I really don't know where to start... first off, I am 17 years old, and dated an amazing girl since last September. Everything was great. First, she told me she wanted a break. For no reason, all she said is we fought too much. And she wanted to let loose with other guys. My friends tell me she isn't worth it, but I always thought she was the one. Yeah I'm young, but I feel like I could never feel like this with anyone else ever, soooo many memories. We pretty much planned our whole life together. We "thought" we were so in love. I still feel like I am. Just a little bit on her, this is the girl I've been totally drooling over for 4 years now. Everything was going great I thought, I treated her like royalty. But at times she was very mean and cruel to me. She got mad about the smallest things.

Now this past weekend, 3 days after she dumps me, she hooks up with 2 guys in 2 days, and now thinks she has a lot of feelings for this guy. She told me I'm never allowed to talk to her again. But a week ago she told me maybe we could date in a couple months. Now she never wants to talk to me again. Just because of our past I feel like maybe we could get back together in a few years. She already has moved on after 3 days. I just can't get her out of my head, everything I do reminds me of her. She really makes no sense. But I am so lost, and really don't want to move on, some girls are so shallow, and I really don't see anyone right now who could replace her. I just need some help on how to move on for this specific situation, and hopefully move on without her. I just can't help but think about all of our amazing times together, and can never think of the bad ones. Believe me there was a lot of bad times. But we had so many magical times together, she was definitely my first love, and I wanted her to be the one. I still think she is. Do you think she will realize I am the one for her and come running back? Or is it over?

Also, I forgot to post this, she said she has absolutely no feelings for me anymore, which is hard to hear, but is really hard to believe because she has said things she didn't mean in the past..

You spend so much time planning a lifetime that you fail to remember how hard it is to just get through a week with someone.

How you feel about her is almost beside the point here. She's sleazing out and your feelings about it mean nothing to her. Don't you see that?

So, she occasionally deems to offer you a carrot that MAYBE you two can date some more later when she's done sleazing out with whomever she wants. This is a good thing in your mind? I certainly hope not.

Wouldn't it be awesome to be going out with someone who is totally into you... right now? Not just a little in the past, but ACTUALLY into you today? Wouldn't that be better?

Pining after sleaze-girl feels romantic, but think about what you get if she changes her mind and comes back to you... you know what you get? You get sleaze girl! How is that a good thing?

It really is OK if you police yourself in these matters. When your heart is screaming "but I want her, I want her" and everything your mind and life know about the truth is that she's no good for you anymore, in that situation you have to overrule your heart. It wants what it wants and doesn't care if it screws up your life or your mind.

So you have to be stronger than that. You can do it.

Ok so let me get this right

She dumps you seconds after goes out with 2 other guys. Yes?

Bloody hell mate. What the hell are you doing even thinking about this women

She does not care for you AT ALL!
She does not want to be with you. AT ALL.
She is going out with different guys.

and you still want her back? shall i just call you FIDO the DOG? or what


Grow a pair right. Leave this chick in the dust. OK. And get on with your life. Because all your friends are right!
I know its hard to hear the truth.. but her actions have shown you.. what she really thinks about you.

Which is not a lot

She has shown you no respect.
And you have shown yourself no respect
But
A--- Putting up with it! (because you think you won't feel these feelings against? Wrong!)

B-- For wanting a girl back. That treats you with no respect care or love.

You said you had many good times?

Yeah well. All them times got deleted the second she dumped you and told you never to call her again and started dating other guys.


Memories a stranger

Don't let the feelings fool you.

Hey buddy I'm going through the same thing right now and the best thing you can do is get on with your life

Obviously I need to move on, its simple, the girl wants to be a whore right right now, but what if she comes around and realizes she made a bad decision. And if I'm not right and she never comes back, how do I get these feelings out and memories and thoughts out of my head?

You probably won't get feelings and memories of her out of your head ever but 1 thing is for sure you will get stronger feelings for someone else and better memories

By the way I'm 17 2 I know exactly how you feel

And to the other posts, I wouldn't say seconds after but it was 3 days after. I think its disrespectful to do that to a guy who treated you so well. I just can't stand picturing my first love with another guy. She said I cared too much about her, and she felt like I was trying to hard.. I just don't get women

I don't think us guys ever will they must think just because we are guys we don't have feelings you no

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Originally Posted by smurf69

i dont think us guys ever will they must think just because we are guys we dont have feelings u no

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To be honest, I have heard many women surprised to learn, through various incidents and conversations, that men are hurt by these types of things. They've been conditioned to believe a certain thing about the male psyche that isn't necessarily accurate, just as we have about them. If you talk about it with your buddies, they'll almost always give a nodding sign of understanding.

Seconds... or 3 days?

Oh sod off with that will you.

Really man don't you dare try to defend her.

And real smart man. You want her to go off and be a whore.. and then if she comes back crying.. because of all the guys she tried.

Your willing to take her back?

Grow an Fing! Back bone! And leave this chick the Hell ALONE! For your own good you
Muppet! Please please!


Yeah well first loves move on man. Mine did. So did many others.
We don't think about them with other guys. Because they are not our problem anymore.

We think about ourselves! And what we learnt from the relationship!
And how better off we will be when the next girl comes around.


3 days... Ha! That makes it all better.
Stop lying to yourself.
And move on man

I think there are good women out there, some like the one I was with maybe was a little self centered? I don't know if that's the word. But its like she only cares about her feelings and her life and could care less about the guy who she called her everything and all that crap. I ripped up everything she gave me, including a scrapbook she made for me which was very, very difficult.

You got it right man Self Centered..

and as I said. She does not care about you.

Wait till you meet a women that reall cares about you man :)

then you will understand why I'm pisst that you want a person like this back in your life =)


Your doing great DELET everything!
and block her from your life

This time is all about YOU. You. You .YOU

Work on yourself
do things to make yourself happy

trust me. You will be so much better off without her in your life

not to sound corny here
but it's a start Down a new road for you!

Don't make the same mistakes and just enjoy the ride! :P yeah it's a B@@H when you get a falt! But keep on moven!

Regards

I feel like I'm doing pretty good, I just can't stop thinking of the girl.. everything I do reminds me of her. It sucks. There were so many bad memories but right now I just can't help but think of the good ones. Which was a lot less then the bad ones.

It's like getting a song stuck in your head, the more you try to NOT think of the song, the more it plays...

This is the same thing. You'll take some time to get her tune out of your head. Take it easy, don't beat yourself up for thinking of her, but also don't put any feet to any of those thoughts. Let them come, then let them go.

Not worth it.

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Originally Posted by husky04

i feel like im doing pretty good, i just can't stop thinking of the girl.. everything i do reminds me of her. it sucks. there were so many bad memories but right now i just can't help but think of the good ones. which was alot less then the bad ones.

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Look good or bad memories will always stick around. I'm sure you can still picture vividly good times you had as a kid and bad. What matters is how you react. You embrace those and know they were good. Instead of thinking of the memories in a bad think to the day that you can enjoy that again with another woman. Look back and once the dust has settled you'll realize it probably wasn't a good relationship. And if you don't than you will go through all this for nothing.

She has now moved on to another guy, after hooking up with him the first time they spent time together, now they have feelings for each other and are probably going to date. Her friends are telling me she is so happy with him and he tells her she is amazing and all that. I don't know what I did wrong, I wrote 14 poems for this girl and gave them all to her. They were really good poems too. I told her I loved her everyday and reminded her that she was the most perfect girl out there. But I didn't say it too much to overwhealm her. I really thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. She got mad about the smallest things and blew them up. Now she is saying she doesn't care about my feelings at all and does not even love me anymore? After a week. Is that even remotely possible?

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Originally Posted by husky04

she has now moved on to another guy, after hooking up with him the first time they spent time together, now they have feelings for each other and are probably going to date. her friends are telling me she is so happy with him and he tells her she is amazing and all that. i dont know what i did wrong, i wrote 14 poems for this girl and gave them all to her. they were really good poems too. i told her i loved her everyday and reminded her that she was the most perfect girl out there. but i didnt say it too much to overwhealm her. i really thought i wasnt doing anything wrong. she got mad about the smallest things and blew them up. now she is saying she doesnt care about my feelings at all and does not even love me anymore? after a week. is that even remotely possible?

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You didn't do anything wrong is that aspect. People change and with that change comes new things. Accept it and do not dwell on what she is doing. As far as her she definitely doesn't know what she wants so let to attempt to figure it out. You knew what you wanted. She doesn't offer that so more on.

Do you think there is any chance of her coming back? If so, do I take her back after what she did to me. I'm sure there is no chance of that happening anymore though.

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Originally Posted by husky04

do you think there is any chance of her coming back? if so, do i take her back after what she did to me. im sure there is no chance of that happening anymore though.

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Honestly maybe but why would you want to go back with someone who lied to you about emotions played you for months and shows no remorse for leaving you for another guy? There are a million what if's but I'd call you an idiot if you went back with her. She clearly has played you. Movre on trust me there are a million better woman out there to give love to who will in return give it back to you and instead of using you. Stop wondering one day you won't want her back and for good reason.

All right, all I read was negative things about this person you want to your spend your life with, that's probably a red flag and not a good thing, I mean I understand your not here to tell us how great your relationship is but still, it came off to me being a very negative thing.

You ever have something you really wanted on lay away? Well that's what she's doing to you my friend, all right lets break up I'll hook up with these two guys while you wait in limbo for me to come back in a few months, I mean it could happen, okay love you cya in a few months.

Ummmm, screw that. You deserve better, the first one is always the hardest to get over, you'll be fine my friend let her go. Live for you.

Husky I know what you mean, she said the same thing to me and I'm going through the same thing, though its not 2 guys she told me she likes someone else after meeting them for 1 week, I gave this girl my soul, I know she loved me cause we had talked about marriage etc. I don't understand how you can leave someone you love for someone you like. Well I'm trying to move on, but I won't deny there's a part of me that hopes she comes back to me, and I would probably take her back. Love makes you blind, lol like they say "love" it's a mother fu cker

Are you in denial or what? She has told you straight out to leave her alone and get a life, and she is right.

After the shock wears off and you regroup, You'll see reality for what it is, your were just a stop on her journey to do her thing, and it didn't work. It happens, so move on, and stop worrying if she will come back, because she won't.

That is well said, and believe it or not I'm actually doing a pretty good job of just leaving her alone, I did my own things with a girl yesterday, I have been hanging out with my friends just making jokes about everything. She texted me yesterday just asking how everything is, I told her and the said I'm doing a good job of moving on and I got to go bye. I've realized she will never come back but I'm hoping she is mature enough to want to at least be friends soon. For right now though, I am perfectly fine the way it is.

Don't worry about being friends with her. You got to worry about yourself.

Your only 17... tons of time to go find other women!!

There are half a BILLION females to be friends with, pick as many as you like.

Just to update on everything, I have been doing All right with this. I still think about her quite a lot, and she went to the christmas dance last night and I saw pictures of her which look amazing, its tough because I could have went with her if I had just stayed with her. I did talk to her about things the other day.

She told me I pretty much blew it, I have no idea what I did, she said she just wasn't feeling it anymore and told me I should take her out on a date before she dumped me. She also said we did the same thing all the time and she thought I cared too much. Anyway she asked to go on a Saturday, and I already had plans with my buddies. The next day she dumped me and you know what happened from there. She told me if I had just taken her out on a date everything would be fine. We do still text, and I really want to stop, but its so hard and she is saying that her and her new boyfriend might not even work out. I still miss her, and I am doing a good job of getting over her, I just don't know if I should still be friends with her, or stop talking to her. My problem is right now if she suddenly wanted to come back to me, I think I would take her back. And I shouldn't.

Hey man, Im 17, a couple of months ago I split with my girlfriend, and it was absolute hell. BUt I dealt with it eventually, I still feel like I'm going nowhere but I know for a fact il get somewhere if you know what I mean.
Yesterday though I had just gone up town on the piss and walked home on my own, walked back towards her house because it is my only route, saw her and some other guy kissing. That was heartbreaking dude but I realised that I'm going to be happy again, I just can't get that image out of my head, but oh well life goes on and there will be better things to come :D
Your better off without someone like that in your life, and I think at 17 you should be out on the piss enjoying yourself, not having trust issues (because lets be honest 99% of teenagers are fairly insecure) go out, live your life and have no regrets :)
You will get through this.

The only thing I'm worried about is if I should stop talking to her now. We did make up and we said we should just be friends and now we text every once in a while. I just don't know if I should be doing that or not.

No, you should not be doing that. Do not remain friends with her. If you have any desire to live your own life and to get over her, you need to cut contact. Worry about getting yourself together. You will know if you are healed once the questions of "Do you think she will ever come back?" are no longer there. Until that point, no reason to remain friends with someone that you have a strong desire to be with. Not fair and it is emotionally draining.

Updating again.. I have had no contact for a week now, she texts me every once and a while and says what's up or whatever. I text back and say I'm busy or I can't talk.. should I not even reply or what. No contact is so difficult but I know it will help me get over her. I just need to know when I should start speaking to her again.

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Originally Posted by husky04

should i not even reply back or what.i just need to know when i should start speaking to her again.

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Easy answers? Don't respond at all. Never.

So your telling me I shouldn't talk to her ever again? That's tough because all of my friends and her friends hang out with the same people so its hard to just not talk to her if were with each other.

Saying hi, and being brief, is not breaking NC. Just stay away from long, drawn out explanations about your relationship, or break up, or her side of missing you so much... blah, blah, as that's what stirs those feelings back up, and when the confusion sets in.

Hey she ain't begging to get back, so what's the point of those old dumb, confusing, conversations about how you feel, or she feels?

To answer your question, when you have dealt with your feelings, and can see things in a very realistic light, and not be confused, or wonder what this means, and that means, then your ready to talk to her.

Until then, and don't be fooled by feeling good, leave her basically... ALONE!!

The last thing you need is false hope and confusion right now.

After a week of no contact, I hung out with her last night, I really didn't want to and had no idea I was going to. All my friends were with her friends and I had no idea. I went over to my friends car to get picked up and there she was. She told me to come in and sat on my lap, which was very weird. We had fun and stuff, but it was just weird. She now wants to be friends and is texting me and talking to me now. I don't know if I should be friends with her yet. She is still with another guy and I am doing a pretty good of moving on. Please let me know if I should still be talking to her now. And what to say when she tells me I'm being rude by just saying one word answers when I talk to her. I don't know if I can be friends or talk to her yet, but a part of me wants her to chase me. Please help!

She thinks your OK with everything... when your not. You really should go back to NC for your own good!! That would be the best thing to do In my opinion.

OR

If she says your being rude, you need to tell her she has NO ROOM TO TALK. You need make a point to her about how you feel and how she hurt you and how naïve she is to think that you could be friends with her when she just dumped you for other guys.

She really has no reason to attack you for being rude when she F-ed everything up! You need to tell her that. She may leave you alone then.

Sometimes people need to hear the truth!

Also I forgot to mention she did not sit on my lap because she wanted to, there was 5 people in the car I was in already so she had to.

Just go back to NC as you're not healed enough to mentally deal with seeing her.

I honestly feel like I could talk to her now, the only thing I am worried about is hearing things I don't want to hear. I am just so confused right now with everything. I feel like everything could be fine and we could be friends, I just don't know if I want that.