Ok so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 8 months now. For a couple months, around our 4 months/5 months, I didn't feel the butterflies anymore, and was deciding on whether I should dump him, or continue dating him to see if it was just a rough patch. Now in the present time, I feel totally in love with him, and I am so completely afraid of losing him and worried that he will leave me so I will ask him questions like, Do you still love me? Or Your not sick of me yet are you? (he has done nothing wrong that should make me believe that he would be leaving me anytime soon) So now I'm worried that I'm becoming to smothering or something, like I'm freaking out over nothing. Is this normal for someone when they love someone to be afraid of the loved one to leave all the time for no reason at all??

Heyy, wel firstly I think your stressing and worrying about nothing, you love him wich is great and if you won't to ask him a question like that then do it, nothing is stopping you from it and if he loves you , he will totaolly understand. But try to chill :)

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Originally Posted by britEl

Is this normal for someone when they love someone to be afraid of the loved one to leave all the time for no reason at all???

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If you keep on like this, you are going to drive him away. Take the relationship a day at a time and enjoy every minute of it. Meanwhile, work on your self-esteem and confidence. If you need ideas for that, let me know.

Its possible your insecurities are caused from your own lack of commitment to the relationship.

If I were you I would consider the flip-flopping to be my own,and try to leave it at that.
He has not done anything that you said to cause this so it is entirely your doing right?

Have more confidence in yourself.

Well, honestly, enjoy the moment... moment by moment! If you are having doubts that is fairly normal because you are assessing your feelings and trying to give validity to your feelings as you "feel" them. You seem very in tune with your feelings but sometimes they get in the way of logical thought... so... its logistics vs. thinking! Since I just said that, follow your intuition... for some reason or another you are feeling uncomfortable... if that is the case it is okay for you to pull back for a short brake to give true meanings to what it it is your "feeling". As long as the feeling is mutual - I would say go with it and enjoy the experience. Remember the song "Love is like a rollercoster" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers? If there are too many highs and lows so early... then I would suggest pulling back... an earthy girl always needs to go back to her roots.

I am committed in the relationship, before I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be with him because he would do what I am now doing to him. I have been trying to stop asking him if he loves me and bugging him about it because he has made it clear that he loves me. But I still feel anxious to get his texts/phone calls or worried he won't text back, and when we hang out I will do anything to make him happy

The bottom line is that if someone is going to leave you ,no amount of your clinging and worrying is going to change that.

You might as well enjoy the relationship,be yourself and don't be needy.Clingy and needy is never an attractive trait.

It is normal to fear the loss of a relationship but not to the point where it becomes an obsession.Face that fear and try to understand it and then you may be able to stop it.

That indicates that you are putting all your faith in another person.

Put that faith in yourself.Have confidence in yourself and know that even if he were to leave you tomorrow,you would survive.

It is never a good idea to make someone such a priority in your life that you would feel unable to cope if it didn't work out.

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Originally Posted by britEl

I am committed in the relationship, before i wasn't sure if i still wanted to be with him because he would do what i am now doing to him. I have been trying to stop asking him if he loves me and bugging him about it because he has made it clear that he loves me. but i still feel anxious to get his texts/phone calls or worried he wont text back, and when we hang out i will do anything to make him happy

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Okay, firstly you need to get a grip... you should be the one in control? What I mean by that is you should be reserved and keep him guessing. Don't tell him how you feel or even what you are thinking. You should not feel nervous in love but rather comfortable being "YOU". Can you do that? If not, he isn't right for you.

I do understand, and I am going to try and 'get a grip' although it is easier said then done, but I have seen how unattractive it is to be clingy, and obsessive, and I do NOT want to become that, I want to depend less on him and more on myself, and not become that stupid clingy smothering girlfriend. I have been assessing my actions, and feel that they have unnecessary. Thanks for the help guys, you have showed me how absolutely ridiculous I seem right now!

Relax, your just learning to deal with your feelings in a positive way, and it's a process, and takes time. Start with loving yourself, so you can share the love with others, and not your fears, and insecurities.

Its easy to get carried away, so think before you act, or speak, and don't put your happiness in someone else's hands, that's your responsibility to yourself.

Ok so I feel very insecure about my body, and I understand: I need more self confidence bla bla blaah (its easier said then done my friends). So my boyfriend of 8 months doesn't understand that I feel insecure about my body and says, "you shouldn't feel insecure about that around me we have been dating 8 months" and I tell him that its not him its how I see myself and judge myself and I don't like it. (again I understand the more I need more self confidence thinggg!) anyway my question is, is it wrong for me to feel insecure about my body and is my boyfriend right, or is it just everyone has insecurities and we eventually get over them?

Yes ma'am, he was right. Think about it, how could a guy as cool as him (I'm pretending to think what you might think) actually really like you if you're right about how you see yourself?

My boyfriend has insecurities too... To the point that he's getting bulimic/anorexic... I realized that there's no real cure, unless he wants to overcome it. All I can really do is be there for him.

I kind of made him feel better, I buy him personal care stuff... He likes it.

In conclusion... Insecurities are okay as long as you don't bring it up too often (you might sound like you're fishing for compliments) and as long as you DO get over it soon (it's destructive), but a makeover won't hurt either. :)

Cute suggestions Sylvanta Sybil. Honestly, your boyfriend does understand that you are insecure. Simply put, the way he is dealing with it is not pleasing to you. Have you asked yourself: Do I have reason to be insecure? How did you get to that weight in the 1st place. Are you healthy? Is your insecurity preventing you from accomplishing goals. Do you use it as an excuse? Pertinent question all of these are. Does feeling insecure get you want you want. You're getting something out of it. You decide, your boyfriend isn't leading your life. Are you though? Are you leading your life or is your insecurity?

Ok so me and my boyfriend are going on 8 months now. Lately I have been feeling very off and have been paranoid that he does not love me anymore. He used to call me all throughout the day and does not anymore, he used to text me all throughout the day and has stopped doing that as well. The other day I invited him over to my house and he didn't even respond to my text and would not answer his phone. Today he just simply did not want to hang out, even after the fact that his house was empty for the weekend. I tried phoning and he won't answer. I am afraid for the worst and feel like I'm having a heartbreak even while I'm still dating him, I have this feeling that I'm going into heartbreak, I have had this feeling before and this is what I'm feeling right now. I just don't know if he's drifting away from me or if its just the fact that we have been dating for 8 months. I really need some advice, 3 nights in a row I cried and felt hysterical till I fell asleep. I really need someone to talk to about this, I feel so alone.

It hurts like hell. But you'll live. Time will pass... and that's all any of us know for the time being. I've had my heart ripped out stomped on spit on and set on fire by the ONLY guy I've ever loved and maybe ever will love. But I'm OK now. OKAY. I'm not crying myself to sleep anymore I'm just living. It's alll I can do. Yes being alone sucks.

We're still dating now that's the problem he tells me he loves me he says things that should convince me but I just have this feeling that I don't I just have this feeling he's lying to me and when all of the sudden this happens it really scares me and I really can't deal with heartbreak again, I just reallyy cant.

You talk to him about it?. ughh sorry but guys are severely disgusting to me right now!! Ah!

Kind of I ask him why he stopped doing all that stuff and said because he thought he was bugging me.. and I told him NO I loved it.. so for the rest of the day he did it, then he just stopped up to today.

Yea that happened with my ex all the time I'd say I love when you text me all day and call me and he's say he felt like it bugged me.. but it made my day. I felt empty ifi didn't hear from him during the day. It made me feel like I'm not running through his mind as much as he was running through mine. Always too "busy" I started to feel really un important in his life =[

Exactly! But after asking him why all the time I'm starting to feel like I'm acting 'desperate' but I'm not I'm just really afraid and paranoid that he's going to leave me or something

You have eery right to be. Ugh life and love are to complicated sometimes I just want to give up

Did you ask him how he feels about you? If you have then you either need to believe him and enjoy what you have, or if you feel he doesn't love you enough then move on.

You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you have noticed a change in the relationship, he is not communicating as much as he did, and you need to know if his feelings toward you have changed.

I would say they have.

But, it may not be for reasons you think. Relationships change over time. He may be feeling perfectly secure in the relationship, and doesn't feel the need to text and call all the time. You interpret that as him not being interested, and cry yourself to sleep. That's what I mean about talking to him; your reactions to what he does may very well be over the top.

Once you have cleared the air, and you have a sense of what's going on with him, then take it from there.

You aren't being fair to him, or yourself, to base the success/failure/state of your relationship based on superficial 'cues'. You need to talk this out with him.

Multiple threads merged

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story

You need to talk things out with him. But if you feel that there hasn't been much progress after all your effort, then chances are there won't be any effort in the future. So you have to draw the line at some point and say enough is enough. If he can't provide what you want and need, then this isn't the person you should be with.

Furthermore, it sounds like you have a lot of personal issues. Maybe some time-out of this relationship could be good for you so that you can gain some confidence and self-esteem.

OK so I think I have had a sudden realization. I think the reason I have been freaking out so much is because usually in my relationships I have always been in control of what's going on how I feel about him and he is the one chasing me. But now it is the other way around I feel like I'm chasing him, he has control over the relationship and I feel vulnerable. This may not be reason enough for my amount of freaking out but I think it is part of it.

Then adjust to what's really happening. Truth be told, you can only control yourself any way.

Ok so me and my boyfriend of almost nine months (today was supposed to be the actual day but he told me he wanted to go on a break with me yesterday.) are on a break. This happened very sudden and out of the blue for me. I had no clue he was going to do it and I still don't know what to think. I need some advice on what was said and what happened before and after he told me he wanted to go on a break with me.
Ok so the night before around 8pm we were talking like we usually do, it was normal he didn't sound different and it was the man that I knew and loved. We were supposed to hang out around 11pm but he must have fallen asleep. Around 11:30 I called him about 3 times (as an alarm to try and wake him up) but he didn't answer, I then text him saying : I guess you sleeping, text me what's happening. No answer. I then text him: Ok well I'm going to sleep then good night love you (etc) and then I sent a 3rd text telling him sorry for all the phone calls.
The next day (yesterday) I text him saying good morning, and I didn't get a text back from him till 2pm saying that he just woke up. I then asked him what happened to him last night.
He said: I fell I asleep, I told you
I said: well you said you were going to set your alarm so we could chill.
He said: I slept through it
(and he usually doesn't text like this so it seemed like he didn't care)
I said: Hmh
He said:?
I said: well I had a pretty crappy night but I guess you don't even care.
he said: Holy Sorry.
I said: well it doesn't even matter anymore
He said: okay.
I said: are you mad at me or annoyed by me or something??
(and here is when he said it, also I was at work at the time so we couldn't talk on the phone, why he did this when I was at work? I have no clue)
He said: K I'm going to be straight up I am physically and mentally stressed out here like to points you don't even know but dear I just need a break I just need some time to myself. Its not you its me I just need some time babe :( Its nothing you have done or anything about you I'm just stressed brit, I need some time, I love you to death I just need time dear :(
I said: what do you need time for?
He said: Myself I'm just to stressed out for everything, can't even work
I said: Straight up, Are you breaking up with me?
He said: Brittany I told you I just want a break
(so does that mean he isn't breaking up with me, he just doesn't want to see me? )
I said: what is it that's stressing you out so much?
He said: Work family, my grandma in the hospital, my sister left home, everything brit.
(I didn't even know about his grandma or sister.)
I said: how much time do you need?
He said: like maybe not even a week
I said: well feel better, text me when you figured it all out. Bye curtis.
He said: I'm sorry. :(

OK so that was it until last night at like 1am he text me
He said: Hi
I said: .. Hi?
I said: what's up?
He said: not much you?
I said: just woke up
He said: can't sleep?
I said: yeah
He said: why not?
I said: thinking too much
He said: I see.
I said: .. did you want something?
He said: To say hi

OK so what was THAT about?
I am extremely in shock and very upset, I have been crying non stop since yesterday and I don't know what I'm going to do or what I should do please help me I reallllly need some advice here! I am falling apart honestly.

I'm sorry you re hurting.
I can only suggest you give him space as that's what he asked for,and until and if he gives you other reasons try to stay calm and carry on with your life. Take care.

Just give him a few days. Stay busy and relax. That's the best you can do right now. Keep us updated. We are here for you, don't worry too much.

For a start calm down and take a breath...

Its not over till the fat lady sings!

Give him some time too himself.. if he wants to talk let him...

He will come to a conclusion,sooner I would think rather then later...

Reading the conversation,he did have the classic break up lines... its not you its me.. yada yada... but he has not said its over..

Calm down,and try and think rational,I know its hard to do when your heart in in your mouth... but this just might blow over... prepare for the worst and just let him be for now.

Its still real new so relax don't read too much into it,use the time wisely

I know I have to calm down and leave him alone. Im just really scared that I'll get that phone call or text saying. Im sorry brittany, but I just don't want to be with you anymore. (or something around those terms) Also, would anyone have any idea as to why he would text me after just to say hi?

That would just be anyone's guess Brit,try not to overanalyze the situation even if it's tempting.

So I have an update. I text him today (I needed to get some clarity) so here's what went down:

Me: Curtis I'm sorry for txting you but I am very confused, do you still love me and want me? Or am I wasting my time?
Him: Brittany I do still love you, you know that I'm just confused stressed out britt I just don't even want my life anymore and no one understands.
Me: But I want to understand. I want to help you, but I can't read minds and I can't if you shut me out of your life.
Him: I know brittany but I don't want to drag you down with me I just need sometime I love you and you know I do.
Me: Curtis I was your girlfriend for almost 9 months, I can handle it, I won't just quit on you.
Him: Im sure you can handle it but like I don't know I'm just mentally down I can't handle this right now, Ahh.
Me: Well when you want to talk and figure things out with me call me. Until then I won't bother you anymore. Bud I hope you will call me eventually.
Him: Your not bothering me I'm sorry I just can't do this right now I would have talked to you about it in person just I couldn't do it, it would just stress me out more.
Me: I know. But I think I deserve some clarity curtis just answer me this. Are we over? Or are we going to get through this and get back together?
Him: Brittany I want to and hope I get through this I just need some time I love you brit.
Me: I understand you need time and I want to get through this too but I don't know what you want from me. Like what do you want me to do, stop talking to you?
Him: I never said that I just need a break from it brit
Me: Im sorry I'm still not clear, so you don't mind me texting.. just less and you don't want to see me? Sorry I just want to make things better for you.
Him: You can text me brittany as much as you want
Me: I just don't want to make things worse for you.. so texting is OK and you don't want to see me. Do I have it clear?
Him: lol you
And then later he asked me if I was all right in which I responded
1st: Not really but I'm dealing with it
Then I sent a 2nd saying
I'll be honest curtis, I'm really hurting here.

I know I should have stayed no contact but I just neeeeded to get things clear. And right now they still are unclear for me anyway, like why does he not want to see me, but texting is OK..
I know I'm SO over analyzing this but its hard not to :(

OK so its over.

He loves me, but not IN love with me. What a weekend.

Can somebody PLEASE explain this sentence to me : "I love you but im not IN love with you anymore." I was just told this from my boyfriend of 9 months and I just Don't understand how someone can love you but not be in love anymore? If they weren't IN love how can they still love you?

Maybe he loves you as a person and a friend but doesn't feel that he loves in the same way he did before. (relatonship way)

Well my best guess would be that you know the way you love your brother/sister you love them but you don't love them the way you would with your husband/boyfriend. You get it? So your boyfriend I guess meant that he loves you like a sister and no longer like a lover. You see? Its confusing! But I hope the best for you!

He might just be trying to ease the blow.

I kind of wrote a thread on this a while ago, maybe look at it?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ut-397951.html

So sorry to hear that Brit how are you coping?