All her threads have been merged


Me and three other girls used to be best friends but we all slowly drifted apart so it was me and one friend who hanged out alone and the other two who hanged out with most of the girls from my year. I was actually quite happy that I was alone with my friend because I always felt left out and jelous whilst the four of us were together. Me and my friend have said a lot of things behind the other two girls backs and we started hating on them. Recently me and my friend had a fight and she went running to the other two girls and told them everything I had said, the three of them avoided me for ages and when I said sorry to them they said they didn't want to hang around with me anymore because of the way I was and they didn't want to risk their friendship because of me. I'm extremely upset because of this and I can't hang around with anyone else because the three girls hang around with most of the girls in my year and say things about me, I really don't know weather to try and be nice and get them back or to do my own thing which will be hard because there are a lot of trips and group work in school and I don't have anyone to talk to, please help.

First of all, because you talk to other people, it sounds like you need an attitude adjustment. Be careful what you say to people. It will come back to haunt you, as is the case now.

Just because other people say bad things about you, doesn't mean you should say bad things about them. Now you've burned your bridges. Make sure that you've learned your lesson and changed this part of your personality.

As for these friends, you're putting too much effort to repair a friendship. If you want to be friends, it will happen naturally, it shouldn't take so much work.

Unless you have a really small school, I can't imagine them being friends with every single person in the school. Focus on doing your own thing and get to know some other people in your school. If people were nice, they wouldn't listen to rumors and they would find things out themselves, for example, getting to know.

And what did you think hating on others would get you? She isn't your friend. Matter of fact, she never was, and neither were the others, you need new friends from a different circle.

I really don't know what to do, I'm losing everyone because I've been such a in the past
I'm trying my best to become a better person but I don't know weather I'm doing it right
I've recently lost my best friend and two other close friends. I can hang around with someone
Buh she's closer to them so its abit difficult, I don't really want things to go back to normal
I don't want to have a problem with anyone right now, I really don't like the way things are
Going. I have one mate who's stuck by me through all this but the thing is that she isn't really
In my lessons and she isn't going to the trips that I'm going to. We're going to be going france soon
Its going to be three of my ex best friends and one girl who hangs around with them more then me
I'm scared I'm not going to have anyone to talk to or do the activies with, I know for a fact we'll
Have to get into groups or pairs... but what will I do? I need some help I really do, I feel so down
Its been nearly two weeks now, I want to be happier again.

It's not the quantity of friendships you have that should matter, but the quality. So what if your other mate is closer to these other people, as long they treat you well and with respect and you have a healthy relationship then you have nothing to worry about. Get out and make new friends and meet new people... people that will respect you and show you a good time! Just relax :)

Me again, I could do that but the thing is, I want to make new friends at school but its to difficult for me, the people in my lessons and classes are closer to my three ex best mates, I can't hang around with them because they're always with the other 3 and the other 3 have made it clear that they don't want to hang around with me becase I come in between them all. The thing about france is most upsetting because I don't know how to act or what to do because it'll be them 3 plus the other girl on one side and me alone on another... what can I do to have a great time and be happy?

First of all stop being so paranoid.The whole class is not around them the whole time.Your afraid of being rejected and so unless you decide to speak out and make some new friends your not going to have a good time.

But I really don't know how to do that...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

And what did you think hating on others would get you?? She isn't your friend. Matter of fact, she never was, and neither were the others, you need new friends from a different circle.

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Its abit harder for me now because me and the three girls have been best friends since year 7, I know that there comes a time in everyone's life when they realise who their true friends, I'm going through that now but I don't know how to act or what to do in school to help me realise my real friends, its abit hard joining a group because most the girls are why and will just think I'm using them because I have no one else,

How do I overcome jelousy? Its put me in a weird position. People have noticed it and started hating on me, I'm trying my best to change but I cant. Jelousy is taking over and I've even lost my best mates for good because of it, is there anyone who can help me be less selfish and happier for other people?

If your friends have something that you don't try to think of it this way:
If your friend gets a new boyfriend instead of being jealous of her think "I wonder if he has any cute friends?"
If your friend gets a new iPod, think "Cool, maybe she will let me listen to it sometime"

I don't know if those are the sorts of things you mean but just try to make a conscious effort to think of a positive out of the situation instead of being jealous of what the other person has.

Walk up to them and talk to them to break the ice, once you start talking to them things will just fall in place. Could always start with "Heya, how are you?" It's always a good start... it's all about confidence. Don't worry about what others think of you, just be yourself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

If your friends have something that you don't try to think of it this way:
If your friend gets a new boyfriend instead of being jealous of her think "I wonder if he has any cute friends?"
If your friend gets a new iPod, think "Cool, maybe she will let me listen to it sometime"

I don't know if those are the sorts of things you mean but just try to make a conscious effort to think of a positive out of the situation instead of being jealous of what the other person has.

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That's a really good point and thanks, but I think its to late for that now. My friends have made it clear that they don't want to talk to me anymore because I always seem to try and get close to one of them by back chatting about others, I feel jelous when the three of them get along and I cant. I know it's my fault but I still want to stop this jelousy thing and try and become different so I can move on and make new friends.

Thanks I will try that. Do you have any advice about my other friends? The ones I have fallen out with? Do you think I should forget them and only talk to them when I need to or to try and make conversation? Mind you every time I do they give me cold off answers

Did any situation happened between y'all for them to act that way towards you? If they're your close friends and no situation have occur, I'd give it sometime and than go back and talk to them. In my opinion, it's better to have 1 or 2 really good friends than many friends that really don't care. If they respect you enough, they'll forgive you or w/e stuff that happened. This would probable be best way to tell between which friends are worth keeping and which are not. But for the mean time, I'd just give it some time to cool things off and see how things go from there..

Well we had a lot of ups and downs in the past. They say I'm to bosst, controlling and that I back chat a lot, which I admit is true but I have only realised now. I didn't realise I would do anyhting wrong in the past and I have admitted my mistake to them all but they say they cannot risk their friendship because of me, I know how they feel but if they told me earlier on that they didn't like the way I was I would have improved and I'm still trying to improve now but they won't give me a second chance, I don't want to go and talk to them again because I have tried and they've made it clear that they don't want to talk to me, I want to realise who my true friends are but its difficult and I don't know weather to be myself and stay alone or to act as if I'm happy...

I was wondering what you could be doing that is so bad that they would get mad about your jealousy. Then I saw that you said you talk about the other friends to your other friends.
That is probably one of the ultimately worst things you can do. You need to concentrate on overcoming that.
Work on that and then tell your friends that you realized just how wrong you were and you want another chance, but wait until you are sure you have your tongue and jealous attitude under control.
You need to start looking at things in a different perspective so that when you would feel jealous you handle it different.
Like previously you looked at it like they were laughing and having a good time excluding you. In the future look at it like at least I have friends whereas the jealousy of them having a good time alienates me.
Look at it like do I include every single friend of mine when I want to do something with one or two of them.
Maybe read a book like How to Win friends and Influence People or something like that.

You may even be a little co-dependent and maybe reading up on co-dependency might help you.

Please do not start three different posts on same subject
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ll-371821.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ne-371644.html

After reading your 2nd post, I agree with NOhelp. It seems that your actual problem is not jealousy but rather gossiping. Perhaps your friends see jealousy as an underlying cause for your compulsion to gossip which may or may not be the case. Regardless, gossiping is one of the worse things you can do and is a sure way to lose friends and keep from getting any more. Just remember what they always said during World War II ; "Loose lips sink ships."

I never joined a group, or click as we called them. Just made friends, some good, some not so good. But I'm a guy, and a bit of a loner, but met a lot of good people who did there own thing, and didn't run with a click either. Look around, there are many who do that in your school, who just don't fit in groups, or clicks.

Once you do your thing and not the groups things, you see people different.

What you need to do is find out ways to talk to your friends with out hurting other people's feelings. Rather then talking about "Becky's ugly shirt" talk about "Becky's cute shoes". If you express positivity towards other people, you're friends will appreciate your presence more. They probably feel that you talk about them behind there back.