I have always had problems with girls. I'm 14 and haven't even kissed a gal in dares. But looking at the way people behave it seems that all girls think about is body, sex and hunk. I'm none of those... I'm calm, clever, academic and very mature. But that isn't what matters to the people around me. To me I'm not good enough because I'm not 'fit' and I'm not 'cool. I feel like such a reject but I know that I'm above that stuff. Its so shallow but it still brings me to tears when I sit by myself and am blanked whenver I speak to people. I want to know all the girly secrets! No hiding please. Maybe if I hunk myself and stay mature... maybe ill finally get a girlfriend. But I need everyone's advice and experiances. Thanks in advance!

Hey,

well obviously I can't speak for all girls because everyone's after something different.

Looks attract people first and really theirs nothing you can do about that but a lot of girls go for personality over looks.

I'm 15, to be honest I don't know what attracts me to guys. Tallness and dark hair for me at first but that's about it. I'm not into the whole 'hunk' thing. Every girls different. I am into what you have going (calm, clever, academic and very mature) and I'm sure a lot of other girls too but those aren't thing that you can tell just by looking at someone.

Do you hang about/talk with much girls at all?

And just to let you know, some girls find the whole reject thing hot.. ^.^

And let me emphasise you're only 14. I know I'm 15 and can hardly talk but after I came out of a long enough relationship quite a while back I realised that its quite ridiculous to spend lots of time worrying about the other sex. And maybe its different where you live but at 14 most girl shouldn't be thinking of sex from a guy but I don't know.


My advice is dotn worry about it because it'll all come together in time.

Good luck

Thanks for the advice :) at school obviously I have to talk to people around me... girls but really they just hate my guts. But I reckon that if I looked better then maybe people might give me a chance so I can show that I'm a nice person. Umm about the whole rejected thing being hot... I'm moving to belfast :D I know I shouldn't worry about it but I feel so sick. I have never been good enough and it really gets me down. Hope more people can help me out. I think it is easier for people to talk about this stuff because everyone here has come here for help. Hope I find some more of these people who actually care about me as a person. Help?

Man when I was 14 (I'm 31 now) I was maybe 5 feet tall weighed 90 pounds soaking wet with rocks in my pocket and glasses that were to big for my face. So of course when girls first met me there was no interest but once they got to know me their feelings changed.

You have to be confident that is the main things. People can tell when you don't have confidence Stand up straight, Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Don't be afraid to just start a conversation with girls. But don't start the conversation thinking I need to date this girl. Start the conversation by just wanting to get to know the person. It is hard I am not going to lie to you but if I did it you can!!

I hope its as simple as that. Its not really that I'm after girls its just wanting to fit in and to have friends. I am not expecting to have a girl friend any time soon. But it would be a lot nicer for me to have some people around me who don't feel like I'm a skank who no-one is allowed to talk to nicely. They make me feel like I'm not wanted and that I should crawl into a hole and die. I was thinking of investing in a slendertone... I agree its extreme to do something like that but I honestly think that people might alow me to show I'm a nice person if they like the way I look and if I'm more confident about that aspect of me.

Well why do people think you are a skank? What are you interested in? You don't need slendertone you are a young guy you should like into to push ups and sit ups.

I don't now why they think I'm so ugly. They just think I'm a retard. I'm not motivated enough to do situps and push-ups. I'm interested in personality over looks. Sensiblity, maturity, individuality and someone who isn't afraid to go against what everyone else thinks. Those are the things I'm interested in. girl wise.

Everything that you are interested in shows you are probably more mature then most people your age. What do you like to do for fun?

I understand it is hard to motivate yourself to do sit ups and push ups. I have to convince myself every morning to go to the gym. But I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are motivated enough to ask people how can you deal with a problem.

Try doing this start just doing 5 sit ups and 5 push ups. Once you realize hey that wasn't so bad add another sit up and push up then add more. Before you know it you will be doing sets of 10 or 20 without even breaking a sweat.

Well I do do situps a lot to be honest. (50 at a time) but I have ogt out of the habit recently. For fun? I like to go out and have a nice time with my non-exsitant friends, go to parties and have a laugh. I sit at home playing computor games. Its pathetic.

Hey, I'm back!

Yeah, I agree with everything spitvenom says. The exrsize will make you fell better and probably more confident.

If the girls all think your ugly then stick your middle fingers up at them because I bet you in ten years time you'll be a total hottie and they'll feel wick that they never gave you a chance.

I don't know about anyone else but I believe there's someone for everyone so don't worry.

Have you considered the possibility that because you are more mature, smarter than most, and as you said, calm, clever, and academic, that they might be intimidated by you?

What if all they have is their looks, and they know it. What if they are immature, can't carry on an intelligent conversation, and spend all their time in front of a mirror, because they cannot connect on any other level, but a superficial one.

As to the guys, the one who is six foot, puffed up and bulletproof, has little between his ears other than he looks good. He will attract other likeminded female counterparts, and between the two of them, they are still short a couple of taco's on the combination plate.

Your attributes are the very things that women who are not like the above examples, look for. While you are thinking that you are the odd man out, you are, and for good reason. Think of the total here, the total package.

Do you really want to fit in with them, or should you identify more with others who have similar qualities.

Maybe time to shake off the old, and find ways to welcome the new.

Thanks people. Big confidence boost! I have thought about it being intimidating to them but somehow I don't think they are. Apparently I come across as a miserable loner not a uputy, in your face "im better than you" character. Any ideas on how to find people who are similar and mature? And we are now talking about women. 14 year old women are hard to come by I think. :( I guess I just have to wait my turn and keep myself active and outgoing. Any good ideas as to where to find a lovely young lady to make me feel better about myself? :S

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

I dont now why they think im so ugly. they just think im a retard. im not motivated enough to do situps and push-ups. im interested in personality over looks. sensiblity, maturity, individuality and someone who isnt afraid to go against what everyone else thinks. those are the things im interested in. girl wise.

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Then you should be looking for someone like you, who isn't into look and is more interested in personality. If you think about it, would you want anyone to like you based completely on your looks? It sounds like you're better than that.

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

any good ideas as to where to find a lovely young lady to make me feel better about myself? :S

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I think this might be part of your problem right here. No offense at all, but in order to make someone else happy, you need to be happy with yourself. Go out and have fun! You shouldn't need someone to make you feel better about yourself, but once you find someone you can share your happiness with that person. Just be yourself and do the things you love to do. In doing that, you'll find someone with similar interests. Good luck! =)

Thanks ZoeMaria! I love dancing so I'm going to go out and do some salsa and latin at the local club. I don't think there will be many girls there but... its what I enjoy doing. I am happy with myself on some levels. I know there isn't much actually wrong with me, like my personality and things but I find that I feel better about myself if people genuinly like my company and talking to me. Maybe it works both ways, I need support to make me feel good, but then when I feel good about myself ill be more positive and things will improve. I geusse its not much use waiting around, I got to get out there and be positive about everything. Still... any ideas on how to get girls to come to something 'not cool' like dancing?

Well, just ask them if they want to go dancing with you? If yes, great! If not, then you know. To me it sounds like fun!

Well now I just need to find a sensible, mature girl to ask :) (pretty is a bonus) do you think it would be more likely to work if I was 'physicly attractive'? Otherwise its just some weird thing with a normal guy. If 'freak' and 'reject' are normal lol

Lol. You're funny. And funny is a plus. I wouldn't worry so much about how you look. It's the personality that matters.

Wish that was true for hormanal, stroppy teenage girls :D

Hey, chill out brah, girls are the most complex little beings in nature, and that's why I loves them so so soooo much, their adorable, I love girls maan
You got to be like this, don't act like your superior, that's just going to turn them off, if you act smart, that's cool, but don't act like you albert freak'n einstein, also, make 'em laugh, be laid back, chill, and tell some jokes, funny jokes, those are normally the best kind
And hey, try a sport, any sport, doesn't have to be lacross or football, just something thatl get you in decent shape, I'm not a girl, but in my experience, no cute girl is going to want some one who can't lift a few weights, and plus, kissing a girl while carying her, its like nirvana maan, its great
But hey, your 14, your young, your only in middleschool, don't get in to that superficial bs, prepare yourself for the big HS, and chill, schools important, girls are important, but right now in your life, which one is going to get you further

I am definantly not going to let girls get in the way of my work. I know better than to waste time on pathetic things that die away in an instance. I want to perform well in all I do, hockey, dancing and school work. It would be nice to have some friends whilst I do that :) I don't try to act superior and really I feel inferiror, small and worthless but then I am always told that girls also like confidence. For shape I was thinking of getting a slendertone or something. I know its not the way to do it but I think it's the only way it is going to happen.

Me personally, I like boys who are mature not afraid to be themselves when their girlfriend is around their friends and is affectionate all the time. It doesn't matter about the looks, if girls blank you they are not worth talking to. Don't wory you will find someone, there is someone out there for everyone, hope I help x

I just think its good to me strong while dating, only if your sexually active, I'm going to get a lot of crap for that
Also, if you like playing around with your girl

Well I am a girl. Im sixteen so I can't speak for all girls but some girls look for in guys what guys look for in girls. When a guy see's a girl with an overbite, coke bottle glasses, overalls, and very messy hair they usually don't look at her like girlfriend material. They don't get to know the personality. The same thing with some girls, when we see a guy who is weird, acts strange and isn't very attractive we find it hard to get pass his looks and move onto his personality. Some people really solely on looks while others on personality. Time will tell you who is good for you. And as for your first kiss, I wouldn't be too embarresed about not getting kissed. I am sixteen and I have nevered kissed a guy before. I was dissapointed for a while but I realized that I don't want to waste my first kiss on someone who might not be with me a year from now. I want it to be special and so should you. You shouldn't be so worried that people think it's weird you never had a first kiss but if you want it to be memorible I would try waiting. Good luck :)

I do think I'm all right as a person but it might be a good idea to try and make myself more attractive. What do you think makes a guy attractive? 6 pack? Muscly arms? Thin? I need help on the really girly secrets and why they always look for the 'hot' guys.

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

I do think im alright as a person but it might be a good idea to try and make myself more attractive. What do you think makes a guy attractive? 6 pack? muscly arms? thin? i need help on the realy girly secrets and why they always look for the 'hot' guys.

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Well for "girly girls" they usually want a guy with big muscles, not like the hulk, but reasonably big" a good abdomen (six pack) and a nice smile. But like I said before, some girls may not like muscles, or six packs, and some girls don't like guys that smiles so it depends on who you want to attract.

It doesn't matter what you like but one thing that is important is confidence. Both genders are attracted to confidence because that shines through.

I not into the hulky kind of guys, never have never will be. They might be great to look at but that's will it ends.

I love a guy that makes me laugh. Humor is the key to my heart. I love a guy that is smart and who can hold a conversation on every topic. I hate talking to airheads. Or I hate for a conversation to be a struggle like your pulling teeths.

Major turn off he is cocky guy or a Mr.Know it all. These are major turn offs. Oh and stingy breathe. If there isn't medical reason behind it he should carry gum or mints and don't tell me you didn't know. Everyone should know this.

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AManWithNoName agrees: haha, I love this answere, so, what you think about mucisions

Their okay! I can join them because I can sing and dance right along with them. They just going to be good.

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Originally Posted by liz28

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AManWithNoName agrees: haha, i love this answere, so, what you think bout mucisions

Their okay! I can join them because I can sing and dance right along with them. They just gonna be good.

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Cool, I was in a band, we split, but that's a great way to meet new people, drummers are heads though, and lead singers, think they own the band

Well I play in 3 orchestras, a jazz jazz band and a brass ensemble. I am an old Chorister from Exeter Cathedral and I play Trumpet, Piano and drums. Im musical but music isn't cool these days. :( shame because I enjoy it a lot.

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Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

Well i play in 3 orchestras, a jazz jazz band and a brass ensemble. I am an old Chorister from Exeter Cathedral and i play Trumpet, Piano and drums. Im musical but music isnt cool these days. :( shame because i enjoy it alot.

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Music isn't cool!?
What do you mean by that

I think musicans are really cool. My last boyfriend was a guitarist in a band and now there's another guitarist I'm eyeing.. ^.^ I'm addicted.

If you play drums you should try get yourself into a band because the music world is always short of drummers. Rock/jazz bands seem to be getting very popular these days.

I don't know what you mean by "music isn' cool" because I love music. All kinds of music. I learned many years ago how to play the gutiar and loves it. Music is good for your soul. There a beat for everything and you hear it all around you. I listen to music all throughout the day, it fuse me up So don't downplay music or musicans.

Sorry that wasn't clear... I love music I think music is cool but its never my opinion that counts when trying to get friends. NO-one thinks singing or playnig instroments are cool where I live. Adults do but people my age are completely against it. Sorry about that

My whole life has been shaped around music. If I wasn't musical I wouldtn be able to get scholoships to good schools. I would just be another untalented comp kid.

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

haha, ive done lead, vocals, and that stuff james hetfield does, but in all my expierence, drummers are a** holes and need to die, but, being in a band is a great way to meet girls

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Not all drummers need to die, I know a few nice ones..
And lol I know, I sing with a band when their singer cant, they said when I'm with them its funny how lots of guys seem a bit more interseted in the band... :rolleyes: boys..






And to Nalla.. what is cool where you live?

Dude your only 14 man! No need 2 worry at all, I suggest however, you just focus on your studies, try your hardest in them, get involved in other things, like sports clubs etc. hit the gym for instance, girls will begin to notice you are taking care of yourself and having a great time, and will want to be part of that. Girls in those yrs tend 2 go for the bad boys ahah, but when you get a little older, they will start 2 notice more. You should deffo start 2 hit the gym though, by the time your 17-18 u will be all muscular, and girls will drop at your knees man!

My oh my
I'm your age and I go for the geeky guys who like computers and preforming arts this one guy whom I thought of dateing was cute and little chubby but then not all girls are like me if they were the world would be over run by hot airheaded guys thinking about sex
I know that dateing is big to you at the moment and you want to met girls but believe me now is just the start you have years DECADES to get a date and have some fun right now study is important it'll get you some where and then once your finatually stable you'll find people at work or a nice girl at a party
Dude I wouldent worry you sound really nice buffing up isn't going to get you grades only dissapointment when girls don't see the difference but remember life doesn't treat people fairly it gives them a unfair situation to over come and put things in there own hands
Like you say love yourself so follow your own advise:):)

Thanks for all your advice. I know I have to study and everything... but I am literally an A* pupil. Just got my GCSE chemistry results back and got 50/50. I end up spending weeks at a time not being talked to. Ill go up and try and start a question then they just give me a blunt one syllable answer. I would like girls to want to be around me, even if it means doing something like going to the gym. I think I'm fine as a person, I'm mature and sensible but like you say I'm no bad boy. Maybe if I was attractive I could show girls there is more than looks to people. But that isn't going to happen unless I'm 'fit' or 'hot'

You don't talk for anyone for weeks sometimes? That's not good.. I have classes in school were no one talks to me and I can deal with that cause I know its only those classes.
Try do more things outside of school, is there a youth club near you?

And random question but how are you doing GCSE's if your 14? Is it coursework? I'm 15 and I'm not doing mine until next year..

Anyway, get to know some people outside of school, you need good friends, its not healthy to not have any.