Ask Me Help Desk - Is he really being selfish or what?

Is he really being selfish or what?

Hi everyone. I know that I haven't been on here but I'm really having some serious problems right now. Well first off I took everyone's advice about my ex lover. We were really going through with not seeing enough of each other and he just completely stopped talking to me for three whole weeks. And recently he text me and was like hi and to see how I was doing and he miss me or whatever. So what I want to know is he being selfish and trying to use me? Because when he came and picked me up we talked about what had been going on and he was asking me if I had a new boyfriend and all and so when we got to his place he wanted to sleep with me and I didn't want to do it but the way he did it I just had to give up so now I can text him and tell him things that happened to me like my cousin got killed and he was really caring or whatever but yet its back to the way it was and I don't even know if we are back together or not and I don't want to keep torturing my emotions like this so tell me what are his intentions of not talking to me for three whole weeks and then coming back on the spot?! Thank you in advance

You know those text devices often have a unique option, I know this may sound un-believable, but many will actucally work as a telephone. So why are you not calling them and talking to them so you can hear their voice, and actually see what is going on.

So ask him and then it is up to you if you give them another chance or not

Just ask him what his problem is. Tell him how you feel and that you want answers. Communication is key in any relationship.

How do I cope with this?

Threads merged

Okay me and my current boyfriend have really deep feeling each other. But since my mother does not like him because he's like 5 years older than me and since she does not want me talking to him we are not able to see each other. And I feel so heartbroken because I really do love him and he has been so patient with me but it has gotten so bad to the point where I haven't seen him in a whole month. And I haven't really been talking to him either and I just don't want to lose him because he means so much to me and he was my first(at age 17) and I just don't know what to do anymore. Even though I'm 18 years old my mother still treats me like a child and is so overprotective and sometimes I feel so left out in my family and I just want to run to him but I just don't know what steps to take or what to do. I just been so depressed and crying because I really need him and this is the longest I have ever been away from him and it hurts me so because I haven't talked to him in a whole week(my cell phone is off) and I don't know what's running through his mind right now... I mean I wonder is he still thnking about me or are we even still together?! What would you do?

You are 18 so legally you can get out and find a job. Are you able to do that?
Then you could save up and move out.
You might also try looking into grants and loans for school and move into a dorm.

It doesn't sound like there is much that you can really do at the moment. You would have to contact him to answer some of your questions. If both of you have really strong feelings for each other, as you have said, then eventually you will both get through this rough spot. You may want to try to reason with your mom if it seems possible... maybe then you will be able to see/speak to him more often.

Hey,you love your mother,and she loves you.
Talk to her.. appeal to that love she has for you,maybe its out of fear that she does not want you to see this man.
Your 18.but,if you want to pursue this relationship your going to have to sell the idea to your mother..
Ask to speak to her,tell her your so unhappy,she may say you will get over it etc,but just ask for a chance.. your relationship may not last the distance,I don't know,but show your mother you are an adult,by the way you approach her,and speak.
She was once young and in love too,remind her.

Seems your problem is that you still haven't gotten to be independent enough to make your own choices.

I would say that its more important to talk to mom, and get her use to you making decisions for yourself, but its still her house, and her rules, and she means well, but you have to convince her that you're an adult, and adults stand up for themselves, respectfully of course.

As for your guy, stop having sex, thats a foolish game you don't have enough facts about.

Now is not the time to be pregnant my dear, without having a chance to get your act together.

Why did he act like he didn't know me?

Okay my phone has been off for like a week now and I text my boyfriend off like two people phones and then the other day I text him and I was like hi ****. Wow I haven't tlked to you in like 4 years( it's a way that we useed to joke when we didn't see each other or talk) I really miss you. So are we still friends or what? And then he text back and was like who is this and I text back and said **** and he was liike from where? So do you think he was being funny or just didn't want to tlk to me since we ddnt talk for a whole week?

Its possible he may have been being funny. You say you text from phones that were not yours, this may have confused him, and when he asked who it was and you told him, he may have been silly.

You said it yourself, you text him from a different phone, so he's just being cautions. He doesn't want to assume it's you.

Why don't you just call him directly?

Are you guys long distance?

No we both stay in miami. When I received the text that said from where I just text back and said never mind. I guess I neva existed in your eyes anyway and then he called

Oh good. Did he get it all straghtened out? Is everything OK?

Nope I didn't answer.

Well that wasn't good. Why didn't you answer? He may have been calling to say sorry and say it was just a joke and that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

How old are you guys? Sounds like you two are playing games with each other. Why can't you just speak directly?

Maybe you should use the phone next time instead of texting. It's your boyfriend, it's not like you would be bothering him by calling instead.

Sounds like he was just joking too... or maybe he has amnesia.

The more pressing issue is why you haven't spoken in a week. If your phone is off and you're able to use a friends, why did it take you a week to get in contact with your boyfriend?

Because I'm more of a serious type person and when he said that I got really upset and didn't want to tlk to him anymore

Im 18 and he's 22. Because I'm not a phone type person

Because... im not good at expressing myself and I was always stuck on the rule of waiting for the guy to call first soi was just going to wait until I turned my phone back off for him to call me

If you are a serious type person, you should be willing to hear his respsonse.

And as for the rule about waiting for him to call, that's for when you first date. You are already boy friend and girl friend, so that rule doesn't apply any more

Not to mention he DID call you! And you refused to pick up!

Wow. I didn't really see it that way. I bet he thinks that I am acting like an immature child. I guess I have to just start acting like a girlfriend. I am so emotionally I just do things on my own and I was crying all last night and saying that it was over between us

I think he does definitely feel your acting mean and immature hon :) I'm glad you see that. *hugs* I suggest you CALL HIM right now, and explain your feelings to him.

Also, talk to your school counselor or another adult that can help you through your feelings that are obviously interfering with your relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetgirl10

Wow. i didnt really see it that way. I bet he thinks that i am acting like an immature child. i guess i have to just start acting like a girlfriend. i am so emotionally i just do things on my own and i was crying all last night and saying tht it was over between us

Of course he thinks you're acting like an immature child, because you are.

A relationship requires communication. If you're going to play games then expect him to play them back.

I feel so bad now. I think I will do that before its too late. Thank you I will do that because I have a lot of issues like that that I need some serious help with *hugs*

Good for you hon. I'm glad your thinking this through clearly now. Good luck. Also, PM me and let me know how it goes.

I guess I just have to make it up to him:(

Thank you!! I will be sure to do that:)

If you want to be serious, then act like an adult. These little petty games are going to cost you. He tried calling, and you ignore it, I call those "mind games" and it's one game I don't play. Stop acting immature and call him.

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You have a lot of adult decisions to make for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

You have a lot of adult decisions to make for yourself.

Wow! Good catch Tal.

Don't you think you should talk to the man you might have a child with?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

You have a lot of adult decisions to make for yourself.

And that is why he is an expert, he catches all the back drama

Thanks a lot everyone!! I really appreciated the feedback:)

I don't know what else to do anymore

Threads merged

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. Lately, both of us have been acting differently and I don't know whether to try to make this thing work or to just let it go. I really love him and I have opened up to him so many times and I really don't want to let him go because of how much I've given up for him. I have issues with communication skills and so do we. Just recently we have begin talking on the phone instead of textin which was a shocker to me when he first called. Because when the relationship first started all I wanted to do was text and he wanted to tlk but now its switched around and I want to talk just as much as he does. During the last two months we didn't talk at all for 3 weeks and then following that we didn't see each other for a whole month. So when I seen him he still acted the same just like nothing happened and we were happy together. But now its still the same in some ways because he has started to stop calling me again and the last I seen him was last Thursday and it has been 3 days since we talked and I don't want to be the first to speak. Also there has been countless times where I stood him up but I feel really bad about it because I tried to surprise him for the 4th of July but he stood me up and this has made me really upset and not want to talk to him anymore at all. So from all of this, if you were in my position what would you do, or at least advise me to do? Thanks in Advance.. much love

No communication = no relationship.

Built upon a poor foundation, every house eventually crumbles. This was no different. You two seem like a very young couple to me. I really don't think there is anything to end, as it doesn't seem all that put together anyway.

If you two can sit down and hash out your problems, then time to let this one go.

Your right we both are I'm 18 and he's 22

You both need to stop the back and forth standing each other up and work together.
I don't know if you had good reason to stand him up but to him it might look like you are playing games or not really that serious about him.
YOU need to either break up with him or have a talk with him about how you want to make the relationship work and you are going to be more serious about it. Then discuss ways to go about it, what he would like to see improve and how serious he is about things.

It doesn't sound like much of a relationship, other than two people playing games with each other. You break up and get back together as if nothing happened. Truthfully, nothing important has happened anyway. Nothing gained, nothing lost, so what's the big deal? Playing games seems to be the only way to stay in each others' lives and you seem to be enjoying it.