Ask Me Help Desk - My Dad Abuses Me At Points.

My Dad Abuses Me At Points.

Well hello everyone, my name is Kayla.
My dad scares me sometimes. Sometimes it feels like we are the perfect father/daughter relationship, and at some points I'm just afriad to speak to him for the following week. My mouth sometimes get's me in trouble with my dad. My dad he gets angry very easily and I don't know why. Just sitting here thinking about this makes me want to cry. Sometimes I tell my dad when we fight he has anger management problems because he just gets me so angry! He gets mad.. Comes up to me and says " Are you talking back to me?" In a very forceful way, and he put his hand and backhands me... Is this regular for a dad to do this?. I've thought about running away at points but Im scared to do it. Because I don't know what will happen to me while I'm alone outside of my house. I have thought about telling the police, but Im scared that he might found out that I told him about it and he might do worse to me.. Im just really afriad right now.. I don't know what to do..

Aw honey I'm sorry to hear that you're father isn't treating you right, and NO it is not normal or okay that he backhands you.Is your mother around? If so, I would start by telling her... or your guidance counselor at school... they are there to listen, and to keep your secret. :-]

Quote:

Originally Posted by zawatska

Aw honey I'm sorry to hear that you're father isn't treating you right, and NO it is not normal or okay that he backhands you.Is your mother around? If so, I would start by telling her...or your guidence counselor at school...they are there to listen, and to keep your secret. :-]

Mother.. Not in my life.. and guidance counselor, afraid to go to her.

Why are you afraid to go to the guidance counselor? They keep everything you tell them private. The police would not be the way to go, the counselor would.

Hun, this is not normal nor is it okay for your father to backhand you, that is considered abuse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Why are you afraid to go to the guidance counselor? They keep everything you tell them private. The police would not be the way to go, the counselor would.

Hun, this is not normal nor is it okay for your father to backhand you, that is considered abuse.

Because.. I wouldn't trust anyone with this.. Im just so scared.. Im practically crying right now.. Im just afraid something bad will happen.

What can happen worse than is already happening?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

What can happen worse than is already happening?

Im afraid that he will find out and do worse to me. Im even scared to go to sleep at night, I'm afraid he will come in my room and do something.

Does he abuse you everyday? Is backhanding you the only thing he is doing? Be honest, we're here to listen and try to help...

Also, the guidance counselor could lose their job if you find out that their telling anyone else what is going on with you... is there a friend you can trust? Any other family member? I've heard of a guidance counselor calling child protective services on a parent, but I'm not sure how common that is...

Quote:

Originally Posted by zawatska

I've heard of a guidance counselor calling child protective services on a parent, but I'm not sure how common that is...

It's actually very common and in the US is required by law if the counselor believes there is abuse.

Have you discussed this issue with him when he ISN'T angry?

Hey Kayla,
The first thing I would recommend is talking to other family about this. Possibly an aunt or uncle? I think they would be a good start, and they have no legal obligation to go to the police to report it. If you trust them, they could keep your secret too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zawatska

Does he abuse you everyday? Is backhanding you the only thing he is doing? Be honest, we're here to listen and try to help...

Also, the guidance counselor could lose their job if you find out that their telling anyone else what is going on with you... is there a friend you can trust? Any other family member? I've heard of a guidance counselor calling child protective services on a parent, but I'm not sure how common that is...

One time.. He kicked me in my thigh and I was bruised. And no. I don't really want to trust anyone. Idk if I can.

Abusers RELY on you not telling anyone. They keep you scared. You have to tell someone or you may end up horribly injured or dead and NO ONE would know to have helped you.

Find a school counsellor-that is a good first step-at least to give you some improved advice.

You can also search the net,
Find an anonymous phone number to call. You could get professional advice, and stay anonymous. Like a Kids Help Phone, here in Canada. Where do you live? Country? City? Don't need too specific, but at lease a locale.

I think that, along with talking to your family would be your best bet with this.

In the mean time, keep us updated
Good luck

Today at lunch, I saw my guidance counselor and I was thinking about going up to her and asking her if we could have a little meeting, but I backed out, Im afraid.

Good job on thinking about it... but you're not going to get anywhere just thinking about it. You should be more scared of your father, not the guidance counselor! If you can't even trust your father, who can you trust? Get over your fears and do the right thing, talk to your guidance counselor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zawatska

Good job on thinking about it...but you're not going to get anywhere just thinking about it. You should be more scared of your father, not the guidance counselor! If you can't even trust your father, who can you trust? Get over your fears and do the right thing, talk to your guidance counselor.

If I did, How would I start?

You would start by saying, "I am concerned about how my father behaves towards me and HIS ANGER.."

The counsellor should ask you to explain from when this problem started from, then all the events leading up to the present-do not leave ANYTHING out.

This is all dependent on IF you feel that the counsellor is totally understanding you. If you do not feel secure, you need to find Another teacher perhaps.

I had an art teacher as an unofficial mentor/adviser when I was about 14/15, I helped to stack the Kiln after school, just small talk can work wonders if the listener is advising you occasionally.

Cheers.

I agree with all of the above, sweetie, look, your father clearly has issues he needs to work out and he is taking it out on you... You need to talk to someone before something worse elevates, even if you didn't tell anyone it could get worse. Just tell your counselor if you can talk about a serious issue going on in your life, talk to her/him like their your friends, Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

You would start by saying, "I am concerned about how my father behaves towards me and HIS ANGER.."

The counsellor should ask you to explain from when this problem started from, then all the events leading up to the present-do not leave ANYTHING out.

this is all dependent on IF you feel that the counsellor is totally understanding you. If you do not feel secure, you need to find Another teacher perhaps.

I had an art teacher as an unofficial mentor/adviser when I was about 14/15, I helped to stack the Kiln after school, just small talk can work wonders if the listener is advising you occasionally.

cheers.

I really really want to.. But Im just afraid.. And don't know how to really approach it, Im a shy kind of girl.

Nothing can be done until you're ready to share your feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zawatska

Nothing can be done until you're ready to share your feelings.

This is for barbie chick, But what hotline? I don't know any hotline.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaykay0941

This is for barbie chick, But what hotline? I dont know any hotline.

Hotlines are a great idea. They are anonomys and don't appear on a phone bill. There is virtually zero percent chance your father will figure out that you have been on the phone with these people. These hotlines can also give more professional advice on how to deal with this.
The hotlines vary by country, and region...

Where do you live?
City, Country will do...

I'm sorry to hear that is happening to u but u need to tell some one, I'm not going to lie but your dad probebly will get in trouble. But u need to tell some one because no one deserves that.

[QUOTE=jrsg;1302657

Where do you live?
City, Country will do...[/QUOTE]

Charlotte, North Carolina.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaykay0941

Charlotte, North Carolina.

Try calling,

800 662-7030

This is a hotline for youths in personal crisis. They could probably help a lot in your situation. It is a 24 hour line, so you can call anytime.
The number I gave was for North Carolina. If for some reason it doesn't work (no reason it shouldn't) then you can try these national hotlines:

Childhelp USA®
National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD
24 Hours a Day

Child Abuse National Hotline
1-800-252-2873, 1-800-25ABUSE

National Youth Crisis Hotline
National Youth Development
1-800-HIT-HOME (1-800-448-4663)

National Runaway Switchboard
This hot-line is a referral service for youths in personal crisis.
1-800-621-4000

Good luck, and keep us updated on how things go.

Thanks so much for you help everyone.

Dad hit me last night,
Just got home dad is still at work,
Running away for good,
Im not even joking,
Goodbye everyone!
Wish me luck <3

Well good luck I guess, though that's not a very smart thing to do. You're young and stupid so the saying goes and u don't realize what could happen to you out in this big bad world. I wish u wouldve stuck around and toughed it out and got help.

Yeah,
I guess good luck...

Think about going to other family though...

I really don't think this is the best way for you to solve your situation. I really don't think you would do well on the streets, as nobody would.

Where do you plan to go?

What does your cousin jj think of it?

Have you talked with your aunt and unlce yet, or called those numbers?

Running away should be a LAST RESORT, and I don't think you have exausted all your resources quite yet.

Yeah, good luck, if you end up reading these, just remember be careful and go to someone you can trust... The world is a truly scary place.

The whole point of the counsilor is to help u try to get a solution or to help u see things clearer
If u don't do anything then things can get worse
Abuse starts with a backhand and can end up with u in a grave

Think about your safety

Maybe all your dad needs is anger manegment classes but if he doesn't get the help he needs both of u will suffer

I hope she comes back to read this... and I suppose it's already too late? I don't know, I've actually never heard of many kids who have ran away from home nowadays. I may be totally wrong, but that's just me =\

Quote:

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

I hope she comes back to read this... and I suppose it's already too late? I don't know, I've actually never heard of many kids who have ran away from home nowadays. I may be totally wrong, but that's just me =\

I do too... I've thought about all this a few times since, just wondering where she is right now. But, unfortunately, there isn't anything we can do.

Well at the very least we can swear to ourselves that we won't push a child to do this and that we'll help whenever something similar happens

Wow, you poor thing. I have all ways looked up to my dad, and I guess it makes me sad to hear any say that they are afraid of someone who is supposed to love you no matter what you do. Listen it isn't normal for a father to be hitting his daughter, my dad hits me, but its only when I'm being a dumbass, and I'm also the same size as him, but your dad hitting you is different, its out of anger. What I would do is go up to him, like during dinner, and explain to him, rationally, that you honestly think that he has anger problums, and explain to him why he shouldn't hit you, if he lashes out at you call the police.

Hopefully she comes back and lets us know how things are going.

What I sense could be that your dad sees 'him' in you and often when people see themselves in someone they take their hurt out on them. Like your dad sees you 'getting smart with him' and he lashes out at the fact he hates that in himself. You might not even be getting smart with him but that is the way he perceives it.
You need to catch him on his good time and tell him dad we need to talk things through when we are in a good mood so that hopefully we can come to an understanding where we don't end up in these fights. Use 'we' and 'I' a lot, avoid using 'you' or it will trigger him to get defensive and in his combat mode.

You have to tell someone. If there is evidence of abuse you will be placed somewhere safe. It may sound scary but you will be safe and your dad will get the help he needs. Have you thought of telling a family member? Like an aunt, uncle, or grandparents they will be able to help you and your father. If your scared it could get worse your right but that's only if he doesn't get the help he needs!

U have to tell an adult you trust it sounds like your still at skl so you could tell your teacher or your bestfriends mum or anyone but you have to tell someone this isn't right

It is really not okay for him to do that to you! The best thing I think you should do is talk to someone about it, someone you trust ( most likely an adult!)