Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend makes me so angry, and yet he hasn't done anything wrong

My boyfriend makes me so angry, and yet he hasn't done anything wrong

Hi, my boyfriend has loads of hobbies to do with sport, and whenever he does them I just get so mad and frustrated and sometimes I even get upset. It's not like he is doing anything wrong, he enjoys it, and I trust him not to cheat on me with the other girls that go, but I just don't understand why I get so mad? I've spoke to him about it, and he said that maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe even abit jealous of his hobbies because he does them with his ex girlfriend and I get left out, which to be honest is quite true. But I just don't think that that could be the only reason, could there be anything else?. Please help its gone on for too long.

It's one thing if you don't have a life and depend on your boyfriend to make you happy. It's another thing if he is doing hobbies with his EX--which I don't think many people in their right mind would put up with. I would have a talk with him, but it sounds like you did. Since it seems like he doesn't care how you feel, you may have to move on.

Doing sports with a past lover completely changes the dynamics. He should be sensitive to understand that in your relationship.

I had this same problem too... but first I must ask (to help of course) what do YOU do while he goes out and does all his sports and hobbies??

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Originally Posted by lovebird120

what do YOU do while he goes out and does all his sports and hobbies???

Well I am very much into sports myself but not the same ones as him, I go horse riding once a week, I go jogging along the beach and I actually go climbing with my boyfriend sometimes (thats one of his hobbies). But mostly I just do anything I can to pass the time, because my friends that I usually hang around with are either already out or they are going out drinking or doing drugs, and I'm not like that so I don't go.

Why don't you go along and support the team?

Its sounds like he has a full life away from the relationship which is great... think about doing something else to fill the time.

"he hasn't done anything wrong"

These are your words. Read this sentence again, and understand it completely.

He will leave you unless you get past these feelings. If he is indeed "innocent", then learn to cope, and get your own hobbies and activities. Or tag along with him.

Good luck.

Its not as simple as that though. Im scared to do the hobbies that he does because they are quite dangerous, and I can't try to do any of them when he is with his ex because she is also my cousin =/ and she is going out with his best friend. Its quite complicated.

See so that's good at least you do your own thing. The difference between you and I is when my boyfriend went out I had to stay home and do home-ey things so I was just stressing about things with nothing to do but thing. So I think all you need to do is make sure that you are busy while he's out OR go along with him... and if he asks why just say to spend more time with you of course :)

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Originally Posted by lovebird120

so i think all you need to do is make sure that you are busy while hes out

That would keep me occupied, yes, but it still doesn't explain why it makes me so angry when he does these hobbies :/

Are you sure you don't feel threatened by your cousin? And what's so complicated about the cousin and the best friend thing? I have a feeling if you talk more it will become more obvious why you are feeling so angry. You sound like a reasonable person, so I'm guessing there's a reason here.

It's not that uncommon to feel angry and not know why. A lot of people glom onto the first explanation they think of. You aren't doing that, which is good. So maybe we can help you figure it out?

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Originally Posted by asking

Are you sure you don't feel threatened by your cousin? And what's so complicated about the cousin and the best friend thing?

I don't feel threatened by my cousin at all, because I don't feel that there is any reason to feel threatened because its not like she is trying to get into my boyfriend because she has her own. And in all honesty I don't know why it's so complicated about the cousin and best friend thing... she is my cousin and my boyfriends ex, and she is now going out with his best friend. Now I think about it, I kind of did go out with him when she still liked him, maybe I feel slightly threatened by that?? Im not sure :confused: But I still don't get how that would make ME angry, surely it would make her the angry one?

I think you're paranoid or anxious. Maybe you should take up a sport or something to keep you busy. If you're doing something maybe you won't think about him and have time to get upset.

Do the three of them ever make you feel unwelcome? It could be something subtle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

Do the three of them ever make you feel unwelcome? It could be something subtle.

Well, I guess I kind of feel left out all the time... if that's what you mean?

Yes. That's what I mean. Are you making yourself feel that way, or are there also any things they do that make you feel that way?

I went through a similar experience with my on and off girlfriend. She gets so mad if I go snowboarding with my friends or go to cookouts with them in the summer. It's ridiculous. She has never met them in the whole three years together. She says they are all whores and sluts. I've never cheated on her. She's so possesive. But yet I've never stopped her or got upset when she would go out with her friends. There was a time while we were living together that I didn't talk to nor do anything with my friends at all. She was going out with her friends, and even said one time while heading out the door, "What's the matter? Don't you have anything to do or anywhere to go?" After that little statement of hers, I didn't care what she thought anymore, and I decided to do what I want regardless of what she thought. Well, of course she didn't like that. She's got some serious immaturity and self esteem issues.
The point is, you have no right to be upset at him just because he has a life. Get one of your own. It's not like he's out there cheating on you. Would you rather have a little puppy dog that obeys you or someone that has interests and his own mind with something to offer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

Yes. That's what I mean. Are you making yourself feel that way, or are there also any things they do that make you feel that way?

I don't think they do it deliberately, but I'm quite a jealous type of person to be fair, but even after a year and half of being left out and my boyfriend doing these things with his ex it kind of begins to dwell on me. Is it just me and my jealousy or do I have a right to feel that way?

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Originally Posted by rockchick182

I don't think they do it deliberatly, but im quite a jealous type of person to be fair, but even after a year and half of being left out and my boyfriend doing these things with his ex it kinda begins to dwell on me. Is it just me and my jealousy or do i have a right to feel that way?

You have no right to feel that way. Yes, it is your jealousy issues. Deal with them before they affect your relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabrewolfe

You have no right to feel that way. Yes, it is your jealousy issues. Deal with them before they affect your relationship.

Yes but after a year and a half of constantly being sack off by him to go and do hobbies with his ex it does kind of make you think that maybe its not his hobbies that he's interested in. In your case you weren't going out with your ex (well you never mentioned it) and he is. There's a difference.

Rockchick, you are right, there is a major difference between going out with friends and going out with an ex. Like I said in my first post, I would feel the same and know many others that would also feel hurt. You do have your own life and I feel bad for you. I hope you can find someone that respects you more.

If it drags you down so much all the time, have you considered if your life would be more pleasant without him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockchick182

Yes but after a year and a half of constantly being sack off by him to go and do hobbies with his ex it does kind of make you think that maybe its not his hobbies that he's interested in. In your case you weren't going out with your ex (well you never mentioned it) and he is. Theres a difference.

Get involved with some of your own hobbies and interests, and make sure you both still have your own time together.

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Originally Posted by rosemcs

If it drags you down so much all the time, have you considered if your life would be more pleasant without him?

Yes I have, numerous times. But every time I think about it I always get images of a movie I watch, and its not like he beats me up, or has actually cheated on me, or goes out round the town doing drugs and getting drunk all the time... so every time I come to wanting to leave him its really hard :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockchick182

Yes i have, numerous times. But everytime i think about it i always get images of a movie i watch, and its not like he beats me up, or has actually cheated on me, or goes out round the town doing drugs and getting drunk all the time.....so everytime i come to wanting to leave him its really hard :(

Base your life on the reality around you, not a movie. What happens in the movies very rarely deal with the actual reality of life.

I feel you girl.
& One thing I've come to realize in my relationship is that even though you may hate his ex's guts, first find out what their relationship is like now.
Is she slutty? Does she still flirt with him? Does he?
Or are they just friends, if at all?

I honestly don't believe that he's doing sports to be with his ex, because he seems like he's pretty devoted to you.
But just be sure... If you have friends, or if he does that do the sports with him, ask them to keep an eye on him and his ex and tell you if anything weird goes on.
Trust is necessary, but you have to see if he's worth of yours.

Take care :)