Okay, so this is about a person that I've never spoken about before on the help desk. This person's name is Jake. First off, I met him during a school club event and we would chat on AIM. However, he had taken a liking to me and I didn't like him the same way. Therefore, we stopped talking online because I stopped going online AIM and actually started using a different chat service. Additionally, after I stopped going online AIM, I starting going out more with my friends and now I'm in a relationship.

However, Jake has been emailing me and sending me text messages at least once a month. I am fully angry because the last message he said that I have been abusive to him. This is an absolute lie. Thus, I am really angry and not sure what I should do. Any comments, suggestions, or advice would be most welcome.

Block his email and tell him to stop texting you. Be firm. You don't need to be rude or mean, just very clear and firm that you do not want him contacting you anymore.

He's started to attend some of the activities that I enjoy outside of school. I am really pissed every time that I see him at the club events, but I don't say anything to him about how creepy I find it that he's joined the same group as I do. Perhaps it's a coincidence that he's ended up at the same organization I am participating in, but I find that it is extremely strange.

I don't think that I can tell him to stop contacting me since he's joined the same group that I am a part of.

What group is it? Does he talk to you while there? It didn't sound like he was contacting you because of group activities. Is he? We need the whole story if you want helpful advice on how to handle it.

He's been attending the same catechism class as I do, even though he was not a professed Catholic before. He's also been attending masses. He hasn't been talking to me while we're there. And, when he did contact me before it was never about the group activities. Now he has sent me a very stupid message saying how I have been abusing him and he's going to tell everyone. Good lord, I don't hit him, yell at him, call him names, or even tell him that he's a creepy stalker for starting to join in the same activities in which I am a part of! I feel like yelling at him now and letting him know exactly how creepy he is, but I won't.

What does Jake consider abuse? That you are ignoring him? That your life no longer contains HIM? Did he explain?

I would be creeped out too. Making up things about you in order to get your attention sounds, in this case, vindictive.

I just wanted to add that you might want to consider keeping track of all these 'coincidences' in a notebook. Also, if you are living at home, inform your parents that he makes you very uncomfortable, in case he calls and they pick up, they will know how to handle him if they are informed.

I'm on the fence about confronting him. It might make you feel better, but it may make him more determined to keep on with these 'coincidental' things that keep happening.

p.s. My name here is Jake, but really, that is the name of my dog. :)

I don't want to deal with this kind of situation. I would very much enjoy it if he would just leave me alone and not contact me. It's fine if he attends the same functions as I do as long as he does not keep contacting me or harass me.

I would just ignore him and he'll eventually he'll get the idea and get sick of putting in the effort if he's not getting a response.

As far as accusing you of abuse etc. if you haven't done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about , laugh it off and people will soon see who the culprit is.

How do you tell someone that their feelings are their own business and no one else is responsible for them? Or... how do you tell them that they shouldn't be over thinking about other people and they are creating drama when there shouldn't be any?

... Except in a more formal/nicer way?

Just tell them the truth, and then it's up to him to get it or continue his stalker ways. If he continues, maybe you should talk to someone in law enforcement

Firstly you must block his emails and text messages.

If you don't receive any then your not going to get upset.

Make a friend or parent aware of these messages, show them if possible, that way there can be no argument over there content.

The only contact you will be left with, will be perhaps at a social event etc... or if you pass on the street, not much you can do about that, just keep your distance, if he harassed you, you must tell your parents.

I suspect once he realises that emails and messages have been blocked then eventually the penny will drop.

Do you think he is doing this just to get attention? I am suspecting it to be true. I'm not sure whether to respond back or not to his accusations. If I respond back, then I am unknowingly encouraging further harassment. If I don't respond back, then he accuses me of ignoring him.

Either way I get more and more pissed with each of his messages.

When you have had enough, you will take all the steps that have been suggested, plus telling him publicly and personally to leave you alone, and let the right people know you don't like what he is doing.

Be careful, as creeps may also be crazy.

Do you guys think I should defend myself against his false accusations via a response?

no. ignoring him is better. He wants the attention. Don't give it to him.

Thank you for your advice. I will try to withstand sending a response even though every cell in my body is screaming out to defend myself against the false accusations. I don't want him to say that because I didn't answer that his misguided beliefs are correct.

Yea, in my experience the best thing is to do is ignore him. Keep a record of messages. But ignore him. I have been baited similar to this by an ex and it made me get angry and yell and say things I shouldn't have, so he could pull out the abuse card.

Best thing. Ignore him. Watch out though. Mine started stalking me. They want a reaction like a naughty little kid. They don't care if its good or bad. Its eliciting some feelings.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: my ex was stalking me in life and on the net (forums like this) and holding the info I put on above my head... as blackmail. I finally gave in and got mad at him and his response was... "cool! just when i thought you were over me, I now realise you still love me from your reaction". Sick sick sick mind

I would get your dad to call his dad.

If you ignore him he'll be the one getting upset , not you !

He'll then stop because he's not getting a response and realise his attempts at upsetting you are futile.

That's a win win for you :)

Unfortunately, I broke down and sent a message saying "Stop bothering me, I will not answer you again."

It does make me feel a lot better now that I have blocked him on AIM as well as the other chat application I use. However, I will still see him at meetings and we will see how that goes in the coming week.

That's OK. You've made it clear that you don't want to talk to him. If he continues harassing you, you really need to get some adults involved. Either your parents, or whoever is leading the activities you both participate in. or even both.

If anyone else is wondering about this same issue... just tell the person who is harassing you to stop bothering you, and they should follow your orders. After I told him to stop bothering me, I haven't heard from him since. However, I still see him at meetings because he now regularly attends the same functions as I do. I really hate it, but there is nothing that I can do about it. I'll just have to bear it.

Glad to hear he's finally gotten the message. Does he still bother you during the meetings? Or is he leaving you alone there too?

Hi justcurious55, I am also glad that he has stopped sending me emails and texts.

He doesn't say anything to me at the meetings. I try not to look at him or talk to him. However, when I am looking at someone and he is just behind that person, I can see him looking at me. Otherwise, in all respects he has stopped bothering me as requested.

The thing that makes me upset about him attending the functions is that I remember that in one of his messages he was like, "everyone has to know that you've abused me." I think what made me the most angry was his false accusation and threat that he was going to say something so crazy to everyone. I think I am am still feeling threatened by his message and that is what is what makes me angry.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's help on this issue! Everyone's advice was really helpful.

Unfortunately, throughout your life you're likely to come across others that will make false accusations against you. It doesn't sound like you've ever actually abused him from what you've told us here. So let him go on with his accusations. Others will see they're false too. I'd continue no contact. If he's being quiet for now, there's no reason to provoke him.

False accusations are generally dished out by bitter people , and in my experience they have a reputation for this through there past/present actions.

I wouldn't sweat it , laugh it off if it does happen which it possibly won't. Because people see who the liar is in the long run.


Glad everything worked out and he's at least leaving you alone now :)

I'm not so sure this is over yet.

His messages almost sound threatening to me.

It may be a good idea to speak to your parents if you haven't already. Ask your father to call his father as has already been suggested. If your father is uncomfortable with that, have him pick you up at school, and speak to the principal about this matter.

That he makes you so uncomfortable, and so far hasn't taken 'no' as enough reason to stop his behaviour, it may be time to take more steps.

Make a copy of the last email to him telling him to stop calling you, and give that to the Principal as well.

I would trust my gut on this one. You may not be able to say that he is dangerous, or stalkish, or doing anything other than being an idiot, but the truth is you never dated him, never encouraged him to contact you, and certainly never expected him to threaten to tell people lies in order to get you to respond to him. (negative responses to some are better than no response at all).

Because you are both essentially strangers to each other, I would treat him as such, and find his behaviour intimidating.

Let him answer for his actions, perhaps by taking more action. Best to let him get the message loud and clear from an official at school, rather than risk running into him 'accidentally' while on your way home some night on your own. If he knows you are not keeping a 'secret' with him, by breaking what he sees as a connection by telling someone in more authority about what he has done, he would be more likely to stop.

My guess is you aren't the first one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I'm not so sure this is over yet.

His messages almost sound threatening to me.

It may be a good idea to speak to your parents if you haven't already. Ask your father to call his father as has already been suggested. If your father is uncomfortable with that, have him pick you up at school, and speak to the principal about this matter.

That he makes you so uncomfortable, and so far hasn't taken 'no' as enough reason to stop his behaviour, it may be time to take more steps.

Make a copy of the last email to him telling him to stop calling you, and give that to the Principal as well.

I would trust my gut on this one. You may not be able to say that he is dangerous, or stalkish, or doing anything other than being an idiot, but the truth is you never dated him, never encouraged him to contact you, and certainly never expected him to threaten to tell people lies in order to get you to respond to him. (negative responses to some are better than no response at all).

Because you are both essentially strangers to eachother, I would treat him as such, and find his behaviour intimidating.

Let him answer for his actions, perhaps by taking more action. Best to let him get the message loud and clear from an official at school, rather than risk running into him 'accidentally' while on your way home some night on your own. If he knows you are not keeping a 'secret' with him, by breaking what he sees as a connection by telling someone in more authority about what he has done, he would be more likely to stop.

My guess is you aren't the first one.

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You know jake, you reminded me a guy I went to high school with. There was this one guy who just would not stop bothering me. I always try to be nice, especially when I first meet people. He had taken my being nice as a sign I was interested. And when I told him I wasn't, he didn't like that. We went from getting to know each other as friends to him trying to tell me we were going out because he was a man and he said so and then to telling me that I was racist and to stop being racist (I really didn't care about his skin color, but I was like 13? Not really looking for a boyfriend.) I hadn't wanted to get any adults involved but it finally got to the point that I did tell my vice principals. I was so relieved after. Turns out they'd had issues with him harassing other girls too. After I left their office, they got him and the campus cop in there and told him to leave me alone or they'd be filing a restraining order on my behalf. He left me alone finally after that.

I have had a guy stalk me like this... I used to work with him and he also took my being nice as taking an interest to him. I told him I just wanted to be friends and he took this as playing hard to get.

He sent me flowers if I got angry at him... I saw him drive past my house. He would tell people at work that I was seeing him on the sly. He also told me that he would change his religion for me.

He would not take NO for an asnwer! I tried to stop talking to him but its hard when you work with the person. Until one day he exploded (found out I had a boyfriend)and told me never to talk to him again (which I did gladly). Everynow and again he would try to message me or get me on Facebook. But id ignore him.

I found out a few months ago he was engaged. I thought finally he will leave me alone, but of course 2 weeks after I find out he starts trying to get in contact with me again.

Some guys take a while to get over things. Just keep ignoring him. He will eventually get over it. If your like me might take 3 years LOL