Ask Me Help Desk - Vacation Fling turns into the real deal?

Vacation Fling turns into the real deal??

Soo I just got back from senior week where I met the most amazing guy. We spent every single night together, and actually never had intercourse, because I didn't want to. And he respected that. He took care of me and didn't take advantage of me when I got wasted one night, and I took care of him one night when he got drunk. He gave me the drunken "i love you" speech which I didn't fall for, but then his friends said how he talks about me all day when I'm not around, and he probably does have strong feelings for me. We decided we wanted this to be more than a fling, and we want to work out a relationship. It was his idea, and I agree 100%. First, I want to know if that's a horrible idea. Second, he mentioned that he leaves for school July 7, I believe. Hes going to some military academy, according to what he told me. Welll I googled him when I got home, found out that his band (which he told me about) actually has a show scheduled for July 9 and later dates. This confuses me and I don't know if I should approach him about it. Or should I make an attempt at this relationship and wait and bring it up later down the road. I feel a strong bond between us. There is definitely something there. His closest friends even said so. My best friend even heard him talking so highly of me when I wasn't around... I feel like this is legit. But my moms so against it, and my dad, surprisingly, thinks something casual would be okay. What do you think I should do?

I think it was probably a vacation fling frenzy.
Give it a while to cool off. If he contacts you before he goes away to wherever he's going, band tour or Military, take it one day at a time from there.
What ever he is doing with his time at this point is really none of your business (you guys had a vacation fling, that's all at this point) and to question him would be a bit much.

Well he left on Saturday, and has been texting me since. He texted me all night Saturday, all day yesterday and today, and I didn't have to initiate the conversation. That's what leads me to believe he might care. One of his other friends just told me that the old him wouldn't have said all those things meaningfully but lately he doesn't know what goes on in the boys head

Well he still has spring vacation fever too.
Take it slow. You two may have had a good time but niether of you really know the other. You have known each other for a week.

Which is why I want to get to know him better? I'm asking if that's wrong? Or if I should just let this all go.

No don't let go don't get too serious when he's away..
But when he comes back that's when you too can get to no each other better:)

Let what all go? You guys have not gone anywhere yet.
Get to know each other, see if there is anything there beside vacation fever. Don't take this so serious.

Maybe he was lying about military school,maybe he got the dates confused,maybe its his friends band and he just said that because he thought it would be cool,who knows,what you do know is you don't know him very well,you met on vacation,where 'normal' is having fun and getting wasted as you say.

Take a step back,get on with your life as your normal and see what happens,the tan will fade and his feeling and yours may fade as well,don't stress,and see what happens,without waiting for something to happen.

Thanks everybody. But I just found out that he cheated on his girlfriend with me. So there's my answer.

I'm sorry
At least you found out before you invested anymore time.
Now if he tries to call, text you, do not respond.

I'm just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. I think his girlfriend has the right to know. Other people have agreed with me here, but I don't know if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but I can't go on his word.

He's the first guy I've ever done so much with sexually and that I've felt so close to emotionally. Like, I've felt close to guys before, but not like him. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

Its not your business,its his,he cheated on hs girlfriend,all those cosy chats and intimate moments are tinged now because he was cheating.

Learn from this,don't dive into a romantic relationship so quickly in the future,mind your heart,and don't allow this guy to take up any more of your head or heart space.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

im just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. i think his girlfriend has the right to know. other people have agreed with me here, but idk if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but i can't go on his word.

hes the first guy ive ever done so much with sexually and that ive felt so close to emotionally. like, ive felt close to guys before, but not like him. i don't know what im going to do now.

You two did not have a relationship. You had a vacation fling.
It is not your place or your business to tell his girl anything.
I told you before, you don't really know him. Leave this guy alone, and move on.

Homegirl, you're right, and you're wrong. You didn't feel what I felt. It felt like more. And I truly think it was, because me and him have spent so much time on the phone since vacation... before and after the girlfriend thing came out... especially after. So please don't make it sound like its so easy to get over, when in reality, you didn't have the feelings, so you don't know how tough it truly is for me.

I never said it was easy, I never said your feeling were not real, but it was a vacation fling. You two were not a couple, you did not have a relationship and you still don't.
He cheated on his girl with you. Why are you still talking to him?
You are in what week two? Cut this loose before you invest more time and feelings.

Unless he leaves his girl friend, and you have proof that he has (and then you need to consider he is prone to cheat) You don't really know him, you really need to leave him alone.

So I figured this would just be merged anyway...

I've tried to leave it alone, as has he, but we've both been contacting each other infrequently. We tried to talk about how we both felt on the phone but both had trouble putting thoughts into words and I had to tell him goodbye because talking to him was too hard. He and his girlfriend broke up, but are working things out and getting back together. I know I've lost. I'm not trying anymore, but I was able to write out a three page letter about how I feel. I feel like if I send it, it might help me get closure. A couple of my frineds agreed, and a couple feel it will bring drama.

What do you all think?

I think you should burn it.
They are trying to put their relationship back together. Leave them alone.
Move on.

Let it go! You were a fling! If he cheated on her with you, then he'll cheat on her with someone else. She'll find out. No need to tell her. It takes two.

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect you've had a lucky escape.

You'll get over this, in a short while and hopefully you'll have learned from it, it's a hard lesson to learn but once learned you'll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect youve had a lucky escape.

Youll get over this, in a short while and hopefully youll have learned from it, its a hard lesson to learn but once learned youll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...

Nicely put.
Have to spread some rep.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Nicely put.
Have to spread some rep.

If you tell his girlfriend, you're doing it out of spite. That never brings anything to you except revenge and believe me it comes back.. Let her find out the way you did.

I agree Don't tell his girlfriend that's plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldn't Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I agree Dont tell his girlfriend thats plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldnt Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

She'll find out soon enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I agree Dont tell his girlfriend thats plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldnt Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

To OP please Read again, closely , youll see I didnt say you told the G/F
Please Re Read my comments in above again, It says Dont not that you have!!!

Okay then.. Is he coming back to you?

No he's working it out with her. They're fixing whatever... I'm trying to let go. Its just really hard. I deleted his number but drunk texted him still because I have the number memorized. I don't know what I can do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

no hes working it out with her. theyre fixing whatever... im trying to let go. its just really hard. i deleted his number but drunk texted him still bc i have the number memorized. idk what i can do.

Just let it go. I'm sorry you're hurting. There's nothing you can do. If he's trying to work it out with her, then he must have feelings for her.
I hope you feel better and you will... Guys like him are a dime a dozen.
Feel sorry for the girlfriend, she's the one who's probably going to be cheated on all the time.

Stop getting drunk and doing stupid things. Are you trying to break them up and then say you didn't mean to because you were drunk?
You knew this guy for what a week?
He is with his girl friend, move on.

What did you do with your time before you met him, do you have a job, friends?
Stay busy, this will pass.

You can do it and drinking has never solved anything. Get yourself together and chalk this one up to one Giant mistake.

No I'm not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. It was one time, doesn't happen often. He says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

no im not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. it was one time, doesnt happen often. he says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...

Are you going to see him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

no im not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. it was one time, doesnt happen often. he says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...

What kind of things do you have to talk about?
He has a girl friend. He went back to her. You guys have nothing to talk about as long as he has a girl friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

What kind of things do you have to talk about?
He has a girl friend. He went back to her. You guys have nothing to talk about as long as he has a girl friend.

If you two do start a relationship you will always wonder if he'll do the same thing to you.

He's a major player and you need to leave him alone.

This feels like true love and the disappointment hurts and is humiliating, but it's not true love. It's his ability to bowl people over with sentiment and exaggerated statements. When a person who is UNavailable makes grand romantic statements, it's all heartache if you don't walk away. Be strong or he will break your heart even more.

I agree with "Asking"... You would never be able to trust him and you'll get your heart broken again.

I don't know what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. I'm NOT going to get into a relationship with him. I know better. But do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if he's sincere with things he says?

You should not be even going to lunch with him. That is asking for trouble.
His asking you to lunch speaks volumes.
He knows you have feelings for him and he's going to work them. Any thing else, he could tell you in a text.

He wants to see if you still have feelings for him. I wouldn't meet him for lunch or anything. He is a player.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

idk what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. im NOT going to get into a relationship with him. i know better. but do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if hes sincere with things he says?

Don't meet him, don't have anything to do with him, he's trouble and you don't need that, let him and all thoughts of him go, he's a user, and for your own self respect Don't let him use you. Drop him, and move on. You've wasted too much time on him as it is. You deserve better but whilst you're hung up on him you won't find it.

As for Body language, if he doesn't hold eye contact, rubs his ear, or his nose, or chin, it usually indicates something being said is untruthful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead1992

idk what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. im NOT going to get into a relationship with him. i know better. but do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if hes sincere with things he says?

The only thing you need to know about this guy is that he could'nt commit to a chicken sandwich,his body language? The only thing he wants to do with his body is to see what its like next to yours.

This guy has become something to you,and no matter the advice you get,I believe you won't walk away until he has completely broken your heart.

Its one way to learn a lesson,not the way I would advice though.