Ask Me Help Desk - I slept with a family friend What should I do?

I slept with a family friend What should I do?

Two nights ago I had a coming home party because I had been in Europe for a while. All my family and family friends were there one who I have had a secret crush on since I was little. I started drinking and all of a sudden it was dark outside people were starting to go to bed but I wasn't ready yet so me him and his friend matt went to the beach. When we got there they dared me to swimming so I did then they dared me to go skinny dipping and I said I'd only go if they went with me so we all went (AWKWARD!) then we came back and went in my hot tub. That's when it really went down hill they started asking me to make out with them I kept saying no then they started asking me questions like "how many guys have you slept with?" and "How many guys have you blown?" Then all of a sudden I started feeing someone poke my tummy. It was him then he put me on his lap. Matt left all of a sudden I felt him nibbling on my shoulder then we started making out (HARDCORE!) I was on top of him all of a sudden he flipped me over he started fingering me I kept telling him no but I really wanted to so I stopped then I started to hurt down there I realized we were having sex. He pulled me out of the hot tub into this tiny bathroom. He went down on me then I gave him head and then we had sex some more. He kept saying stuff that Maybe I should have liked but it made me uncomfortable like "your so wet" and "Dang! you have a fat *** it's a good thing"I kept telling him I wanted to "****". We kept going then I blacked out I woke up the next morning and He was sleeping on another bed with his friend. We barley spoke to each other. He tried waking me up saying "wake up punk everyones leaving" then he just gave me a really cold hug good bye not even a kiss or anything he wouldn't even look me in the eye. Now I feel so ashamed and embarrassed I feel like I messed everything up and now he will never want to see me again I would never have done this sober I was just so drunk. I feel so lost and a little taken advantage of but I know it's not his fault it's mine.

What should I do?

Drinking and getting into ahot tub with two nude males when you are nude isn't the brightest move.

You liked it so you have to live with the consequences. Next time don't mix drinking and casual sex.

Be glad it was not both guys. And move on with your life

Should I talk to him I feel awkward leaving it like this.

Lonely, I appreciate that you are taking your lumps over what happened. There were many times during the evening that you could have stopped, and prevented what happened. That you blacked out, is dangerous, and I can only presumed you must have had a high consumption, over a long evening to get to that point. (have you considered that drugs were added to your drink?- and is it possible that the second friend, was in on it?)

The alcohol was a precursor to every event. Hitting the beach, then doing the skinny dipping thing, then the hot tub, then the bathroom, then the blacking out- each stage, and probably more before during when others were present, more drinking was going on.

Keep in mind that you were fairly coherant, you managed to have conversations with the two in the tub, and were aware of your actions, and that of your sex partner right up until you passed out. You had good recall in the morning of the immediate night before.

That all tells me that you should not drink. Or, you should reduce the risk of ending up in similar circumstances (if you haven't already), by monitoring yourself, restricting your consumption, and stopping when you reach a pre-determined amount. Switch to a soft drink, and cruise after that.

I suspect had you done that, you would not have ended up where you are now- struggling with what you have done, and trying to recover from it.

Make sure you have someone nearby that you trust, to keep tabs on you, and check to make sure you are safe, should you happen to cross that line from being in control, to being out of control.

I'm not going to say much else because I think you will probably punish yourself enough. But, please learn from this experience, and as painful as it is, think seriously about how your choices resulted in where you ended up, and make a plan not to allow it to ever happen again.

You are young, and regardless of alcohol, you're going to do dumb things, no one is exempt from that.

Don't be too hard on yourself; work through it, the anguish will fade. As to seeing him again, I strongly say- don't. He has probably done to other women what he has done to you, and a drunk woman who reaches the point of passing out may very well be his modus operandi. Don't risk it, he is of very poor character to say the least.

Does this mean that he has liked me 2?

He sounds like a loser. You should keep better control of yourself and not bother with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

Does this mean that he has liked me 2?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news , but if he liked you he would have treated you differently. Have you heard from him? He treats you coldy you said. Then no I think he took advantage of a situation.

What should I do I probably have to see him again. Should I talk to him about what happened or no?

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

What should I do I prolly have to see him again. Should I talk to him about what happened or no?

Leave it alone. Unless you feel you were taken advantage of.

I wouldn't be concerned with whether he likes you id be more concerned with getting a test done to make sure he didn't give you any STD/STI. Doesn't sound like a condom was used.

Also Seeing as you blacked out watch your period and take a pregnancy test. As who knows what he did while you were out of it.

Then if I ever saw him again id pretend he didn't exist.

I will probably see this guy again I don't feel right ignoring him. Even though I messed up I think I should take action instead of running away from this.What should I say to confront him?

probably = probably.

The way I see it is

#1 get tested for STDs
#2 When you see him talk to him and apologize for getting so wasted that you were not in control of yourself. Let him know how immature and irresponsible you were. See what his reaction is then.

#3 Stop drinking to the point of blacking out. It's one of the first signs of an alcohol problem.

Lonely, he didn't like you, he used you. I suspect he set you up, watched you until you were ripe (drunk), and with his friend, concocted the swimming/hot tub/bathroom/possible date rape drug in the drink/get laid plan. And carried it out.

That much is clear. He used you, and you allowed yourself, by getting drunk, to let him.

The bigger issue here is the alcohol. Have you had problems like this in the past? Binge drinking or waking up in strange places, the odd guy you don't know in your bed? If you are saying that this was the first time you drank so much that you allowed (at least) one guy to use you for sex, I'm beginning to wonder just how much of a problem there could be here.

Had you just had an unusual evening, got carried away and passed out (extreme enough in my book) but for arguments sake, let's say that was a one shot deal.

Had the one who had sex with you reacted differently, it would have maybe resulted in a different outcome.

You said he ignored you, was indifferent, cold, and took off. Not a sign of a man who was concerned about a 'friend' who got herself smashed the night before. No jokes, no concerns, no discussion about any of it. Just up and went he did. Nice guy.

I'm telling you that he knew you were drunk, he was not as drunk as you were, because he had a plan. You were set up. Used. Humiliated in the worst way possible. Call it being taken advantage of if it makes you feel better, but surely you can see that you were used?

What you do is nothing, except maybe consider the advice you've been given in the above posts, and do some serious thinking here.

Please do not further humiliate yourself by contacting him. See him for the type of man he is, and move on.

How would I be humiliating myself by contacting him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

How would I be humiliating myself by contacting him?

It makes you seem like you like him. You surly don't want some more of the hot tub sex and this is exactly how you will come across.

Do you think he thinks I am a whore?

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

Do you think he thinks I am a whore?

I think he thinks you are a party girl.

If he saw you as a whore, he wouldn't have bothered to wait until you were sloshed before making a move on you.

I would think that had you been sober, he would not have tried anything, because, he wouldn't have had the opportunity.

For example. Had you been 100% sober, you most likely wouldn't have gone skinny dipping with two men, or been in a hot tub with them, or participated so willingly in the sex acts you did with one of them, nor would you have, had you been sober, consented to sex in a small bathroom.

May I ask how old you are?

No if I was sober I wouldn't have done any of that stuff. I would have just been me. 16. I have never done this before

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

No if I was sober I wouldn't have done any of that stuff. I would have just been me. 16. I have never done this before

How old is he and the other guy?

He is 16 and the other one is 18

I have moved this thread from Adult Sexuality to the Teens forum. To post in Adult Sexuality you must be over 18.

Now, with that said, since I now know that you are ONLY 16, I take back some of the advice I gave you.

Do NOT humiliate yourself and try to talk to him about this.

Let's get real here for a minute. Stop worrying about what he thinks and start worrying about your health.

#1 Get tested for STDs... how many times do we have to say this?

#2 Get a pregnancy test ASAP if you miss your period.

I think maybe you should tell your mother. Yes it will be hard but I think she should know so that she can monitor him when he is near you.

No he didn't rape you but he used you. I think your mother would want to know.

But by talking to him wouldn't it make it easyer to see him again instead of making it so awkward

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

But by talking to him wouldn't it make it easyer to see him again instead of making it so awkward

Would you just forget that for now? You have bigger problems on your plate.

I told my mom she said I shouldn't worry that he couldn't stop looking at me and that he was all smiling the next morning and that he was probably proud or something but I don't believe her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

I told my mom she said I shouldn't worry that he couldn't stop looking at me and that he was all smiling the next morning and that he was prolly proud or something but I don't believe her.

So mom just shrugged it off. Good Lord.

Quote:

Originally Posted by loneleygirl

I told my mom she said I shouldn't worry that he couldn't stop looking at me and that he was all smiling the next morning and that he was prolly proud or something but I don't believe her.

What is wrong with this world today? Your mother wasn't even mad? She wasn't mad that you got sloshed? She wasn't mad that you got taken advantage of? She wasn't mad that you are having unprotected sex?

For some reason, I don't believe this. And I do have a 16 year old daughter.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

What is wrong with this world today? Your mother wasn't even mad? She wasn't mad that you got sloshed? She wasn't mad that you got taken advantage of? She wasn't mad that you are having unprotected sex?

For some reason, I don't believe this. And I do have a 16 year old daughter.

I don't think you told your Mom , because I have daughters and I would ground you until you're eighteen and then I'd pay that guy a visit or my husband would. I believe if you mon knew she would be livid.

I believe you.

How old was the 'family friend'?

I'm beginning to think that at least some of what happened to you, happened also because of your age.

You can't fix this, or change what happened that night. But, remember it as a learning experience, which will work in your favour some day. This isn't something you will likely repeat, if you take precautions now, and learn a few hard lessons.

Seriously think of not drinking- at all. I asked you earlier if you had had blackouts or problems to do with alcohol, prior to that night. I suspect that you have, but please correct me if I'm wrong. Were your parents part of the party that night, and the drinking was okay with them? Or were they not aware of it.

Depending upon how old the 'family friend' was, the only thing I can say is that you are too young to place yourself in such a dangerous position. You really have no idea what happened after you passed out. Add to that the fact that you remembered most details of the entire night, until you suddenly passed out. After that happened, you were in a seriously dangerous position. Parts of the 'before' and 'after' are not adding up for me, and likely you either.

Knowing how old this friend was would be helpful.

Im 21 and if I came home and told my mother that had happened she would.

1 Tell me off for drinking and getting myself into that situation.

2 She would be talking to his parents and kindly telling them that he is no longer allowed in our house.

Drinking at 16 is probably illegal, so this party was out of hand an unsupervised.

You have two big problems as other stated: 1) test for STD's and 2) Possible pregnancy

You have a serious issue to take care of: handleing of alcohol and specifically don't drink until your old enough. Whoever let you drink alcohol could be arrested. You could be arrested.
Now is the time to educate yourself on alcoholism.

You should have something to say if approached, but don't do the approaching. This sounds like rape and the consequences may not be good. He could be charged.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I don't think you told your Mom , because I have daughters and I would ground you until you're eighteen and then I'd pay that guy a visit or my husband would. I believe if you mon knew she would be livid.

You would be amazed at the lack of rational thought/complete delusion some parents have today.

Wow this is really sticky. I agree with kitkat22. You do bear some of the blame and if he liked you a lot he would have treated you better. That being said, all you can do is move on unless he approaches you again. If this happens, then tell him you are not interested in casual sex and you feel like he treated you shabbily. Please be sure you aren't pregnant.
Do your best to learn from this. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace.

Our OP hasn't been back for a few days, and I wonder if it has to do with answering the question of how old this 'family friend' was.

That she had a crush on him since she was a kid, and her parents and friends were all at the welcome home party, and left her alone with them, seems to me they had trust in this 'friend', and felt she was safe with him.

I hope if you are reading, you'll come back with more clues so we can better offer assistance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Our OP hasn't been back for a few days, and I wonder if it has to do with answering the question of how old this 'family friend' was.

That she had a crush on him since she was a kid, and her parents and friends were all at the welcome home party, and left her alone with them, seems to me they had trust in this 'friend', and felt she was safe with him.

I hope if you are reading, you'll come back with more clues so we can better offer assistance.

I would say he is a few years older than her. I wonder if it was him they welcomimg home?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I would say he is a few years older than her. I wonder if it was him they welcomimg home?

Op already answered the question.

" he is 16 and the other one is 18 " #22 in the thread.

And if she were my daughter with a story like that she would be in a chastity belt till 18 and that boy and his friend would be eating through a straw.

What's wrong with the younger generation today ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This means he took advantage of you. He screwed you and kicked you aside. The sad thing is you don't seem to realize this. How old are you?
The boy is a creep and you need to stay away from him and alcohol.

Op has answered the question.

"No if I was sober I wouldn't have done any of that stuff. I would have just been me. 16. I have never done this before " #20 this thread.