Ask Me Help Desk - Is my Boyfriend using me for sex?

Is my Boyfriend using me for sex?

Im 16 and he is 17 we have been together for 11 months we go to school together.

Before I give you why I think I'm being used ill explain why I'm so freaking attached. Ok so my boyfriend broke up with me for no reason about 4 months into the relationship, which was 1 month after I lost my virginity to him. I was devastated I had never been heartbroken, we got back together a week or so later only to break up 3 months after, we have unprotected sex and I got pregnant and lost the baby, we weren't together then I felt a lot of pressure to get and abortion from him he said things like we caant do this I'm not ready, but I wasn't either but then it died. I didn't feel support from him I wanted to hear it'll be OK and he'd be there. Now it killed me to have to tell my dad since he's the only parent I have, my mom isn't in my life, but it really hurt I had to c my dad cry, and I dealt with the shame alone because he didn't have to tell his parents.

The third time HE broke up with me he said he felt like we were doing too many grown up things I was relly mad not sad but I was mad because everything that's adult like we do is his idea. Then the next day he wanted me back now were in this situation.

I feel like I'm being used like the only time he cares is when were having sex. He leaves me to walk by myself at school while he's with his friends laughing and having a good time, and only calls or texts me when he wants to come over, all we do is have sex when he comes over. When I try to talk to him about it and ask why we never spend time together he says I'm 17 I want to be free, now don't get me wrong I understand that I feel the same way but if you are in a relationship your girlfriend or boyfriend becomes your friend too and just because he's 17 doesn't give him the right to treat me bad, I do way too much for him for that type of treatment. And I hate to say it but I even say no were not going to have sex lets just chill, and he kind of forces me I try to get up and he takes my clothes off anyway and starts to do it, leaving me mad and feeling ashamed and hurt I cannot stop crying because I don't know what to do.

He's not only using you for Sex but he's also Raping you , get rid of this loser before you spend anymore of your valuable youth on someone who clearly doesn't care. If he did he would have been there for you when you most needed him.

What a sc*mbag :rolleyes:

Sorry to be so blunt but your far better off going through a little hurt now than having to put up with being used.

I might not be the best when it comes to relationship advice (having posted on here recently myself) but you should leave him

You're 16 sweetie, I'm 21 and sometimes I feel like I'm too young to be tied down to one person. You can do a lot better. It sounds like you carea great deal for this person... take that care and give it to someone who deserves it.

Best wishes

He is a total JERK!! Leave him, and NEVER look back. He is raping you and treating you like scum. Not cool! What would happen if you guys got pregnant again? Are you on the pill or is he using protection before he forces you to have sex with him?

You seem like a really nice girl, you don't deserve this.

Sc*mbag is too nice a word for this guy. Rapist, user, abuser, that's more accurate.

You need to leave. With a boyfriend like him you don't need enemies.

I know you care about him, but trust me, you're better off leaving. There are guys out there that will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

We'll be here if you need support doing this.

Since the beginning of time, there have been men who use women, and there have been women who let them.

In mature, established relationships, there is a friendship first, a base of communication and mutual respect for eachothers feelings. After that, is when intimacy is thought about.

I don't see where you, or him, have even begun to build a friendship of trust and mutual respect, yet you have unprotected sex. I have to ask you what did you expect might happen, and I hope that scared you enough into getting on the pill.

He sounds like he'd treat his dog better than you. He has a one track mind, which is sex, and clearly you have allowed him the impression that you are available any time he wants it. Why are you doing that to yourself.

He doesn't even stop when you say no- he has no consideration for you- you may as well be a blow up doll.

Please give your head a shake and realize that only you are in charge of your life, and only you are in charge of the decisions you make. As long as you have such a low opinion of yourself that you allow this to continue, and you have to ask 'is my boyfriend using me for sex?', then you are far too young to have a sexual relationship in the first place.

He says he needs to be free, then let him be free. Dump him. Kick him to curb and let someone else deal with him, or not.

I agree with the others, he's raping you. The way he acted when you got pregnant should've been enough of a sign. He doesn't care about you. He has no desire to be there when you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. The only time he wants anything to do with you is when he wants sex, if you protest, he ignores it and puts you in a position where you can either fight back or give in and lie there.

BOTH are forms of rape. Just because he's not hitting you or leaving bruises or making you bleed, doesn't mean it's not rape. ANY time you are forced, coerced, or otherwise unwillingly convinced to participate in sex, you are being raped.

Dump him. Take some time to heal. Then find someone who WON'T treat you like sh!t.

In addition to what everyone else has said, if you're in a "relationship" that's on again-off again, that's a good indication that it's not going anywhere. You guys are young and there's no sense in dealing with all this so early in life. Focus on school, a good career and the right person will come along when you least expect it.

Wow, this guy is raping you, if you don't realize that, then its you that has the problem. You need to tell dad that he is forcing you to have sex, hopefully your dad will put the fear of god into the guy.

Move on, get away from him, and if need be protect yourself because he sounds like he could cause some serious trouble to me.

I hope she does talk to her father again. And I hope that she realizes that she is being used and abused by this 'boyfriend'.

Why she doesn't lock the door instead of inviting him over time after time is beyond me. She could stop him, but she chooses not to.

Maybe some counselling is in order, at least long enough to get her on some form of birth control.

Thanks everybody, even the people that tried to play me, anyway he's been acting like he doesn't care, it really hurts because I still haven't broken up with him I'm waiting for him to call first, and he hasn't yet. But some of you really helped me realize what was going on.

No means no.

Find yourself a guy that knows how to respect his girl. This is not love.

God bless you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Sc*mbag is too nice a word for this guy. Rapist, user, abuser, that's more accurate.

You need to leave. With a boyfriend like him you don't need enemies.

I know you care about him, but trust me, you're better off leaving. There are guys out there that will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

We'll be here if you need support doing this.

I really like him I feel like out of everything I've been through I wasted my time

Its not a waste of time really... it's a lesson learned... Now its time to respect yourself and find someone who treats you right and doesn't use you.

No matter WHAT the experience is, it's only EVER been a waste of time if you take nothing away from it. If you've learned no lesson or gained no wisdom or grown in no way, only THEN is it a waste of time.

Yes I think it's M signature, but it says, the only thing painful about mistakes, is not learning from them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Yes I think it's M signature, but it says, the only thing painful about mistakes, is not learning from them.

Not quite but close ;)

He called me and I tried to politely tell him how I feel, then he broke up with me I said I feel like I wasted my virginity and everything on you he said yeah and you can't change it yo'ull never get it back. He was being relly mean laughing wile I was trying to talk and he hung up on me. He said its over this is too much.. Yes I'm crying

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

He called me and i tried to politely tell him how i feel, then he broke up with me i said i feel like i wasted my virginity and everything on u he said yeah and u can't change it yo'ull never get it back. He was being relly mean laughing wile i was tryin to talk and he hung up on me. He said its over this is too much.. Yes im crying

Believe me your far better off without him , he just showed you his true colours right??

We'll all be here for you if you need to talk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

He called me and i tried to politely tell him how i feel, then he broke up with me i said i feel like i wasted my virginity and everything on u he said yeah and u can't change it yo'ull never get it back. He was being relly mean laughing wile i was tryin to talk and he hung up on me. He said its over this is too much.. Yes im crying

I'm so sorry to hear this... wow... not a good guy at all... laughing and poking fun at your pain... you really deserve better... just mke sure you learn from this lesson... don't let a guy use you ever again and stay away from jerks as much as you can...

We are all here for you...

What a jerk! You don't need his carp! Don't look back.

Enjoy being young for a while. Don't jump into another relationship until you're SURE you're ready. Find yourself someone who treats you like a prize.

In a few years, when you see his name in the paper for being arrested, be glad it ended and you got out while you did.

From what you wrote I still say this sc*mbag RAPED you , I would tell your Dad everything and hopefully he gets what he deserves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

From what you wrote I still say this sc*mbag RAPED you , I would tell your Dad everything and hopefully he gets what he deserves.

I second that... he is a dirtbag and yeah, it was rape... repeated from the sounds of it...

Involving parents is hard, but this guy doesn't deserve to get away with it...

But for now... just take some time out and take care of yourself...

I really can't believe or understand why he was so mean I've never done anything to hurt him, he's always hurt me and I hate to have it seem like he is the one who is the problem starter but that's really how it is

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

I really can't believe or understand why he was so mean I've never done anything to hurt him, he's always hurt me and i hate to have it seem like he is the one who is the problem starter but thats really how it is

Some people just are unwilling, or unable, to respect others enough to TREAT them with respect. It has nothing to do with you. It is ENTIRELY his fault and his problem. You were just the unwitting victim.

Most people like that don't see themselves as being the ones at fault. You will never understand him, because you are not like him.

No one deserves to be treated like that. And his will come back to him. Hopefully while he is in jail.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

I really can't believe or understand why he was so mean I've never done anything to hurt him, he's always hurt me and i hate to have it seem like he is the one who is the problem starter but thats really how it is

There is no understanding him or the reason why he is the way he is. I know its hard, but you got to try to forget about him and go no contact.

Don't blame yourself for anything that happened...

I have to see him everryday, I don't know what I should do. It just really hurts to know that he didn't care about hurting me like that, I just want to forget everything. I at least deserve a apology

WOW! He is a scumbag! You should have taken him straight to the police. You are SOOOOOO better off without him!

I know it hurts but just think when your over the pain and he has gone from your mind. There will be another guy waiting for you who will love you and treat you how you should be treated!

He really is a scumbag and you will realise that soon and be so much happier!

Just do your best to ignore him. I know it's hard. Between classes, try to walk with at least one friend, so it'll be easier to pretend he's not there. During lunch, sit with your back to him. Hang out with a group of friends before and after school.

Someone like that will likely spread rumors or say rude things to you in front of others. If he does, don't respond. Do everything in your power to remain composed and quiet. Keep a group of friends around you whenever possible. Good friends are always the best balm for a damaged heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

I have to see him everryday, I don't know what i should do. It just really hurts to know that he didn't care about hurting me like that, I just want to forget everything. I at least deserve a apology

I have to ask at this point. What state do you live in?

Ohio

The reason for asking is because he actually broke the law by having sex with you before you reached the age of 16. That IS the law in your state. It's a misdemeanor at this point because your close in age but he still broke the law. So if he thinks your powerless teach the boy a lesson and let them send him up for a few days with bubba for re-education.

(quote)
(B) Whoever violates this section is guilty of corruption of a minor, a felony of the fourth degree. If the offender is less than four years older than the other person, corruption of a minor is a misdemeanor of the first degree.

Ref:
http://www.ageofconsent.com/ohio.htm

I just want him to want me back. Just so I can say no

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

I just want him to want me back. Just so i can say no

Don't attempt to play games , then you just stoop to his level.

Even though he does deserve a swift kick up the...

Just forget him. You want revenge? Show him you can live perfectly without him. Show him he meant nothing to you. He is just a fling in the past. Don't let him see you as frail. Show him your fine without him.

I won't make him come back to you so you can reject him. But it will stump him and make him think 'she isn't affected by me at all'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

I just want him to want me back. Just so i can say no

By your own admission, and by all the comments here, you know what has gone on, what kind of relationship you had with this guy, and your own question of 'Is my Boyfriend using me for sex?' has been answered very obviously, from every conceivable point of view.

No one would say, keep a line open with him, so that you can reel him in, and then cut him off. Or, have sex with him again, hoping to keep him as your boyfriend.

What is it about you, that you allow yourself to be treated this way. Why do you question whether the relationship is a healthy one. You know he will be no different than he was last week. Why do you do this 'revenge' thing at all.

I'm not so sure you're ready to let him go, and frankly, I'm not so sure you won't use sex to keep him, because that is what the relationship was all about.

I hope that you get yourself to a school counsellor, or at the very least do a little research online to see why you cannot let go of an abusive, self destructive relationship.

He has used you, and you let him. Now you are going to use him for revenge. Both of you need to grow up in my opinion.

You are playing a very dangerous game.

Wow. That was a thought and feeling, I'm not saying I'd do it. I'm done with him, yes I still like him but he crossed the line and answered all of the questions I had no answers to, I'm aware now I was being used I needed second opinions to make sure I wasn't overreacting, which means I was obviously to attached to realize he was using me. He doesn't deserve sex and didn't deserve it before Which is why I felt he was taking advantage of me, I find it awkward to kick and scream while he's on top of me. I've been through so much drama before him to last me 25 lifetimes seriously with my mom and all I have a problem being left and abandoned, I liked him so much and I have so many feelings I still haven't released.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12

Wow. That was a thought and feeling, I'm not saying I'd do it. I'm done with him, yes I still like him but he crossed the line and answered all of the questions I had no answers to, I'm aware now I was being used I needed second opinions to make sure I wasn't overreacting, which means I was obviously to attached to realize he was using me. He doesn't deserve sex and didn't deserve it before Which is why I felt he was taking advantage of me, I find it awkward to kick and scream while he's on top of me. I've been through so much drama before him to last me 25 lifetimes seriously with my mom and all I have a problem being left and abandoned, I liked him so much and I have so many feelings I still haven't released.

Just keep in mind that we volunteer here and your more then welcome to come back at any time you feel the need. Sometimes we may not respond right away but we do our best. Life has no reverse. Its always forward motion and your waking up to a brand new life. Keep your head high.