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-   -   Is it OK to be friends with benefits at 14? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=504589)

  • Aug 31, 2010, 07:46 PM
    Sowrdsman255
    My girlfriend wants to break up and I need to know how to get her not to?
    Ok so my girlfriend lives 30minutes away from me and were both super busy and she wants to break up. I really don't and need some tips on how to try and keep us from not separating. Please I need help!
  • Aug 31, 2010, 07:52 PM
    Kitkat22

    You can't make her stay in a relationship if she wants out.

    Let her go and move on.
  • Aug 31, 2010, 08:00 PM
    Sowrdsman255
    Thanks I don't know if it really helps me the only weird part is going to go from in a relationship to being friends (we've been close friends forever)
  • Aug 31, 2010, 08:06 PM
    Wondergirl

    Unfortunately, you can't keep it together if she wants to separate. I'm not even sure you can remain friends. How do you think that will be healthy for you? You'll always be remembering how things used to be and wanting them back again.
  • Aug 31, 2010, 08:32 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    Ya ik we broke up =/ but we're 14 so you it won't matter
  • Sep 2, 2010, 06:44 PM
    Sowrdsman255
    Please help me with this problem
    Once one of my "Friends" texted my girlfriend from my phone and asked her If she was a hermafrodite. Well this completely pissed her off. And still after half a year this "Friend" keeps telling her that it was me and not him. I need some help to get him to stop please.
  • Sep 2, 2010, 07:53 PM
    martinizing2
    If you would answer a question or two it will help.

    How old are you?

    Do you still hang around with your "friend" who caused the trouble?

    Is she still your girlfriend , or did this cause you to break up?

    How soon did you find out about it, what did you do then?
  • Sep 3, 2010, 09:47 AM
    Sowrdsman255

    I don't really hang around this "friend" anymore.
    I'm 14.
    It didn't cause a break up we r still go back and forth because of thing going on like school.
    I found out about it 5 minutes later and I told her it was this "friend" and she believed me only because she had met him before and knows he can be a jerk.
  • Sep 3, 2010, 09:29 PM
    Sowrdsman255
    Is it OK to be friends with benefits at 14?
    Ok so me and this girl have been friends since we were really little. For a while we had lost contact and a year ago we got back in touch and starte dating. We dated at the beginning of the year and became friends with benefits all summer. After about 4monthes we started dateing again and broke up because of school, and after school activities. The first time it was her idea to be friends with benefits and I want to know if it's really OK to be that at 14? Even now after we broke up she still wants to go to the fair and the fireworks with me. I guess I'm really just wondering if we should do that or not.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:51 AM
    gingerbill

    Do you mean "friends with benefits" as in having sex. If so, absolutely NOT is it OK. You are far too young and its against the law.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:54 AM
    ScottGem
    Agreed. You are too young to be having sex. Sex is not a recreational sport. Sex is is something shared between two people who have a deep and committed relationship. And no one should engage in sexual intercourse until they are financially, physically and emotional prepared to have a child.

    I would say its OK to to go to the fair with this girl, at your age, hanging out like that is fine. But I would be more inclined to stay away from her. She is promiscuous and that is dangerous.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:57 AM
    redhed35

    Your 14 she's 14,the straight answer is NO.

    Factor in the mental and emotional trauma this will have on both of you.

    If you think 'trauma' is over the top,how about if she gets pregnant? Std's? Your parents finding out,her parents finding out.

    Stay away from sex until your older wiser and more able to deal with the consequences.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 07:30 AM
    talaniman

    I don't think you mean friends with benefits as that applies to having sex with no commitment, and 14 year olds don't need to be playing with sex, no way, no how.

    If you are talking about dating as friends with no strings attached, now that's a different thing, and okay as long as its cool with the parents.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 07:42 AM
    asking
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    Once one of my "Friends" texted my girlfriend from my phone and asked her If she was a hermafrodite. Well this completely pissed her off. And still after half a year this "Friend" keeps telling her that it was me and not him. I need some help to get him to stop please.

    If it was you and you knew what a hermaphrodite was, you would not have to ask. Therefore it wasn't you or else none of you knows what a hermaphrodite is, which is what I'm beginning to suspect... Too much drama here. Since she has broken up with you anyway, I would stop worrying about this. Find a better friend, too.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 09:35 AM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Is it OK to be friends with benefits at 14?

    No.. it isn't.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:01 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    No! Not like that!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:04 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Please understand your wording, friends with benefits are two people who merely have sex for the sake of having sex. They are friends but not dating.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:05 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    Tos people! No having sex! Just like kissing!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:14 PM
    talaniman

    Darn it, kissing is for your girlfriend, not your friend, what's wrong with you?
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:16 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    I mean. God people! Not having sex! Just kissing!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:20 PM
    talaniman

    She isn't your girlfriend any more so don't kiss her, or you both will be cofused more than you are already.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:22 PM
    Kitkat22

    NO kissing!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:43 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    Well idc every body who thinks that the sex is the only thing that can mean is incapable of understanding what I mean. No I don't mean it that way. So get over it!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:48 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    Well idc every body who thinks that the the sex is the only thing that can mean is retarted. No I don't mean it that way. So get over it!

    PLEASE DO NOT USE THE WORD RETARDED on this site. It is disrespectful for people who may have children with learning disabilities or who are mentally and emotionally handicapped. You have shown me by using that word , you aren't ready for a girlfriend or kissing.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:52 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    Ou guys don't under stand! Not having sex!! Just kissing!!
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:53 PM
    martinizing2
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    Tos people! No haveing sex! Just like kissing!

    Friends with benefits refers to sex.

    So when you used that phrase we thought you meant sex.


    Your reaction was good. You were shocked !
    And at 14 that's what you should be.
    It appears you are smart enough not to try that.


    A kiss occasionally between friends is OK.
    Hanging out and spending the entire day
    Kissing is not fine.

    You will have the next 70 to 90 years to do that.
    Go out and be 14.

    I'd suggest something I did at 14 but that was so long
    Ago glaciers covered all of Canada and the northern states.
    So I won't.


    Keep thinking before you act.
    It shows maturity to ask about important decisions
    You are making.


    All of these people who took the time to
    Answer you are intelligent and caring people.


    All the answers (if you agree or not) were posted
    To try to help you not make the same mistakes we
    See 14 yr olds make every day,

    These are mistakes that can ruin your life.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 12:55 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    Ou guys don't under stand! Not haveing sex!!! Just kissing!!!!

    When you learn to spell and not use chat speak or text speak, you may be ready for a girlfriend.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 01:01 PM
    martinizing2
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    Well idc every body who thinks that the the sex is the only thing that can mean is retarted. No I don't mean it that way. So get over it!

    It is against the rules and plain rude to call anyone names.

    And using the word retard like you did shows you are still immature in
    Some ways.
    It shows you to be uncaring unthoughtful , and a lot of people think it shows you are not smart enough to find a more appropriate word.

    I know you are smart . You can find better ways to tell someone you don't agree.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 01:02 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by martinizing2 View Post
    It is against the rules and plain rude to call anyone names.

    And using the word retard like you did shows you are still immature in
    some ways.
    It shows you to be uncaring unthoughtful , and a lot of people think it shows you are not smart enough to find a more appropriate word.

    I know you are smart . You can find better ways to tell someone you don't agree.

    Good advice Marty.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 04:30 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    I can't believe just asking that has blown up into this! Can everyone just stop answering this I get it and I didn't mean what some people think. And don't look down upon me just because I have bad spelling.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 04:51 PM
    martinizing2
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    I can't believe just asking that has blown up into this!? Can everyone just stop answering this I get it and I didn't mean what some people think. And don't look down upon me just because I have bad spelling.!

    No one was looking down on you.

    Everyone was trying to help, although there was a misunderstanding that caused some tension, you did not do much to help.

    It was partially because of the poor spelling and grammar your post was difficult to understand.
    You familiar with spell check?

    I use it a lot, I don't spell very well but want to be understood so I check spelling.

    When there is a communication problem , calmly discuss it.
    When you are understood , and you understand then you have a chance of some progress.

    And I can't speak for anyone but me ,

    No problem here,. I will stop answering.

    I'm out of here
  • Sep 4, 2010, 04:56 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    I'm sorry for saying what I said. I'm just a little mad at everyonebfor taking it the wroung way.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:01 PM
    martinizing2

    Well almost out of here. I'm hijacking a little.

    Quote:

    Wondergirl agrees : You beat me to it! (My husband will be in Moab in three weeks. Watch for him.)
    He going for fun or profit or prophet?

    Still hot down there , pack sunscreen.

    Moab is one of my favorite places.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:02 PM
    Wondergirl

    This is your wake-up call to write and explain more precisely so you don't end up with all sorts of people laboring under all sorts of misunderstandings. We really do love you and want you to be happy.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:07 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by martinizing2 View Post
    Well almost out of here. I'm hijacking a little.

    I'll help hijack.
    Quote:

    He going for fun or profit or prophet?
    For fun -- goes twice a year to camp and hike.
    Quote:

    Still hot down there, pack sunscreen.
    He's done it for 20 years. I stay home and have my own kind of vacation.
    Quote:

    Moab is one of my favorite places.
    His too. He'd move there in a minute.

    Thanks, OP, for allowing us to borrow some space.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 05:18 PM
    martinizing2
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    I'm sorry for saying what I said. I'm just a little mad at everyonebfor taking it the wroung way.

    And they might be a little mad because you made it easy to take the wrong way.

    And it didn't help.

    You and I have exchanged a few sentences and have made it clear.

    Friends with benefits (as you used it) means kissing. Not sex.

    Do we now understand each other?
  • Sep 4, 2010, 06:16 PM
    talaniman

    Kissing at 14 can be more trouble than you think.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 06:35 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Kissing at 14 can be more trouble than you think.

    I agree Tal
  • Sep 4, 2010, 08:10 PM
    Sowrdsman255

    And by the way to the people that say kissing is bad at my age; I've only kissed a girl twice and both times it was the same girl.
  • Sep 4, 2010, 08:18 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sowrdsman255 View Post
    And by the way to the people that say kissing is bad at my age; I've only kissed a girl twice and both times it was the same girl.

    Kissing gets the hormones going and if you and the girl aren't careful you could be in big trouble.

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