom was sneaking around in your stuff. That was answered, you obviously do not want to accept the advice. You do not seem selfish, and at your age should not be worrying about "growing up / getting a job".. yet. BUT, there is some DEEP issues you need to deal with (professional if possible.. like a therapist).. . The comment "where was she when i really did need her no where" makes me wonder what is going on. ---- And Trust me, DRUGS HURT YOU, a very good friend of mine passed away in her sleep after taking "E". She used for about 1 year, maybe.. every other month (or so). . And well, it does some CRAZY stuff to your brain. Read up on it.. . "E" feels good because it releases ALL of your Seretonin (a chemical that makes you happy)... which is why people feel depressed after.. ALL of their Seretonin is gone. It's NO JOKE. . And will only make you feel worse over time.

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Originally Posted by firefly15

I dont live in a fantasy world beleive me things are very real to me in my world you have no idea if you think im being a selfish spoilt brat then so be it and i suppose thats how i sound but you dont know me or any thing about me.I lnow my choices can affect my life beleive me i know how one decision can effect my life for ever but my life is already messed up i dont care about if i grow up if i get a job blah blah blah because i simply dont want to you say im messing my life up and my mum only cares for me well where was she when i really did need her no where and i think what i do dosnt hurt me but help me deal with what others have done. I dont want to hurt my mum i do love her and that is why i dont want her to get in my stuff she dosnt need to know because she can't help and it will only make things worse.

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You do realize you are contradicting yourself at several points in this post alone.

Incidentally... you fail to grasp the concept that YOU are doing things you shouldn't be doing... and are not accepting the reality of it. You are a drug addict that's well on her way to becoming a underage single mother. Yeah... you don't want to face it... but the fact is you are wrong on so many things you are highly likely to end up pregnant soon.

And that doesn't even factor in the illegal drug use that WILL screw your life up. It's not IF... but WHEN.

Your mother has the RIGHT to go through your stuff as she sees fit. If you really care about her like you claim... you would be listening to her.

The fact is by your own words you are a selfish little brat that cares only about what YOU want right now, and don't really care how that affects others.

And another fact is... you can't fix your own problems unless you are able to recognize you have them in the first place. And at 14 you don't have either the mental or emotional maturity to make any decisions yet. And physically you are mature enough to get yourself into a major mess you will never get out of. Like getting pregnant or getting AIDS or Herpes... neither of which can be cured.