We're both 17 years old and I know people say its too young for love, so just bare with me and just help me out please. Not even a month ago she was telling me how she was so excited to be moving in with me when we leave high school to San Diego. She told me she wants to be in my arms every night, cuddle, and to start our own life together. I love this idea but 2 nights ago she comes to my house and we start talking in her car. She told me how it made her upset how I didn't go to lunch with her and her closest friends. I was getting yelled at by my dad saying on how I don't do anything around the house. I told her this and she said are you going to be using that when we live in San Diego? I told her no because my dad wouldn't have much to do with me if I don't live with him. She also told me that what if we get in an argument, that I would leave her for good and she would have to pay the while apartment by herself. So she tells me that we're over for good. I honestly don't want to lose her. I wrote her a letter and gave her flowers the next day. She comes to my house within an hour and gives me a letter with the roses I gave her. It said that she didn't want to be with me and she doesn't want to push aside her goals for me and she still loves me as a friend but not as a girlfriend. She also said in the letter that she cares for me and my family and always will. I'm so heartbroken and I don't know if she'll come back or not. I pray that she will, but will she? I'm trying to not contact her but she IM me on myspace just last night and I made her laugh and showing the me she first started going out with. I need advice and help please, what should I do?

I'm sorry you're hurting.
It looks like she got cold feet and her feelings changed. And as you said 17 is quite young, to be moving and moving in together.
Your best strategy for you to get over this is to not have any contact with her. Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page? There's lots of good advice there.
It will get better and you will get over this. One day at the time.
Take care.

Well she calls me and talks to me as if I were her friend. She doesn't want a relationship right now because she wants to get things straight first. She doesn't know when she'll be ready to date and doesn't know who. So what should I do if she calls me, text me, etc.

You're not ready to be friends with her so do the NC,and tell her not to contact you.
That'll end the false hope of a reconcilliation. It'll also help you move forward and find your own thing to do.

But wouldn't it prove her wrong if I was there for her and make her see that she made a mistake?

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Originally Posted by ninjajr92

But wouldn't it prove her wrong if I was there for her and make her see that she made a mistake?

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No it wouldn't prove anything at all except you are willing to hang around as a friend. She broke up because her feelings changed and she wants to be free to explore her world without the baggage of a boyfriend. That's your cue to leave her alone with her decision, and start doing your thing and being busy and unavailable.

Nothing is more disgusting than dumping a partner and they still hang around hoping you change your mind and take them back.

Welcome to the adult world where high school is over and reality sets in. But you will adjust, we all do, because there are just to many better females out there to stay sad for long. Break ups suck though, and they always will.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped for any reason, disappear from their lives and do your own thing, not theirs.

Sticking around won't do anything nor will it make her see what she is missing. You are only hurting yourself by sticking around waiting and hoping she will change her mind.

In life things doesn't always go according to plan and your going experience heartache but as long as treated that person right you have no worries. You are going have many relationships and sometimes people change.

It is time for you to let go and accept that the relationship is over. The sooner you do this the sooner you will be able to move on and start your healing.

Okay.. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but ill try.
If I do the NC rule, and she comes back to me saying she made a mistake, then what do I do?

You talk, that's what you do, and not small talk, you have to make sure she has changed her mind, and think about whether you believe her or not, but chances are she will be trying to keep contact going, and keep you in the friend zone as a back up, to her boredom. You want no part of that whatsoever.

I wouldn't hold out hope for getting back together, nor her being sincere about it. People change guy.

Do I give her everything like notes and pictures and dance tickets back?

Are they hers, or yours? Do nothing for now, just put her stuff in a box, and file them in a closet, or under your bed.

Im in so much pain dude... I've never felt like this before. I feel helpless.

Put them in a box and store them away for now.
Stay strong and look after yourself.

I want her back so bad though... I need an alternative guys.. Please

There is no alternative.

Idc if it hurts me later.. If I can get her back then I can change so she won't leave me ever again.

We've all been there ninja and it gets better. Breakups hurt but there is no magic wand that'll change what happened. Time will change how you feel about this,try to have people around you-can you talk to your parents and get emotional support?

Yes but my mom says that if me and her don't do anything now then the breakup will be permanent and that's exactly what I don't want.

You can't get someone back who doesn't want to be won back. The break up is already permanent.

I'm on myspace and so is she. What do I do if she writes me?

What can you do? You can't force her to come back to you. You're going to have to get through the pain and the hurt and heal from this.

If I do NC won't she lose interest in ever being with me again?
I just don't see how NC is the best solution.

It's the best solution because you can get over the shock of the break up, and make better decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.

Dude, she has dumped you, its already over. Heal buddy so you can see beyond your hurts, and fears. She has already lost interest in love, and romance ,with you, thats why she dumped you.

Thats a BIG fact to consider.

Give everything back to her and move on. She's feeling insecure about leaving and moving in with you, so you don't want to push her.

Go out with your friends, go on a date, and at least pretend to have a good time so she'll realize that you can survive just fine without her. Woman are funny, sometimes when they think that you are doing great and are moving on without them, they change their mind and want to come back. Can't guarantee results, but what have you got to lose?

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Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

You guys are right. I'm going to follow your advice, but will you guys still be there and help me?


Will her feelings change once she sees me
Everyday at school?

We can support you through this, but no one can predict the feelings of any female, not even them.

What should I do if she calls me and wants to talk? What do I say?

We'll be here for support,and I notice you've already started giving your support and advice to other posters which is a good thing to be doing!
As for calls, doing NC means you don't take their calls.
If you have to see her every day in school a short but polite hi and then walking away is enough.

Thanks. =] but it's so hard not talking to her, I haven't talked to her but I want to call her, so I just call my friends and talk to them. The thing I fear most is of she comes back. That's when I won't know what to do because I know I'll want to take her back but what she's done to me, I don't know if I should.

Knowing what she's done and how she's acting now I don't think you should. How could you trust her again?
See it as finished and concentrate on getting a better life for yourself.
You will,we all do,it just takes time.

So it's been 2 days with NC and it's soooo hard. I want to talk to her and try to wok things out but I don't. I call my friends and talk to them. I've tried getting away but she's still always on my mind. I can feel myself healing very little bits at a time. But it's like it's not even working for me.

Stay on the path and see how you feel in 30 days, then 60, and so on.

Did we mention this is a process, and not some quick fix, or magic pill?

Takes a lot of time and work on your part. Are you doing your part?

Hang in there it gets better,be patient with yourself and keep busy. Well done for not calling her,but your friends.

I want to have a long face to face talk so that I am sure that there really is no hope. What should I say to her if she agrees to this?

What would be the point if you don't know what you want to say to her?

I know what I want to say but I'm not sure if I should. Should I just say what's on my mind?

No, you should stick with NC. That's simple.