Hey, sorry if this is long. I'm just a hurt, average 18 year old guy who needs advice from anyone who's willing to give it.

My ex and I've been broken up for almost a year now. Although she has a new boyfriend, we remained close friends. Then somewhere mid year, we had a major argument because I was jealous (I still had strong feelings for her at the time) and fell out. We didn't speak for about 7 months or so. But recently she got back into contact with me and we started speaking to each other again.

There was one incident a few weeks ago where she saw me on the bus and the next day she spoke to me on msn, bringing up our past and flirting with me a lot. She even asked me out for a movie and being the naïve person I am, I agreed. When the day came, she stood me up saying she was meeting her friends (which I'm pretty sure was her bf). Sometimes she won't reply my texts or she'll reply 1 or 2 and then ignore the next one.

Of course, because I still do have feelings for her, it hurts. A lot. I feel used by her all over again. I found out from a friend that she told her current boyfriend that she used me to get over her ex. But I know I fell hard. Everyone did. They warned me about her but I couldn't bring myself to listen. Its been almost a year and I can't see anyone in the same light as I see her. What am I to do? It really hurts :(

Oh wow you're going through the same sh** as me right now... were in the same boat man

You are still so young. Did you name yourself BARF because of how you feel? First thing is to rename yourself with something strong. e.g. Survivor or something similar. Your id name itself even suggest you are kind of a guy that anyone can walk all over. Next time you see her, turn around and walk away. Ignore her completely or you will turn out like evey other guy in this site. They all start like this and couldn't move on from their ex girlfriend, who keeps on tagging them along because these guys think that a little sex or a date or two with ex will lead to their life time of happiness. The reality is, your ex wants you to become her booty evey time she gets into argument with her boyfriend. She's not looking for any lasting relationship from you. She's using you. Please read others questions, then you would know what I am talking about.

I'm sure it hurts, and the pain is a lesson well learned. If you keeping in contact with her keeps hurting you, what do you think you should do to relieve the pain?

Stop talking to her. I'm sure you were great friends and have a lot of history together, but you're going to have to let her go if you want to free yourself from all of this. Go NC and only then will you know if she's worth talking to again.

You ve never allowed yourself to heal from this breakup and that's what you should concentrate on now.
No more contact as you must let go of the false hope of winning her back.
Do things that make you feel good.
See your friends,build yourself up again , it'll take some time but you ll find that you can be happy without her in your life.

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Originally Posted by 2ndTime

You are still so young. Did you name yourself BARF because of how you feel? First thing is to rename yourself with something strong. e.g. Survivor or something similar. Your id name itself even suggest you are kind of a guy that anyone can walk all over. Next time you see her, turn around and walk away. Ignore her completely or you will turn out like evey other guy in this site. They all start out like this and couldn't move on from their ex girlfriend, who keeps on tagging them along because these guys think that a little sex or a date or two with ex will lead to their life time of happiness. The reality is, your ex wants you to become her booty evey time she gets into argument with her boyfriend. She's not looking for any lasting relationship from you. She's using you. Please read others questions, then you would know what I am talking about.

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Yeah, actually when you put it that way, I do realize its how I feel about myself and everything in general. Thanks for the awesome answer though. I guess I should grow some self respect.

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When we were together, despite telling me she loved me and all the bs, I still could not see her trying hard enough. When I met her, she was fresh out of a relationship. She told me it was because she had feelings for me that her ex ended things with her. I was totally unaware of this.

During my time with her, I fell head over heels, but I noticed that she wasn't really even trying to make our relationship work. She was playful, not serious about anything, kept flirting with other people... And I had a strong notion she was not over her ex.

I became wary of her and decided to stop trying too, but I didn't end our relationship just yet. I mean, I was still in love with her for God's sake. Soon enough she noticed and went around complaining that I wasn't serious about her and wasn't trying hard enough. And then one night, it was over. She met me just to break up with me in person and left. I was crushed but I knew it was coming, I just didn't want to let her go. Now she's with someone else and doesn't give two hoots about me but I'm still very much not over her.

What now?

It takes time. You have to give yourself the chance to get over what you felt for her. You may always love her, but you can move on without her.

Obviously she didn't care about you like you cared about her. Find someone that does. :)

Good luck.

Like Altenweg said, it takes time. You need to actively heal (sport, go out, friends, family... ) and to apply NC fully. If not it will take a LOT of time.

It will also teach you not to open your heart that fast to someone else.

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Sorry this is a little long. If you could be patient with me, that'd be really nice.

My ex and I were seeing each other for about 8 months. Initially everything was good. We both had strong feelings for each other. The honeymoon stages as you would say. Then midway, our relationship started getting rocky. Well first and foremost, she's the playful type who is never serious about anything. I've heard many stories about the way she treats her boyfriends but I didn't want to believe them.

She claimed she really loved me but I doubted her and I was afraid to put my all into the relationship. She noticed and asked if I was really serious about her. Of course I was, but I guess pride got in the way and I never told her. After that we only texted and called and hardly spent time with each other in person. What kind of a relationship is that where the couple doesn't spend time with each other? But I guess I was really afraid of getting hurt. We broke up and now she has someone who probably makes her happier than I did or ever could. Ironically, its been months and I can't get over her. What do I do? I really regret not making full use of the time I had with her :(

This relationship is finished, so give it up, but LEARN FROM IT! Make the next one so much better!

Now, get yourself together so you have a lot to offer -- read books, study hard in school, work and play hard, learn to cook and bake, join a gym, play sports -- keep busy but also give yourself quiet time to think about butterflies and puppy dogs and chocolate chip cookies. Be the best you can be in the next relationship.

Honestly 8 months is not really that long for a relationship. Were you ever in a series relationship before this one.

All you can do with any experience in life is to learn from it. Take it as a learning process and move on. It is funny how many people want what they can not have. When they have it, it is not appreciated as much until the end is shown.

My advice is this relationship for you and this other person it is better for it, the break up to happen now then later on. How much harder would it have been if this happened after 2 years in the relationship.

Best wishes and there is no such thing as cant. Remember it takes time, but if you are always focusing on something you can not have. What you could be having with somebody new, will not happen because your blinded by something from the past.

Good luck,

Joe

You broke up nearly a year ago you said in your previous post so really you need to let this go now.
Make a promise to yourself that you're going to look forward in life instead of staying stuck in the past.
Then act on that promise-take up a new hobby,make new friends and enjoy life.

How old are you?

Sometime when your young[er] you kind of obsess over that "one" relationship.

It's been a year now and it' only lasted 8 months-- it's kind of long if you're a teen!

Well like other have said "move on".

So delete her off your Facebook, cellphone and/or email because having her there does you no good.

Move on buck-o. Life is too short for "what ifs". Imagine you could've met a really nice girl by now if you just had moved on.

So... move on!

Yeah, I'm 18. Still haven't experienced much of life yet. I've lots to learn.

I just wanted to add to the thread one other thing,you listened to what other people had to say about how she treated her previous boyfriends,instead of looking at how she treated you.

Next time,listen to the person your with and take note of how they treat you,not what other people say!

Life's tough - especially when you try dealing with people that want to use and abuse you.

I'd stay away from her and would not respond to any messages from her.

You'll find the love of your life soon, and she'll love you and want to spend time with you without any using or abusing!

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Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us,
but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person
who wouldn't give up on them.

It takes time to get over a loss. You feel this way after all this time has gone by, because you stayed in contact with her. The only way to really move on is to cut her off and look toward the future. Time to go out and have fun meeting new people.

You have been stuck long enough, time to get it together and move beyond this female. Think of all the fun your missing, and have missed.

Haha, you're username is hilarious.

I made the same mistake when I was 18, I struck around this chic for nine months whilst she had a boyfriend, and I dated her for two months.

After the ninth month of misery several cartons of butts, I finally made the decision to move on by telling myself "ah f**ck it" every time I'd think about her. In a couple week's time I couldn't care less about her.

You need to realize getting over someone is a decision, not just a feeling. Anyone who says can't get over someone really just doesn't want to. Yeah it's true, sometimes people do enjoy misery.

Be glad this happened at 18 and not 28.

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"She's not worth it", "You can do better than her", "She doesn't deserve you".

Sigh.

It simply because we start by telling ourself that we can't leave without them while they keep on hurting us

Is it wanting what we can't have?

I'm not sure.

What I do know,(ive read your other thread) is that keeping busy and setting new goals to strive for takes our mind of it..

If your constantly thinking about her and the past relationship it won't change..

You make a decision to change the way you think and view the situation.

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Sorry if this is long. I just have a lot to get off my chest. It really hurts.

She's my ex actually. We are friends now but she has a new guy, whom I hate for that matter. I never liked him from the day I first saw him in school (he was a freshman when I was senior) and even more when I found out he was dating her when I left. Well the deal is I used to love her, more than I ever loved anyone, but I was just her toyboy whom she used to get over her ex.

Trying to get over her was the worst pain and sorrow I've had to go through in my life. Its been 8 months and nothing I do can get her out of my head. I'm afraid its going to last even longer. I keep telling myself I don't want to think about her, I have to get her out of my head but I end up always going back. Every image of her and her boyfriend is like a stab through the heart. Sometimes, though very rarely, I think killing myself would be the only way to end the pain. But then I know it's a stupid stupid thought and I'd never do it over a girl. Its just that I don't know any other way to ease this. I also feel like now might be a bad time to date other people cause myself esteem is really low and I've become slightly reserved and afraid girls would get bored of my personality.

I want to talk to people but there's no one who wants to listen. They just get sick of listening to me complain about her. I don't know... I really don't know what I'm going to do. There's only so much I can take.

Why torture yourself by staying friends? You need to get a life and a social life that doesn't include her. You need to heal from the breakup and not stay stuck in the past.
Make new friends,find new interests and get your life back.

You should really read the stickies, there is a link in my signature, and ask all the questions you have. Venting here is good, but questions bring input from some very experienced people. You are not alone, by any means as we have all been where you are now.

Your threads were merged together to put the facts in one place, and not add to the confusion of some of the wacky people here, so you don't have to start a new question, just add your questions here.

You're not friends. Friends don't torture each other's feelings.

You need to separate yourself from her. No friends. No talking. You need a completely new beginning where she is not a part of that.

Tell her not to contact you.

Don't contact her.

Get rid of all off the things that remind you of her.

Find your friends who don't hang out with her and chill with them.

Do fun things.

Don't get into any relationships until you are in a better place mentally.

Meet new people and talk to other women (now) and date (when you are ready).

If you keep allowing her in and opening the wound, how will it ever heal?

Your going to drive yourself mad by staying in contact. Cut her out till you heal completely. Only then can you truly be only friends. Being friends will not work as long as you still have those strong feelings for her. She probably doesn't even realize how much it hurts you when she's with her boyfriend. She thinks your okay with being "just friends". So until you tell her no more contact (since you still have feelings for her and you want to move on), your going to be unecessarily suffering for a long time. Do yourself a favor and avoid that road.

This friend of mine whom I thought I was close with, well I don't know what's up with her. I threw a party last year and invited her to it. Ever since then she's been acting all friendly but I realized its only when I start a conversation with her. I told her about a party that's my friend and I are throwing soon and she was like "i'll definitely be there". Then I find out that she's throwing a party that's tomorrow, and I wasn't invited. I just got a text from a mutual friend telling me that the theme is "blah blah blah".

What the hell?

Be forward with your friend and ask them if there was a reason they didn't invite you. It's just possible that she was planning to invite you but hadn't gotten to it yet. Or it's also possible that your friend thought you already knew and assumed you "knew" you were invited.

One of my friends never invites me out, but he lets me know when he is going out every time. The reason is that, as he says, "[I] always have an open invitation."

So before you begin to think badly of this friend, make sure you talk to them first.

Despite her pretending to be nice to me, she b*tches behind my back and behaves like a real hypocrite. 'course I've gotten mad before but the anger doesn't seem to stick and then I'm all upset about her again. Its been a year and I know she's not worth the time and emotions, but I can never seem to get her out of my mind. Help?

I think this thread will be merged with your November 2009 one.

So long as you keep trying to be friends, you won't heal properly.

She doesn't seen like a friend at all,so go no contact and don't try for a friendship which isn't going to happen.

Leave her alone,go do your own thing and start moving on for real.

She is not acting like a friend and it is time to cut off this poisonous relationship and move on.

The healing can only start when you start to love yourself again. Having someone talk about you behind your back can only destroy yourself confidence.

My advice is to move, swiftly! away from this and discontinue the hurt you have endured for much too long.

Best of Luck.

"a heart that hurts, is a heart that works"

Obviously nothing that has been said on this thread to the op has helped at all. Does not want to listen does not want to try.

Your putting yourself through your own hell. It is up to you to get out of it.

This thread and issue is way to old and on going. Time to put an end to it.

NO CONTACT. ITS OVER. SIMPLE.

Man. I remember feeling that way. You never quite forget it. I have to tell you though, the girl is no good for you. You cannot make her treat you well or behave properly. She sounds like she's pretty much doing exactly as she wants - at your expense. Say 'no' to her. She'll find reasons for your paths to cross but stand firm - say 'no' and steer clear of this girl. This is another "life lesson". I hate to say it because I know how much it hurts. See it for what it is. Know that you will hurt for awhile but you will get over it.

Buddy, you have to stop talking to her and participating in the gossip. You need to break off from all of that and do you own thing. She is old news and you need to find new people to spend time with. Otherwise you are always going to hear things through the grape vine and be pissed off all the time. IMO that's not a place to be if you're trying to move on from something.

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First off I'm going to say I'm not proud of what I did. It was all a drunken mistake, which I promise never to make again. So if you wouldn't judge me that would be great.

OK so my ex made out with me drunk at a party in front of her boyfriend. She even pushed away people who tried to pull her off me. I don't know how far you guys consider as cheating but making out with someone, esp your ex IN FRONT of your bf/gf is sure as hell considered cheating to me. However because I'm still so in love with this girl, I spill an entire years worth of bottled feelings out to her. But later when she sobers up, she throws it all back in my face saying she only "did me a favor" and she had no real feelings for me. I was (and still am) crushed.

However her boyfriend, bless his soul, decided to leave her and no matter how much she cries and begs he didn't want to take her back out of sheer anger. However recently he's been softening up and giving in to her bs. A part of me knows I have to let this horrible girl go but a part of me doesn't want to. A part of me dreads that they would end up getting back together. Maybe its because I still have hope that she may still have hidden feelings for me, I don't know. What do you suggest I do about the situation? Let her go?

She kissed you because you were convienent,she kissed to make her then boyfriend jealous,for what ever reason..

That's her shame,not yours.

You were used and then discarded.

She sounds emotionally immature,and has a tantrum when she's not getting her own way.. do you really want to date someone like that?

Moving on from the torture of heartbreak is hard,I won't pretend its an easy road,BUT, the benefits are massive..

Imagine yourself full of confidence,over flowing self esteam,strutting your stuff and everyone admiring your swagger.. imagine yourself healthy and sleeping well,imagine all of the self doubt,confusion and fear gone... thats a little of what going no contact can bring you,but it requires hard core no contact and working on 'you',. I can tell you,that making the decision to move on will be the start of a new you.

Your not over her, and need more time, and what her and her new guy do is there problem, so stay out of there business, and keep with your healing.

Dang dude you just broke up with the girl, so leave her alone, especially since you promised not to repeat your stupid drunken behavior again. I want to believe you. NC!