Ask Me Help Desk - Sex With My Boyfriend- Again.

This is awkward.
I lost my virginity to my best friends boyfriend two nights ago, when a drunken game of spin the bottle got out of hand.

She said to me beforehand that anything that happened that night, was okay, so long as we could forget about it.

Me and her boyfriend ended up having sex, while she was downstairs, and she knew about it the day after, by reading my texts. She is fine with me now, and wants to forget it all. But I want him again! He's been texting me, telling me how much it meant to him and that he wants to do it again, but he knows its wrong.

I can't help but want him. But I feel sooooo bad!
Should I, or shouldn't I?
Xx

The pain is from entry the further up you go won't hurt... I won't lie to you you still may be sore at the entry... you may be sore several times more, but it will get better.

It will hurt again if you're tense and afraid.

Try and relax and enjoy what you're doing. Make sure there is lots of foreplay and get really wet. Then use some water based lube as well.

Wait a couple of days before you have sex again, as sometimes the torn hymen takes a while to heal.

If he goes in slowly and slides in on the lube, it will feel much better.

I can assure you, it gets MUCH better. First sexual experiences can often be awkward and uncomfortable until you learn to relax.

Either you are very young or very VERY stupid... or both. Tell me you aren't serious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

Either you are very young or very VERY stupid...or both. Tell me you aren't serious.

I'm 17. And probably VERY VERY VERYYYY stupid. Fact is, I just can't help myself. I've admitted its wrong, but I just can't seem to control myself.

HELPP!

You will not come here and get permission to act like a tramp. You know that, don't you? Probably that's why you came here, for some head-thrashing, perhaps? Ok, fine, I can do that.

[Lecture mode: ON]

You're at the point in your life where you are developing (or not) some serious character traits. It's what you do when you're faced with a temptation you know is wrong that goes a long way to determining what kind of person you are going to be.

"I can't help myself" is a copout. It's a lie. Of course you can. Translation: "I want it so I'm going to take it"

Yes, you can help yourself. You have a mind and a heart and a spirit. When any ONE of those is opting for wrong, the other two CAN and should override.

Your heart is not to be in charge of you. You know you should not do this, you know you should not act this way. So don't. Pretend you have backbone, and you will magically grow one. I promise.

It's OK to be attracted to someone. It's OK that you're attracted to someone who's unavailable. It's perfectly natural. Attraction is instinctive and has NOTHING to do with right and wrong and nothing to do with character.

So YOU have to step in and be the master of your own destiny. You are not a cricket in the field and only subject to instinct. You're an intelligent and thinking person who can see what is and is not real, and act accordingly.

So, when attracted inappropriately to someone, enjoy the feeling and ignore it.

[Lecture mode: OFF]

Side comment: Your friend who "forgave" you so quickly also doesn't sound like the kind of friend who is going to be helpful to you. Doing evil things should cost something, and to just get "forgiven" like that will actually lead you down the wrong path. She's encouraging your bad behaviors.

I'd reconsider this friend... AND her boyfriend, who's already shown his colors.

This is a no-brainer. You shouldn't.

She probably said she forgave you simply because she's desperate and doesn't want to lose her boyfriend. She WON'T be forgetting it, but you need to forget him and move on.

Okay, I'm confused. How the hell did a spin the bottle game get out of hand? When I would play that game(when I was like 10 until 12) it was just kissing. Second, are you sure she has forgiven you? I mean come on, you boinked her boyfriend. Third, she is your "bestfriend" how could you even think about doing it again. Don't even respond to his texts

On a side note, I am getting dead bolts for my daughters doors right now.

True that Rome... spin the bottle must be a whole different ball game now. I didn't even realize people played that game past the age of 12 or 13.

You cheated with a boy in a relationship and still want him. That's the first wrong.

You cheated with your friend's boyfriend. That's the second wrong.

You slept with your best friend's boyfriend. That's the third wrong.

You're not sorry you did it, nor do you expect any consequences. That's another wrong.

You still want him. That's the big wrong.

At 17, you're old enough to know better. It doesn't matter if you were drunk, high, or out of your mind, you should have known better. You are almost an adult... what you do now will effect the rest of your life; but, more importantly, it will set a pattern.

Cheating with other women's boyfriends is NOT acceptable. Especially when she's your "best friend." I can guarantee that she hasn't forgiven you and is NOT OK with this.

So, in answer to your question, "should I, or shouldn't I?":

No, you should not ever be alone with this boy again.
No, you should not ever consider getting "with" him again.
No, you shouldn't ever sleep with someone else's boyfriend.
Yes, you should learn to be a better friend.
Yes, you need to apologize to your "best friend" and accept the consequences... because there will be consequences.
Yes, you should seriously start evaluating what you're going to be when you grow up - a faithful friend or a tramp who sleeps with other girl's men.

Thanks for putting these two together, funny how things change once you get the whole story.

Sorry dear, you were set up, and used by your friend, and the whole idea was to get her boyfriend some virgin yum yum!

I also think you knew this, and went along with the program, and now want to play dumb about it to get over the guilt.

You did wrong, and are around the wrong people to begin with, so no excuses for bad behavior, and either learn, and do better, or keep down this path, and screw your whole youth up!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

True that Rome...spin the bottle must be a whole different ball game now. I didn't even realize people played that game past the age of 12 or 13.

Its actually a shot game by the way.
You can re-invent things?
A drinking game.
Who knows what can happen. I'm not THAT immature really.

I have taken place in a lot of drinking games. Quarters, flip cup, strip flip cup, aces, 21, slam can, beer pong, beer bong, all sorts of those games. Never once did I sleep with someone without wanting to or knowing what I was doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

You cheated with a boy in a relationship and still want him. That's the first wrong.

You cheated with your friend's boyfriend. That's the second wrong.

You slept with your best friend's boyfriend. That's the third wrong.

You're not sorry you did it, nor do you expect any consequences. That's another wrong.

You still want him. That's the big wrong.

Yes I did cheat with a boy in a relationship, but his girlfriend knew about it, and chose not to stop it, or indeed finish with him, or disown me.

I am sorry that I did it, for her sake. But it felt amazing for me, you know what girls emotions are like.

I shouldn't want him- I know that, but I do. Stuff happens.

I've admitted that I am wrong- but there ARE no consequences in this matter. She said to me, "can we just forget it all, it got out of hand".. Probably another reason that makes me want him more, because his girlfriend doesn't seem to do anything about it.

THEN YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

You are defining what people will think of you for the rest of your high school years and probably more right now. Do you really want to be known like this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Never once did I sleep with someone without wanting to or knowing what I was doing.

Everyone is different.
And I must have known what I was doing.
In a way, I was given the "okay" to do it, even though I knew myself that it was wrong.
Whether she meant it or not, she still said it.
Making me think, "what the hell then!"- under the influence of A LOTTTT.

I would say that your bestfriends boyfriend is being even more stupid than you , if he actually did want you that bad he would dump your friend don't you think ?but you aren't at all innocent , it takes two to tango remember. However I do see where you are coming from , if it's something like 'love at first sight' . Personally I would wait and see how your friend and her boyfriends relationship progresses which probably won't go very far if he has cheated on her and wants to do it again, I say your friend should dump him and you should have nothing to do with him either as you know how he is now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashleighcooper1

Yes i did cheat with a boy in a relationship, but his girlfriend knew about it, and chose not to stop it, or indeed finish with him, or disown me.

I am sorry that I did it, for her sake. But it felt amazing for me, you know what girls emotions are like.

I shouldn't want him- I know that, but I do. Stuff happens.

I've admitted that I am wrong- but there ARE no consequences in this matter. She said to me, "can we just forget it all, it got out of hand".. Probably another reason that makes me want him more, because his girlfriend doesnt seem to do anything about it.

I can see pregnancy in your future... call Jerry Springer and book a future spot on his show, for you, your friend and the dude in this situation!

Quote:

I've admitted that I am wrong- but there ARE no consequences in this matter.

None that you know of... yet!!

Yes... there WILL be consequences eventually.

When you grow up, and have boy friends of your own, or get married, eventually this story will come up, and your husbnad/significate other will never trust you again.

If you have sex with this boy again, you will regret it. He just wants sex from you, he does not like you and he does not want you. The only reason it "meant a lot to him" or whatever is because he's horny and he wants it again. There are consequences here, and it is your reputation. Do you want to be known as a slut? Then have sex with him again. I hope you're smart enough to realize what's really going on here and stop before you make it any worse.

One of the consequences of not learning from a mistake, is that you will repeat it, until you finally get it.

Lets be real, drunken sex with so called friends, is a mistake.

Making excuses for them, and yourself is a mistake.

Doing things you know nothing about, and without proper knowledge (unprotected sex) is a mistake.

I guarantee there will be consequences, as we as strangers are thinking you're a slut, and so will those that find out about your escapades will too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

we as strangers are thinking your a slut.

Not defending myself here. But as I was growing up, the definition of a slut was someone who slept with hundreds of people in the space of two minutes.

If I've lost my virginity to one boy, and slept with one person, that one time, in my opinion, it doesn't define me as a 'slut'.. it may define me as untrustworthy, fair enough. But never a slut. I never did it out of spite.

Being a "slut" to people has several different meanings. Someone who would lose their virginity, over a spin the bottle game tells me that you are easy. That may not be the case, but your actions dictate what people think of you.

Being a slut simply means you have sex without regards for morality or ethics... you fit perfectly into that category right?

Either way, your actions lacked morals, period. We are arguing over apples right now, but the bottom line is that what happened was completely inexcusable.

You may think us harsh, and cruel, but only because we care, and don't want you to travel a wrong path. That has consequences of its own.

Reading back over this thread, I think I'll disagree now that "no harm was done".

We are the total of our experiences. Our concept of right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable, preferable/rejection... these are critical concepts that are strongly affected by "milestone moments" in our lives.

My first "all-the-way" sexual experience was beautiful and tense and full of problems for me, but it was at its core, beautiful. First kisses, first dates, first oral sex and first intercourse, all of these are "formative" events. They can have LONGTERM affects.

Listening to you talk about this now, I fear your experience has lowered your opinion of sex. I believe your walls have come down and you are in danger of forever having to work to undo this. It may take you a long time to reconnect to the "value" of the sexual experience (including moral boundaries) in relationship development.

I think you have been harmed by this. Perhaps permanently. I hope that doesn't turn out to be the case.

I hope you see my point and ponder it before defending more. Just think about what all this means to you and your near future before you declare "everything is OK".

Please.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman
We as strangers are thinking you're a slut.

I have to speak out against this. Its wrong of you to speak for me. Or anyone else on this board.

I personally do not think she is a slut. Young... confused... yes, but not a slut.

Keep your judgemental comments to yourself...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i have to speak out against this. its wrong of you to speak for me. or anyone else on this board.

i personally do not think she is a slut. young...confused...yes, but not a slut.

keep your judgemental comments to yourself...

I disagree, he didn't include EVERYONE he just made a basis comment, because everyone above saw her for what she is acting like.

Being judgmental is one of the keys to success. That's one of those trigger words people use expecting automatic support that it's bad to do that.

It's not. Being judgmental means you're being discerning. Most of the problems we interact with people here on the board are results of them NOT being discerning, of NOT judging people/actions honestly.

Everything is not OK. That "message of the 70s" is still hurting our culture today. Everything is NOT Ok?

I do agree it may be presumptuous to speak for everyone, perhaps Tal shouldn't have done that. No way the follow-up thought to that is "don't be judgmental". That's the wrong place to go with it.

So, yes, we should all speak for ourselves. And when doing so, we should honestly use words that accurately depict the situation from our point of view. Support that point of view, and you're fine.

Don't fear trigger words, and don't assume everyone accepts "age old" concepts, because we don't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

I have to speak out against this. Its wrong of you to speak for me. Or anyone else on this board.

I personally do not think she is a slut. Young... confused... yes, but not a slut.

Keep your judgemental comments to yourself...

I think I explained my reasons very well thank you!

Quote:

You may think us harsh, and cruel, but only because we care, and don't want you to travel a wrong path. That has consequences of its own.

I'm with talan on this one, look girly you were the other woman, you had sex with a taken man. That makes you a slut. You purposefully are hurting your "best friend" you need to grow up and realize that your 17 and unlss you live in europe your over drinking isn't even legal. And your use is highly immature. You need professional help.

Did OP change the post or what I noticed Gemini and Danielnoahsmom replies had nothing to do with what was posted.

Anyway slut or not OP should realize that when you play with fire you get burnt. She isn't even taking into consideration WHY his girlfriend doesn't care or anything that seems out of place with this scenerio. Like she only sees that SHE wants him and taking advantage of the girlfriend not caring. So she gets him again and again and decides she loves him only for him to back off because he isn't interested in her that way.
Why doesn't his girlfriend care? Maybe she gave up on him because he is cheating with other girls and OP isn't the only one.
OP is already calling him her boyfriend.
I think there is more to the story than OP may even know

Wow, just found this thread.

Even I wasn't as bad as to lose my virginity to my friends boyfriend over a spin the bottle game. Wow!

Slut fits, sorry.

The past is the past, the future is in your hands. Start to act responsibly or you'll suffer the consequences. Trust me on this one.

From the best friend's side of the story, she might have said she forgave you, but she hasn't. I've been in her shoes, my man cheated on me after we were together for about 6 months, took the girl's virginity also, and I would never in my life forgive that slut because she knew he was taken. Your friend wants to forget about it, no it's been over 4 years now and I haven't forgot ANYTHING!

If my BEST friend would do that to me, wow, there would no friendship period. Strictly enemies. Because if she was actually my best friend drunk or sober she would never have gotten with my boyfriend and thennnn want to do it again and send him texts about it after she apologized to me. Are you really serious?

You need to realize girl that there are women in this world and I have to say me being one of them, that would really put a hurting on the girl that messes with their men.

I hope that it makes you feel really good that you lost something very special (your virginity) to your best friend's MAN. You seriously need to think things over for awhile, you have lost your mind!