Threads merged for the whole story.

Ok... not like me to be talking about girls :P but hey... I have recently met a girl who is 14 (same as me) and she is really nice... like supper nice and I normally don't get on with people my age, especially girls :S so... I'm trying to do homework or watch TV... and I start thinking of her... I know when I'm in love (I hope) but its annoying really... I don't want to get hooked on a friend even though she is the nicest person I know. (apart from all you AMHD people!) I'm confused about what to do! Help :S I have never had a girlfriend and I'm not thinking about her like that, I hope... ohh jeez I'm a teenage boy who has no idea who he really is, what a kiss is like, the security of friends or the rollercoaster of girlfriends and frankly I'm completely lost :( I feel sick and my head is spinning, I don't know what to believe and I'm scared that if I speak to her again I'm going to send her running. Help much appreciated!

Sounds perfectly normal :) being 14 your emotions and hormones will not be balanced and 'normal' until after puberty. Which isn't until at least 21. If not later for some boys.

Take a deep breath and remmeber that its not the end of the world, and it will get easier with time, practice and the right girl.

I heard someone say that if you're too scared to speak you lose the one chance you had to speak. Which means that if you don't speak you lost the chance with the person you loved the most they might have even liked you but, you blew it. What you need to do is talk to her about how you feel or you'll lose the one chance you are given.

Just talk to her first and then build up the courage to ask her just don't be silent about it

ask her to watch TV or do homework with you. =)

Well, your in love, and take it from me you will always think about the person you like. But, if you are obsessed with her find out some way how she feels about you. And then, it's the typical teen mag answer, try and get with her. You need to think about how when it happens. And if it makes you feel any better, I've never kissed a boy, and I'm 13. So not far behind you.

Hi! 1st I'd say, you really like this girl and it's mostly normal, what you're feeling. Since I'm no longer a teen, I'm going to have to say, when I was your age (sorry), I didn't really want a boyfriend either. I thought it was too much of a "rollercoaster" as you put it.
Have you thought about what would change between you and this girl if you were to tell her how you feel? Are you prepared to accept her as "just a friend" if she doesn't feel the same towards you?
It is a tough decision that has some negative outcomes but, how will you know if you never tried? Take your time, think it over, and the 1st answer is usually your best bet. Good Luck and don't stress, there's plenty of time for that in your 20's... lol.

Well you definitely like her. A lot. And I know you're confused, but, as hard as it is, try not to over think the situation.

Just go with the flow. What happens, happens.

Just hang out, be a little flirty, and try to read her signs a little. Eventually, after you really know her, see what happens.

Maybe tell her how you feel. If she likes you, she might beat you to it.

Good luck and just relax. And take it from someone who knows, do NOT let it interfere with your school work. That just leads to many more issues.

OK so... I'm texting her and she says I'm cute and sweet... I'm not exactly obsessed with her, just a little out of my depth :) I don't want her to get hurt by putting her in an awkward situation. I want to love her :S but I don't want to be rejected so my emotions stay locked away. I'm barely friends with someone and I immediately want more than maybe I should. I feel pathetic that I can't just stay friends with someone after they show me some respect and kindness. I feel like I'm a user already! But I know I'm not... I'm so confused :( please... need help

I know you feel like you are in love, but really, love comes with time. Love takes quite a long time to actually develop. At 14, you are infatuated. This is normal for someone your age.

Girl advice from someone who don't know diddley about girls, but has had a few girlfreinds
First, if a girl says your cute and what ever you allways, allways say something cute back, at the same time you got to be grateful, and throw in a compliment "awwww :P thank you! Your cute too"
2nd, all the confusion and anxiety, normal, its normal maan, nothing to be so worked up over, just play it cool, be subtle, ask her if she wants to hang out, but only after you get to the friendly mutual flirting, but don't get in the friend zone, because then shel think of you as her guy pal, and that... Well it absolutley sux if your trying to date her
Also, your 14, isn't love, your not falling in love, I don't even know what love feels like quite to its fullest, we all say we do, but wer young man, and stupid. Its puppy love. But if its gets to where she says she loves you, say "i love you too" but wait, there's a difference bettween love, and love with some girls and its, so if your texting her, and you flirt enough, but remember, it has to be mutualflirting, and she says " i luv you" either reply "aw, i luv you too" or "ily too" right , right!
Also, be cool, be confident, but don't look like a jerk, don't show off, and be yourself

Just Happens at this age ! Because it happened for me too!! You just need not worry about it! Just be the way you are . And in the later stage of life u will just turn back and laugh! How funny !

Life is Short !
Live it Up!

Well... we are texting like crazy and then she stops for a little bit and I ask her why she stopped and then I realised that I had been texting her nonstop for the last 4 days and apologised. She said "yeh you need to leave me alone more - not cus i want u 2, jus cus its normal to and i can't afford it! lol xox" and... I'm a little stuck... did she feel like she was pushing herself past friends or did she feel I was being excessive? I can't bare the thuoght of losing her as a friend, I have just opnend up to sumone for once in my life and they have been really kind to me but here I am putting it all on a knife edge that is wobbling towards dispare :( I don't know how to set things straight again and if I lose her now its just going to make me more insecure and more reluctant to be outgoing and positive :( help! Everything is happening so quickly... I'm going to wait for my feelings but I need to sort this hicup out first :S

Just ease up on the texting a bit and see where it goes from there. I would ask her if she'd like to get together, study or whatever you want and see what she says. Texting is nice, but hanging out in person if you get the chance is way better.

Texting costs money
Not every one has unlimited

Be yourself! You are bright and funny and very mature for your age.
Be who you are and understand that she may be feeling the same confusion that you feel.
Relax and know that it is highly unlikely you are going to scare her off.
Let her set the pace if that is a major concern.
I think you will do just fine.

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

well... we are texting like crazy and then she stops for a little bit and i ask her why she stopped and then i realised that i had been texting her nonstop for the last 4 days and apologised. she said "yeh you need to leave me alone more - not cus i want u 2, jus cus its normal to and i can't afford it! lol xox" and... im a little stuck... did she feel like she was pushing herself past friends or did she feel i was being excessive? i can't bare the thuoght of losing her as a friend, i have just opnend up to sumone for once in my life and they have been realy kind to me but here i am putting it all on a knife edge that is wobbling towards dispare :( i dont know how to set things straight again and if i lose her now its just going to make me more insecure and more reluctant to be outgoing and positive :( help!! everything is happening so quickly... im going to wait for my feelings but i need to sort this hicup out first :S

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A good alternative to texting is AIM or an of the other chat /text services,provided she has Internet access of course.

She has MSN hotmail but she is on holiday at the moment... I hope your right Artlady, thank you for the support. I know she likes me as a friend, I'm sure of that and that is more than I anticipated, maybe I should just be thankful with what I have? She hasn't had a boyfriend, people have asked her out and she says some of them where nice people but she says she didn't really like any of the people that asked. She wants someone who is loyal and loves her lots... I can... but I'm lacking on the other things she hasn't mentioned like looks... maybe she doesn't care much about looks... :S please help I'm not sure to go forwards or back

You seem to be doing OK..
Just remember if she does not text back it could be she has no credit or her phone is being charged,don't assume the worst!

Let her enjoy her holiday,you could send a quick message saying hope you enjoy the holiday(unless you already have!).

Maybe when she gets back you could ask to hook up.. not a date.. just go out somewhere,going with a group of friends will help take the pressure off,and also you may get some feedback as to what she's thinking.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

She has MSN hotmail but she is on holiday at the moment... I hope your right Artlady, thankyou for the support. I know she likes me as a friend, im sure of that and that is more than i anticipated, maybe i should just be thankful with what i have? she hasnt had a boyfriend, people have asked her out and she says some of them where nice people but she says she didnt realy like any of the people that asked. She wants someone who is loyal and loves her lots... i can... but im lacking on the other things she hasnt mentioned like looks... maybe she doesnt care much about looks... :S please help im not sure to go forwards or back

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I think you just need to let her set the pace a little bit.Tell her you are there if she wants to talk and just try to relax (I know ,easier said than done) and not look so much to what the future holds,no one can predict that.
Enjoy the friendship and see where it goes.

You are right! But now I need to be able to show her that I want to talk, I'm not pressuring and I'm always available to talk to in one text... Hmmmnn any ideas anyone? This has to be good and give her a feeling that I mean it sincerely and it has to be kind of sweet :S any suggestions? Thanks for the advice everyone! :)

And to Redhead... it could be a problem with the going in a group thing because one of the special things about me and Naomie is that she is well, my only real friend. She said she would like to go and see the new Harry Potter film and we had an idea to go surfing sometime in the holidays... she seems positive so I'm trying not to wreck what we have already got.

Ok. Sorry I couldn't wait... I have sent the text and now I'm just going to have to sit around and try to find something to do with myself. I'm embarrised to say that she has completely swamped my mind and I definantly need to rediscover a pass-time! I'm thinking something that keeps me fit and healthy... maybe cycling? Going in the right direction now :) thanks for the help everyone... no doubt I will be back again in 2 weeks (max :P) in a ditch that I just dug and watered! Be prepared :)

I mostly agree with what jaimie and someone said. However, as I AM still a teen (technically =P).

I'd like to say, first off, congratulations, you are more mature than most of these fourteen year olds that say "i no 4 shure i LUV her, you lyeng to me 2 say i don LUV her!".
Second, like jaimie said, DO NOT let her distract you from your schoolwork. No matter what your hormones think, that is the most important thing in your life right now.
Third, sorry jaimie, but only dead fish go with the flow. If you like her, but are worried about having your first girlfriend (I know I was) then don't ask her to be your girlfriend. You can do something simple like start a group night for pizza/bowling/etc. (I did with karaoke, on Thursdays), just spend more time with her (and your other friends). When you get to know her more, you may decide if you actually like her as much as you think you do. Don't be afraid to ask her to something just the two of you. Not so much a date, but just to hang out alone.
Something may eventually become of it, but if you're not ready to have a girlfriend yet, you don't have to. However, if you really like this girl, there are plenty of things you can do together without having that kind of relationship. DON'T go with the flow, and ask her to be your girlfriend just because everyone else is hooking up, you only need to make the next move when you're ready.

PS: You do not need to post the same thread multiple times.
PPS: Oops... my comment on post #6 was supposed to say disagrees... balancer anyone?!

Thankfully I'm clever enough to day dream and do a good job with my Homework :) We are planning to go to the Cinema. So I'm thinking because its along way away I would go and meet her and get on the same bus as her... is this a good idea? :S when we get into town maybe go and get a drink at a nice coffe shop? I'm really new to the whole thing and I don't want to mess it up especially as she has lots of friends and is probably used to something that is 'normal'. We both bite our fingers because of stress etc and I was thinking of getting her a braclet or something to remind her not to? Too cheesy/forward? I could save it till the third time or something. I'm clueless :( any ideas?

Also I should add that when I say Girlfriend I mean it. Not like the stupid excusse 16 yr old boys takeing advantage use. But again entirely new to me. I haven't even had a meaningless hormonal relationship let alone one that I want to keep going. She says she looks for loyalty and compassion but I feel like there is also part of her, a natural part, that wants a guy that looks good and that is what's making things so much harder for me

Listen, school is important, kind of, just kidding its really important. But really what a lot of people don't realice is, so are relationships."How are relationships just as important Mr.noname? Enlighten me!" Well, sir, if you shut your trap and listen to my words, you may understand my logic, "cool Mr. Noname!" I thought I said shut your trap!
In order to understand where I'm coming from, you must be verry open minded. Ok, here goes. Dating, is like trying out what person you are most compatible with. See, as you date on and on, you date girls that are less like the last in some ways, and more like the last in others. Get it?

I understand the theory. But what do you actually do? What should we do when in town? We are watching a film, do I catch the bus? Or meet her there? Do we eat whilst we are there? :S

Threads merged, how about staying on one thread. (sorry, was needing some attention :()

Hmmmm. OK. There is this girl I have been chatting to for the last week or so. We where talking about films and we ended up talking about going to watch the new Harry Potter film. So now I'm looking at bus times and film times but there are a few things I'm not sure about. We have to go along way away to watch the film so I was wandering if I should get on the same bus as her and keep her company. Good idea? When we are there go to a café. Good idea? Watch the film in an expensive or cheap cinema? (im paying but I prefer quality). We will eat afterwards, again do we go to a burger bar or a nice pizza restaurant? I know some of these things are up to her but id like some feedback before I make myself look like an idiot. Im just really nervous and I want it to be nice. :( its my first thing like this, I don't go and watch films or hang out with 'friends' and I'm completely out of my depth before I'm even looking at her beautiful face and listening to her funny stories... blah help would be much appreciated! (sorry about all the questions!)

It would be a nice idea for you to meet with her and ride the same bus. Also it would be nice if you asked her what she would prefer to eat... and you choose the location .

Yes, I definitely think you should ride the same bus. You could meet her at her bus stop and go from there.

I'm with you - there are several theatres where I live, all ranging from "$4 a ticket!" to $12 to the IMAX at a whopping $20. I'm a HUGE stickler for quality... and especially if you're on a first date, definitely take her to the nicer theatre. Not necessarily the "most" expensive, but the most comfortable one. The cheap ones are great for second dates, but probably not the first one.

If you buy popcorn and drinks (best movie food = large popcorn, bag of peanut M&M's. Pour M&M's into bag of popcorn!) at the movie, you will probably not be all that hungry afterwards... what about going for an ice cream or desert and coffee somewhere? Of course, she'll say that she's "not hungry" because most girls have this weird thing that they don't eat on dates! A slice of cake and a cup of nice coffee would be a great end to an evening - complimented by reviews and critiques of the movie!

Have fun!

Ya ride the same bus like a gentleman, treat her but don't spoil her. Above all, be decisive and stick to your decision.

And if you can see the movie in IMAX (I don't know if it's even released in that format), do it. I saw The Dark Knight in IMAX.

Nothing wrong with spoiling! Only start spoiling if you can afford it to continue.

You want a first date to be memorable. So definitely meet her at her bus stop and bus with her. IMAX sounds much better.

As for eating afterwards, why don't you ask her what she feels like eating right after the movie, in case she has a craving.

Ride on the same bus and spend a little extra on the tickets and food. That would be a good idea on the first date. For the most part, you get what you pay for. Quality over quantity.

I agree with everyone else on this. Make sure you don't come up short on cash!!

Once again I am going to buck the trend on the whole "1st Date" issue. There seems to be this stigma that you have to unload on cash and impress who you are taking out... the whole first impression junk? Here are my thoughts:

1. First date isn't really a date in my eyes. It is a meeting. Treat it as such. INFORMAL, little pressure and casual is the way to go. Comfort over anything else.

2. If you two hit it off, then take her out in style, but don't break the bank for someone you barely know.

3. Less is better. What does that mean? The first date is about YOU! Can YOU entertain her as a person, do you interest her, do you act like a gentlemen?? That type of stuff. It isn't about what you can afford, but more or less doing the least amount of things requiring ubber bucks while at the same time being comfortable enough with yourself to show her a good time personality wise.

The first date is about the two of you finding out how much you can talk without boring the other. IF the first date goes well then by all means break the bank the next time, but I will NEVER break a bank on the first date without knowing whether we are even going to like each other...

Goes about confidence. I am confident enough to take a girl anywhere on the first date knowing that I can most often assure her of a good time! We tend to over exude on the first date, and that usually isn't who we really are. I don't see a point in picking an IMAX theater or taking her to a classy joint just yet. Make her laugh, smile and give plenty of eye contact, and also remember it is YOUR job to make her comfortable and open up. If you aren't feeling it after awhile, cut it short and be on your way. Easy enough!

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Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

nothing wrong with spoiling! Only start spoiling if you can afford it to continue.

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That's the worst advice ever, to spoil is to try too hard and it can be insulting to some; it's a turn-off.

Money won't get you anywhere with a girl, but if she requires it... don't date her!.

EDIT: "Require" meaning she wants you to spoil her, for instance, if she expects you to treat her to dinner at a 5-star restaurant on the first date. My sister is like this, it was no surprise when her boyfriend broke up with her.

People are reading into this way too much. All you have to do is be a gentleman.

He doesn't have to "unload tons of cash", but he doesn't want to come off as a cheapskate either by coming up short on dough.

I think he has a great first date plan going.

Make sure you have fun. If you are having fun, she will too!

Like KC said, if things are not going well, don't be afraid to cut it short.

EDIT: Like slapshot said: Being a gentleman will ALWAYS get further than money. On the other hand, it's comforting to always be prepared as well!

Keep in mind that whatever you spend today, sets a standard for future dates. And if she judges you on the money that you spend, it will just make her a gold digger, which isn't what you want.

Slap makes a really good point. Nor matter how much money you spend on her, the most important part is how well you treat her and being a gentleman.

I never meant to sound like you need to over indulge her. It is very nice to give her flowers, for instance! He is young and I was not insinuating for him to spend a fortune. It was in regards to how slapshot wrote that comment of his.