Well recently I've been wanting to have a baby. I feel like it's the right time? But I'm only fourteen years old.

I've been watching this programme on bbc 3 called 'underage and pregnant' and I know someone who's sixteen and she's pregnant. Everyone I'vee seen/talked to said it was the best thing they've done, they don't care about who calls them or anything. I know I'm young but I just want to give my love to someone that won't hurt me back.

I think I'd be a good mum, I can go bed at about half 3 and wake up at 8 so its prefect for the baby (feeding and stuff). I know I'm making it sound easyer than its going to be. I know its going to be hard, I know the baby will need a lot of attention but I know how I can sort all that. I'll be homed schooled, and I'll go to collage when the baby is older, my mum and dad could baby sit. I'm know its not all going to be perfect, but this is how I feel. Now I know some of you are going to be truly against this, but please take my opinion into your heart.

I just don't know what to do, my boyfriend said he wants a baby but to be honest, if he ever walked out on me I wouldn't actually mind being a single mum.

Please can someone help me? And actually tell me why I want a baby. I might talk to my mum about this and tell her how I'm feeeling I'm just scared she might say I better not have one, because its my dream to have one.

I know that I have many years to come to have a baby but I really want one now. Just to wake up in the morning and know that someone actually needs me, loves me. I think it would actually help my depression.. yeah the first few weeks might make my depression worse but I know that it would change me.

I don't know.. Help?

My mother had my little brother when I was 15. That definitely cured me of wanting my own baby at that age!

Do this: get a puppy. Be sure you first research what it means to own a dog. Then, once you own one, give it proper love, food, training, and companionship. When he cries at night -- any time of night -- YOU comfort him and figure out what's wrong. Pay for all his shots and vet bills and heartworm meds out of your OWN money. Be sure to walk him at least twice a day, buy him toys and food and bedding and doggy supplies out of your OWN money, pay for puppy school out of your OWN money, put him first in your life even when your friends want to do something ("Sorry, I can't go along, I have to be with my puppy"), don't make your parents take care of him for you while you're in school or "too busy."

Contact us again in four years, and let us know how things are going with you and your puppy (and if homeschooling helped you spell better).

I find that offencive saying I can't spell.. so what if I can't? I'm only 14 and I'm not in top set at school for english, I try my best!

And I'm not allowed a puppy? :/

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

I find that offencive saying i can't spell.. so what if i can't? I'm only 14 and i'm not in top set at school for english, i try my best!

And i'm not allowed a puppy? :/

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Then study your spelling instead of spending time thinking about having a baby. Make flash cards for yourself and practice, practice, practice! And, by the way, how are your times tables? Make flash cards for those too?

You are not allowed a puppy, but you think it will be okay with your parents if you have a BABY?

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

I find that offencive saying i can't spell.. so what if i can't? I'm only 14 and i'm not in top set at school for english, i try my best!

And i'm not allowed a puppy? :/

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Before I address your original post, I have to say this and get it off my chest.

You're not allowed a puppy, but you are allowed to have a baby? Think about it!

No they didn't say I'm not allowed one, but I have a dog already.. and 2 cats. So I don't want anymore animals.

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

No they didn't say i'm not allowed one, but i have a dog already.. and 2 cats. So i dont want anymore animals.

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And you are in total charge of these animals -- pay all the vet and medicine bills, groom them, clean the cat litter, and walk the dog every time it is supposed to be walked?

Your parents have already agreed to take care of your baby if you have one and to let you be home schooled? What if you put the baby to bed at 8 and he wakes up at 9 and you get him back to sleep at 11 and you are tired from doing his laundry plus yours, so you go to bed, but the baby wakes up screaming with something (gas pains?) and he's too little to tell you what hurts, so you hold him and rock him and watch his cute little face crunch up in pain, and nothing you do works and now you are crying too. Then what?

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Well recently I've been wanting to have a baby. I feel like it's the right time? But I'm only fourteen years old.

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No problem. What kind of work do you do? How much money do you bring in? Do you live on your own? Can you afford to live on your own? Do you have a vehicle? Can you afford to give birth (in the states this can cost up to $12,000, if the baby is healthy).

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I've been watching this programme on bbc 3 called 'underage and pregnant' and I know someone who's sixteen and she's pregnant. Everyone I'vee seen/talked to said it was the best thing they've done, they don't care about who calls them or anything. I know I'm young but I just want to give my love to someone that won't hurt me back.

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Your baby will hurt you. You're your mothers baby, don't you think it will hurt her if you have a child at 14? Also, making someone responsible for your happiness, especially an innocent child, is the worst idea ever!

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I think I'd be a good mum, I can go bed at about half 3 and wake up at 8 so its prefect for the baby (feeding and stuff). I know I'm making it sound easyer than its going to be. I know its going to be hard, I know the baby will need a lot of attention but I know how I can sort all that. I'll be homed schooled, and I'll go to collage when the baby is older, my mum and dad could baby sit. I'm know its not all going to be perfect, but this is how I feel. Now I know some of you are going to be truly against this, but please take my opinion into your heart.

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Have you asked your mom if she's willing to babysit? It's not her job to take care of your baby, it's your job. Also, homeschooling? When will you work to feed, clothe and house your baby? There a reason ALL of us are against this, because you can't support a child, you're just a child yourself.

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I just don't know what to do, my boyfriend said he wants a baby but to be honest, if he ever walked out on me I wouldn't actually mind being a single mum.

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If he walked out? Honey, it's pretty much a guarantee. Being a single mom isn't easy. You may want to look into that a bit more.

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Please can someone help me? And actually tell me why I want a baby. I might talk to my mum about this and tell her how I'm feeeling I'm just scared she might say I better not have one, because its my dream to have one.

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It's normal to want a child, even at your age. What's not normal or natural is to have a child at your age. You don't have to give up your dream, just wait until you're older. Trust me, you may not think you'll regret having a baby at 14, but you will.

Of course your mom would say don't have one, because she knows what having a child involves. You do realize that your baby won't be a baby forever, right?

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I know that I have many years to come to have a baby but I really want one now. Just to wake up in the morning and know that someone actually needs me, loves me. I think it would actually help my depression.. yeah the first few weeks might make my depression worse but I know that it would change me.

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Your hypothetical child already has a job, and no baby should. Having a child will not help your depression, it will make it worse, not only for a few weeks but for your entire life. There is no way that a 14 year old can handle this. Think about it. Do you really want to bring a child into this world knowing that you can't give it everything it needs and deserves? That's selfish.

You need to tell your mother how you're feeling, really sit down and talk. There's help for your depression if you get help. Having a child at 14 is really the worst possible thing you can do, both for you and the child.

Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what life would be like for this poor innocent baby. It's not all about you, and it never will be again if you actually do this.

Have you ever thought about how you have to give birth to the baby? It's not so important and great to have a child that you should have one when you are 14. You should wait until you are older and more mature. Having a baby requires a lot more reposibility than just feeding and taking care of it like a pet. You have to learn how to handle situations and give advice as the child grows. And it's not that easy advising kids when you are a kid too.

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Originally Posted by XOXOlove

have you ever thought about how you have to give birth to the baby?

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Yup, the first three months or so of throwing up and never wanting to eat pizza again, during most of the months but especially the last three dashing for the nearest toilet because Baby is squeezing your bladder again, six to twelve hours of labor contractions with possible after-birth complications of infection or pain, swollen breasts, breast-feeding problems, sore nipples that can end up bleeding, a hungry baby that you can no longer feed that way, so adding the expense of infant formula.

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baby requires a lot more reposibility than just feeding and taking care of it like a pet

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If she can physically, financially, and emotionally -- TOTALLY -- care for a pet, she's showing responsibility

THE OTHER THING WONDERGIRL FORGOT TO MENTION... not all labour goes as planned. Ever think about what it would be like to get a c-section. That is major abdominal surgery.

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Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

THE OTHER THING WONDERGIRL FORGOT TO MENTION....not all labour goes as planned. ever think about what it would be like to get a c-section. That is major abdominal surgery.

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Good thinking, DNM! And I've been there and done that too! Jeremy's head was too big for the opening of my birth canal (the bones wouldn't separate enough), so they decided to do an emergency c-section. That added a wee bit to the cost, and since it was a holiday here, the hospital had to drag medical people away from their picnics and to the hospital to assist at major surgery. The nurses taught me the next day how to hold in my guts whenever I stood up. I had to do that for the next six weeks until the incision was pronounced healed enough. Needless to say, my tummy was tender and sometimes sore until the wound healed, so I had to find ways to hold the baby so I didn't hurt.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Good thinking, DNM! And I've been there and done that too! Jeremy's head was too big for the opening of my birth canal (the bones wouldn't separate enough), so they decided to do an emergency c-section. That added a wee bit to the cost, and since it was a holiday here, the hospital had to drag medical people away from their picnics and to the hospital to assist at major surgery.

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I love Canada. Both my kids didn't cost a cent to deliver. Not one red penny.

But, the supplies, the sleepless nights, thrush for 8 months with my first, colic, diaper rashes from hell, you, that put a toll on things. ;)

The cost is the least of the OP concern, the emotional and physical toll will cost her far more then giving birth.

I've been wanting a baby since I was 13, I"m 19 now. But I KNEW, and still know that not only is that going to make my life difficult, because I'm starting college, but it will make the baby's difficult as well. If I have a child now, while I'm in college and broke, there's a good chance that my baby would have to suffer the consequences and do without the things she deserves. I knew, and still know that I can not afford it. And I am still SO young, I need to live my life for myself first before I can even begin to think of creating another life for me to be responsible. I suggest maybe a Bunny if you can't get a puppy, SOMETHING. or counseling.

BY THE WAY Just a side note, yeah your boyfriend would almost definitely leave you. My boyfriend isn't willing to have a child yet either, but our relationship would NOT last. At this point, I just want to be with HIM. There's no baby in the immediate future. and your Boyfriend is still young, and he's going to have many girlfriends, just as you will have many boyfriends. If you have a baby it might not ruin it for i=him, but it will almost definitely ruin those chances for you. a lot of guys get the easy way out, and should you choose to go against Common sense and have a baby, you better find a way to keep him responsible. DON'T just let him off.

All I"m saying, is that if you truly want a baby, love it enough to wait to have it.

NO. You are a child and you want somebody to love. Don't you want to go to college, finish high school. If so, you cannot do that with a baby. Don't you want to have fun and dance and go to the beach, amusement parks and find somebody who will love you and want to marry you and raise a child together with a loving family. Children without fathers do not do well. They and their single mothers have a hard time, they end up feeling unloved, join a gang, become criminals. How are you going to support a baby. Your mother and father are not able to care for your baby and will resent you. You will begin to resent the baby for cramping your fun. Babies are a FULL TIME JOB. IT IS SELFISH for you to want a baby because you are bored or your boyfriend is pressuring you. The average formula costs 15.00 a week. You can be a mother at 21, 25 but you can only be a teenager once and young. Does your boyfriend have a job. You can only have dreams of what you can be once in your life. A mother at 15 has a lot of stigma attached to how people think about you and you will have a lot of responsibility. You have to do what is best for the baby, not what is best for you. Also, you are too young to have a steady boyfriend. Tell him to take a hike. Find somebody new. Not a demanding guy who wants you to have the baby so he can feel macho and in control of you both. I may seem a little harsh, but I want you to grow up to be somebody and be happy with who you are not because you have a baby.

Dear Heart, I missed the part about you being depressed. 14 is probably the hardest age you feel nobody loves you, life is just not going as you hoped. Your mother and father don't understand you. You have a desperate need to be loved and to feel that somebody loves you back, unconditionally. A baby sounds like the perfect solution, but more women become more depressed after they have a baby. You need to talk to your mom or talk to a teacher
Get involved in school activities. Maybe you need some medication from a doctor, because you know depression, the feeling of helplessness, can be treated easily. A baby will not solve your depression. You are just 14, 15 will be better. And 16 will be great.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and nearly 2 months, he wants a baby as bad as I do. We might only be 14 but if you asked anyone we act older than what we are. We are both in the process of moving schools because at my old one I was bullied, name calling etc..

I'm scared of going out of the house and defantly moving schools. I don't like making friends because of my past.

I just feel messed up?

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and nearly 2 months, he wants a baby as bad as i do. We might only be 14 but if you asked anyone we act older than what we are. We are both in the process of moving schools because at my old one i was bullied, name calling ect..

I'm scared of going out of the house and defantly moving schools. I dont like making friends because of my past.

I just feel messed up??

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You need to get help. Has your mom taken you to a doctor to discuss your depression? There's help out there, medications, therapy, groups that you can join that will help you through this time in your life.

You may act older then 14 but you're still 14! A 14 year old child cannot support a baby. Your body isn't ready to handle a pregnancy. You cannot work full time and even if you did get a job you'd make minimum wage at best and that's not enough to support a child.

Do you even know how much a baby costs? Do you think you can just have this baby and the tax payers should pay for what your want, or you mom and dad should pay? That's not a very mature attitude, which is another point against you having a child right now.

A baby won't solve your problems, it will just make things worse.

If you really are as mature as you say you are then do the research. Make a list of things you'll need to buy, monthly expenses (include housing in that expense) hospital and doctor bills, everything that a baby needs. Make that list and then show us how you plan to pay for it all.

There's more to having a child then just loving it, you have to take care of it's every need and you simply aren't ready to do that.

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

We might only be 14 but if you asked anyone we act older than what we are. We are both in the process of moving schools because at my old one i was bullied, name calling ect..

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Acting older than 14 doesn't mean you ARE older than 14. Your body is still 14 and 14 year old bodies don't take to being pregnant easily.

There are physical complications with being pregnant at your age.

Pregnancy Induced High Blood Pressure
Pregnancy Induced Diabetes

The list goes on and on. These are very dangerous complications to you and the baby. It could cause you to have seizures, could cause the baby to be born way too early resulting in mental retardation. Could you handle a mentally challenged baby?

If you are already depressed, the hormonal swings can cause the depression to become worse. So bad actually, that some girls end up wanting to kill themselves or their babies.

I know you want someone to love and who will love you back, but a baby doesn't have the ability to love. It won't love you back until it learns how to love, which is a few years down the road.

I've delivered babies to 14 year olds. After the pain of labor and delivery, and yes it is the most painful thing you will ever experience, those girls did not even want to look at their babies.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Acting older than 14 doesn't mean you ARE older than 14. Your body is still 14 and 14 year old bodies don't take to being pregnant easily.

There are physical complications with being pregnant at your age.

Pregnancy Induced High Blood Pressure
Pregnancy Induced Diabetes

The list goes on and on. These are very dangerous complications to you and the baby. It could cause you to have seizures, could cause the baby to be born way too early resulting in mental retardation. Could you handle a mentally challenged baby?

If you are already depressed, the hormonal swings can cause the depression to become worse. So bad actually, that some girls end up wanting to kill themselves or their babies.

I know you want someone to love and who will love you back, but a baby doesn't have the ability to love. It won't love you back until it learns how to love, which is a few years down the road.

I've delivered babies to 14 year olds. After the pain of labor and delivery, and yes it is the most painful thing you will ever experience, those girls did not even want to look at their babies.

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My friends daughter had a baby at 14.Due to her age she developed pregnancy induced diabetes and had a 9lbs. Baby. My girlfriend has since adopted the baby as teen Mom was not ready willing or able to be a Mom,long term at her age.
She too had stars in her eyes, and reality was a slap in the face.

A baby is a lot of hard work and not what you need in your life right now.you need some professional help to sort out the many questions you re asking yourself about your life.you mention BBC 3 are you in the Uk and if so where? And your spelling is not too bad compared to some text speak posts so don't worry about that!

The ladies have given you some darn good advice, and I hope you give it some thought at least. I think your better served to deal with the very real issues you already have, before you add another very big issue to your life.

A baby is not your answer, and I don't care what the boyfriend says, as I know for a fact, he has no clue what he is getting into. He may have good intentions, as do you, but he is not ready for manhood, and the challenges he faces, any more than you are.

Your attraction to each other, and the feelings you share together, are very intense, and strong, but I hope neither of you gets carried away by those feelings, as your just to young right now.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The ladies have given you some darn good advice, and I hope you give it some thought at least. I think your better served to deal with the very real issues you already have, before you add another very big issue to your life.

A baby is not your answer, and I don't care what the boyfriend says, as I know for a fact, he has no clue what he is getting into. He may have good intentions, as do you, but he is not ready for manhood, and the challenges he faces, any more than you are.

Your attraction to each other, and the feelings you share together, are very intense, and strong, but I hope neither of you gets carried away by those feelings, as your just to young right now.

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Well said, Tal.

Your looking for love in all the wrong places. Sounds too me, there is something missing in your life at home, if you want a baby at 14. You need to talk to a therapist. You're a child yourself!

My dear,I have told you before I think you are mature for your age given some of the advice you have given.

Being mature for your age and mature enough to handle the life changing aspects of having a child are vastly different.

I agree with everything that has been said and I do understand the desire to have someone who will need you and give you unconditional love.

Babies don't do that.

They take and take because it is all they know.All they know is self love.

Your boyfriend is NOT going to be in the picture,no matter what he says.Look at the statistics of single teen Moms ,the BF's rarely make it more than a year.

While he is out with a new girl who has no responsibilities,you will be home alone with a baby who is sick and throwing up on you and pooping all over the place.

I remember being 33 and having a colicky baby and crying right along with him as I walked the floor,mostly walking in my sleep.Thinking how am I going to get through tomorrow.

You are sleep deprived,you have no social life,you have no money and what you have,must be spent on your baby and you do not get smiles and coos for all your hard labor,you get more of the same the next day.

It is the hardest job I can think of and Moms twice your age have thrown in the towel and ran away from it!

Show the maturity I think you do have on many levels and listen to what these women have told you.They KNOW of what they speak!

OP,

I don't mean to sound harsh but the reality is... how would other people see you or treat you when they heard that you had a baby when you were 14?

Most of them would think that you made a mistake or a morally weak person ( not smart as well).

Let me also ask you if your parents think they are old enough to be grandparents?

Do you think you would be old enough to be a gramma at 28? Cause if you have a baby now, and your baby has a baby at 14, you will be a grandmother when many people are having their first babies.

All I have to say is you aren't allowed a puppy but your parents will be cool with YOU having a baby?
Are you assuming they would baby sit or have you actually told them you want a baby and they can baby sit?
Also how do you plan on supporting the baby financially?

Sorry for repeating others but
Very worth repeating.

I know MANY teens that idealized being a mommy.
The novelity wore off and mom (grandma) was stuck with the baby.

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It also gets to me how teens get pregnant thinking everything is going to be rosey
Then the guy is stuck paying child support for 18 years for a baby whose mother he is not longer with.
Or she ends up on welfare because he won't pay.

My daughter is 15... if she had a baby she would be the one responsible... NOT me!

All she really wants is to be loved.
Its very sad that she is not getting that in her life.

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Originally Posted by artlady

All she really wants is to be loved.
Its very sad that she is not getting that in her life.

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She doesn't understand that a baby won't love her though. Babies aren't capable of love for a few years.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

All I have to say is you aren't allowed a puppy but your parents will be cool with YOU having a baby?.

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I didn't actually say I wasn't allowed a puppy if you actually read what I said. I already have a dog so I'm not allowed another one.

So you figure you might as well have a dog and a baby?
Makes sense to me.
The question STILL is are your parents are okay with the idea of you having a baby?

They don't know how I feel about this, they have no IDEA I want a baby. I'm asking for advise, I'm not saying I'm GOING to.. I just wanted to know what your views are. And I might be young but I'd know I'd be a great mum.

Hun, you are too young to be a great mum. I promise you that.

When that baby keeps crying for 24 hours and you get no sleep and you have to go to school, there is a test that day... how will you handle that?

How will you deal if there is something wrong with your baby?

How will you deal if your baby is born mentally retarded because you are so young and you gave birth prematurely?

These are ALL things, and more, that you have to think of when thinking of becoming pregnant.

I know, you love kids, kids love you, you are a kid magnet, etc. But at the end of the day, those kids go home to mom and dad, where they cry, whine, argue, puke all over their mothers... etc.

At 14 you aren't ready for children.

Get help for your depression.

That will likely cure your need for a baby.

Seriously--if you can't even take care of YOURSELF, how can you take care of a baby?

A baby is NOT a cure for depression. Medication and seeing a counselor ARE good starts on treating it, though.

Start there.

Why do I think that you so strongly want to have a baby, even though you are still a child yourself?

Because being a young mother has been glorified by friends and T.V.

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I know I'm making it sound easyer than its going to be. I know its going to be hard, I know the baby will need a lot of attention but I know how I can sort all that

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When you think of pregnancy and motherhood you see the glorious side of it. The love and bonding, the laughs and fun times.

You kind of know the tough side but you are brushing it aside with a "No big deal" I can handle all that sort of attitude. You're not just making it sound easier then it will be, you seem to be believing it to. Oh you may anticipate work but your expectations are still falling short of what it will actually take.

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[ I can go bed at about half 3 and wake up at 8 so its prefect for the baby (feeding and stuff).

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You can't schedule in your baby. Your baby becomes your schedule and you will be lucky to fit anything else in. You can't tell your baby when it will eat and sleep and cry.

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, my mum and dad could baby sit

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What gives you the right to put this extra responsibility on your parents. They hae already raised you and if they wanted to care for another baby then you would have a sibling on the way. It is not fair to them plus there is no guarantee that they will be willing to take that on.

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I think it would actually help my depression

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No, no it won't help your depression. Not once the grand dream becomes a reality. Not once you truly realize how much of your life and youth you will lose. Once you have the baby, your baby becomes your life. Your number one priority. Not you, not what you want or feel.


Honey, yes you might be an excellent mother one day but you don't have the capabilites, mentally or finacially to be as great of a mother as you could be right now. You will be sacrificing both you and the babies quality of life. There are simply things you will not be able to give the child right now.

If you are keen on being a mother then make a plan now and not a baby. Do research, buy books. There are free baby magazines you can subscribe to. Spend this time preparing yourself for the future baby you would like to have. Go baby pricing and organize what you will need and what it will cost and begin building up the money for the items you will need now. Set aside additional money for doctor bills. This way when you are truly ready for parenthood in the years to come you will have a knowledge and financial base that will allow for you to give the baby everything it deserves.

The best love you give a baby, is being fully ready to take care of one, in mind, body, soul, commitment, and finances, because they cost booku bucks to have, and more to raise, and even more, after they start walking, and talking.

Just look at your own parents trying to raise YOU, if you want a preview of how hard things are. There are two of them.

You're all just s, you don't understand how I actually feel. Nobody ing does.. I'm just alone like always :'(

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Originally Posted by Annonimus

You're all just s, you don't understand how i actually feel. Nobody ing does.. i'm just alone like always :'(

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No, hun, we understand. We were 14 once too... we are now parents. So we do understand.

No need to swear!!