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Believe me when I say my intentions toward her are good, no sex in mind, just kissing, holding hands and hugging. I do not honestly care if you have a problem with it, if you want to point out your issues with it then go ahead. But I would like to know if it is legal in the UK. Cause so far things between us are going great. Preferably I would like positive feedback.
While it is not illegal to date, I would question your own motives and reasoning.
While there is only 5 years in age the differences in maturity, development and outlook are VAST.
Well, I'm sorry to say, you aren't going to get any as what you are doing is morally WRONG in so many ways.Quote:
preferably I would like positive feedback.
If this was my daughter you would NOT be allowed anywhere near her!
I just have a question and that is, why don't you date a girl your own age? I think the maturity levels would be a lot different between 11 & 16 but then again, I've been wrong before.
Comment on Curlyben's post
And that's a fair opinion, but I don't see the problem with dating someone if they love you back. And I'm different to other guys, I don't really think of sex when I think of girls
Comment on adam_89's post
Well, thank you for not judging me first of all, and I have tried finding girls my age, but this girl's different. Not because of the age but, usually I'm fairly depressed, but when I'm with her it all just goes away and I can be happy
What do her parents think about you dating their daughter?
Why do you believe that an eleven year old can love you the same way that you love her? An eleven year old does not have the same outlook on life that a sixteen year old does. An eleven year old has no concept of love in any context other than friend or family. An eleven year old has no concept of 'long term relationship' or fidelity.
I question why an eleven year old would want to be involved in a romantic relationship with anyone.
You shouldn't be involved with her because she makes your depression go away. That sounds like you are making her responsible for your happiness and that is not fair to anyone at any age. If you have a problem with depression, then you need help. Are you getting any help?
I think the two of you might make great friends, but I think that is as far as the relationship should go. I don't think you quite comprehend the dangers of making out (kissing, hugging, and holding) with a child. At this time, you might not be interested in intercourse, but it doesn't take much to cross the line between kissing and cuddling and sex.
Does most of that even matter, do people control who they fall in love with? And by the way, thinking that I'd cross that line between kissing and sex, I do realise how young she is, and so does she. I just want advice and facts, not assumptions
Well that sounds like you've found a nice friend. Go with friendship, it's better for this period of your lives.Quote:
Originally Posted by husky004
I don't know if I can do that though, she was the same as me before, depressed. We both wanted to die (yes, I know we need help). It'll be tough on me if I brake it off, but she might react worse and do something stupid. She's to important to me
Yes you both need help, where are your parents in all this? An 11 year old is not ready for sex and you should know that. She's following your lead so don't lead her down the wrong path. Be a man and do the right thing.
I told you that sex will NOT be involved. Her dad's dead and her mum suffers from depression and doesn't care. And mine don't know cause I don't want them interfering with my relationships. They have a tendency to want to be to involved
I don't understand a 16 yr old being attracted to a child :confused:(11 is still a child)
Sex should be so far out of the question as not to be an issue, but it still might be in this way.
I am not familiar with the laws in the U K but there are laws here in the US in various states ,
That because of your age difference , coupled with her extreme young age,
You could be violating several laws and be charged with a variety of crimes from moelestation to rape.:o
I would carefully look into your local statutes and laws to see if that may be the case there too.
11? :eek: Dude... think about what you're doing... but at 16 you still think you know most everything like all children your age.
Just like you thought at 16 you are no longer a child... you are.
You could do something constructive and become therapy buddies.
Go to counseling together and be a mini support team outside of counseling.
A 16 year old "dating" an 11 year old, while not illegal, would NOT be looked at favourably by the powers that be.
This is very close to child grooming, which IS an offence.
Maybe they want to be involved because they care about you.Quote:
Originally Posted by ;
Apathy is the opposite of love. Not hate. If they show interest in youi it is an indication of love... like it or not I'm just sayin'
Okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions. But despite that, thank you for at least a fact on the dating laws. Plus seeings I'm not 18 I don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group
We realise that people can and will look down on it. Some will consider it sick. And we're prepared to take that. But it's her happyness that I care about, you people can have a go at me all you want, I just want to know what the laws are
And I respect that, but I'm going to get enough trouble about 'morals' on here. I don't need or want them to be in on it as well
11 and 16 are in NO way considered in the same age group, there is a huge difference in maturity and development levels.Quote:
Originally Posted by husky004
No one is having a go, just pointing out the clear and honest truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by husky004
You do realise the potential trouble you could be in if you take this in any way down a romantic route??
Friendship, fine, but any hint of romance would land YOU in a shed load of trouble.
The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in the UK!!
What I was pointing out is that in some states , because you are 5 years older than her, it puts you in the position of being able to be charged with various sex crimes, but you would be charged as a minor.Quote:
Originally Posted by ;
The idea here is the older person would have almost total control mentaly, and total physically.
I wish you well
Your parent's should be involved. That's what good parents do.Quote:
Comment on NeedKarma's post
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I told you that sex will NOT be involved. Her dad's dead and her mum suffers from depression and doesn't care. And mine don't know cause I don't want them interfering with my relationships. They have a tendency to want to be to involved
Look at what her mother not being involved in her life is doing to her. She is looking for love and acceptance from an older male. She is the type of young girl that pedophiles look for because they don't understand the love they are looking for isn't romantic but parental. What you are seeing as emotional maturity is the exact opposite. It's just that neither of you have enough experience to recognize it.
Talk to your parents. Be open with them about the depression and your concerns about your friend and her issues. Ask for help before something negative happens.
You have a good point, but it doesn't change the way I will feel about her or visa versa. And I realise this is a stupid thing to do. But for once I'm going to follow my heart and not my brain.
As Ben said, we're not having a go at you.
We are trying to help by letting you know things that ONLY age and experience can bring.
You have put yourselves in a tenuious position and our goal is that no one ends up in trouble, or hurt, or damaged in any way.
Sometimes it takes having a go at some people to get a point across. But this is not the case here.
If we were just having a go at you, I think you'd have signed off a long time ago.
It can get ruthless,. I'm very good at it if it comes to that , which I can't see taking place on this site.
You weren't being picked on.
You want facts, then consider that hugging, kissing, and cuddling with a minor of 11 by a sixteen year old is a criminal offense, and also consider that what YOU call "love" is taking advantage of a minor who has NO appropriate supervision, since this is a big secret from YOUR parents.
She has no guidance in this matter, and for you to use that as a way to get what you want from her, when you should KNOW better, IS irresponsible, and manipulative.
For all your talk, its very obvious that the only difference between her, and other girls your age is, you can use her, and not them. And its very easy isn't it, "like taking candy from a baby!!!"!!
Real love, young guy, is about caring enough to do the right thing, not the easy thing, not get what you want, and use some one in the name of love. She needs to be loved and guided, not cuddled and kissed.
But of course how would you know what's right, and wrong since you sneak around behind YOUR parents back, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY WOULD NEVER STAND FOR THIS BEHAVIOR.
Maybe we cannot help who we love, but we can damn well help what we do about it, and frankly you are the worst kind of manipulator and predator. Preying on the weak, and helpless. And that's what makes you a criminal, in acts, and deeds, so save the justifying yourself, and think with whatever it is you call a brain, because the life you save may be your own, and doing the right thing instead of YOUR thing, may help you both, and YOUR parents as they are libel for your actions, also.
You think I chose her because I can take advantage of her? No! I'm with her because I can protect her. If she wants to brake it off then I'll go with it. Whatever she chooses is what happens. Unless it's something like sex, even I know better
I'd like to also point out, that for a 'people person' you're not so great at talking to people
SHE has to be the one to break it off?
I just want to do whatever makes her happy, with the exception of in-appropriate things.
Why do you think she is mature enough to truly understand what makes her happy? When I was that age, an ice cream cone made me happy -- playing with my cat Toby made me happy -- getting an A in social studies made me happy.
Wow, at 11, seriously... this girls so much more mature than that, she has a condition. In basic she can't leave home, so she spends her entire life around adults. She's pick up some perks from it. She's very mature for her age
I also was surrounded by adults at that age, professionals, in fact -- doctors, ministers, lawyers, educators.
Mature? She's 11! She has a condition -- which means what?
Protect my BUTT!! If you were telling the truth, she would be like a little sister. And no holding hands and no kissing and cuddling, and you would lead by a much better example, and protect her from herself, and from YOU.
Your actions are either EVIL, or IGNORANT, and both are dangerous to you both. It's a darn shame you LIE to yourself, to us, your parents, and your VICTIM!
Protect my A$$!! She is the one who needs protection from you, but all she has is the poor excuse for a parent who doesn't protect her from predators like you!!
Do the right thing for you both. Stop the kissing and cuddling and romance crap, and be what she needs, a friend. If you can't do that... leave her alone!!
To hell with that crazy, dumb stuff you are talking about! Its dangerous, and complete NONSENSE.
Apparently you don't know the meaning of the word "predator."
Logic and common sense are what you are missing.
Yeah but I can admit it, emotions are what you seem to be missing in this topic in perticular
You're sitting there smiling as you type, aren't you. Sparring with experts on a Q&A site is exhilarating.
I'm going to out on a limb here...
You both have problems at home,you both get the love and affection from each other, you don't think about sex with her,or girls in general...
I believe from reading your posts and your reactions to the answers is that you click so well with this girl because mentally your BOTH 11.
Other people know of this relationship, her friends,your friends.. those same people talk to their parents,parents talk to teachers, next thing you know your sitting in a police station.
However you feel,end the relationship, and talk to someone.
You're wrong. Until you're legally an adult, no longer living under your parents roof, you can't make your own decisions.Quote:
okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions.
Nope. Think of it this way. You're a teen, in two years you'll legally be an adult. She's not even a teen yet, and won't be one for another two years. She's a child, so are you, but she's much more of a child then you are.Quote:
plus seeings I'm not 18 I don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group
I have a 12 year old son, and an 8 year old daughter. I can tell you right now, if some 16 year old came around when my daughter was 11, asking to date her, I'd be on the phone with the police, I'd be on the phone with your parents, and I'd make darn sure that you never see my daughter again. If you continued to come around, I'd press charges.
At your ages a 5 year age difference may as well be 30 years. If you care about her so much, wait until she turns 18. If it's true love than waiting for her to be old enough shouldn't be an issue.
To answer your question ---- Yes, what you are doing is illegal.Quote:
Originally Posted by husky004
You are a classic pedophile. When you are caught, and you WILL be caught, you will be marked as a sex offender for the rest of your life. Your living arrangements will be constrained (nowhere near a school), and you will have to report your whereabouts to local police wherever you live.
You've already crossed the line with this child. You are probably right now being traced by various methods. The best thing for you is to immediately break off all contact.
Then seek help for your condition.
Okay, don't accuse me of being a pedophile, it's insulting. I left school, and nothing has happened between us, it's just a consideration
Okay, and those are fair enough comments. And people should be getting used to the word CONSIDERATION. I've been using it in pretty much every comment I've given in this. It's the reason I' asking, to try and do the right thing for us
No, I don't enjoy this, I came here to ask for law advice and all of you 'experts' start making assumptions that actually hurt to read. Being called a pedophile hurts you know
In your first post you say your intentions towards this child are good, no sex, just holding hands, a few posts later and now it's a consideration.
That means you have thought about it.
I'm going to burst your bubble right here and now buddy.
Your web address can be traced, that's not a threat that's a fact.
You want to know what's the right thing to do, end the relationship and seek professional help, BEFORE consideration becomes reality, and you confuse love with rape.
Whether you realise it or not your in over your head and whether you want it or not you need some help, I'm not saying that to be cruel, I'm saying it because its true.
Your emotionally attached to this girl, somewhere along the line you have lost sight of what is an age appropriate relationship.
Take a step back and take a good look at what's happening in your life, what are other 16 year olds doing? Not playing with 11 year olds that's for sure.
She is not mature for her age, you are immature for yours.
Talk to someone.
Edit: you invited opinion in your first post, no point getting upset when people give it.
Let me turn the tables.
Should an 11 year old date a 6 year old? That's the same age gap.
Is this for or against me? Cause I'm not sure
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