Ask Me Help Desk - Should I tell them?

Should I tell them?

Okay, the thing is... I have this ex "boyfriend" of mine. I broke up with "him" for another guy named christian. We are going good... but I want to talk about the other "guy". The only reason I'm using quotations is that its technically not a guy. This is long... please bare with me. Ever since last July... I have met this person... "he" goes by kinco(pronounced kinko) {personal info removed-<>}. The thing is... it is like a dude all over. It looks like a dude... sounds and acts like one... on top of all of that it wants to be one. Form what he says... not saying I believe him... "he" says that he takes steroids and this hormone crap that makes him grow man parts and man hormones. So basically, "He" said "he" is a dude but "he" was born a girl. So I call him a he because that's what he says he is now and he wants to be called that. We all call him kinco... not by his real name. His real name is too girly since he is a "man". And I used to be that girl that no guys liked... until one day I started talking to kinco. HE started to like me and I was a little attracted to him too. I wasn't like that way... les or bisexual... yet. We started talking and it all started as a prank. Once I jokingly dated him... it turned for real and every since then we have been on and off. My parents know and think he is a girl... but only thinks we are friends. I don't know if I should tell them. "His" parents know and so does my whole school, just not my parents. I don't want to tell them but I have heard so many people tell me I should. I don't want to... but should I have to? I'm afraid my aprents and mine's relationship would be totally ruined after that:(

That is an answer only you can decide on. As far as my opinion I think you should tell them. Most parents would adapt to that. Are you afraid that they would disown you? If they are really loving then they will probably understand. Right now, what do you have to lose? I am sure it can be a really tough decision. Good Luck and be happy!

Yes but I'm just afraid I'm not ready and I know its kind of bad but I'm not used to making decisions for myslef... I know that's a bad thing to say and I should know how to decide for myself but the thing is I'm always SOOOOO scared and people do it for me. Im just scared I'm not ready and I'm pretty sure my mom won't look at me the same plus what if my mom won't let me talk to or hang out with kinco any more... maybe not my mom but I know my dad just might. Idk I'm just afraid I'm not ready to tell them yet but I ahte hiding things so long from them... ugh! Help!

Your inverted commas and calling him 'it' is VERY disrespectful to the decisions he has made to portray himself as a man.

You are going through a coming out of a sense. Take it at your own pace and weight the situation in your mind.

Do you feel you are attracted to women? Have you thought about this?

What age are you? And Kinco?

You cannot control others reactions, only our actions.

Do you think your parents would prefer to hear this from someone else because this is a real possibility..

If you try to deal with your own feelings i.e are you gay/bi or just enjoy being with Kinco? It may be easier to deal with the situation.

Neverme brings up a lot of good points. You need to ask yourself a lot of these questions and then act on whatever you may decide.

No greenie for me adam?

That's not very nice! :p

I'm a greenie w*ore! Lol

Well I'm not into real women of course not I know that but the thing is I'm attracted to kinco as a person... just kinco himslef and I'm 14 in half a year but he is 14 and he really has VERY VERY strong feelings for me and me to him too but I know that this whole thing is against gods decision and its not right he isn't happy with our choices and I'm just confused... do I listen to my feelings and love him back although its against gods will and if I decide to do that then I just might tell my parents but I don't know I'm a very confused girl... :/

Well since I 'go against god's will' I'm probably not the best to try and help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bubbles95

i know that this whole thing is against gods decision

Why do you think that? He isn't the only person who has been born into the wrong body. Babies are born every day who have female parts inside and male parts outside, or just the opposite--or even a mix of both inside and outside. That's not God at work; it's Mother Nature, hormones getting confused as the baby develops before birth.

I am surprised, though, that at his very young age, a doctor is already giving him hormones to change his gender. Doesn't that usually happen after adulthood has been reached, when the person is sure of his feelings about himself and after many tests have been run? Maybe he's playing you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by neverme

No greenie for me adam?!

Thats not very nice! :p

I'm a greenie w*ore! lol

Sorry for the no greenie. I probably don't give as many as I should. I hardly ever get any and I may not deserve them but it seems like I get nowhere with them. So, I don't think too much to give them out. I will try and start helping people.

No I meant what I am doing is against gods will... god didn't put adam and adam or eve and eve on this earth.. I knopw that. Why am I still going against his will then.. I don't really know I just really like this person and I probably shouldn't but neverme I think you would be the best to help me if you have something along the same lines as me... going agtainst his will and everything. I just don't know if I should stop which I probably should but its hard

What the french toast... I've tagged this post for the reason that I think it is inappropriate to post someone's full first and last name in regards to this topic. Particularly when they are a juvenile. Perhaps if you beat them to removing it you can fix it. What you have done is just rude. Now when you Google this persons name it still comes up with this comment. NICE. You owe her an apology.

You're only 13. I think this would be a good thing to talk about with one of your parents, or both of them. And I agree about posting people's names. Please edit or a mod will.

My personal opinion.

I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS.

I simply want to tell the op why I may not be the best person to help her.

I am trying to be very clear here so please respect my right to expression.

You see the thing is I don't believe I'm going against his will.

Well that's not true, I just don't care, to be honest.

I think that IF there is a god, my true love will not bother him. I know that I truly loved a woman and I don't think I go against anyone or anything by acting on this.

I think that I have the right to love whoever I want and that it's my decision.

So therefore if your looking for spiritual guidance I cannot help.

You really need to sort out your feelings and the battle from within. Maybe it would be in your own best interest not to deal with anyone until you resolve your own issues and maybe a little more mature to deal with the decisions you make. Your only 13 or 14 so you have plenty of time to sort things out.

MsMewiththat, do you not understand the way that the rep system works?

For god's sake people learn to read the FAQ part of this site.

I did not give inaccurate information so I do not deserve a reddie.

I felt I should answer because she needs help and if she would like to talk about it disregarding her spiritual worries I have no problem helping but as regards spirituality we do not agree.

This is a young impressionable poster and I did not want to feel ignored, so that is why I answered.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Too many people answering at once... I can't understand this and it only works one at a time. AGH! Okay... so if I really felt these feelings for this person I should just go with this person despite the spiritual feelings? I guess everybody has their own spiritual stuff but anybody that is a true christian answer this for me. If you believed in god and loved him but you can't get oyurself out of this mess that easily what would you do immediately. Step, by step

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bubbles95

If you believed in god and loved him but u can't get oyurself out of this mess that easily what would you do immediately. Step, by step

1. Talk to one or both of my parents.
2. Listen to what he/she/they say.
3. Do what he/she/they say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by neverme

MsMewiththat, do you not understand the way that the rep system works?

For god's sake people learn to read the FAQ part of this site.

I did not give inaccurate information so I do not deserve a reddie.

I felt I should answer because she needs help and if she would like to talk about it disregarding her spiritual worries I have no problem helping but as regards spirituality we do not agree.

This is a young impressionable poster and I did not want to feel ignored, so that is why I answered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by neverme

No greenie for me adam?!

Thats not very nice! :p

I'm a greenie w*ore! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by neverme

Well since I 'go against god's will' I'm probably not the best to try and help.

I am sorry that you find my comment offensive, here is why I did it. Her question is this: "should I have to tell my parents"
The posts above don't answer that question. You are correct when you state this person is young and impressionable. <---half my problem with what you are writing. Drop it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

I am sorry that you find my comment offensive, here is why I did it. Her question is this: "should I have to tell my parents"
The posts above don't answer that question. You are correct when you state this person is young and impressionable. <---half my problem with what you are writing. Drop it.

And this answers her question how?

You are rude and there is no need for it. If the poster has a problem with my answers she can let me know herself. Thank you.

Bubbles95
It is clear that you are conflicted with many feelings. Talk to which ever of your parents or counselors at school that can help you best sort this out. You may very well not want to have this conversation with your parents if you don't feel that they will be able to handle this topic of the conversation or if you fear that they will treat you or your friend any differently. MY advice to you would be to seek the counseling help of a school counselor and with their help make the decision to speak with someone ( adult in your life) that you can trust. Preferably your parents but understand it's your comfort that will make all the difference in the outcome of these conversations. Maybe you can tell your parents that you are needing to seek counseling for some confusion. Which ever works best. However, get the advice of someone that is specifically educated to help you through this time in your life.

Who is all talking to me and who is agreeing with who... I'm so confused:(

Don't be confused. I'm a christian, I believe in God as you have expressed that you do. It is important that if you believe and you have the feelings that you do that you sort them out for what they mean to you. I think it is important that you get the help of a counselor. I would suggest pastor or priest but they too very well may preach to you the teachings of the bible. Maybe that is what you are after or maybe that is okay. It's important that whomever you choose to work this out with is a trust worthy adult and has your best interest at heart. Choosing to listen to anyone person that has a stake in the outcome of this decision or topic for you might conflict with the decision that you make. PRAY
p.s. let your friend know that you posted her name on the internet. Give her that courtesy. It does come up under Google search.

I just took all sorts of his name out sorry I didn't know... I'm still oyung... I'm still deciding whether to tell my parents. In fact I just might... ill let you guys know how it goes. Thanks:)

Please do let us know!

I will o and if its any better my big brother knows and I can talk to him also he is 16... two and a half years older but I don't know I would rather talk to an adult and when they get home I will talk to them and let you no... look for what I reply around eight or eight thirtyish okay?

>Thread Closed<
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