I'm in high school for starters. I'm 17, in 11th grade
She's in my grade. But she has been dating a guy that is a freshman in college for almost two years now, they are currently now in a long distance relationship

For the past two months, we have been talking, and I found out she likes me, because she told me. I told her I liked her as well.
Mind you, she's one of those really nice innocent girls, so she's not a slut or anything like that.

We were talking a lot, and liking each other more and more, up to about a month ago, I just told her I liked her a lot, and she told me she did too, but she can't break up with her boyfriend. So I said OK maybe we should distance ourselves. Then I didn't talk to her for two days, and then I told her this has to stop and we should talk to each other again.
Then our relationship really picked up. We'd talk on the phone till we fell asleep, hang out with eachohter, just cuddling and such a lot.
Her boyfriend visited last week.. and Idk, it just didn't seem like she cared all that much, sure she was happy he was here, but It didn't seem like she wanted to hang out with him 24 7, although its been 3 months she saw him.
Oh and she told me she said she maybe loves him. Like a month ago.
And she hung out with me too while he was here.
Then I finally told her last week that I didn't like how she had a boyfriend.
And she said OK, and that we should rewind a couple days, so we don't act like we're dating like we have been for the last week.
It felt like a couple weeks that she rewinded, so I confronted her. I asked her who'd she rather be with right now, and after half an hour of saying she can't choose and such, she said right now she'd be with him, although she likes us the same, that history means so much to her.
So I said OK well we shouldn't be just friends since I will not be able to resist flirting with you, we should stop talking until I get over you. She said she wouldn't talk to me until I talked to her. I said she could if it was really important and that I was here for her.
I haven't talked to her for five days. We go back to school next Monday.

My plan is to wait until she talks to me? But what if she doesn't. Idk what to do.

And I realize that I don't want to give up, since I have a chance still don't I?
I never exactly told her how I feel, just that I really like her, and that I didn't like she has a boyfriend.

So what should I do?

Hello,

It sounds as if she wants the best of both worlds to me...

I can understand the fact that you really like her, however, this is very unfair for her boyfriend, you know that, right?

Tell her to poop or get off the can!

Until then, if I were you,I would cut off all lines of communications with her. I'm not trying to judge her, I just call it how I see it.

Also, let me ask you this, what's to say that if you two did hook up, that she wouldn't turn around have someone else on the back burner?

I think she doesn't want to change anything. She’d like to see both of you. She has both of you eating out of the palm of her hand.

If you would manage to take her away from her boyfriend, how do you think she would act when she is with you? When another guy comes along that she's attracted to, will she flirt with him on the side like she has with you?

Since you’ve already told her that you don’t want to see her secretly while she is in another relationship, then stop seeing her completely.

She’s already chosen him over you, so think enough of yourself to find someone who puts you first, not second, to someone she already has.

But like, I can feel that she likes me more.
She's just stuck to him because its her first relationship, and she doesn't want to break up with him because she doesn't want to hurt him

Like he told her if they broke up itd break his heart and he would never see another girl again.
Like comeon man what do you expect her to do?

Hi, whatisthis3!

Do you think that it would be okay for a person to date more than one person at a time?

Thanks!

No I don't think that!
That's why I think for her, it'd be best to break up with him and go with me.
She doesn't love him, (as she says) And he's not going to be here for her senior year..
I'm not being selfish, I'm thinking on her part too.

But, why not date more than one person? Also, how well does she know you, please?

Well that's cheating, and we don't really like that

We know each other very well. Almost every secret.

I dated many women during the same period. They also dated many men, too. It wasn't considered to be cheating then.

A lot of competition can happen in the dating scene. Also, when seeking out someone for a permanent relationship, it pays to shop around.

Do you think that she's the perfect one for you? Also, how much have you dated others, please?

Thanks!

Honestly, I've only dated like one person before.

But cheating is not in our minds, I'm sorry. Thanks for the help though!

Anyone else care to help me out?
Should I talk to her? Like say just hi or something?
I don't want to give up. I never told her how I truly feel..

There should be no problem with speaking with her. However, how about sending a card with a note in it?

I think you should leave her alone for now-its her relationship,and,yes she is in a relationship,so she is off limits.

If in future,she breaks up with the boyfriend,heals from the breakup and finds you again,so be it.


Don't put your life on hold,go live your own life.

A moral compas is important, it seems this girl is lacking, sinse: she can't tell her boyfriend she likes you (and leave him), but on the other hand she can't tell you "im allready with someone, back off"

I don't want to give up so sooooon..

Give up what? She is cheating on her boyfriend, and playing you. Call it what you will, since its not open and honest, but is behind his back its cheating.

So you're the sucker she has charmed into keeping her occupied, since her boyfriend is away. That means your helping her cheat.

But what could we expect from a female in her first relationship, and a guy who isn't that experienced in the ways of females, cheaters without knowing it(?).

When she made her choice, and she chose him, you should have left her alone. Truth be told, you know nothing of their relationship except what she has told you, and she knows for a fact how you feel about her. And you ain't going nowhere, because you're that hooked, and can't stop, knowing she has it both ways. That's not friends, its you following. You told her that's not what you wanted, even gave her an ultimatum, but its you who couldn't stop seeing her. Not her chasing you.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.

Talaniman Rule- If one female isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own girlfriend and leave the other guys alone.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, thats just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Sorry guy, she was quite clear, she sees you as a friend to keep her from being bored while her boyfriend is unavailable. If he was around she would have NO time for you at all, other than hi, and bye. What makes her wrong is, knowing how you feel she does nothing to discourage you chasing her.

What makes you wrong, after she chose him, you still chase her.

She has a boyfriend, and that makes you BOTH, very wrong but who gets the blame when the boyfriend finds out?

The guy who kept pursuing, after he was told NO, but couldn't walk away. So now tell us where is your dignity, or self respect? Can't you smell friend zone when it hits you in the nose?

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so what do I do.

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Leave her alone and get an honest female that will feel as you do, because this can't be fun, being a place holder for another guy.

Wow! Outstanding post, talaniman! :)

But I want to tell her how I truly feel.
I want to tell her to break up with him, and how I think things can work out with us and stuff
I just hear things from other people that their relationship isn't as strong as it was before.

And like I said, when he was here, she still saw me lots.
And she said if I asked her out she'd say yes.
She just seems stuck in her relationship, just afraid to hurt him. I just want to convince her and try one more time. Then I'll give up. I already lost a lot of diginity by chasing her this far

You should leave her alone, she has a boyfriend. Whether you think she is happy is immaterial. If and when she is ready to be with you, she will break up with her college boy friend. Until then leave her alone. How would you like it if someone was trying to get your girl?
You are trying to take something that belongs to someone else. Stop trying to justify it.

Advice:
Go back and re-read the whole thread and try to let the advice sink in.


She has a boyfriend=off limits.

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Originally Posted by whatisthis3

honestly, ive only dated like one person before.

but cheating is not in our minds, im sorry. thanks for the help though!

anyone else care to help me out?
Should I talk to her? like say just hi or something?
I dont want to give up. I never told her how i truly feel..

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I believe that every one has given you good advice! That advice was to leave her alone and that she has a boyfriend, so off limits!

So what I suggest, is that you take that good advice and run with it.

Also keep in mind, if she's doing it to her current boyfriend, she will most likely do it with you.

How would that make you feel?

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Originally Posted by whatisthis3

But I want to tell her how I truly feel.
I want to tell her to break up with him, and how I think things can work out with us and stuff
I just hear things from other people that their relationship isn't as strong as it was before.

And like I said, when he was here, she still saw me lots.
And she said if I asked her out she'd say yes.
She just seems stuck in her relationship, just afraid to hurt him. I just want to convince her and try one more time. Then I'll give up. I already lost a lot of dignity by chasing her this far

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https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/high-s...me-449911.html

From your other thread Feb. 28th.

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Anyway
I cuddled with her,
She said she felt guilty about it, and started to not talk to me.
Then she started to talk to me again, even more, then
I was with her this weekend, and we hugged a lot, and held hands with each other and stuff.
And she told me that she feels bad that she might be leading me on, and that i deserve someone who can fully commit, and i said i don't want anything more than this friendship.
What do I do now?

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From your current post April 2nd
.

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I asked her who'd she rather be with right now, and after half an hour of saying she can't choose and such, she said right now she'd be with him, although she likes us the same, that history means so much to her.
So I said OK well we shouldn't be just friends since I will not be able to resist flirting with you, we should stop talking until I get over you. she said she wouldn't talk to me until i talked to her. I said she could if it was really important and that i was here for her.I haven't talked to her for five days. We go back to school next Monday

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So after not getting the answers you wanted, you started this thread, and against any advice we have given you, you're not ready to quit, and even after she has told you nothing but friends, you still want to talk to her again. By rights you should at least keep your own word to not talk to her until you're over her.

But since you won't listen to her, us, or yourself,
Go for it dude. Let us know how it works out. Now you have permission to be a fool, and get rid of the rest of your dignity, and self respect.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/high-s...me-449911.html

From your other thread Feb. 28th.

From your current post April 2nd
.

So after not getting the answers you wanted, you started this thread, and against any advice we have given you, you're not ready to quit, and even after she has told you nothing but friends, you still want to talk to her again. By rights you should at least keep your own word to not talk to her until you're over her.

But since you wont listen to her, us, or yourself,
Go for it dude. Let us know how it works out. Now you have permission to be a fool, and get rid of the rest of your dignity, and self respect.

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Lol Very witty! I love it! I would have given you a green, but I have to spread more love...

He doesn't want to listen to any of us, therefore he will ultimately end up hurting himself in the end! So be it!

You want this girl and are trying to justify continuing to go after her even after she has told you she only want to be friends.

I'm not understanding why some are blaming her and making her out to be a no good person. I think she is confused, but she still chooses to stay with her boyfriend.

You however care not that she has a boyfriend and will not leave him. You want what you want and that is selfish.
If you care about this girl, leave her alone and let her make a decision without your input. And if she decides to stay with this guy then that's the way it is.
It's time to take a big boy pill and leave this girl alone.

Please go back to the beginning of your post and re-read it all very carefully. Really think about what everyone is telling you, because the advice tells you exactly what you need to do.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but unless you can be happy simply being her guy on the side, you just can't win.

You know what? You guys are right. Thanks.

But some people told me girls like to be chased, and I thought that this last chase might get her.
I think I might forever regret not telling her how I truly feel, that's what's going to bother me. I think I'll wait longer. Like 2 more weeks. I'll try to get over her, maybe see if she talks to me. If not, and I still feel the same way, then I can tell her. Is that OK?

I believe you are being played for a fool
You are there to comfort her when her man is away she is telling you these sweet nothings to keep you around please think about this and don't get hurt hun

So if I see her around school should I completely ignore her?
We see each other a lot

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Originally Posted by whatisthis3

You know what? you guys are right. Thanks.

But some people told me girls like to be chased, and i thought that this last chase might get her.
I think I might forever regret not telling her how I truly feel, that's whats gonna bother me. I think I'll wait longer. Like 2 more weeks. I'll try to get over her, maybe see if she talks to me. If not, and I still feel the same way, then i can tell her. Is that ok?

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You are missing the point. This girl has a boyfriend and you are bound and determined to step in to that territory. Leave her alone. If she wanted to leave her boy friend she would.
You have no right to tell her how you feel. That is out of line. Leave the girl alone.

OK. Thanks everyone. I will stop interfering, and like talanmian said, I will get over her, and then try to be friends.
And How do I give rep points? Hahahaa

But The question is, do I ignore her at school or what?

I agree with Homegirl 50's observation that she might be confused. What she is doing right now is wrong - it's both physical AND emotional cheating, and you should be wondering whether she will pull the same thing on you if you were together. However, due to lack of experience and lack of maturity, she is indecisive and trying to hold onto the best of both worlds. This doesn't make it right, in any way, shape or form, but my point is that when people engage in behaviour like this, it's not necessarily a character flaw fueled by malice, there is hope.

While what she is doing to both of you is terrible, I do hold an optimistic view that when she figures out what she really wants in a relationship, that whoever she ends up with shouldn't necessarily have to fear that she will pull this kind of thing on them, too. People make a lot of mistakes in terms of their actions when they are young, but experience is an excellent teacher.

But I have to say that I disagree with Homegirl 50 a bit on telling her how you feel; I think you have every right to express to this girl how you feel, but you just have to be prepared to deal with rejection. You do deserve a straight answer, and maybe a clear "no" is what you need in order to move on.

When you see her at school, and choose NOT to tell her how you feel, just continue to treat her as you would any regular friend, which means no flirting and no physical contact. You don't have to ignore her as long as you are clear in your head as to what's going on and remind yourself not to have false hope. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by whatisthis3

OK. Thanks everyone. I will stop interfering, and like talanmian said, I will get over her, and then try to be friends.
and How do I give rep points? hahahaa

But The question is, do I ignore her at school or what?

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You don't have to be mean to her and completely ignore her... If you two make eye contact and she happens to say hi, say hi back. I just wouldn't go out of my way to make conversation. If you two are in passing and happen to see one another, you still can say hello. I see no harm in that. That only! See what I'm saying?

Omg mixed advice now.cyberstar is giving good advice. I agree with him a lot.

But so did Talanmian.

And OK about the ignoring thing.


I'm just at a loss now. Tell her. Or not tell her and just get over it.

The second option gives me no chance to be with her right now.
First one shows I care, and Could give me a chance.


She just seems extremely stuck to him, I don't know how to convince her that she shouldn't be. She cares too much about not hurting him.

Just me, I would be friendly but unavailable for any chit chat, if you see her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her. She knows how you feel, and knows what you want, but she has said very clearly, its friends only, so you must give yourself time to get over it, because she doesn't care if your suffering, or not, so just keep your own word, and don't talk to her until your better able to be a friend, and nothing more.

You're a real sucker for her passive/aggressive, whatever you want BS!! It keeps her innocent, and you looking foolish. She may not be a slut, but she sure knows how to use what she has to get what she wants. Listen guy she knows full well what your going through, and instead of caring she strings you along as a semi boyfriend, because she knows you're attracted, and want someone but have no one but her to hangout with. She knows your nose is open, and instead of telling you to back off (well she did say friends only) she lets you have false hope and keep trying.

Man up, and keep your own word!! Remember this?

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So I said OK well we shouldn't be just friends since I will not be able to resist flirting with you, we should stop talking until I get over you. she said she wouldn't talk to me until i talked to her. I said she could if it was really important and that I was here for her.I haven't talked to her for five days. We go back to school next Monday

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Say what you mean, and mean what you say!

Thanks talaniman

But she's only in high school. Its her first relation ship, and I know she's not experienced at all.

I can feel she likes me more than him, she's just stuck to him. She can't get enough courage to let him go.

And she does care if I'm suffering. We were so close, we told each other everything, and we were like best friends. She isn't the type of person that would consciously use someone.
And she never really did say friends only. Where do you get that from?

And if she does talk to me while I'm getting over her, does that mean something?

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QUOTE BY whatisthis3,
Thanks talaniman, but she's only in high school. Its her first relation ship, and I know she's not experienced at all.

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Oh please, that doesn't mean she isn't savvy in the way of men, nor that she doesn't know what she is doing. You underestimate her for sure.

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I can feel she likes me more than him, she's just stuck to him. She can't get enough courage to let him go.

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That what you think, but have no facts to back that up.

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and she does care if I'm suffering. We were so close, we told each other everything, and we were like best friends. She isn't the type of person that would consciously use someone.
And she never really did say friends only. Where do you get that from?

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"She likes me as well, she told me.
but she said she doesnt want anyone to get hurt me or him, and that our friendship is above everything else
and i told her im patient, and she should focus on her current relation ship."

"she told me that she feels bad that she might be leading me on, and that i deserve someone who can fully commit, and i said i don't want anything more than this friendship.
What do I do now?" Your word,not mine.

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and if she does talk to me while I'm getting over her, does that mean something?

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It means it will take you longer to get over her because you will always think you have a chance of changing her mind, and dumping her guy, for you. You can't be a friend when you have a hidden agenda, that's not friends.

K so my friend whose friends with her
Keeps telling me to tell her how I feel.
My friend is pretty close with her, and she knows lots.
I ask my friend if I have a chance, and she always gives me mixed answers, like yes/no and I don't know, its just confusing me.
My friend just tells me I need to talk to her in person

And its not like she wants to be friends.
She just thinks and tells me its all we could be right now since she has a boyfriend. She likes me.. she told me. Isn't that enough to say that she likes me more than him? But is just afraid to break up with him

No, what that means is she likes you as a friend but she likes her relationship with her boy friend more.
You are wanting something that is not yours. If she wanted you instead of him she would leave him. You want a possible chance with her? Leave her alone and move on with your life, maybe you two will hook up at a later time, but for now she is with someone else.

I remember when I was in high school having a lot of girls as good friends who already had boyfriends. Nothing unusual about it!

All right OK update

I did talk to her. Went well, I convinced her. Some of my other friends did too, and she now planned to break up with him.
One week before today, we talk, and she tells me that she doesn't want a relationship the next year, and doesn't want to hurt all over again since its just hs, she's looking to be single. But she's also like interested in relationships without the title, like everything without the term, and she said she'd try that with me to.
(Like I know she didn't say this just so she won't have to have a relationship with me. She said this because one of our mutual friends is in kind of a friends/bene relationship, But it's a little more, like they have feelings for eachother(a relationship with no titles). And he like told her about his philosophy, and in effect, she now agrees with him after one week of thinking, that relationships in hs = bad and not going to work out and just messy.)
She said we have a lot of potential, and she doesn't want to waste it just now, if it was meant to be, it would happen.

Yesterday, we talk again, I tell her that I currently am looking for a relationship with titles, but that I'm OK with what she wants too, that I'd just go with the flow, that if she broke up with him, we'd just be friends until she got over him, and if we still had feelings for eachohter, we'd start talking after. If we didn't have feelings, we'd stay friends.
we promised to tell the other person if one person loses his or her feelings for the other any time along the way.and I said and If we did start talking after, we can decide then if we want a relationship or not. If we want completely different things then, we'd just be friends again. She agreed. She also said first relationships don't work out very well( since it would be my first, I guess cause the one before wasn't really a relationship.. ) and that she said I should have more experience
I said would she be jealous if I saw someone else, and she said well yeah I wouldn't think any girl would be good enough for you. And she said don't think its personal if I don't talk to you for the next few days cause she needed to think about some stuff,I responded the same. (In effect we distanced our selves).. for a couple hours causeee

Last night, same day, she called me, crying saying she broke up with him. I tried comforting her, saying its OK, she kind of got mad. And I was supposed to go over to her house tommorow(today) and I asked on the phone if she wants me there to comfort her, she just said is that all you care about. And she said she'd talk to me tommorow(today), and hung up. Still hasn't contacted me, I don't expect her too
What do I do