Ask Me Help Desk - Underage dating

Underage dating

Okay, so I am 16 years old and my boyfrient is 20. I will be 17 in September and he is turning 21 in may. If we aren't having sex and my parents agree, then is it okay for us to be together? Even though we're over 4 years apart?

My question is why is a 20 year old hanging around if there is no sex? I think there is sex you just don't want to say am I right?

It's great your not having sex, if your parents are okay with it then your okay [I'm really scratching my head on this one, as a parent I'll be damned if a 20 year old sought out my daughter].

You can date just not have sex- that means oral sex, and even making out.

I don't want to be a debbie downer-- but what do you guys have in common? How is he getting his sexual release? This guy is older, and older guys have an agenda when it comes to dating minors.

Sarah

How long have you been together?

To be honest there is a problem with the age difference.. he is 20,his friends are probably between 19 and 25,or there abouts,yours are about between 15 and 17?

There are lots of things that I'm sure he can do but you cant,not just legally but the fun stuff too..

I can't imagine your parents been OK with this,although you know them better.
The fact that your posting the question makes me wonder if your OK with the age difference.

This happened to a friend of mine, she was dating a much older guy (and when you are 14 like she was, 4 years is a big gap!) and he said that he wasn't interested in sex... about a week after she said that, it got around school that he had pressured her into it and they had done it... she was branded some pretty bad names.

While you are older than my friend was it's still something to ponder...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

It's great your not having sex, if your parents are okay with it then your okay [I'm really scratching my head on this one, as a parent i'll be damned if a 20 year old sought out my daughter].

You can date just not have sex- that means oral sex, and even making out.

I don't want to be a debbie downer-- but what do you guys have in common'? How is he getting his sexual release? This guy is older, and older guys have an agenda when it comes to dating minors.

Sarah

He's a virgin and was home schooled and just isn't in to that. We've been dating 5 months now and honest, no sex. He's just an honest to good guy. My parents didn't aprove at first but then after several meetings have seen the same thing I did in him. I mean honestly, h still lives at home with his parents!

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeth0987

He's a virgin and was home schooled and just isn't in to that. we've been dating 5 months now and honest, no sex. He's just an honest to good guy. my parents didn't aprove at first but then after several meetings have seen the same thing i did in him. i mean honestly, h still lives at home with his parents!

Does he have a job, go to school? Does he even have friends? What do you guys do when you date?

I'm sorry sweetie but this guy sounds like a loser.

That's just my opinion,

Sarah

Can you give some background as to how you met? Of course you don't have to,I'm just wondering how you got together.
Through friends,similar interests,church?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Does he have a job? Does he even have friends? What do you guys do when you date?

I'm sorry sweetie but this guy sounds like a loser.

Sarah

He knows EVERYBODY and everybody loves him. He's had the same job for 4 years now and just doesn't make enough to make it alone right now. Lol but I understand it from your view point. I just needed an answer on if it was okay since he's turning 21. So what do you think??

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

can you give some background as to how you met? of course you dont have to,im just wondering how you got together.
through friends,similar interests,church?

Work. I got my first job as a cashier and he was head of another department

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeth0987

work. i got my first job as a cashier and he was head of another department

Okay. That's good he has a job. There's just something about 20 year olds and young teens that just isn't right. If you were 25 was 29/30 it'd be different.

Sarah

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Okay. That's good he has a job. There's just something about 20 year olds and young teens that just isn't right. If you were 25 was 29/30 it'd be different.

Sarah

I know. So your saying we can't get in trouble with the police?

Is he a religious type of guy?
When he turns 21 is he likely to start going out to clubs, bars drinking?
It's sort of a rite of passage for 21 year olds to go out and you will feel left behind.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeth0987

I know. so your saying we can't get in trouble with the police?

Unless your having sexual contact then you'll get in trouble. That means: oral, kissing, petting, humping, etc.

Cops aren't sitting there looking for you it takes someone to report you guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaz

When he turns 21 is he likely to start going out to clubs, bars drinking?
It's sort of a rite of passage for 21 year olds to go out and you will feel left behind.

I was thinking the same thing.

Sarah

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Unless your having sexual contact then you'll get in trouble. That means: oral, kissing, petting, humping, etc.

Cops aren't sitting there looking for you it takes someone to report your guys.

Sarah

Thanks so much

Are you looking for specific legal advice?

We he get into trouble if you date?

I afraid I don't know the answer to that,but hopefully someone else here will be able to answer if that's what your asking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeth0987

thanks so much

If your relationship is sex free as you say it is, your parents approve of this guy then you have nothing to hide.

I suspect different.

NOTE:
Anything bad HE does such as encouraging illegal activity such as drugs, drinking, improper touching, etc. might be considered contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

ALSO: Some states/provinces say that if the age difference is 3 years and one day or more, it is a crime

Sarah

Legally as long as there is no sexual activty (and that's defined as touching genitals) then there is no problem.

But I'm afraid I'm not sure about this. A 21 yr old who has been home schooled, still lives at home, has had the same job for 4 years and is interested in girl more than 4 years younger sets off alarm bells with me.

I suspect as you mature, his lack of maturity may not sit well with you.

I'm not saying to break up with him, but I don't see much of a future in this relationship.

Please keep in mind that love is worth waiting for, it would be safer and you'd resist temptation to be sexual if you were to be good friends.

If you guys are just dating it and NOT being sexual your doing the same this as being best friends!

If your partner won't wait until you are an adult to enter into the serious intimacy that dating brings, you need to ask yourself if he/she really cares about YOU or has other interests in mind.

Sarah

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeth0987

Okay, so i am 16 years old and my boyfrient is 20. I will be 17 in september and he is turning 21 in may. If we aren't having sex and my parents agree, then is it okay for us to be together? Even though we're over 4 years apart?

20 yearolds don't hangout with 16 yearolds just to be friends.

He obviously wants sex and if you can't see it, you're blind.

Guys in their 20's should not be with women in high school.

Use your head please. Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parallelism

20 yearolds don't hangout with 16 yearolds just to be friends.

He obviously wants sex and if you can't see it, you're blind.

While the odds favor you, please don't make sweeping generalizations like that. There are things about this 20 yr old that make me believe he is socally backward and may really not be after sex. There are also actually guys who were raised properly and are gentleman who would not take advantage of a girl. Yes, they do exist.

Girls should be very cautious about an age gap like this, but its not a given that the guy is after sex from a younger, impressionable girl.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

While the odds favor you, please don't make sweeping generalizations like that. There are things about this 20 yr old that make me believe he is socally backward and may really not be after sex. There are also actually guys who were raised properly and are gentleman who would not take advantage of a girl. Yes, they do exist.

Girls should be very cautious about an age gap like this, but its not a given that the guy is after sex from a younger, impressionable girl.

20 year old MEN should be have 16 yearold FRIENDS. Even worse, he will be 21 when she's 16. Even if he does not want sex, he should not be around you.

If he does have sex with you or rapes you (which is a high possibility) then he gets a rape charge if you tell people. Drop the relationship, its not healthy or either of you two.

I'm going to say this again. You are making generalizations that are just not accurate. While I agree that the odds are that a 20 yr old having a relationship with 16 yr old is not healthy. But that doesn't mean EVERY relationship is. And since 16 is the age of consent in most areas, rape charges are much less likely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parallelism

20 year old MEN should be have 16 yearold FRIENDS. even worse, he will be 21 when she's 16. Even if he does not want sex, he should not be around you.

If he does have sex with you or rapes you (which is a high possibility) then he gets a rape charge if you tell people. Drop the relationship, its not healthy or either of you two.

It does seem suspicious that a much older guy is going out with a much younger girl. But we don't know what this guy's intentions are so we can't make assumptions. What we should be saying is "proceed with caution". Be careful. If he asks you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just refuse. If he likes you back, then he will respect your decisions.