I'm 16 years old and the guy I love is 17. We've been friends for a bit and we "talked" for a while. I am his first love and the only girl he has ever said I love you too. He is the first guy I've truly loved and would do anything for. We talked on and off because I didn't know what I really wanted. But I realized it was him and we dated and we told each other EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and were totally comfortable around each other. But since then, I got grounded for a long time, like a veryyyyyyy long time. And he still wanted to date me though. But he decided it was too hard. I agreed. But even after we broke up, he told me how I was his first love, and only love and could see me in his future. We even talked about kids. He is now dating this girl who he has liked since freshmen year ( we are juniors now) but when I came along, he didn't talk to her anymore, because he was all "me". When we dated, I told him he could go to our spree dance with her because she asked him before. They didn't do anything, but there were still feelings. I love him with all my heart and he has changed me for the better, and I have changed him for good too. I want to be his friend, but it makes it so hard because I love him so much and I want to be with him. Should I just be his friend, and feel that hurt, or let it go and not talk to him anymore? And I don't know what to tell him.

This guy doesn't sound like he's even worth your time. If he really loved you, do you really think he'd be dating another girl? no. stop kidding yourself. It's over and it sounds like its for the best. My advice is to let it go.

I think you should tell him that you still love him and see what he say's then if he blows you off you should just forget aout him and move on.

I think you are caught up in the drama.

Take it from someone who has been there, you will never be able to be just friends if you truly love the person. You will always long for more and the pain will build up inside you and eventually it turns to resentment!

Yeah rg61fc, I like that. Its so true. I think it took someone to tell me that for me to actually truly believe it

Just curious how old are you?

And nope its not possible to be friends when you love that person so let go and move on ahead. You never know maybe one day in the future when all feelings have gone you can be friends.

Also if he really loved you he would not have jumped to another girl.

Remember everything happens for a reason.

It was "too hard" to have a relationship because you were grounded? Honey, that is not the kind of guy that you want to be with. What happens when you go away for a camp or (in the future) go away to school? Is he going to just dump you because you're not around?

I'm with the other on this one, this guy is thinking of convenience rather than your feelings. That is not the kind of guy that you want to be involved with.

If being friends is hurting you than no, you can't be friends. You need to think of you. YOU are important, too.

You deserve MUCH better than this.

She's 16. If he can't even maintain a relationship while you are grounded, starts dating someone else because he is just SO lonely because you are grounded, I doubt he loves you. It sounds to me, he was filling your ears with what you wanted to hear (perhaps to get what he wanted). Being friends after a relationship is difficult. But it can be done. I was friends with my ex for three years after we dated, we decided it was better to part ways when it became an issue with both our significant others that we were still friends.

Move on. And stop getting grounded!

I know.. I do need to stop getting grounded! Lol
Yeah it is way to hard to be JUST friends with him. I love him but he's with someone else now, and when they were talking and not dating yet, he told me in the future he wants to be with me, but that sounds lyk bs now. I don't think he told me he loved me to "get what he wanted", he never wanted sex or anything lyk that, he's a virgin.

All right I'm 16 and I am no longer a virgin

My parents practiced and preached to me for so long to stay a virgin until I graduate from high school. They told me that id be in a lottttt of trouble if they found out I have sex.

Well I've BEEN sexually active and I never thought that they would find out.

Well I was with this guy, and he was my boyfriend of really not too long. We "talked" for a while but really didn't know a tON about each other. It was definitely a big mistake to have sex, but an even bigger one to not use any form of protection.

Later after we were done, he texted me and said we should just be friends and work our way up. I was like, OK, I guess.
The next day I texted him and said "what if i am pregnant? :/"
He told me to get an abortion, I had to, or I would ruin his life and his chances off getting into the naval academy. I told him that we both made the decision to have sex and not use protection, so if I was pregnant, we had to take care of the consequences that come along with sex. He said if I was, and kept it, he would have the deepest hatred for me and that I was ignorant and naïve and was not fit to be a mother, especially because I couldn't "spell out complete words" in text messages. (bs) I told him abortion was wrong in my opinion and God wouldn't want me to do that. He believe in God, but told me that Mans interpretation of God was petty, and it isn't a real baby yet anyway. He told me to not text him until I knew if I was pregnant or not.

Usually I delete all of my texts but this time, I didn't. My stepdad, out of nowhere, takes my phone and goes through all of the texts. I started hypervenilating.
Basically my mom FLIPPPPPPPED out, broke a mirror, slapped me, yelled, screamed, cursed, and my stepdad did too. My stepdad is basically my real father, and they were so mad. They called the boy and told him if I was, he would have to help take care of it. And they told me that I'm probably going to be grounded until I graduate high school. (ima junior) and they took my phone, and turned it off, I can't do anyTHING, I go to school, the gym, and work. That's it. I'm basically under a microscope now. Plus my parents know anout most of my other hookups.

I think being grounded for this long is ridiculous, so does my sister, and my biological dad. I already did what I did, and keeping me locked up, isn't going to teach me anything!
I need people thoughts, because I think it is ridiculous

I think their punishment for you should be to volunteer at planned parenthood, or a hospital in the maternity ward. Why are you not on birth control?

I was going to go on birth control before my parents found out. Then they found out and my mom and I went to the doctor to get me tested for stds. I'm clean, and they asked if I wanted to go on birth control, my mom said no, she doesn't need it, she won't be having sex anytime soon.

That's stupid. You need to be on birth control. Because we all know that kids rebel. Honestly you need to be on birth control. And at planned parenthood, you don't have to let your parents know.

I would, the thing is, I have no time to. I'm like seriously grounded and can't do anything. I thought for a hot minute about killing myself, but very quickly took that thought out of my mind. I hate living here. I can't wait until I graduate!

It is unfortunate that your parents are taking things to this extreme. I know that it makes you angry, I know it is excessive, but I think they have your best interests at heart.

If you were to have ended up pregnant, you would have been grounded for the next eighteen years, in some aspects.

I know that you are angry, is there another parent you can talk to who would be willing to try and talk to your parents? The pressure to have sex is intense and you had parents that were refusing that it would happen.

I know you heard our views on how we believe it should be handled on the other thread. How long ago did this happen?

That's ridiculous. Thought about killing yourself because you got caught doing something that you knew you weren't supposed to be doing. This boy is the reason that they didn't want you to have sex before you graduated. Because you are not mature enough to handle a sexual relationship, that is apparent. Nor are you mature enough to choose a suitable partner for your first time. All kids hate living at home with their parents, but once you get out into the real world and have to start dealing with a job, paying bills, paying bills on time, and real life; you'll wish that you were still living at home and in high school. Trust me. Follow their rules, and make sure that its obvious that you have learned your lesson. Perhaps they will let you off early for good behavior.

It happened the middle of January.
And I understand they have my best interests at heart, but what they are doing is tooo excessive.

As the people who take care of you, their rules are what goes. Sad sometimes, I know. Talking to both of them and getting to know them better, and they you, may change the prison sentence. Some kids live their lives as if they had already been found guilty. At least you are guilty.

Their freak-out reaction was more than just a reaction to knowing you had had sex. Parents who freak out, sometimes do it because they panic. Their model didn't work. What did they do wrong? AAaahhh!

Anyway, parents are human beings with an important and scary job. Raising children is not for the faint of heart. That being said, I hope you're not pregnant if you don't want to be.

Now, the possible father... Grrrr! What a selfish turkey. If he knew that the sex was unprotected and did it anyway, he's going to have to face the consequences. Don't let him guilt you into aborting the child (if it exists.) Now that he's done his part, supplying sperm, it's time to do your part. It's your child too, and your body. Therefore, it's your decision.

Being resentful and angry at your parents is natural. Acting like it is not one bit helpful to the situation. Talk to them calmly asking for their views. Listen to the answers without making too many faces. Ask what you can do around the house to make their lives easier. Tell them how you are feeling with "I" statements, not accusations.

I didn't think about killing myself for doing what I did, it was how my stepdad was treating me afterwards calling me a slut, and being so mean to me. Not even acting like a parent. I cried everyday and night. And I'm not ready for a sexual relationship right now, this I know, nor are many other high schoolers.
But I've been wanting to move out for a while, and I know it will be hard once I'm "out in the real world" but oh well, ill handle it.

Yes, it is excessive, but I'm sure that this was spoken out of anger, and they are watching you to see how to react. If you rebel I'm sure they will stick with their decision. But if you seem like you've learned something from all this, I'm sure they'll lighten the load. Talk to them.

Well I would show my parents, in as many ways as possible that I understood that they want for you to wait.

Sex isn't anything to be taken lightly and you don't have a serious boyfriend. Sex with random boys at your school will still leave you feeling alone. Don't hurry to grow up, you will have plenty of time for it. And when you do decide that you are ready for sex, USE PROTECTION. If your parents are not willing to put you on birth control, carry condoms, because it is even more irresponsible to have sex without being prepared.

You think they are upset because they found out you were having sex, imagine how upset they will be if you turned up pregnant.

Be responsible, but don't hurry to grow up.

I'm definitely not going to rebel. I've learned that being nicer to them (especcially trying to be nicer to my step dad, which is hard) is better for me and for them, so things will be way easier. I've learned, but I'm pretty sure they've stuck with the decision to ground me for a WHILE. It maybe before graduation when I git ungrounded, but not anytime soon.

Oh and my stepdad told me if I was pregnant, he was kicking me out because "he wasnt going to take care of my baby"

It is so hard for children to understand, sometimes its hard for adults to understand as well, we place our disappointments in ourselves and our surroundings on our children. It's not because we are angry with them and it's not because we as parents are perfect. It's because parenting doesn't come with a book of guidelines, we have to do what we think is best when we see our babies growing up. Parents don't want it to happen and children are forcing it to happen too soon.

I know you are angry with the both of them, I know that they are reacting very poorly, but give it sometime and make some better judgements, not because they want you to, but because you know what's right for you.

Yeah, they asked me where they went wrong. I just think they are too strict. They can't expect me to be perfect and when a kid is tempted to do something, even when they know they aren't supposed to, they may do it because of the rebellious thing and they think their parents won't find out. But from now on, I just want to prevent my younger sisters and brothers from having sex before it is the right time, and they are fully ready and mature enuff.

Better to be grounded by your parents, than being knocked over the head, and grounded by life.

You could be pregnant, homeless, and barefoot, hungry, and alone. Do as your told, and pay your penance, and hope you have learned this time, as next time, you may not get caught in time to save your butt!

Someday you will see what they are trying to teach you, and be grateful, and love them for it, but for now do as your told, for your own good.

Sometimes we as parents believe that if we can just lock them up nothing bad will ever happen.

Take some time, cool off, maybe sit down with them again and have a talk with them. If you can sit down and have a mature talk with them, that means not losing your cool. I bet it will mean volumes to your relationship.

Well, the guy seems like a huge , who basically saw you as a hole. I don't know why you wanted to have sex with him that young anyway. But, its not my place to judge.

Now, if you're pregnant, they are completely justified, but they should spend more time thinking about what to do with the baby. Although I am pro-choice, if you want to keep the baby, do so. Don't cop out at the last second. Your parents told you not to have sex to prevent this situation.

If you're not pregnant, I think you should be grounded until you're 18. You have no business having sex that young.

And you're dad also sounds like a , who should be supportive, yet very stern at the same time. The name calling is completely uncalled for. The same goes for your mom.

Grounded till I'm 18- lame and no.
I'm moving before I turn 18, ill be 17 once I graduate.

But I will definitely work on my relationship with my parents!

You're parents are the ones that get to decide if you can move out before you are 18, so I would really really show them you've learned your lesson.

And I would honsestly wait until the dust settles, and have a serious heart-to-heart with your parents.

They told me I could move out once I graduate, and if I really wanted, I could go live with my dad.

But I know, we will have that heart-to-heart eventually.

Where is your Dad? What does he think about all this?

My dad and I used to never get along, he was never there. He is now, and he knows he has to be so I don't end up pregnant, or worse, dead. He lives in the city right by me, and he agrees that I wasn't ready to have sex, and I have my whole life ahead of me. But he said he wudnt have me on lock lyk they have me, because I already did what I did, and grounding me honestly is not going to help

Parents take the steps they see fit to handle the situation at hand, chances are the child isn't going to like it or think that its reasonable.

Although I think your parents may have handled this in the wrong way, and the name calling wasn't necessary, they ARE looking out for your best interests here. They know things that you just don't know at this age.

You've showed them that you have no impulse control, and you were willing to put your health, your future, and possibly even your life at risk, for a few moments of pleasure with a boy you hardly knew.

Babies are real, STD's are real! It is not something to take lightly. You are only 16, and trust me, no matter how much you think you know at your age, you just don't. It's a medical fact that your brain does not even fully develop until you are into your 20's.

You are not ready to be having sex. You haven't got the capability to see around corners, and recognise the consequences of your actions. At this point you are living in the here and now! Two weeks from now seems like a lifetime away from now at your age. You can't see the bigger picture, and why your parents are trying to stop you from having sex.

There are many reasons for that my dear. There are physical reasons, phychological reasons, and emotional reasons, why you are just not ready. You are no longer a virgin, but no longer being a virgin doesn't give you a free pass not to respect yourself or your body any longer.

Your parents might seem like they are just trying to interfere with your life now. Every 16 yr. old feels like this, and you just want your freedom, because in your mind you think you are all grown up, and have the ability to make those choices for yourself, when in fact you honestly just are not.

Hopefully you have dodged the bullet this time, and you are not pregnant, or have an STD. It may not work out so well the next time. Birth control is not 100% effective, and neither are condoms. Condoms break all of the time.

You need to take your focus off having sex, and focus on things that will make you a better person as you grow and mature. I'm willing to bet that you had sex with these boys because you craved the attention. Sure you liked it, but you thought it would make a boy like you more. Well you saw how that worked with the last boy, didn't you? Sex NEVER keeps a boy around... NEVER! It doesn't matter what they tell you... how much they say they like or love you! It just NEVER works that way. Trust me when I say that it never has, and NEVER will.

Concentrate on graduating, and getting a good education. Don't make sex your number one priority!

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I'm basically under a microscope now. Plus my parents know anout most of my other hookups.

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If by *hook-ups* you mean other sexual partners than they are justified.They may have helped you more than you know.Take this time to reflect on why you are allowing boys to treat you with disrespect.Spend this time learning to honor yourself.

To make a long story short (I'm off to deliver babies and work in the nursery tonight), you breached your parents' trust. It's going to take a long time for them to trust you again.

Well... here's my latest post here because I misread something someone else said and wrote a reply. Then re read what they wrote and understood what they said. But now I can't figure out how to delete it, only how to edit it... sorry for the waste of a post :)

Talk to a counselor or therapist about the way your parents treat you. If what you say is true, than they need to learn that you can't just say "NO" and expect you not to do it.

Human nature is when you are cornered, you lash out. Your parents told you not to eat the apple... well we all know how that story ends.

I think counseling seems like the best bet.