 |
Im 14 and I go out with a guy that is 18 we have been going out for 5months now and we are really close. Im not like the other people my age I'm mature and sometimes I think Im to mature. Is it illigil for us to be going out. I think age is just a number and it really shoudn't matter. I don't care about the age difference. I care about him and he cares about me that all that matters right or am I wrong?:confused:
It's not illegal to be friends, but anything sexual including kissing is illegal depending on where you live.
Assuming you meant illegal (hmmm someone changed the subject line, it was spelled as in the post originally) and if you can't spell it at 14, you aren't mature enough.
As J_9 stated, there are no laws preventing dating. The laws all deal with sexual activity when under the age of consent. And in many places you would be under the age of consent.
The phrase "age is just a number" is most often trotted out by kids like you to justify a relationship that shouldn't be. That age does matter. It matters less and less as the parties get older until both are adults, when it hardly matters at all. But a 14 yr old and an 18 yr old generally have little in common. A 14 yr old is just starting on the dating scene. An 18 yr old is just starting on adulthood. That is a VAST difference.
And yes you are wrong, caring about each other is not all that matters. Maybe you are the exception, but I doubt it. An 18 yr old dating a 14 yr old is either a predator or very immature. Either way, not a good person to be with.
Where are your parents in this? Are they aware of the relationship?
I'm less concerned about a 14 year old who is "to [sic] mature" for her years than I am about an 18 year old who is interested in a 14 year old.
She MAY be mature for 14; he is DEFINITELY immature for 18.
Let me also say that for a girl of 14, it's not very mature to use your real name as a username.
I think this goes with not knowing how to spell illegal. It points out that this girl just wants to be mature and, having an 18 yr old interested in her is her way of presenting the alleged maturity. It definitely show a lack of understanding of the real world. And a lack of parental supervision, which also points to the attraction of an 18 yr old.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
But Judy put it more strongly than I. An 18 yr old interested in a 14 yr old other than for sex, has some serious issues. And is someone I would advise statying away from.
The OP obviously has doubts about this relationship which is why she asks for confirmation.
You might think your mature enough to handle a relationship with a 18 year old guy but your not.
You might even think it is cool to date a 18 year old guy but it is not.
At 14 you shouldn't even have a boyfriend, let alone a 18 year old guy. Also, I wonder if you told him your real age because some teen lie about this important detail. If you did tell him your real age, I wonder why he is still talking to you? Doesn't sounds like he is working with a full deck upstairs.
Save yourself some drama and heartache by staying away from this guy because if you really think he wants a relationship with you then your really fooling yourself.
Ask your parents what's legal, and what's not. They are the law, no matter where you live.
Keep going on about that I can't spell illegal in English is not my first language. Lisa Hall is not even my real name its not close to my real name. Sexual activity are you serious I'm not that stupid. (An 18 yr old dating a 14 yr old is either a predator or very immature.) Why does he have to be immature to be dating a 14 year old can't it just be that he actually likes her and cares about her? Why does the age matter? It just means that you have been living longer then the other person.
My parent are aware of the relationship and don't think there is anything wrong with it they know him and trust him. What's wrong with a 18 year old being interested in a 14 year old. So you want to tell me that you have never been interested in a older woman/man? Because if you are I'm finding it hard to believe.
(An 18 yr old interested in a 14 yr old other than for sex, has some serious issues.) Why does he have a issue why can't it just be?
I don't think I'm cool just because I'm dating a 18 year old.
Hey, just think two years ago you were 12, he was 16, do you think that's OK?
You may not be interested in sex, but if the relationship is as serious as you say,in most boyfriend/girlfriend relationships sex is the next step.
An 18 year old has more life experience then you and can manipulate the relationship to go the way he wants,especially if he knows you really like him.
Your friends are 13/14 his are 18/19, that is a big age difference,the age difference does not matter if you were 20 and he was 24.thats an adult relationship.
What you have is suspect.
You aren't an adult but he is. At 18 you can date any older guy you want but at 14 you can't.
He can get in trouble for simple couple things like holding hands, kissing, touching, etc Two adult don't have to worry about the law coming after them.
Why your parents approve of your dating is beyond me because I wouldn't. Maybe parenting class is in order for them.
The only thing I can say is watch yourself.
So what kind of bf/gf things do you do? Where do you go out?
I'm not interested in sex and he knows that and he respects that. He's not some one that will do something if you don't want to do it. I live in New Zealand and kissing, holding hands and touching is not illegal. My friends are 13/14 he's is 18/19 its not about the friends. He gets along with my friends I get along with his friends. Just because my parents approve that doesn't mean they need a parenting class. We do things a normal couple does. We go out people don't look at us in weird ways because they don't think there is anything wrong with it. I haven't lied about my age to him he knows that I'm 14 and doesn't think it's a big deal. You think 4 years is big what are you going to think about 14 I know a couple that is like that he is 16 and she is 30 what do you think about that. Its not the age that count it's the love that does count at the end. Age doesn't make you happy love does. And if your saying that you have never liked an older person then I think you are talking carp and I'm finding it very hard to believe.
When I think of a 30 year old MAN going out with a 16 year old GIRL I think pedeophile.Quote:
You think 4 years is big what are you going to think about 14 I know a couple that is like that he is 16 and she is 30 what do you think about that. Its not the age that count it's the love that does count at the end. Age doesn't make you happy love does. And if your saying that you have never liked an older person then I think you are talking carp and I'm finding it very hard to believe.
That is just disgusting.
You are 14 years old, you don't know what love is.
And don't give me any crap about "Oooh yes I know what it is, how can you say that..."
You don't.
When you have a little more life experience and more maturity then you can say you know what love is.
Age does matter in a relationship, especially when you are a little girl... you are in New Zealand yes?
He is of legal drinking age...
What are you going to do when he goes out to a bar drinking with his friends and finds a lady his age who he has more in common with who chats him up?
Give me reddies, I don't care, people who chase jailbait are just wrong.
When something happens, your parents and the judge won't stick to nothing else but what's written in the law.Quote:
We're all at your age once and we understand the frustration of do's and don'ts but trust me, it's for your own good.
Be thankful that your parents allows you to be dating an 18 year old guy so just be careful, listen to your parent's advise, don't be so carried with away, use your head and always remember thisQuote:
there's time for everything, even love.
Its not your age that's in question, but more so his. Yes I can go along with the attraction part, and maybe its intensity may be love to you. That's not the point either. We humans have very little control over who we are attracted to.
The real issue is, and I mean no disrespect at all, but you're a child, and he is an adult. Age doesn't matter between adults. Its a whole different ballgame when its a child, no matter how mature THEY think THEY are.
As long as your parents are okay with it, be grateful, but I bet they keep you within the bounds of good behavior, and keep a good eye on you, (your lucky, because I would not allow an 18 year old around my daughter, at all) AND HIM!
While its not illegal to be friends, he could end up in jail, if he steps over the boundaries of acceptable behavior. No matter who's idea it was, until you reach the age of consent.
Don't think for a minute, that because he is an adult, you can do adult things with him, and not have consequences.
Whether it New Zealand, or Texas, your parents are responsible for a 14 year old, love or not. So obey them.
You can be friends with him but NOTHING sexual. Can he accept waiting?
Depending on what state you live in you may have to wait either 2 yrs or 4 yrs to be 'legal'.
Can he live with that?
Here is an example
I don't know how up to date the chart is
AGE OF CONSENT CHART FOR THE U.S.
Also if your parents or somebody has a problem with you seeing him they could try to accuse him of something he isn't doing. Then that can turn into a nightmare in itself.
The age of consent in New Zealand is 16. Kissing, holding hands are not considered sexual contact. However touching the genital areas would be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa Hall
If your parents are aware of the relationship and approve, they may know more about him and you then we do. We can only go by generalities. And an 18 yr old having a romantic relationship with a 14 yr old generally raises warning flags. The difference in development at that stage of life is very significant. An 18 yr old that would have an interest in a 14 yr old is very unusual and either indicates a social development problem or a predatory one.
Just don't let the police find out, hehehehehehe
I have a few points...
1. I do not believe a 14 year old is mature enough for a relationship. Most parents don't allow A DATE until 16, let alone a relationship. You will soon realize that you do not need the stress of a relationship, ups and downs, ins and outs, decisions that need to be made, etc. You probably do not realize it now, but that is the simple truth. I work with kids your age as a therapist, and I do know that they struggle handling things... not when it feels good, but when it doesn't.
2. You asked for our thoughts, and you are just arguing. To be honest, that shows your maturity level is still young, typical teenager trying to convice people they know more than adults.
3. You guys may be good for each other, you may even love each other forever, but right now is not the time for either one of you. He is probably a great guy, but not making the best choice either... not just for him, but he is not really looking out for you either, so he is not really mature enough yet.
Well, that is my thought. I know you will not want to hear it, and you may not understand it, but take it in, listen, and let us know in 5 years if we were right... hahaha
If you and the young man are sexually active together he may be guilty of a felony in most states. That means, if a complaint is brought and sustained against him, he will have to register as a sex offender under Megan's Law and that will follow him the rest of his life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa Hall
I understand young love, but you two need to be very careful. If you are as mature as you think you are, and seem to be from your request for an answer, PLEASE stop, If you have sex STOP. If you haven't, DON'T START.
Seek an older friend or relative (Mom?) or aunt or cousin to talk this over with you. By taking charge of this relationship, you are demonstrating mature judgement, and ACTIVELY loving your boyfriend, and yourself. Good luck.
She is in New Zealand. 16 is okay but I don't know what other law is involved like they can only be with somebody up to 4 yrs older or something like that.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:10 AM. |