Last week, the boy I was madly in love with.. broke up with me. We had a strain in our relationship.. distance. We are both 18 and it was hard. We didn't get the time together we deserved. I am heartbroken. We've maintained our close friendship. Ive considered going to college next year near him. I told him this but he said there was no guarantee he'd be single or how he would feel. He has been blunt concerning us and inisted thinking of us as just friends from now on.Ive tried to talk to him about the break up but I think it hurts him too much... I don't know what I should do.I feel sick to the stomach thinking of him with another girl when I know he loves me... Im in love with him and it seems as if he doesn't want to pursue us anymore... if he loved me, wouldn't he wait for me? Wouldn't he wait a year? Why isn't he feeling like I am? Should I let go? Please help... :confused::confused:

Hey,its sounds like you really have your answer from him.. it sounds harsh but,if he loved you this really would not be happening..
He wants to move on.
He wants to be single.
And as hard as it is to comes to grips with he does not want you...

Its time now perhaps to pick up your heart,and start anew...

Leave him alone to get on with his life.

But he told me he still wants me but he doesn't want to talk romantically or anythn with me for now because its too hard. His words were "friends for now"until things change... I mean... he said "it wasnt in him" referring to strength of having me so far way... my friend said he's weak... is it really the case? Should I just cut my losses and let go? But I love him and I know he loves me too... but... im so confused...

So what he said was ' its not you its me'

Have you considered that maybe he is trying to break up with you the easy way?

If he needs space... give him his space..
No contact.
Give him time to miss you.. if he comes back with.. ive made a terrible mistake,I love you,please forgive for being an idiot... well and good!
However.. if not.. he is done.
And your reply should be 'its not me.. its you!'

Well, he didn't say "its not u its me"... he just.. he didn't want to do the whole distance thing.. wen we broke up, he said : "He cnt be with me when he wants and needs me" He said: "Im 3hours away at the quickest, and hes not doing it...he loves me but sorry its over"... I mean, should I tell him I want space to think, because he's still textin me... even everything I'm saying isn't the full story because it's a long, pain of a story..

Hey ash.. anyone who answers your question can only give you advice/an opinion on the information you provide...

He ended it.
He is still making contact.
Tell him to make up his mind or move on.

This sounds like a heart aching head wreaking situation... if can't cant make up his mind, you do it for him and stop the dancing around.

I know.. its what id advise too if I wasn't in the situation but I am... do you think I should move on(reluctantly)?

Really ash,I don't know the full story..

But,yes.. if it was me I would move on,if he wants you back he will come after you.. but try no contact for a while.. its hard.. but it will give you some head space to think things through.

OK... thanks for being honest... I needed someone to be honest... I hope he does... thanks

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Originally Posted by Ash17

Last week, the boy i was madly in love with..broke up with me. We had a strain in our relationship..distance. We are both 18 and it was hard. We didnt get the time together we deserved. I am heartbroken. We've maintained our close friendship. Ive considered going to college next year near him. I told him this but he said there was no guarentee he'd be single or how he would feel. He has been blunt concerning us and inisted thinking of us as just friends from now on.Ive tried to talk to him about the break up but i think it hurts him too much.... I dont know what i should do.I feel sick to the stomach thinking of him with another girl when I know he loves me... Im in love with him and it seems as if he doesnt want to pursue us anymore....if he loved me, wouldnt he wait for me? Wouldnt he wait a year? Why isnt he feeling like i am? Should I let go? Please help....:confused::confused:

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Ash,the foundation of an open,loving,honest,mutual relationship is that no one feels confused about what the other person means or needs or wants.If he says its over,yet still keeps texting you,then withdraws again,he's confusing you and leading you to eventually lose your mind,trying to figure out what he wants.

This has to stop somewhere,right,for you to be able to live like a sane person?So what you do is,you stop this round and round the mulberry bush thing yourself.Put your foot down in a BIG way and tell him:If we both want this to work,this will work in spite of everything,including the distance.But if any of us has doubts,lets end this and go our separate ways.Lets not play games.

You can't keep making excuses on his behalf,that it hurts him too much to deal with this or you think he still loves him.If all this is true,let him prove it to you and not make you go around in circles.

I don't know :( this is the second time he has had serious doubts... I can't just let go, I love him... :(

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Originally Posted by Ash17

i dont know :( this is the second time he has had serious doubts....i can't just let go, i love him...:(

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You can't let go?Are you the only person in the relationship?If the other person in the relationship has "serious doubts"as you mention,time and again,would you rather accept that and take a step or would you rather continue in this confused fashion where you are always hanging in a limbo?

Whose life is it,yours or his?Why are you allowing yourself to be "broken up with"all the time?Why don't you,for a change,make up your mind and be strong about it?What you are thinking of as "love"could just be a habit of holding onto him.Once you be firm with yourself(and him),you might find yourself wanting to do away with that habit.

So do u think I should continue with this friends charade till next year or just give him an ultimatium?

... I feel miserable right now... im not even happy as his friend because I want more.. if he's as sad as he says, he's doing a brilliant job covering it up and its hurting I'm the one who appears to be upset. He broke up with me over text and hasn't once mentioned it talking on the phone... like, after we broke up he didn't ring me because of "lack of privacy"... I mean, I rang him the next day, giving into being friends... and while I was miserable, he went out and partied... I just don't understand any of this... I spoke to him today and had to hide my mood... what do I do? I know an ultimatium would make everything awkward... I know he doesn't want to lose me but I don't want to make him be with me if that's his only way of holding onto me... ahhh!! :(:(:(:(

It's sad to say that relationships do not always work out. What you need more than anything is time. Trust me, I'm madly in love with my boyfriend and it would RUIN me if I found out he wanted to be with another girl, So I understand EXACTLY how you feel. If it were me, I'd talk to him rarely if at all. Sometimes pursuing someone is the opposite way to get them back. I knew a couple who had broken up after 3 years, and about a year after they broke up, they got back together, after not speaking at all. So you never know, maybe he just needs time for himself. I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you. Just distance yourself from it, as difficult as it may be. If he calls, don't always call back, or if you do answer, be pleasant, short and sweet and DO NOT show him that you're upset. This will surprise him. If you really want him back you probably can, you just have to be careful about how you handle it. Always be kind to him if he calls, but tell him you're busy after about 3 min, you've got something going on and that you'll call him back, hang up, and DO NOT call him back like you said. I heard all of this from a teacher who councelled many students to do this same thing, and 9 times out of 10 it worked. Give it a try. And Good luck. It's going to be tough, but it will get easier.

But I'm afraid to do this since there's enough distance between us already... I have considered it but...

Hon, either he comes around or he doesn't. If not, it's going to be tough, but you NEED to be strong for yourself. And you need to rediscover who you are without him. It doesn't always work out the way we had hoped, but sometimes it's for the better. And although it seems impossible right now, there may be someone better for you waiting in the future. You've go a long life to live, create new relationships, friendly for now, and get to know many kind of people. Do not hold yourself back. Now is the time for you to test yourself and find out exactly what you can do. It'll be hard, it's okay to be scared, but don't let it cripple you. If you do, you'll probably never get him back and you won't feel lik eyou're happy with yourself either.

So should I tell him I want space? Give him an ultimatium? Maintain an awkward friendship?

You don't have to tell him anything, just start talking less and do not call him first, but like I said, if he does call, be nice and pleasant with him but don't stay on the phone too long, say you're busy and that you'll call him back later and then don't. He may start calling more and more. Let I'm come to you.

Makes sense... but at what point does that end? I mean, what if he doesn't want "us" back? Does the contact die out?

If it must then it must, but if he still cares about you enough to try and stay friends then there's a good chance that it won't. Like I said, He doesn't WANT to hurt you. Don't give him an ultimatum, because chances are that neither of you will be happy if you do. You will either lose him entirely, or you could get him back and possibly be in an unhappy relationship because he resents being pressured. Just give it time, live your life, and let him come to you.

To prepare myself, if it happens... what if he wants me back?

If you are still committed to being with him, then be with him. You don't need me to tell you that part.

OK... yeah I guess... its just, he said himself before, he didn't deserve me because of all the times he had doubts and I stuck around and all... I just don't want to look like a... eh.. fallback?

He's having problems with himself, and there's really not much you can do about it except for listen. Don't say too much, and hope he figures himself out soon.

Look, you seem really goood at this advice and I have to ask, is distance really that hard for a guy to deal with? I mean, if he loved me like he said... shouldnt we overcome distance? I know it seems like I'm asking the same question over and over but I mean... its distressing for me.. I mean, my friend said he's weak and distance shouldn't matter and then I hear distance relationships don't work etc... god I don't want to be a girl who mourns and sits around wondering but the break up was so blunt...

At this very moment, my boyfriend is 3 hours away from me. We've been together almost 2 years. And just before this summer, he was away at college for nine months, coming back every few weeks. While he was away we talked nearly every day. We put in effort. And now we have SKYPE, talking on webcams. IHe's coming back today to visit me, and then next weekend I'm going to visit him. These things take effort but they can work.

But yes, it is difficult to deal with depending on the person. But in the ling run, it's never really easier, just hard, and harder.

... my ex is 3hours away tooo :( it could have worked.. I told him and he wouldn't listen to me:(:(

You're going around in circles in your mind and he's probably at peace knowing that it's up to him to decide what happens to this relationship. Have you ever seen the movie, "he's just not into you"? It's so true - you know when a man is in love with a woman he'll want to bring down the moon for her- not leave her wondering. In your case, he's made himself perfectly clear -verbally and in action. He's no longer interested - I'm sorry, but t's the reality. Make yourself less and less available.

I no.. I no I shouldn't want to be with someone who constantly hurts me... and I no more hurt is coming if I don't let go now. I mean he could, yet again, have the upper hand and turn around and say he has a girlf and cnt talk to me anymore... so, I should end this now. I think I've been hurt enough

I understand that you still want to be friends with him kind of. Believe me I get how you feel. But you will just hurt even more trying to be friends with him. Trust me. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. It might take a while for you to move on, but it will take forever if you are still around him. Let him have what he wants. It hurts, but at least he's happy. If you love someone all you want is their happiness.

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Originally Posted by Ash17

i no..i no i shouldnt want to be with someone who constantly hurts me...and i no more hurt is coming if i dont let go now. I mean he could, yet again, have the upper hand and turn around n say he has a girlf and cnt talk to me nemore...so, i should end this now. I think ive been hurt enough

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Now you are talking.You have been hurt enough.You now need to stop allowing people hurt you.If someone loves you enough,they won't like to see you hurt.They would want to do anything in the world to see you happy.Whenever you miss this guy and feel sad about the whole thing,just keep reminding yourself these words.Some time down the line,when you look back,you will in fact wonder why you wasted even this amount of time in being in such a hurtful,demeaning relationship.That day isn't far,if only you break free and allow yourself to heal.Your life's about you,you and you alone.There'll be people along the way with whom you may share your life but God has given YOU the chance to live this life with happiness,love and peace.You have a right to be happy and enjoy this life.Whats stopping you?

Hey I just wanted to let you know... one day you WILL get over him. I was in the same position at one point and I thought it was impossible for me to move on... I really did. It took a while but eventually I moved on. And I look back and laugh at myself for holding on to someone who didn't want to hold on to me. Don't be sad cause its gone.. be happy cause it happened.

There's a lot of opinions here. And I am truly grateful. But I wish someone could give me the 100% right answer so I no I won't regret it. Because I feel he's my soulmate and we have a connection. I mean, I just need a 100% right answer on this.

Unfortunately, There's no way to really know for sure if there even is one, let alone what it is. I'm sure things will sort themselves out the way they're supposed to be. Just take a deep breath and focus on yourself for a while.

Screw this guy he obviously has issues :P

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Originally Posted by bubble113

screw this guy he obviously has issues :P

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Read the dates on posts. This is from August.