I usually don't develop many friendships within my classroom, since I think most of my mates are stupid and idiots, etc. Anyway I developed a really deep friendship with a girl I liked, who also considered the others the same way I did. I told her I liked her, she rejected me, but still we did move on. We became best friends. Anyway, while we were in school she kept moving away from me because I sent her some kind of pain waves while we were together and she spent more time with the "idiots and ignorants" (her own words) than with me. When we were on the same table we never talked even when I tried and when I was complemeting her drawings she always told me to stop.
When she was with others, the exactly opposite.
Now, without no sign of warning, our friendship is over. She just texted me saying it was over and never talked to me again since then. On the first few days after she did that, I was doing everything to know the "why" but then I realised I was crawling after her and I just gave up. I tried to forget my feelings, memmories, etc. And I do actually think I did.
Anyway, when I see her every day at school, talking with people, enjoying life, I get so annoyed like I've never got. As I am sitting next to her I can see her chatting with people that were on the same place I was before, showing them the draws, accepting the complements, smiling... Everything she has never done with me. And even when I'm not near her I can't control myself to stop looking at her at least for 10 minutes!
And it's so damn annoying! I just don't know what to do anymore. I believe it's destroing my inside. All the answers I've had so far say me to pray or to meet new people: I'm agnostic and I have friends. Lots of them. Just not inside my classroom. 2 completely different worlds.
It's getting so annoying facing her everyday and going through the same feelings again, and again, and again... And thinking "where did I go wrong/what did I do?/have I forgotten her already?". The answer is still the same for all of them: I don't know!
Please help me!
(Can you ignore my spelling mistakes too, please? ;P)

Actually, you write very well. I noticed one spelling mistake for which I forgive you.

Why am I missing the "deep friendship" part?

Quote:

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1) I told her I liked her ~ she rejected me
2) she kept moving away from me because I sent her some kind of pain waves while we were together
3) she spent more time with the "idiots and ignorants" (her own words) than with me
4) we never talked even when I tried
5) when I was complimenting her drawings, she always told me to stop.

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Yea... It was cool at the start we could talk, go to cinema, etc.
But after a while we could only talk to each other using text messages. I kept telling her that it wouldn't work but she never listened to me. It was kind of hard to keep a friendship by a phone but I gave it a try...

So it wasn't really a friendship.
So why do you think you can't get over these feelings?
Were you hoping something more would come of it?

If she doesn't want to have anything more to do with you see that as her problem,not yours.

Why do you call all your classmates idiots and ignorant?

Have you tried mixing with them a bit more, it sounded like you both kind of isolated yourselves from the rest of the class and she maybe didn't like it.

You should try talking to some of them and getting to know them they might not be as bad as you think and be new friends for you, I can guarantee when you do this she won't bother your thoughts even half as much as now.

Because the people in my class are either people who spent their time studying and don't talk to anyone... people who are always after girls and have no chance to talk... people who are always playing Game Boy alone... people that make fun of me... people that are drug addicts.. people who drink all time.. Nothing like me.

OK, so what kind of person do you think you are? Maybe there's people from another class that you can relate to a bit more?

Yea that's the problem :P I don't know why I feel this. For real! I don't feel anything for her anyomore. I've already been rejected lots of times and rejected on my own sometimes too. But I've never felt anything like this. It's affecting my school performance because I can't even pay attention in classes.

You say you have lots of friends, then have fun with them and cope with your new feelings of attraction that's a distraction after you were rejected. Go back to the habits you had before she was friends with you and do what you have done all along.

This class makes you isolated and alone, but its temporary, and you will have others classes, so this is only a chance to learn how to deal with yourself, when you are put into new, and awkward situations. They are called growing pains, and they start with not be close to this female you once shared a good time with. An adjustment by you is needed, and more effort into focusing on what's important is needed. Her presence is no longer important.

How old are you? As you go through this experience of growing pains, you will get use to handling yourself better in these situations. For now, ignore her, and what she is doing.

I think it's the could have beens that you're stuck in.

You're going to have to fake it till you make if you spend the better part of the day in the same rom with her.

Superconcentrate on your classes and take it one day at the time.

Thanks that was useful :D
Anyway I'm still kind of worried because now I know (as I always thougt I knew) that I can't have a deep deep friendship with someone I like and now I don't know how to speak to her since I'm used to "hello; how are you; aren't you ok? what's happening?" and then it goes on and on... :P

Of course you can have deep friendships with people you like,just not with her it seems.

As for speaking to her,just a polite Hi and then keep doing your thing.

Yea but I mean... I've just read somewhere in this web site that it's actually bad in any way to be friends of someone we like...

Ah,my bad,did you mean as in 'really like' like?
I still stand by my post where I meant like as in 'just' like...

Yea I meant like as in really like xP that's the problem...

You should still do the polite 'hi' thing though-have you read about the No Contact rule?
Well,you can't do proper NC,but do minimum contact.

And I know it's tough but it will get better.

Yea but I mean... I'm used to show people they can trust me and it usually ends up in forced friendships, fake feelings and so on...

Friendships take time to develop,as does trust.

Yoy have a circle of friends outside school so you know you have people who like and trust you and vice versa.

Yea dude but my guess is that we are talking in different aspects of "friendship" and "like"... ;D

Maybe so,but I think you know what I mean.

Yea but I do also think that you know what I mean. If I like (really like... I would use "love" but it's too strong) a girl I will probably show her that she can trust me and then we fall in the same vicious cicle.

My apologizes Phil, for using your post to run an experiment.

As to your situation, this may be a bit new to you, and experience will leave you better able to cope with those feelings that dissapointment, and rejection bring about. It will still suck, but at least you will have a coping strategy to rely on. Don't take it personaly or make it about you, it seldom is. Its mostly about there own feelings that you may never be aware of.

Humm OK thank you... No problem :)

Threads merged


Ok so I finally realised that what I was feeling had gone too far and I decided to start NC with a girl who used to be my best friend (and yes, I liked her). Also I now know why she ended our friendship: apparently after I had a bad day I said random things and she misunderstood them, thinking that I liked her after she said 'no' and now she thinks I just can't take a 'no' as an answer. Anyway I'm not going to do absolutely anything to solve that. Her call, her decision, now it's over.
For the ones who have read my first story here you know everything about it. The problem is that now she has a new friend who I consider my enemy since he is always insulting me. And I mean while I took ages to gain her trust he only took 2 days and now she treats him like he was special like she has never treated me... the exactly opposite.
I don't know why but I broke the NC rules today and had a final conversation with her. I asked her if she was interested in him and if she wanted to carry on with any kind of relationship.
The answer to the first question was a NO and the answer to the second one was a bit confusing. As I didn't get what she meant at first I asked again and she replied with 'see? You can't take a no as an answer' so now I don't give a damn since she'll always misunderstand what I'm saying.
When I asked her why she was treating the other so well she said 'he isn't you. And that explains everything'.
And now I got a new kind of feeling. All love and pasion are gone by now but I'm wondering what did I do not to deserve she ever treated me that way. I'm still feeling the same kind of jealously and guilt.
For real guys will this pass with time or do I have to do something else? As I see her more that 15 hours a week I know that's something I can't avoid. But I'd like to know if I can avoid this feeling.
You can ask me if she came back and said me that she wanted a friendship or something more serious what would I say. I would say NO and I'm serious. I really don't want to have anything to do with her. I've already started NC for serious this time and I'm going to stand by it until I stop seeing her (+/- 2 months from now). I know that she probably won't talk to me until she sees I just see her as a friend, but by now I see her as an enemy. I mean she doesn't even deserve to be an enemy.
But I would like to stop wondering "what does he have that I don't?" and stuff like that! Also I can't do anything if he continues insulting me because then she will think I'm fighting for her.
Any tip?

Seems to me Phil, like you can certainly add your own drama to common situations. You tie together events that may not be related. Or maybe not in the way you think. Because a guy is showing you jealousy with his bad behavior doesn't mean he is your enemy, he just sees you as a rival, or competition.

A lot of this, as I see it, is you not knowing people enough to accept them for their ways, and being judgmental to a point of seeing them as beneath you any way. Like they are not good enough to interact with. Its easy to be isolated, and not understanding of others in this instant, because you have maybe deprived yourself of an important learning tool, interacting with others.

All you can see is your own view of things, and that may not be even close to the facts of the matter. Its called growing, and nothing can grow in a vacuum, not humans at least, you need the input of others, and a clear open mind, to know yourself, so you can grow through experiences.

See what I am getting at, you have to let information in, to get facts out in front of you, so you can make better decisions for your life. Especially at a time when you are learning and growing the most.